How Many Times You Relapsed Before You Finally Quit?

[Aok]

I am asking this to those of you who have relapsed and are 100% clean.
It doesn't matter what your DOC was.

As I thought my two oldest boy's were getting their lives straight, my 28 yr old scammed and conned "the system", and submits someone else's pee during scheduled drops.
Some fucking system. It's a joke.
He has a record a mile long and shot heroin... I won't go into the details now.
He "graduates" the 2nd chance program he conned his way into
on June 18th, great I guess.
God blessed him with a beautiful son I haven't seen since
Christmas because I got pissed off when CPS investigated.
Damm Right I got pissed off and that's all I did.
I know I could enforce my gparents rights, but will see him
this wknd finally... supposedly. I'm sure it's only because my son's
birthday is on the 8th, or he wants money.... It always costs me to see
my grandson. That's why I haven't seen him since Xmas, over $60.

Anyway, that son, got his younger brother hooked on heroin....
he only snorted it though....guess I should be thankful for that.
He has no prior record and was busted with less than 3 grams, as he was
scoring for himself and 2 friends, so he was convicted of Intent.
While HE was going thru the 2nd chance program, Big Brother kept trying
to get him in trouble or put away... he has hated him since the day
he was born. Seriously.
I have come to terms that my 28 yr. old is seriously
psychotic. He has all 28 symptoms of the "test".
I'll give anyone the link if they want it.

My 22 yr. old got 9 months straight time, 3 last months Huber.
He was facing maximum of 12 years. He isn't a con, he's ADD/ADHD/OCD
and has the mentality of a 10th grader, but has his gifts in other areas.
Thankfully because the government are greedy fucks, he was released
with an ankle band since he was no longer bringing in $100 a day.
He had to drop twice a week.

He pissed dirty. He did methadone. I just fucking found out his cunt
step-mother is STILL a methodone addict.... I was told by the fuckhead
Ex she quit all that shit years ago.....
The temptation was too much and he did some of hers.

He couldn't find clean piss....or they actually watched him pee
this time.
I fucking know his brother told them he's been doing
drugs since the day he was released.... not true.
I saw the signs 4 days ago.. and heard "those" friends were
at his dad's two weeks ago.
They wouldn't let him move home with me because I live in a
different county. Why the fuck did that matter?

Which now finally brings me to the question:
How Many Times Did You Relapse Before You Finally Quit?

I'm fucking crying as I'm writing this.... a rarity in itself.

I know I'll get some answers or experiences, or whatever on here.
Sorry I ranted and rambled.

 

[totach]

hey man,
its very nice of you to come here and try to help your son. As for your ? im still not really technically clean. I also did not shoot heroin but i did smoke and snort it for 5 years. I am alittle older then your son i am 24 but i started when i was 19. I havent touched any dope or any opiate except for suboxone here n there but that doesnt get u high at all its like methadone other then methadone is alot stronger in the opiate high department. I hav bin clean since 4/20 but i hav made it to 3 months a couple times before and started again so i cannot say i am sure i will be clean. Anyways i guess my anser is about 100 times i relapsed till i got to 2day but only god knows if i will relapse again but im really hoping i wont.
i wish u the best of luck with ur kids man i really admire how u came here to post ur post.

 

[moonshadow82]

i honestly couldnt count. i've had about a year of clean time in 10 years of using/quitting/relapsing.... :/

 

[User Name Here]

Too many to count but I have been almost two years without drugs so it seems as if I've finally figured sobriety out. If I can do it anyone can, and that includes you =)

 

[unsettled]

I've never completely quit drugs, my biggest accomplishment quitting wise was quitting a 15 yr. long daily weed smoking habit. After that I switched to Alcohol which I over did for a few years, now I only drink rarely and very moderately when I do. Now I'm mainly hooked on the drugs the Doctors have prescribed me for my anxiety/depression disorders. I'm 31 by the way.

 

[Aok]

I've never completely quit drugs, my biggest accomplishment quitting wise was quitting a 15 yr. long daily weed smoking habit. After that I switched to Alcohol which I over did for a few years, now I only drink rarely and very moderately when I do. Now I'm mainly hooked on the drugs the Doctors have prescribed me for my anxiety/depression disorders. I'm 31 by the way.

Same with me. I mean, ya... I partied. Did lots of drugs when I was young.
But even when I got older, I never got hooked to the point of a fucking drug controlling me.
Even when I drank heavily out of depression, when I wanted to stop, I stopped.
I never went to jail over drugs.... I just don't get it.
Even quitting smokes was easy with Chantix.
If you WANT to quit- you'll quit.

I have panic attacks and take meds for that- the shit my kids alone put
me through gave me them and my shitty childhood.
I take percs for serious med problems.
I don't take them to get high....they weren't invented for that.

 

[aparenz]

Same with me. I mean, ya... I partied. Did lots of drugs when I was young.
But even when I got older, I never got hooked to the point of a fucking drug controlling me.
Even when I drank heavily out of depression, when I wanted to stop, I stopped.
I never went to jail over drugs.... I just don't get it.
Even quitting smokes was easy with Chantix.
If you WANT to quit- you'll quit.

I have panic attacks and take meds for that- the shit my kids alone put
me through gave me them and my shitty childhood.
I take percs for serious med problems.
I don't take them to get high....they weren't invented for that.

This is true they weren't invented for getting high, but one can always reinvent via a cold water extraction and vaporization of the water. Then voila, a rather safe powder which is active at very small amounts.

 

[lleno]

I personally am not 100% clean, I have been on methadone for a long time, and I have reduced my herion[and other opiate] use by 95+%, which is great. every now and again I break down[10 times in the past year,I'm talking literally 10 get highs, not day and week long binges, just a single sit down and get high]from what I have sen in the opiate addicyt world many addict come to a manageable life[after many years]if you are lucky enough to make it to your 40's.....

 

[phactor]

Not sure, but I really started to calm down around the age of 23. That was the last time I had a serious opiate habit. I've had relapses since, but I catch myself quickly and get off of them. We are talking like a week or two at the most. Of course as I age, getting off becomes harder.

However, very few days have gone by since I got off of opiates that I haven't had some form of alcohol at night. I don't drink that many beers nowadays, but its still a crutch. However, I am finally starting to realize that I need to consider taking some anti-depressants. I really feel like that can be a major step for me.

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

Uhm... I don't even know. More than ten. More than... fifteen maybe.

I'm clean right now but I don't know about tomorrow... one day at a time.

 

[Cyc]

Hey, Aok. Sorry to hear about your troubles. I'll grab that link if you don't mind. I'm curious.

To answer your question, the only drug I've actually tried to quit was smoking tobacco, and have been successful now for just over 4yrs. It took me two serious attempts, and a handful of lame ones.

 

[bagochina]

I have no idea. I dont really count all the times I tried to stop prior to trying to get clean because I never really wanted to get clean. Courts, family, jobs, etc. that sent me into rehabs to get clean had little to no impact on me. I always had the thought of using the second I got out of the situation I was in, if I even bothered to stop.

I have scammed the system with 'clean' drops or I just went on prescription meds and bypassed the bullshit that way. NOBODY could get me clean let alone keep me clean. Until I decided this was too much and than I struggled for a long time [10 yrs] trying to get clean, relapsing, using, and on and on. Even wanting to get clean I just couldnt do it. The desire was there but I didn't really change what I was about. I am still trying to change what I dont like about myself and I think that is key.

I have been sober for a few months from scripted meds, which is a HUGE fucking deal and have only used heroin once in the last 5 years. Now that I am trying to stay clean some issues concerning myself really are starting to stick out to me. Motivation, self confidence, and just general life stuff before I didnt care to change those things I would just 'medicate'. Most likely I could have corrected those things easier earlier but I didnt, big deal. It feels good to take an active interest in my life instead of actively perusing the state of numbness.

So once I started to actually try to get and stay clean 1000's of relapses. I still smoke reefer and drink occasionally but hey I am not perfect and perhaps in time those will slowly fade away also.

I know you probably know it already but most likely his step mom or whoever didnt push or force him to drink some methadone. He took the methadone. Good luck with everything. Opiates are a nasty addicting sick drug that can just warp a person or at the very least warp their thinking.

peace.
seedless

 

[DoorsofPerception]

I'm not completely clean right now but I have been attempting to quit with suboxone which has held me to using once a week which is a fucking miracle. I started drinking when I was 13 with a group of kids at my high school. Two weeks after my 15th birthday I started smoking weed and didn't stop for three years smoking daily mostly multiple times a day because either me or my friends would always have and share weed. At 15 I also got hooked on vicodin and gradually upgraded to OxyContin and finally got shot up with morphine my first time only 3 months after starting to take opiates. I shortly became a full blown heroin addict for about a year and a half. I'm pretty sure I was the only kid asking to go to the bathroom to shoot up my next fix of smack. High school was a blur. On graduation day I took a shit ton of ecstacy and danced around like a fool. After high schoolI had to move to my dad's house in a different state and hooked up with a girl that was selling meth. I started using that all the time and quickly became a tweaker and a benzo addict for the comedown. After 3 months of that I moved out to college and abused cocaine and alcohol extremely heavily and ended up dieing twice. At the fucking age of 18!

None of this could stop me from using. I got 64 days clean...40 days in rehab and 24 days out. I shortly relapsed on my true drug love once again..opiates. From there its just been an even worse down hill progression. I've relapsed countless times and I just can't find what it takes to become clean yet. I've lost everything and was even homeless for 3 months while on that cocaine run because I left college and moved into the downtown city to score and sell drugs. My life is miserable which is why I'm even attempting to get clean. The love of heroin and the needle will one day be fatal for me if I don't change my ways.

 

[ech0s85]

hey i know its hard to understand why they would do all this stupid shit to get high, but opiates are insane. Ive had long streaks of using weed, meth, coke, and had no probably quitting any of them after months and months, but oxy and heroin.....for some reason i just cant stop. It sometimes feels like i dont actually control my body im just a puppet along for the ride when i start to get sick or fiend...ill be telling myself im getting clean today while driving to cop.

 

[Pomplemous]

Kind of twice although once wasnt my choice, I left town for 6 months and went back as soon as I could and then gave up um, couple of years later - then had one last fling with H when I met a fellow dark sider, and never since.

looked for it once when feeling really shit - nearly scored and my mate had a fit of conscience for me - RAH! Sometimes think about having the odd fling with H somewhere along my life line - there is a set of condition whereby I would use again - but can never see that happening.

if I relapsed to use - now.. 7 years clean.

1) it would have to come to me, I'm not buying it
2) I would have to not be with my boyfriend - like had split up and never getting back - which would never happen, we are hopelessly in love
3) It would have to not be in my house because I cant have that association of it in my room - although I di that once, but it was long enough ago to fade to memory.
4) I cant know where to get it
so if in some party which I'll never go to when I'm single which I wont be, when it was the kind of party where someone said hey have a smoke of this... and if there was no comeback - I'd pounce for it.

But I'll never be in that situation because my life is so different now. I do look at beggar's eyes and think - I wish I had what you've got. But I'd never go back. Not really.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Many. I tried quitting - failed, inadvertently quit, 3 weeks later relapsed, did it for a long time. Tried quitting again after almost losing my life, and relapsed again. Then I got on Suboxone and then I relapsed a lot more, but about 4 months after getting on Suboxone, I was only using Suboxone, and have since had no cravings for Suboxone.

Right now I'm 19 months and 3 weeks since I have used heroin. I think I will do just fine from here on out, I feel a lot better about everything and have everything I need to be able to quit once and for all. I plan on staying on Suboxone for a while but I have tapered down a lot already.

 

[Aok]

Hey, Aok. Sorry to hear about your troubles. I'll grab that link if you don't mind. I'm curious.

To answer your question, the only drug I've actually tried to quit was smoking tobacco, and have been successful now for just over 4yrs. It took me two serious attempts, and a handful of lame ones.

I'll get that link to you soon... Have to go through my trash email..
That'll take awile!

 

[Aok]

Hare's Psychopathic Checklist

Antisocial Personality, Sociopathy, and Psychopathy


Hare's PCL-R 20-item checklist is based on Cleckley's 16-item checklist, and the following is a discussion of the concepts in the PCL-R.

But first of all, here is Cleckley's original list of symptoms of a psychopath:

1. Considerable superficial charm and average or above average intelligence.

2. Absence of delusions and other signs of irrational thinking

3. Absence of anxiety or other "neurotic" symptoms considerable poise, calmness, and verbal facility.

4. Unreliability, disregard for obligations no sense of responsibility, in matters of little and great import.

5.Untruthfulness and insincerity

7. Antisocial behavior which is inadequately motivated and poorly planned, seeming to stem from an inexplicable impulsiveness.

7.Inadequately motivated antisocial behavior

8.Poor judgment and failure to learn from experience

9. Pathological egocentricity. Total self-centeredness incapacity for real love and attachment.

10. General poverty ot deep and lasting emotions.

11. Lack of any true insight, inability to see oneself as others do.

12. Ingratitude for any special considerations, kindness, and trust.

13. Fantastic and objectionable behavior, after drinking and sometimes even when not drinking--vulgarity, rudeness, quick mood shifts, pranks.

14. No history of genuine suicide attempts.

15. An impersonal, trivial, and poorly integrated seX life.

16. Failure to have a life plan and to live in any ordered way, unless it be one promoting self-defeat.

"...More often than not, the typical psychopath will seem particularly agreeable and make a distinctly positive impression when he is first encountered. Alert and friendly in his attitude, he is easy to talk with and seems to have a good many genuine interests. There is nothing at all odd or queer about him, and in every respect he tends to embody the concept of a well-adjusted, happy person. Nor does he, on the other hand, seem to be artificially exerting himself like one who is covering up or who wants to sell you a bill of goods. He would seldom be confused with the professional backslapper or someone who is trying to ingratiate himself for a concealed purpose. Signs of affectation or excessive affability are not characteristic. He looks like the real thing.

"Very often indications of good sense and sound reasoning will emerge, and one is likely to feel soon after meeting him that this normal and pleasant person is also one with -high abilities. Psychometric tests also very frequently show him of superior intelligence. More than the average person, he is likely to seem free from social or emotional impediments, from the minor distortions, peculiarities, and awkwardnesses so common even among the successful. Such superficial characteristics are not universal in this group but they are very common..."

"...It must be granted of course that the psychopath has some affect. Affect is, perhaps, a component in the sum of life reactions even in the unicellular protoplasmic entity. Certainly in all mammals it is obvious. The relatively petty states of pleasure, vexation, and animosity experienced by the psychopath have been mentioned. The opinion here maintained is that he fails to know all those more serious and deeply moving affective states which make up the tragedy and triumph of ordinary life, of life at the level of important human experience..."

Hare's Checklist

1. GLIB and SUPERFICIAL CHARM -- the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Psychopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A psychopath never gets tongue-tied. They have freed themselves from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example.>

2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH -- a grossly inflated view of one's abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. Psychopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings.

3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM -- an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Psychopaths often have a low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.

4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING -- can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest.

5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS- the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one's victims.

6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT -- a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one's victims.

7. SHALLOW AFFECT -- emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.

8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY -- a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.

9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE -- an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities.

10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS -- expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.

11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR -- a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.

12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS -- a variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use, and running away from home.

13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS -- an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.

14. IMPULSIVITY -- the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.

15. IRRESPONSIBILITY -- repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.

16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS -- a failure to accept responsibility for one's actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.

17. MANY SHORT-TERM MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS -- a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital.

18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY -- behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.

19. REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE -- a revocation of probation or other conditional release due to technical violations, such as carelessness, low deliberation, or failing to appear.

20. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY -- a diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking great pride at getting away with crimes.