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not coming during intercourse... does this happen to you men?

mrs_mia_wallace

mrs_mia_wallace

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Joined
Jan 9, 2009
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My boyfriend and I have had sex twice. The first time he came pretty easily... that was two days ago. Today we had sex, literally intercourse for about 45 minutes and he could not come. This has never happened to me before... is this normal?? lol.
 
Yeah this happens to me sometimes. Sometimes with condoms its hard to get the right kind of stimulation so you can keep going and going. Other times its a mental thing. Penis behaving strangely is more common the first few times you have sex until you both get comfortable with each other. There's a huge mental component to sex, its not just thrust, repeat, finish.
 
were you under the influence of anything? taking any medication? if it was the second time you've had sex ever, then the psychological aspects could be very important - might not have been comfortable, nervous etc.
 
^no we were sober and no comdom... I just always think guys can come anytime they want, lol. I think your right about the psychological thing though... it just freaked me out because I thought I did something wrong.
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
t just freaked me out because I thought I did something wrong.
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Yeah, I experienced the same thing with a longtime fuckbuddy/friend who I've been hooking up with for about 10 years. He's long distance and everything about the situation is relaxed and almost perfect for a fuckbuddy relationship.

But… he rarely comes during intercourse. And he's not the kind of guy who likes to talk about emotions or personal stuff. It was giving me a huge complex because I felt like I had become totally inadequate. Yet we kept getting together and he said he loved the sex. His body seemed to confirm his words and other than the lack of climax during intercourse, the sex was great.

But I was about to stop hooking up with him because it was damaging my self-esteem. Eventually, over the course of a few conversations, it came out (lame pun I know) that he just doesn't come during intercourse with anyone. He's usually on coke when he fucks and he has some kind of mental block about coming when he's fucking. That's as far as we got before he stopped wanting to talk about it. And that was enough for me. He's a normal guy, a good friend and he just happens to have this quirk.

He assured me that he was into the sex, and since then I just don't worry about it and focus on getting him off through oral. Which definitely improved certain skills.

But it was *very* uncomfortable for a while. I hadn't experienced this with other partners and it really made me feel like I was doing something wrong or that I'd become very unattractive or very unskilled. But I guess it's just like women. We all get off in different ways. And the mental aspect can affect all of us.

So don't worry about it. Just have fun with your new man and let things unfold naturally.
 
I don't come every time too..
Mostly not when we fuck second or third time in row.

My GF was afraid of doing smth. wrong too, but its not her fault.
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
^no we were sober and no comdom... I just always think guys can come anytime they want, lol. I think your right about the psychological thing though... it just freaked me out because I thought I did something wrong.
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That's usually the attitude that make Women bad in bed(not saying that you are). Try putting forth a little extra effort than you normally do and see if that helps. Think of it like a game or challenge. ;)
 
He might be nearing the edge, but needs a little psychological push.

I'm sure there is a little something you can do, verbally or physically to help him over the top.

:)
 
I usually do, but sometimes it occurs that I don't - maybe 1 in 20 times, for a number of reasons: I'm on some kind of drugs, either of us is starting to hurt, it's the third time having sex that day, or for whatever reason it happens to be, it takes too long and we get tired and decide it's enough. Also whenever we're using a condom I may or may not come since I'm not used to it, it feels like eating a club sandwich still wrapped in plastic. We only have to resort to that when she's on a break from the pill.
I'm just as, if not more, interested that she comes - it still feels damn good.%)
 
A bit of male g-spot stimulation, not the real one the perineum, will have him spunk his load in no time.
First time I had that done to me I nearly freaked so you might want to tell him your hand won't go further up ...
 
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On occasion, yes, it happens. I wouldn't call it a big deal unless it becomes very frequent. Can't say it's an issue of not enjoying it.
 
It can happen.

Is it something that happens all the time, no.

If I'm very tired or stressed out/anxious while sober, or if I'm very drunk I don't cum.
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
^no we were sober and no comdom... I just always think guys can come anytime they want, lol. I think your right about the psychological thing though... it just freaked me out because I thought I did something wrong.
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It happens to me with pretty much every new sexual partner I have, not all but most... After the first few times though all is good so I put it down to some sort of mental anxiety or something.

I wouldn't be worried at all Mia, doubt it'd of been anything to do with you and everything will resolve itself in no time at all...
 
It has happened before in my experience. Sometimes substances cause it and other times it is just because. At some point you get tired and call it quits. As long it doesn't happen all the time I wouldn't worry about it.
 
Not all guys can get off with great ease. It's more stereotypical of women to have more difficulty climaxing but it isn't unheard of with men. That doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong with what you're doing. Just openly communicate about it, try not to get frustrated and enjoy the whole game, not just aiming for the goal :)
 
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