Psychedelic Honesty between life partners?

[adrian89987]

A little over a month ago I was on 2.5 hits of strong blotter and ended up going to see her in the evening without telling her. Halfway through the night she tells me she’s excited about taking her kitten over to meet her friend’s kitten to have a “kitty play date,” and she says it with such a genuine enthusiasm and innocence that I just lose it. I start laughing hysterically and crying. This is my life. I’m comfortable, have few responsibilities, control over my drug use, yet I still have access to chemicals that regularly make me feel like I have the keys to heaven.

“Are you crying? You girl!” she says.

Between bursts of giggles I copped to the fact I had taken LSD, and that it was a huge relief to get that off my chest. I told her how beautiful I thought my life was and how happy I was to be here. I have no idea what I did to deserve a life so grand, and the reminders that I have it and the gratitude I feel are sometimes just too much in a way that is so good.

That was a beautiful thought haha


I share all my thoughts on drugs with the girl I am involved with, she does not like drugs and will probably never do drugs besides alcohol ever in her life. But I do make sure to mention what I do with drugs, though maybe not mentioning everytime I smoke pot or do a small amount of this or that.

I try my hardest for disclosure.

 

[Delsyd]

I very high proportion of young men masturbate to pornography. Generally you don't tell your partner "Hun, for the sake of honesty; sometimes when you're not around I watch porn and beat off".

yeh i tell her
been caught once or twice too

To those that didnt quite understand the OP (my gf) ill explain the situation better.

I dont hide the fact that i trip or use other drugs from her.
We have great times using psychs together.

My gf's psychedelic usage has declined in the past year. I still enjoy tripping and experimenting with new psychs.

I decided to give 2ct21 a low dose trial while she was at school one day. The trip was not significant i any way otherwise id be raving about it in here.
I didnt tell my gf about the trip for several reasons:

1. it wasnt on my mind when she came home because the trip was weak
2. i had taken psychs a couple times that week already and figured after that fact that it would be best not to tell her so as to avoid the possibility of her maybe getting mad and me having to deal with it. So i didnt mention it.

Yes, i was wrong that i lied/ommited that i took psychs that day.
Yes, its best to be honest.

i fucked up, just like everyone does.

Im just trying to say that this doesnt mean there are bigger underlying issues or that our relationship is fake, and im sure that my Love*Lite would agree.

Our relationship is only half the length of yours, Winding Vines and MGS, and i feel it is a great and healthy relationship.
Little things like this only make our relationship grow and stronger.

Would you go Rock Climbing and not tell your S/O, or a friend?

ofcourse not. Shes my climbing partner

 

[Toltec]

Honesty is the key to a long lasting relationship period!

My partner and and I trip together always. The hard part is one of use mite want to and the other don't so we make a date to trip and plane a ritual before the big drop accrues.

In my early life yeah i keep my psychedelic use from someone i loved very much and she left me because of it.

From then on I always made it a point to be completely honest when entering a relationship and been with the one i love for 22 years now.

Honesty is the key to a long lasting relationship.
cheers

 

[any major dude]

I have been dating my current girlfriend for getting close to a year, and we trip together sometimes. I more or less introduced her to psychedelics. She had smoked pot, drank, taken various opiates and such before, but wasn't and isn't a frequent user (except for cannabis/cannabinoids, she used to drink regularly, but doesn't drink as much anymore. strange how psych's have that effect on people..) I normally inform her if i'm going to be tripping, as she does me (since she usually just takes some of whatever psychedelics i've got on hand). And its not a big deal, hasn't ever caused any friction between us. That being said, if i'm on something and she doesn't know, I won't come outright and say it because as roger&me pointed out, that's just kind of an awkward and odd thing to say. Especially if you're tripping. However she can usually tell and will ask me what i've taken, and i'll tell her.

My previous girlfriend and i tripped together alot, and she had a fair amount of experience with mushrooms, lsd, and mdma well before we started dating. She was into the 2c-x's for a little bit, but had a difficult experience with 2c-e/i and after that it did cause a bit of friction between us. It certainly wasn't what caused the relationship to fail, but it didn't help either.

 

[feelgoodhit]

I would like to add that, along the same lines of Roger's post, and especially Peppersocks':

Dishonesty is one thing, but privacy is another. I think privacy is a very important aspect of relationships. The right to privacy is a good thing - the right to your own thoughts, opinions, and yes, psychedelic trips that you don't share with anyone is healthy and good. If someone doesn't feel like sharing, they don't have to. It's not always out of dishonesty.

For me, there is a correlation between wanting to know everything that's going on in someone's head, and an underlying desire to control them in some way. The harder you squeeze for control, the more they slip away.

I understand *completely* the desire to know about what is going on with your partner all the time. I'm just making the point that if it's simple privacy that's desired, it's a form of cognitive liberty. It's healthy.

Disclaimer: I have no idea what's going on in this situation with you two swirlies, nor all the complicated social dynamics it surely involves. That's what jumps to mind from my own experience.

 

[Dondante]

My girlfriend knows I use drugs. She doesn’t necessarily like it, but seems to understand that I do and is OK with it. I will occasionally say a pro-psychedelic sentence or two, but that’s usually the end of the conversation. Otherwise, when I’m planning a trip I say I’m going to be “in dispose” or “trying some new concoction” and we leave it at that.

A little over a month ago I was on 2.5 hits of strong blotter and ended up going to see her in the evening without telling her. Halfway through the night she tells me she’s excited about taking her kitten over to meet her friend’s kitten to have a “kitty play date,” and she says it with such a genuine enthusiasm and innocence that I just lose it. I start laughing hysterically and crying. This is my life. I’m comfortable, have few responsibilities, control over my drug use, yet I still have access to chemicals that regularly make me feel like I have the keys to heaven.

“Are you crying? You girl!” she says.

Between bursts of giggles I copped to the fact I had taken LSD, and that it was a huge relief to get that off my chest. I told her how beautiful I thought my life was and how happy I was to be here. I have no idea what I did to deserve a life so grand, and the reminders that I have it and the gratitude I feel are sometimes just too much in a way that is so good.

Great anecdote. :D

Has she read any of your TRs or shown even a hint of curiosity about why you are so drawn to the psychedelic experience?

With my wife, it was a subtle interest at first and fortunately an openness to the experience, but even after a number of trips together she doesn't put psychedelics on a pedestal quite like I do.

Regarding honesty, I almost always let my wife know, but there have been exceptions...it's the more hedonistic drugs that I'd occasionally hide, but only because I knew she wouldn't approve (and a part of myself didn't approve either). When I decided that I needed to cut back I let her know that I felt like I was using certain drugs too frequently, and I was determined to make changes. Simply confiding in her feels like a weight of the shoulders.

 

[funkmaster]

I was in a situation where I was being forced to lie about my psych use before. I had turned this g/f I had on to trying lsd, we had been dating for a year at this point, half of that was spent in a long distance relationship. She was the jealous type for sure if I went out for a toke with my friends, when I got back she would get upset because I was high and she was not. Of course when I started doing LSD she obviously wanted to jump suit and follow. On a particularly great night I procured a bunch of liquid and she decided she wanted to try it, I said cool just take one and she did. She literally got angry at me because I took two and grabbed another cube out of the bag and ate it. Well she paid for that, her trip ended up going immensely bad and she freaked out and told her parents that I gave her acid. Fun times. After that she was completely against psych use and I was to in love with psych's not her to let them go for her. Long story short we had a continuously deteriorating relationship because of her inability to let me do what I wanted to do. She turned to others I turned to others, but for some reason we still loved each other. Looking back on it I never should have let it go on as long as I did, but hindsight is 20-20 right.

I think that honesty is key to partners especially on this subject. I know that our relationship deteriorated because of my dishonesty about this particular subject, but honestly I would have done it again and again a thousand times. The experiences I had during that time were the ones that made the person I am today, I could not be happier with how things turned out.

 

[Roger&Me]

I was in a situation where I was being forced to lie about my psych use before. I had turned this g/f I had on to trying lsd, we had been dating for a year at this point, half of that was spent in a long distance relationship. She was the jealous type for sure if I went out for a toke with my friends, when I got back she would get upset because I was high and she was not. Of course when I started doing LSD she obviously wanted to jump suit and follow. On a particularly great night I procured a bunch of liquid and she decided she wanted to try it, I said cool just take one and she did. She literally got angry at me because I took two and grabbed another cube out of the bag and ate it. Well she paid for that, her trip ended up going immensely bad and she freaked out and told her parents that I gave her acid. Fun times. After that she was completely against psych use and I was to in love with psych's not her to let them go for her. Long story short we had a continuously deteriorating relationship because of her inability to let me do what I wanted to do. She turned to others I turned to others, but for some reason we still loved each other. Looking back on it I never should have let it go on as long as I did, but hindsight is 20-20 right.

I think that honesty is key to partners especially on this subject. I know that our relationship deteriorated because of my dishonesty about this particular subject, but honestly I would have done it again and again a thousand times. The experiences I had during that time were the ones that made the person I am today, I could not be happier with how things turned out.

Judging only from what you've said in this post, it sounds like your relationship would have deteriorated regardless of the psychedelics. The real problem seems to have been your partner's tendency to express feelings of jealousy inappropriately, which would have caused problems for the relationship eventually. That tendency towards jealousy also could have been exacerbated by the stress of a long-distance relationship. I could be way off, but just given what you said I would certainly posit that psychedelics only played a tertiary role in that situation.

 

[psood0nym]

Great anecdote. :D

Has she read any of your TRs or shown even a hint of curiosity about why you are so drawn to the psychedelic experience?

She knows why I'm drawn to the psychedelic experience and the reasons I think it's important more than any other girlfriend in the past, but no, she hasn't seen any trip reports. The things I express in trip reports are so alien to my everyday interactions that I feel showing one when someone isn't expressing an intense interest in my psychedelic experiences would be, and has shown to be, alienating. I don't know any way to broach revealing something like that that isn't a giant awkward leap.

I did show an old girlfriend a report once some time after breaking up because she wanted to be friends. I decided I'd make an effort at friendship if she could read one and not be totally put off by it. She said she couldn't relate and didn't know how to process what it revealed. Later she apologized, but it wasn't because she felt any differently, she just regretted how she reacted. We haven't spoken since. The only other person from real life I've shown a report to was also alienated. Our friendship just got more and more strained afterward, and we are no longer friends. It's very difficult to start a relationship with someone who isn't a psychedelic enthusiast by revealing so much that's so tryingly intense and uncommon to their experience right away, and revealing it later invariably leads to a sense that I've been dishonest about who I am with them. The end result is that with a lot of people it comes down to a choice between not being totally open with them or not having a relationship at all. I'm quite happy despite it though, as I've never felt I needed to share these things to feel strong connections with others, so I don't think the "secrecy" has too large a negative impact, at least not on me.

 

[Dondante]

^Understandable.

On second thought, for someone who has no concept of the psychedelic state beyond what is portrayed in the popular media, I can definitely see how a deeply personal account of such an experience would be alienating...not to mention your reports are more alien than most. I have only shared written accounts with those close to me who have had a psychedelic experience and have heard me talk at length about my beliefs in regards to the experience. At least that way there is some context and a common ground from which the report can be interpreted. Not only is there a limited vocabulary surrounding the psychedelic experience, but words are, after all, only signs pointing to what it is we are trying to convey, and with reporting on psychedelic experiences, the level of abstraction often makes it difficult to communicate ideas even if the reader has prior experience.

 

[psood0nym]

^Understandable.

On second thought, for someone who has no concept of the psychedelic state beyond what is portrayed in the popular media, I can definitely see how a deeply personal account of such an experience would be alienating...not to mention your reports are more alien than most. I have only shared written accounts with those close to me who have had a psychedelic experience and have heard me talk at length about my beliefs in regards to the experience. At least that way there is some context and a common ground from which the report can be interpreted. Not only is there a limited vocabulary surrounding the psychedelic experience, but words are, after all, only signs pointing to what it is we are trying to convey, and with reporting on psychedelic experiences, the level of abstraction often makes it difficult to communicate ideas even if the reader has prior experience.

Exactly, my reports are more alien than most. I've been doing this and pushing at it for over a decade when it's usually given up in high school or college, and the big reason I still do is that I continue to get experiences that are both profound and novel. If I wrote about standard experiences I wouldn't hesitate so much, since those experiences are known about somewhat in the larger culture, and so I think they're perceived to have some element of social permissiveness due to this consensus. My reports involve the stigmatized use of needles, uncommon ego effects, symbolic automatic body movements, intelligible glossolalia seemingly responding to my questions, etc. I'm often alienated from myself!