Im fucking dieing here man.
My fucking girlfriend of 2 years left me for a homeless guy she just met, i had to quit my job recently and move back in with my parents due to a depression ive been in for months now, I told my psy-doc that I was detoxing this weekend and she told my parents who are blowing it out of proportion and tweaking out about the situation, I have only 2 friends I can even talk to and one of them lives 30 minutes away , the other is just too fun of a person to be arround when in withdrawal, I cant even decide if I really want to kick or if I really am just going through the motions.
I was watching the wire the past few days and I heard a quote that has really hit home really hard, something to the extent of "shame is some tricky shit, makes you want to change your ways, then beats you back down when you think you cant"
The problem that im having the most trouble with about kicking this time is that ive been using mostly oxycodone over the past two months, but the past two weaks have been suboxone, and I am on about 48 hours since dosing anything, and its really fucking me up because I felt worse yesterday than I do today, but I know suboxone withdrawal usually doesnt get bad for me until like a week or so. I dont know if im already starting to get better due to the short term of continuous daily consumption this go arround, or if its the suboxone from two weeks making the withdrawal last a month instead of a weak... In other words, I have no idea if its getting better or worse, and im kind of scared to find out, I really just want to smoke some fucking bud but I have zero assets that could be utilized to obtain pot, and no fucking smokes either.
Fuck, im so tired of this, I hope I dont make the same mistakes again after this bout....