I think I done too much.

[hellohighs]

Is anybody out there with real and true stories of their binging pasts? I just want to know roughly how much you took in your rolling history and whether or not you were affected.. and in what way? I'll start off. I took approximately 100 or so in a 6-month span and have subsequently decreased my brain's ability to form connections. Thoughts don't come as articulate as how they used to and conversations seem to have gotten duller. I just don't feel as smart as before and am looking for a way to make this a temporary phase. I don't know.. is there a brighter future for my mind? Do any of you "long-term" users also feel this way? And please, don't post your theoretical ideas about this topic and how you 'think' it is and what not.. only bring your real experience and help to inform everyone what it's truly like.

 

[hellbent]

well idk about all of that at least for me, like i do it ALOT. for the past 4 moths ive done it 20 days out of each month. some times only taking 2 pills, but then sometimes doing as much as 2.5 grams of molly snorted in a night. I know i really need to stop, and am going once i move back to the east coast, but like honestly i dont feel any different. maybe im just wierd, but for 1 i still get high from not much, but can take a lot with out much problem, and 2 sure if i do a ton of it one night i get a bit e-tarded in the morning, but if i just stop for like 2 days after that i feel completely back to normal. Im 19(yes i know, too fucking young to be doing this much) and only wiegh 140 lbs-not from e haha ive always been like that, but im really active, like i ski for 6 hours every day. I left high school early to go skiing for a couple years so im still doing the online courses for it, and my grades havent changed really at all, loweset one being a c- but mostly like low bs and shit, and if i do homework on mdma or any amphetamine i just power through it, makes sense tho no reason mdma wouldnt help like adderal does. The only damage that i know of from it so far is that i did fuck up a couple of my teeth a little bit, but thats becuase i love the feeling of actually jaw clenching and not chewing gum or something. And it made me have a cold for a lot longer than i should have in the winter, but that wasnt too bad.

so idk, im stopping just because i know i do it a lot more than other people, and some of my friends want me to stop because they think its bad for me which it probably is. But i just dont feel any differnt than when i started doing it a lot, or even before i ever had m. Like im not saying all of this to try to brag about how much i can do e or whatever, like i hate people taht try to sound bad ass by talking about how many drugs they can handle. but i just dont know, it seems all the things ive heard about MD doing in the long term just arent true for me. yes im addicted to it heavily, but its just a really strong mental addiction, not physical at all, so it wont be too bad to stop. but even with this i am able to stop for a while if i have to, i just dont like to. and yea like fuck idk haha its weird, like i can only take like .4 of a gram of blow in a night at most, and then i feel aweful all the next day, but md just like doesnt do that to me and i feel completly normal once i go a full day with out it, but i just really like it so i keep doing it


maybe im just weird tho when it comes to m, but yea to actually answer your questions, even though its been mostly good like i explained before, on days when im crashing hard from the day before i can get pretty depressed, and if i do a lot in a week, then ill sometimes ill kind of struggle with things easy things like simple math, but i just have to think about it a bit longer when that happens. If your really feeling all that down, stop for a bit and take some 5htp while you are stopping, and then its up to you if you want to keep doing it or not. Also if i were you i would try getting some mushies and take eat them alone and just do something like walk through the woods, or even just chill, i know it sounds kind of pointless but they always do amazing things for me if im ever feeling down mentally


like i said i really couldnt care less about how many drugs someone can handle so im not trying to say anything like that about you, but im suprised only 100 in 6 months did taht much to you, thats about how much i go through every month, and i know a lot of people that probably do it about as much as you did with out much problem. Like i said i know everyones different so whatever, it just seems kind of odd to me to be honest.

 

[Divine Moments]

well idk about all of that at least for me, like i do it ALOT. for the past 4 moths ive done it 20 days out of each month. some times only taking 2 pills, but then sometimes doing as much as 2.5 grams of molly snorted in a night. I know i really need to stop, and am going once i move back to the east coast, but like honestly i dont feel any different. maybe im just wierd, but for 1 i still get high from not much, but can take a lot with out much problem, and 2 sure if i do a ton of it one night i get a bit e-tarded in the morning, but if i just stop for like 2 days after that i feel completely back to normal. Im 19(yes i know, too fucking young to be doing this much) and only wiegh 140 lbs-not from e haha ive always been like that, but im really active, like i ski for 6 hours every day. I left high school early to go skiing for a couple years so im still doing the online courses for it, and my grades havent changed really at all, loweset one being a c- but mostly like low bs and shit, and if i do homework on mdma or any amphetamine i just power through it, makes sense tho no reason mdma wouldnt help like adderal does. The only damage that i know of from it so far is that i did fuck up a couple of my teeth a little bit, but thats becuase i love the feeling of actually jaw clenching and not chewing gum or something. And it made me have a cold for a lot longer than i should have in the winter, but that wasnt too bad.

so idk, im stopping just because i know i do it a lot more than other people, and some of my friends want me to stop because they think its bad for me which it probably is. But i just dont feel any differnt than when i started doing it a lot, or even before i ever had m. Like im not saying all of this to try to brag about how much i can do e or whatever, like i hate people taht try to sound bad ass or something just from doing alot of shit. but i just dont know, it seems all the things ive heard about MD doing in the long term just arent true for me. yes im addicted to it heavily, but its just a really strong mental addiction, not physical at all, so it wont be too bad to stop. but even with this i am able to stop for a while if i have to, i just dont like to. and yea like fuck idk haha its weird, like i can only take like .4 of a gram of blow in a night at most, and then i feel aweful all the next day, but md just like doesnt do that to me and i feel completly normal once i go a full day with out it, but i just really like it so i keep doing it


maybe im just weird tho when it comes to m, but yea to actually answer your questions, even though its been mostly good like i said before, on days when im crashing hard from the day before i can get pretty depressed, and if i do a lot in a week, then ill sometimes ill kind of struggle with things like simple math, but i just have to think about it a bit longer. If your really feeling all that down, stop for a bit and take some 5htp while you are stopping, and then its up to you if you want to keep doing it or not


like i said i really couldnt care less about how many drugs someone can handle so im not trying to say anything like that about you, but im suprised only 100 in 6 months did taht much to you, thats about how much i go through every month, and i know a lot of people that probably do it about as much as you did with out much problem. Like i said i know everyones different so whatever, it just seems kind of odd to me.

Not trying to be mean or anything, but your writing isn't that good for a 19 year old. Being able to study with amps doesn't really mean much either. How is a statement like "im suprised only 100 in 6 months did taht much to you" helpful on a harm reduction board when somebody thinks they actually have a problem?

 

[hellbent]

Not trying to be mean or anything, but your writing isn't that good for a 19 year old. Being able to study with amps doesn't really mean much either. How is a statement like "im suprised only 100 in 6 months did taht much to you" helpful on a harm reduction board when somebody thinks they actually have a problem?

ohh im not saying to do what i do at all, its deffinetly horrible for you, but im just sharing my experiences and how it made me personally feel which he asked for. everyones different like i said in my last post, so its understandable that hes feeling the effects he is. i didnt mean to say that doing 100 in 6 months wasnt bad, i just said that from what ive seen with other people. and about my writing...i'm still coming down from shrooms and mda/2cb pills right now and had a few beers earlier, and anyways this is a just a forum, not exactly somewhere thatd id put much effort into my writing. i rushed through that all pretty quickly i guess and just threw all of my ideas onto the page. haha so im sorry if my "writing doesnt sound that good" but i think its pretty good for the state im in right now haha.

 

[Bearlove]

OP if your staying up late, skipping sleep then this along with the side effects from the MDMA will have a nagative effect on you - 100 in six months is a hell of a lot of pills. If I was you I would quit using stims for a good couple of months (say 6 for arguements sake). You should see an improvement in your mood and the way your brain is apparently functioning now.

@Hellbent - Im sorry but if your saying your rolling 20times per month with the minimum amount of pills being two and you havent noticed any adverse reactions? Sounds like bullshit to me. Yeah people are wired differently but 20 rolls per month.... Also if you get high from just a little then why do you find the need to blow 2.5 g's of molly per night?

 

[matt2012]

Im not typing my whole MDMA tenure out again. Just know that I abused many many pills ,and anything else I could get my hands on but mostly MDMA, over the coarse of 2 years. IMO it left me mentaly wrecked. I have anxiety and paranoia. I had mental dificulties that were burdening my everyday life. I suffered from depression and emotional deadness. It was not fun.

After about 2 years without any drug use at all I would say that I recovered to about 90% of my pre-drug use abilities. There were some things that lingered past that time and a few that stuck around for 5,6,7 years or more. Now, 9 years and 6 months from ceasing drug abuse I can confidently say that I am 99% recovered. Even the symptom that stuck around the longest ( Hole in filter between brain and mouth) has deminished to the point where it is all but un-noticible.

My advice is If you are feelinig like you have been impaired by drug abuse, you need to stop know before it gets any worse. I turned into a poster child for a "burn out" in less than 2 years and it took more than 5 years of odstaining before I felt like my drug abuse was no longer a hinderance to my life. You can dig yourself a very deep hole in a relatively short period and it takes a very long time to climb back out.

What helped? Studying helped a great deal IMO. I didn't just sit there feeling sorry for myself...I have a college degree to finish. other than that, The more educated I got about MDMA and how others dealt with similar situations showed me that recovery is possible although it is not a quick process.

 

[superficialmuse]

sounds like long term sleep deprivation if anything. hopefully nothing to do with MDE

 

[Newbierock]

You just gotta stop taking them, if it ain't happened yet it will get to the point where they won't do anything positive to you, you'll drop and just become retarded for the night...

I Never went too mad either, had a good 4-5 months where it was 4-5 out of 7 days of the week....a year or so of mostly weekend use before that. Then a couple times after. My plan was to take 6 months off see if e's worth taking again, it was lame so then a year which was lame as well. (all tested mdma as welll)

 

[jayjay77]

After about 2 years without any drug use at all I would say that I recovered to about 90% of my pre-drug use abilities. There were some things that lingered past that time and a few that stuck around for 5,6,7 years or more. Now, 9 years and 6 months from ceasing drug abuse I can confidently say that I am 99% recovered. Even the symptom that stuck around the longest ( Hole in filter between brain and mouth) has deminished to the point where it is all but un-noticible.

99% recovered, really? Glad to hear it. But what is this about a "hole in filter between brain and mouth"? Did you have difficulties controlling profanities specifically or do you mean more that the words you used didn't quite fit your thoughts--general verbalization issues?

And please, don't post your theoretical ideas about this topic and how you 'think' it is and what not.. only bring your real experience and help to inform everyone what it's truly like.

I can't tell you what to expect from your pattern of use--mine was different and I haven't been abstinent all that long either--but I can expand on the reasons for your subsequently-perceived disrupted "connections". Your drug use has undoubtedly affected the basic chemistry in your brain, e.g., neurotransmitter transmission, regional brain activity, neuronal connectivity. Gradually, your brain has adapted (learned) from mdma use and is functioning differently. Thus, as you've noted, different connections are being used and others underused.

So change it. How do people become brighter, sharper, focused? They work at it. Read, exercise, eat well (stimulate and support). You aren't an exception to the human condition and your current circumstances aren't unalterable: you can expect a recovery equivalent to the work you put into it. It will definitely be some time before you notice yourself changing, my guess is that matt2012's several-year estimate is probably valid for complete recovery, but improvement could occur in as little as a few months of honest effort. Sometime's it helps to step outside of the problem and reevaluate. Also something to consider--even if you didn't use mdma or any drugs for that matter but still maintained a relatively inactive intellectual cognitive-style, how long would it take to return to your prior position? Changing perspectives, irregardless of the mechanisms involved, takes time.

 

[khald]

How do people become brighter, sharper, focused? They work at it. Read, exercise, eat well (stimulate and support). You aren't an exception to the human condition and your current circumstances aren't unalterable: you can expect a recovery equivalent to the work you put into it.

This.

I didn't do as much as you, but I was definitely rolling at least every other week for about six months. Usage varied, but usually ranged to somewhere around half a gram of "molly" a night, whatever you wanna take that for. My grades ended up getting shittier, and I definitely felt more stupid, but I think that was mostly because of all the time I wasted thinking about drugs, getting drugs, getting high, recovering.

Spacing it out = more enjoyable and it's much more of an adventure when you take it, anyways..

 

[matt2012]

99% recovered, really? Glad to hear it. But what is this about a "hole in filter between brain and mouth"? Did you have difficulties controlling profanities specifically or do you mean more that the words you used didn't quite fit your thoughts--general verbalization issues?

Neither acctually,

Thoughts will pop into my head. Thoughts that I wouldn't normally vocalize. and instead of staying as thoughts they will leap out of my mouth without me wanting them too. most of the time I only get out a word or 2 before I realize what is happening and shut my trap. I think its kinda funny but people think its strange that I blurt meaningless things out at random times.

 

[jayjay77]

I took approximately 100 or so in a 6-month span and have subsequently decreased my brain's ability to form connections. Thoughts don't come as articulate as how they used to and conversations seem to have gotten duller

Additionally, you might try supplementing a healthy diet and regular exercise with herbal supplements. Some that I myself am considering (haven't yet figured out the exact combination) are Gingko Bilboa, St. John's Wort, Gotu Kola, Ashwagandha, and Bocapa. I'm also evaluating the prospect of nootropic supplementation: Acetyl carnitine (ALCAR) with Acetyl carnitine arginate (synergistic) and piracetam. I've not done the exhaustive research necessary to safely and effectively implement any/all of these supplements, but from what I've read (various scientific studies, journal editorials, anecdotal evidence) these may help. Currently I'm taking fish oil (omega 3's for brain and heart) and a multivitamin.

Of particular note may be Gotu Kola, as there seems to be evidence of this herb acting directly on serotonin receptors (mdma's target/insult), mediating optimal function and restorative repair. I intend to collect a good deal of information (relevant research studies and theoretical mechanisms of action) and consult my doctor about it. Again, I would like to emphasize that careful research is a must before implementing any supplement into your diet. Also, supplements will for all intents and purposes be wasted if not incorporated into a holistic lifestyle (diet, exercise, healthy thinking). As they can potentially encourage growth of neurites and dendrites, they are not the sole determinants.

It's important to comment that the majority of ex-mdma users aren't employing ideal regenerative methods, and so may not be obtaining ideal results--not to devalue anyone's lifestyle choices! Point being, I know at least a couple of these herbs have rarely if ever been mentioned in mdma forums (in accordance with my overviews) and are potentially extremely potent measures of recovery.

But to anyone with relevant experience in herbal remediation, further advice?

 

[MasterSplinter]

Exstasy has been a drug. For long we have used it most of us have used it many.

About 3 weeks ago me and Evan went on a 6 day binger. (We didnt actualy roll all 6 days, only 4 out of 6 so dont call me crazy just yet lol)

We stocked up with 15 Purple Mac Pokeballs each which are bomb tested pills that my dealer tested for pure mdma. We got a killer deal is why we stocked up. Im not sure how he knows that but I know what a good lovely roll is like and this was just like that. These were FIRE pills.

So it all started on last Friday, we just picked up our beans from our dealer and were planning on saving them for a rave we wee headed to the next day. Well...that didnt last long, we had to try them so we eah popped two and put the rest aside for later

It was a BOMB roll. That had been my first time in at least almost a month. We seriously rolled for like 4 hours. No comedown or nothing

The next day we slept till about 3pm, then we got ready and headed to the rave which was 2hrs away. We dropped 1 in line and decided we wolud double drop in about 90min. Well the first pill started to kick in and DAMN we didnt even need to take more.(But we did anyway)

Gotta say it was a shittier comedown this time, but it was worth it. We slept until like 6pm on Sunday...we got a nice afterglow and since we slept all day we didnt really sleep. We played some modern warfare on xbox live till about 1:30 am when Evan got the idea to drop again.

I didnt have anything to do on Monday so it seemed like a good idea. We only had 5 left each and we new it would take at least a double drop to get us going. So we crushed them and parachuted chased with a bud light. IO was getting all tingly and giddy just from anticipation.

I know you all say that the serotonin molecules dont roll after this much ecstasy, but FUCK this was seriosuly the hardest night we rolled out off all the nights. We redosed at about 4:45 and didnt get much more of a peak than that...but it was still worth it.

So Once again we passed out. I seriously didnt wake up until 10pm the next day. My head felt jacked up. I waited a day and just chilled.

Had to staye at my sisters house tuesday night, bored as fuck, didnt have shit to do and esssentially trapped in my room for the night. (She is lame)

Well. Guess wht I had left?

A single Mac Pokeball. You better believe I took it.

But It was a lost cause. I got like a mini peak but never made it. It was like having sex with a hot girl but not getting to climacks.

 

[AylaV]

Is anybody out there with real and true stories of their binging pasts? I just want to know roughly how much you took in your rolling history and whether or not you were affected.. and in what way? I'll start off. I took approximately 100 or so in a 6-month span and have subsequently decreased my brain's ability to form connections. Thoughts don't come as articulate as how they used to and conversations seem to have gotten duller. I just don't feel as smart as before and am looking for a way to make this a temporary phase. I don't know.. is there a brighter future for my mind? Do any of you "long-term" users also feel this way? And please, don't post your theoretical ideas about this topic and how you 'think' it is and what not.. only bring your real experience and help to inform everyone what it's truly like.

Stop for awhile and you'll be fine. I've done MDMA for many years and have binged much heavily than you for a longer time. Here I stand intact, and as well as ever. The effects you're experiencing will go away with time, although they don't away as immediately as some other substances. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery =)

 

[hellohighs]

Great stuff guys, especially from matt, who actually provided his history with E and how he faced the consequences and jay, for great info about supplements. Some of the things you guys mentioned about studying and being intellectually active were definitely what I had in mind to achieve a full recovery. Also, the Gotu Kola seems like a very interesting herb that I would welcome anyone with solid information on it to either post here or PM me.

I just hope that the mental deficits caused by my drug use will completely disappear and life becomes brighter once more. I just don't want to get "used" to feeling like this and believing that my problems have gone away when in actuality, I've just adapted to them and can no longer sense them. Maybe it's for the better if I don't? I don't know, I just wish there was a way to return everything back to normal because the lesson has been learned. But I'll definitely keep up with what you guys mentioned and hope it turns out for the best. And thanks aylav, I appreciate it.

Another question to everyone, do you think rolling once more would actually be beneficial to me? To, I guess, lighten my mood about things? I assure you, it'll only be one time and it has been a couple months since my last time. Has anybody done this and actually felt things got worse? Again, I'd wish for actual, true stories instead of theoretical ideas. I appreciate your replies.

 

[Monkeybizness]

taht......lol

 

[jayjay77]

Another question to everyone, do you think rolling once more would actually be beneficial to me? To, I guess, lighten my mood about things? I assure you, it'll only be one time and it has been a couple months since my last time.

No, I don't think rolling again--given your current perspective on the complications resulting therefrom--is a good idea. I understand the reasoning, and if you really must take something to lighten your mood on the whole issue, go with an established non-toxic hallucinogen, e.g., psilocybin, lsd If indeed it is the case that you have sustained injury from your mdma use, re-exposure will only exacerbate the problem. And I would still suggest that you take some time off all drugs before attempting another hallucinogen--your body needs a break.

Regarding Gotu Kola, there have been a few studies done in the past 10 years; I think one from 2001, 2003 and 2005. Try googling, don't know them off-hand.

 

[citysmog]

well idk about all of that at least for me, like i do it ALOT. for the past 4 moths ive done it 20 days out of each month. some times only taking 2 pills, but then sometimes doing as much as 2.5 grams of molly snorted in a night. I know i really need to stop, and am going once i move back to the east coast, but like honestly i dont feel any different. maybe im just wierd, but for 1 i still get high from not much, but can take a lot with out much problem, and 2 sure if i do a ton of it one night i get a bit e-tarded in the morning, but if i just stop for like 2 days after that i feel completely back to normal. Im 19(yes i know, too fucking young to be doing this much) and only wiegh 140 lbs-not from e haha ive always been like that, but im really active, like i ski for 6 hours every day. I left high school early to go skiing for a couple years so im still doing the online courses for it, and my grades havent changed really at all, loweset one being a c- but mostly like low bs and shit, and if i do homework on mdma or any amphetamine i just power through it, makes sense tho no reason mdma wouldnt help like adderal does. The only damage that i know of from it so far is that i did fuck up a couple of my teeth a little bit, but thats becuase i love the feeling of actually jaw clenching and not chewing gum or something. And it made me have a cold for a lot longer than i should have in the winter, but that wasnt too bad.

so idk, im stopping just because i know i do it a lot more than other people, and some of my friends want me to stop because they think its bad for me which it probably is. But i just dont feel any differnt than when i started doing it a lot, or even before i ever had m. Like im not saying all of this to try to brag about how much i can do e or whatever, like i hate people taht try to sound bad ass by talking about how many drugs they can handle. but i just dont know, it seems all the things ive heard about MD doing in the long term just arent true for me. yes im addicted to it heavily, but its just a really strong mental addiction, not physical at all, so it wont be too bad to stop. but even with this i am able to stop for a while if i have to, i just dont like to. and yea like fuck idk haha its weird, like i can only take like .4 of a gram of blow in a night at most, and then i feel aweful all the next day, but md just like doesnt do that to me and i feel completly normal once i go a full day with out it, but i just really like it so i keep doing it


maybe im just weird tho when it comes to m, but yea to actually answer your questions, even though its been mostly good like i explained before, on days when im crashing hard from the day before i can get pretty depressed, and if i do a lot in a week, then ill sometimes ill kind of struggle with things easy things like simple math, but i just have to think about it a bit longer when that happens. If your really feeling all that down, stop for a bit and take some 5htp while you are stopping, and then its up to you if you want to keep doing it or not. Also if i were you i would try getting some mushies and take eat them alone and just do something like walk through the woods, or even just chill, i know it sounds kind of pointless but they always do amazing things for me if im ever feeling down mentally


like i said i really couldnt care less about how many drugs someone can handle so im not trying to say anything like that about you, but im suprised only 100 in 6 months did taht much to you, thats about how much i go through every month, and i know a lot of people that probably do it about as much as you did with out much problem. Like i said i know everyones different so whatever, it just seems kind of odd to me to be honest.

Well if this isn't bull shit, the one thing the mdma did affect was your ability to construct a readable sentence.....

 

[RandomGuy123]

Well if this isn't bull shit, the one thing the mdma did affect was your ability to construct a readable sentence.....

This made me laugh inside my head, not out loud, but in my head .

 

[iNOVA]

Exstasy has been a drug. For long we have used it most of us have used it many.

About 3 weeks ago me and Evan went on a 6 day binger. (We didnt actualy roll all 6 days, only 4 out of 6 so dont call me crazy just yet lol)

We stocked up with 15 Purple Mac Pokeballs each which are bomb tested pills that my dealer tested for pure mdma. We got a killer deal is why we stocked up. Im not sure how he knows that but I know what a good lovely roll is like and this was just like that. These were FIRE pills.

So it all started on last Friday, we just picked up our beans from our dealer and were planning on saving them for a rave we wee headed to the next day. Well...that didnt last long, we had to try them so we eah popped two and put the rest aside for later

It was a BOMB roll. That had been my first time in at least almost a month. We seriously rolled for like 4 hours. No comedown or nothing

The next day we slept till about 3pm, then we got ready and headed to the rave which was 2hrs away. We dropped 1 in line and decided we wolud double drop in about 90min. Well the first pill started to kick in and DAMN we didnt even need to take more.(But we did anyway)

Gotta say it was a shittier comedown this time, but it was worth it. We slept until like 6pm on Sunday...we got a nice afterglow and since we slept all day we didnt really sleep. We played some modern warfare on xbox live till about 1:30 am when Evan got the idea to drop again.

I didnt have anything to do on Monday so it seemed like a good idea. We only had 5 left each and we new it would take at least a double drop to get us going. So we crushed them and parachuted chased with a bud light. IO was getting all tingly and giddy just from anticipation.

I know you all say that the serotonin molecules dont roll after this much ecstasy, but FUCK this was seriosuly the hardest night we rolled out off all the nights. We redosed at about 4:45 and didnt get much more of a peak than that...but it was still worth it.

So Once again we passed out. I seriously didnt wake up until 10pm the next day. My head felt jacked up. I waited a day and just chilled.

Had to staye at my sisters house tuesday night, bored as fuck, didnt have shit to do and esssentially trapped in my room for the night. (She is lame)

Well. Guess wht I had left?

A single Mac Pokeball. You better believe I took it.

But It was a lost cause. I got like a mini peak but never made it. It was like having sex with a hot girl but not getting to climacks.

bullshit.