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Open Relationships/ Friends with Benefits

For me, I've always hated the idea of a person be obligated to be bound someone else's wishes based frequently on a third parties moral or religious views....its the kind of thing I REALLY hate actually. monogamy is fine, but it should be truly on YOUR feelings, not societal views. and people who choose something should not be stigmatized for it. Sort of like how we don't stigmatize homo or bisexuality anymore, because we finally got it though ours head different =!= bad.

whatever a post from a guy with xbox hueg pupils at 0346 is worth.
 
I can definitely understand when a couple feels like their sex life might be getting boring n they want a 3rd or more people though I would never want my partner to go having sex with other people while I wasnt there. I only just got with this guy so I dont even want a 3rd person right now. We have both decided this will be a monogamous relationship which is what I want. I dont believe in having 2 lovers, wives, husbands or whatever. It just doesnt sit right with me, though im not going to stop others from doinng this and I dont think its wrong, I would just never do it. I want my man to only love me and I want him to be my only lover.
 
Though if your not in a relationshup friends with benefits is fine, even awesome. If you have no obligations then why not go out and have sex with as many people as you can/choose, just as long as the people your fucking know that theyre just friends nothing more.
 
I've been in an open relationship for nine years, and another before that for four. It's not for everyone, but if you're the type that can enjoy it it's wonderful.

My last and current SO are both bisexual, so usually they've just chased other women. This makes things very easy for me, since I have no real feeling that I'm competing or being compared to someone. Men are a bit harder for me to handle emotionally, but I've survived so far. ;)

Trust and communication are part of any healthy relationship, and they're a thousand times more important in polyamory/open relationships. These are just as solid and real as monogamy, and a whole lot healthier than cheating and lying. Friends with benefits relationships are more casual and much less emotional ... they can be fun, but not nearly as fulfilling.
 
Pans Advocate, hi :) luckily i never really had that happen, most of my friends were still respectful about it, just in their own ways..and they all knew i was in a serious relationship (and quite a few of them were too..i knew their gfs or wives in some cases) and knew it was just some fun.. once or twice there were problems though and i ended up having to be a bitch about it and tell them to stop contacting me.. i dont normally like being a bitch though lol..i think the key to an open relationship is to do with the people involved, some cant handle it, and others can..and honesty is important in this kind of situation especially..none of the guys i 'served' were ever led to believe i was going to go and run away with them lol..that would be a whole nother world of problems i would think!
 
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I'm just curious... how do you set the ground rules? If you live with your partner and you decide to open the relationship, do you bring people home? If not, you can't do the whole "my place or yours" when meeting lovers, which can be hard. If you then stay at a lover's place, do you text your partner to say "I won't be coming home tonight"? I'd imagine it could be quite depressing going to sleep alone while your SO is out there sleeping with someone else... or do you try to do it while your SO is away? I was in an open relationship for 2 years but we didn't live together, which made things much easier. With my current partner, we've been talking about it - I think it can be hard to have all of your sexual needs met within a relationship, especially if you have quite different sexual styles - but I'm finding it hard to figure out how it can work without anyone getting hurt.
 
lola said:
I'm just curious... how do you set the ground rules? If you live with your partner and you decide to open the relationship, do you bring people home? If not, you can't do the whole "my place or yours" when meeting lovers, which can be hard. If you then stay at a lover's place, do you text your partner to say "I won't be coming home tonight"? I'd imagine it could be quite depressing going to sleep alone while your SO is out there sleeping with someone else... or do you try to do it while your SO is away? I was in an open relationship for 2 years but we didn't live together, which made things much easier. With my current partner, we've been talking about it - I think it can be hard to have all of your sexual needs met within a relationship, especially if you have quite different sexual styles - but I'm finding it hard to figure out how it can work without anyone getting hurt.
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You set ground rules by talking about it:

Do you tell each other every detail or keep it to yourself?
Not in our bed? Not in our house? Out of town only?
Threesomes? Swinging? Group sex?
Does your partner get a veto if they loathe your new person?

There's also a whole spectrum of relationships types to think about. Polyamory (loving more than one person), open relationship (sex with more than one person), swinging (sex with others as a couple), and all sorts of variations.

Think about what each of you wants and see if you can put together something that works for you. The biggest issue is to talk ... communication!
 
Physical open relationship- never been in one, but I'd be down. I think limiting yourself to one person sexually sounds boring, but maybe that's just because I'm young and commitment is not what I'm looking for right now.

Emotional open relationship- again, never been in one, I'd imagine this would be harder. I have been in love before, and imagining my former SO catching feelings for someone other than me would make me kinda sad (well, not now, but suppose we were still together). Problem is, getting physical with someone often leads to emotional bonds, so separating the two is not always possible.
 
The swinging together as a couple is cool, threesomes as a couple ,group sex with your SO awesome to
.... doing things TOGETHER....
but the going about your own way while your SO waits for You at home IS COMPLETLY REDICULOUS. Why would you even want to be with some one if you wanna do your thing alone, just be by your self, . .. find it very selfish
 
Well, you have to understand that relationships are not really likely to be open if the two people live together. Open/poly relationships almost never come out of relationships that were previously close enough to get two people into the same living space. It's only really a feasible option if each person is reasonably independent to begin with.

Emotional independence and physical/financial independence (having your own place and your own lifestyle) usually go hand in hand with open relationships. Someone who is involved in a relationship with any kind of dependence (whether they feel the emotional need to be around their significant other most of the time, or they happen to see them every day because they live together, or both, or any other kind of variation on this theme) is probably not going to be able to lead a polyamorous lifestyle or open relationship very successfully.

On the other hand, plenty of people (myself included) find independence to be a HUGE turn-on, so for them, getting into a relationship that's characterized by a certain amount of space between partners is optimal. And sometimes relationships like that are best left open.
 
I disagree. I have known a lot of married swingers, especially when the female is bisexual but also where the girlfriend tolerates her boyfriends/husbands mistresses.
 
open relationships I will never have, it is a cop out. Friends with benefits can work for me however, but how can I ever love someone who cannot be satisfied loving me alone.
 
peepsqueek1 said:
open relationships I will never have, it is a cop out. Friends with benefits can work for me however, but how can I ever love someone who cannot be satisfied loving me alone.
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Monogamy? Pffft! For the lazy, paranoid, and cowardly!

Not picking on you Peep, just your choice of words. :)

Honestly though, if you do a little research on JUST monogamous relationships as they are practiced RIGHT NOW throughout the world, you'll find a dizzying number of variations.

Just as not everyone is suited to non-monogamy, not everyone is capable of monogamy. Look at the numbers in the link above ... 1 in 4 men and 1 in 7 women admit to infidelity in the US. Would you rather your spouse sneak around and lie to you, or would you rather consider another option?
 
Monogamy isnt always easy.. i have tried to form myself into being monogamous for years now, it cant really be explained i guess, it isnt lack of respect or love for my SO..the opposite is true.. but sex is also a form of recreation for some.. not everyone holds the same morals as others do.. poly relationships can work excellently depending on the people involved.. there are good points and not so good points to everything in life pretty much, its just finding what works best for everyone.. i like that my husband and i can have friends with benefits outside of the home, usually worked into our scheduals so we dont cut out family time.. safetly, and knowing the people only of course, always be responsible, but it can very fulfilling.. :) just saying... lol
 
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A working open relationship requires an understanding of one's self, one's primary partner, and the reason why monogomy is only one way to define bonding.

:)







...
 
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and any relationship that would involve infidelity with me would automaticly end forever.
 
relationships and romance in the U.S. are all about instant gratification, ill stick with the classic 2 person relationship and nothing is going to sway me unless I feel like having more than one guy for some reason.
 
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