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Introduce Yourself

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I'm a long time drug user who has managed to avoid addiction thanks to some good old fahsioned will power. That said I've encountere numerous problems with my drug use that I used to ignore as not being problems. Such as the law. Me and the law have bad luck. Ive decided to avoid illegal drugs as much as possible not due to a drug problem I have but a series of legal problems and a future outside of jail. Ive made my fair share of mistakes and almost died once or twice im sure. My body hates me for some of the things I did; but hey lifes an experience. And ive experienced drugs. My dark side revolves around the law and the few times my bodys really wished to have a different occupant. Im sorry body. :)
 
^^ Hi brettonknight, welcome to The Dark Side :)

tribaldragon said:
:(
HEllo I'm here because my boyfreind of 4 months is very suicidal and I need soem people to talk to he says he will go get help and then doesnt . he uses methanphetamine and says he was on anti depressants long before he ever started using . Im lost I hurt daily because of it .

peace love and light
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Hi tribaldragon, welcome to The Dark Side <3
I'm sorry to hear your boyfriend is struggling with meth and suicidal thoughts. That is such a bad mix :(
It sounds like he really does need some professional help, but he has to want to get help. Please don't give up on him though, the more you coax him to get help the sooner he will do it.
Do you have contact with his family? Do you think it might be possible to get them involved, for him to talk to them about what he's going through? He will need all the support he can get from his loved ones to get through this. Or if he's not comfortable with that he could perhaps call a suicide hotline phone number just to talk to someone about how he's feeling, and get some tips on where to start with getting help.
Let us know how you (and he) are going <3
 
^^ Hi jbird, welcome to Bluelight :)

By "post" I assume you're referring to a thread. You can post a new thread by clicking the button situated towards the top left-hand side of the forum's page/thread listing, that says "New Thread". PM me if you still need help.
 
hey all,

long time reader, 1st time poster.
been reading alot of claire22 and SweetP's posts here and relate hugely to them both.
think its time i had a look at what meth is doing to me
i've just written a massive piece of god knows what and will post it soon so have a read if you wanna know more about me. hopefully i can contribute in a positive way here too!


love and light...
 
My Boyfriend

n3ophy7e said:
^^ Hi brettonknight, welcome to The Dark Side :)



Hi tribaldragon, welcome to The Dark Side <3
I'm sorry to hear your boyfriend is struggling with meth and suicidal thoughts. That is such a bad mix :(
It sounds like he really does need some professional help, but he has to want to get help. Please don't give up on him though, the more you coax him to get help the sooner he will do it.
Do you have contact with his family? Do you think it might be possible to get them involved, for him to talk to them about what he's going through? He will need all the support he can get from his loved ones to get through this. Or if he's not comfortable with that he could perhaps call a suicide hotline phone number just to talk to someone about how he's feeling, and get some tips on where to start with getting help.
Let us know how you (and he) are going <3
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:\ HEllo Family of the dark side,
An update on my beloved and I . So far this week has been better than most my brain has had to much input and output. I'm feeling rather fried . Yes I do know he has to want the help , thats how it was when I got sober. But I must say I have never in my life expirienced such highs and lows in a person . I have researched every damndable thing I could and can . I'm sure there are lots more . But I do declare the bottom line to any personality disorder I think he might have STEMS FROM THE DRUG. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ! ! He expresses his want of family to be more involved with him and his life and I have to remind him that he is not the "MAN" that they know. And to boot being from the shall we say rich side of the tracks they are naive about alot of things. He wants help but when I tell him I'am here fro him in whatever way he needs be it emotionall or whatever He seems to use me as a dumping tool. HE admires my strengths and to tell you all the truth I'am tired. I do not know how much more crying I can do how much more hurt I can endure all in the name of love because when I tell him I cannot listen to him degrade himself talk lowely of himself it hurts me way down deep inside. He reminds me that I yes me me me stupidly made a promise that I would always be here for him in whatever way he needs me 8):( So he throws it in my face . And then I throw in his face how is it that when we 1st met you showed no signs of any of these problems you have ? HE was confident ,assured,happy ,destressed,jovial,compassionate etc etc etc. Now he still is compassionate that never leaves him unless he is having what i call the "OTHER" (hisname) come to visit. I tell him I do not like it when other comes that he is rude,vulgar,nasty,partially sadistic, and to boot very ummm shall we say sexually premiscupus with his ideas words? If that makes a damn bit of sense. He expresses that he feels that a way or an outlet to get him out of this bad mood would be to have a sexual rendevouz with same sex partner me involved as well but only as a watcher , and to be treatd shall we say harshly . I hope I havent crossed any lines here :( I really am trying to get the jest of it out there and not be blunt or rude in any way . If I have been my most sincere apologize I just really relly need to talk to some one or be sent to a website that might help .AHHHHHHHHHHHH ! I feel that this want of degregation , humiliation that he so desires is maybe partly from childhood? He has no memories of anything but as we all know that can stay very hidden in one psychy for a very long if not indeffinet amount of time. Or it is just the nastiest act that he can think of ? But he rellly does think that it helps . From a past experience he has had. UGH ! Sometimes communication is way frickin over rated . I do try not to constantly think of this and believe me it bothers me greatly . Not in the sense of maybe he might be in the closet or something but because as much as Iam very open to do anything with him I falter and would fail greatly at this . And then I ask my self how can you use with him and hurt your self right along beside him in that manner but not another? I used to be a cutter for many yrs while I was using crack . I quit that in 2001 now after all this time I'am on that long highway again. And to boot over self analyzing at its greatest ! Sometimes to quit the pain I feel in my heart and mind over this beautiful wounded creature I love I cut and it sure makes it all go away so far far away . But then again i think of my family who would be just devastated find out that iam yet again going thru the valley of methville.
 
Hey hun, thanks for the update. Sorry to hear things aren't any better though. I know you love him, and there is a lot to say for that, but it sounds like such a destructive relationship and you need to take care of YOURSELF before others. Perhaps that sounds a bit too harsh because you obviously want to help him. But we have to acknowledge and accept when things get out of our control. He really needs some professional help, both for his drug problem and his psychological issues. The way he continues, it is only going to get worse without proper help.
Lastly, just on the sex act thing, if you are not comfortable being involved in something like that, please do not participate. Do not feel pressured in to doing anything you don't want to do.
Take care, and keep us updated <3
 
RE:n3ophy7e
Here it is my bday , not one call from any one in my family. yes oh yes do I ever know about self preservation it is key in the survival of head games done unto yourself OR by others I like to call it mind F*&^(&% 101-110. Lol. I do hope I'am not putting it off on my bf actions of why i do what i do . So far it has only been the once . I know it could get alot worse but I did alo make a promise tomyself to not allow another human being to ever hurt me like I was once hurt ever again ! I guess I dont consider myself a human being eh ? RHAHHHAHH . Things are good today not one episode other than his yooowhoooo not working wich it usually does . Correction the trip now begins. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
 
Hello all. I'm new to the forum. I happened to stumble upon this forum while I was researching suicide (which was before my first and only attempt). I learned that many of the posters here suffer from many of the things that I fight every day. I have MDD and anxiety, the Doc Rx'd me desipramine, wellbutrin, and clonazopam. The wellbutrin was just recently added due to more suicidal thoughts and just deep depression. I also just started therapy to try to fight these thoughts, as I definitely don't want to be committed again. I just wish I could feel like I did before I developed the MDD, as I've pretty much always had anxiety. It seems like it is possible reading some of the posts from people on this forum, and for that I am hopeful.
 
^^ Welcome to The Dark Side J&H :)
Sometimes just knowing that other people have gone through the exact same thing that you have helps a lot. It sounds like you're on the right track and doing well though, I look forward to hearing more from you around here <3


tribaldragon, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! <3
Sorry to hear your family didn't call hun, I hope you managed to have an okay day anyway, and that your boyfriend made you feel special <3
 
Hey

I guess I should introduce myself finally.

I'm Captain H, and I won't take up too much of your time. I wrote a really long thread about my near death experience.

I have been struggling a lot with some issues I have had for a while. The biggest thing I'm working on is ADHD and trying medication to account for a lot of negative symptoms.

I self medicated with heroin for about a year, and it worked well (ignoring the up regulation of mu-opioid receptors and the obvious addiction/dependency issues). I got on Suboxone to end the madness of being addicted to heroin. It took a few months of me to stick to the Suboxone, but it works well now.

I haven't been able to function well since the near death experience and since I have quit heroin so I am trying to recover and do better for myself. I've been clean for 17 months now.
 
^^ Hi sixseven, welcome to The Dark Side :)
There's lots of information in here about getting sober so I hope you can find what you're looking for. If you ever need any help/advice/support please don't hesitate to ask <3
 
Hello to all reading. My name is Jeremy and I am a junky. I am addicted to opiate pharms, and lately a budding cocaine addiction. I have tried many different illicit substances(heroin, PCP, Nitrous, Fentanyl) and have done some regrettable things to obtain my fixes at times. I am a closet junky. I hide my usage from everyone, especially my wife. I have an 8 month old daughter who is simply amazing, but I cannot fully appreciate being her father. I was diagnosed as a manic depressive and I self medicate as often as possible. I have been using since I was 16 years old and am now 1 month from my 30th birthday. I first started using when I dabbled in my father's Vicodin, and Tranxene scripts, and really ramped up usage after I discovered the "wonder drug" Oxycontin. I really need to talk to someone that may be able to help me through this time. I am tired of hiding and being "alone". I have hit my rock bottom..
 
umm I'm Zinn, i'm a musician, artist, been told by psychologist that i'm bi-polar. Drugs i use daily includes weed (granted there are days i don't get high) i'm about 5'8" 125 lbs, have an extremely fast metabolism and find it hard to gain weight, this also helps with my drug usage, i'm able to keep my tolerance down bc of metabolism. I love dissociative drugs and Opiates.

i'm currently 18 making the move from a senior in highschool to a freshmen in college. so hopefully all goes well
 
ocean said:
Welcome Spooney and Zinn!
I think you will find TDS a very welcoming place, with lots of support and information on both mental illness and problems from drug use.
Hope to see more of you both around here! <3
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Thank you Ocean. I know that you have to be a woman to care so much about others. Men can't muster such compassion. Thank you for the warm welcome.
 
I think this site is great in that you can state your problems without fear of ridicule and oftentimes help from others. It's a good change from hearing people that don't understand how I feel tell me there's nothing wrong, when obviously there is, as at one point this past year I decided death was a better option than living.
 
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