Mental Health Borderline Personality Disorder

[Sweet P]

Just wondering if there's anyone else here with Borderline Personality Disorder? I remember reading somewhere that up to 75% of people diagnosed with BPD also have drug and alcohol problems, so it wouldn't surprise me. I was diagnosed years ago, and it's been a constant battle with my mind and emotions. In fact, I was almost committed into a psychiatric hospital last night after a major freak-out - but I'm a good actor and managed to convince the doctor that I was okay. I am now.

My relationships are always turbulent. I'm scared of being alone but I'll often sabotage relationships or find ways to convince myself that my partner doesn't really love me, I do stupid impulsive things, I can go from loving to hating someone in a split second, I constantly feel empty and worthless inside, and I battle with self esteem and depression - often self-harming or threatening suicide. I've tried DBT therapy but didn't have much success with it, as I couldn't click with the psychologist. SSRI's helped a bit, but I still had a lot of problems and decided to stop the medication a few months ago.

Any others with BPD who care to share your experiences?

 

[Pillthrill]

I'm not really the type of person to share about this anymore. Changes in my medication and interactions have change things drastically.
I was dxed with it 3 years ago, but I'm not convinced that it isn't something else. Either way I figure that I have to and do live with whatever it is usually pretty well so why bother getting all caught up in names.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Information quoted from an old thread, with permission:

There are 2 sections of videos here. One more of a clinical view for those that truly seek to understand deeply.
And one that shows pictures that relate to my symptoms of BPD, which is of course shorter and requires less time. However does contain triggers so view with caution.

Non-Clinical-symptoms
BPD (@ 4:40 mins)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-PTkPq6TYQ&feature=related

A little more serious explanation (@ 5:40 mins)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CkCbcXmEhg

Clinical

A Look at Borderline Personality Disorder - Part 1 (@ 8:06 mins)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6t6biA9kaMM

triggers are things that can set people toward harmful behavior such as cutting, drug use, suicide and others.

Here is one I found today that works I wasn't going to post it, as yes...it has triggers... because being BPD your life likely includes one or all of those things...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-PTkPq6TYQ&feature=related

I can also recommend a great book.

The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide
by Alexander L. Chapman, PH. D. and Kim L. Gratz, PH. D

 

[Cane2theLeft]

Unfortunately Sweet P, I don't have BPD but I have been with two girls that have it. I'm also studying addictions counseling with a particular focus in dual diagnosis so I've spent a lot of time learning about and reading about BPD and feel I have a decent understanding for someone who has never lived it.

I say this because most people will simply not understand what it is that you go through and likely blame you for so much of what you struggle with, so if you ever want to talk to someone who will (hopefully) get it a little better, please feel free to PM, IM or email me anytime!

Take care

 

[Sweet P]

I say this because most people will simply not understand what it is that you go through and likely blame you for so much of what you struggle with, so if you ever want to talk to someone who will (hopefully) get it a little better, please feel free to PM, IM or email me anytime!

Yeah, I get the "you're over-reacting" and "you're just seeking attention" lines a lot - even from my own parents. Thanks for the offer of support.

 

[B9]

Originally I read the title as borderline personality disaster, I was about to put my hand up & confess

 

[thelung]

Is borderline personality disorder along the same lines as multiple personality disorder?

 

[spork]

I was diagnosed about a year ago. I have a very "love me at a distance" type of thinking. I'm extremely lonely because I push most of my friends out of my life, usually for stupid reasons. Now I'm just scared of making new friends and being hurt by them as I'm ultra sensitive and it doesn't take much for someone to hurt me. That's just one aspect of it.

I've been going through DBT and it's been helping A TON! At first I was nervous about group therapy because of my anxiety issues, but they all seem to go away when I'm there because every one else understands what I'm going through. I haven't had that much luck with meds though unfortunately. The thing I'd stress most to someone suffering with BPD is to not let the diagnosis control them, you have BPD but that doesn't define who you are.

 

[Pillthrill]

Is borderline personality disorder along the same lines as multiple personality disorder?

No, WAY different. Borderlines are themselves at all times. They are just connected to others and themselves differently than others.
Its a personality disorder because personality is simply a set way a person acts or behaves. It CAN be changed therefore changing one's personality. However it takes years of work and counseling and is an incredibly difficult process. Especially since people with BPD are often seen as "treatment resistant"

 

[Mariposa]

I do not have BPD, but my closest friend does. He is male and more or less a textbook case, in addition to being bipolar I.

Like you, Spork, he is benefiting from DBT. His SSRI made him manic (surprise - bipolar people should not be given SSRIs ) so he is making the switch to Seroquel.

His borderline features are not that of the introverted type - he is the type to act out. Multiple suicide attempts, promiscuity, impulsive behavior, addicted to anything he can get his hands on... shows how different people with the same "disorder" can have totally different presentations.

My problems are of a different nature, but I wish all of you who are BPD diagnosed happiness and relief. This disorder is often very misunderstood, as are most mental "illnesses" - another issue altogether. Communicating with trusted friends and family in the form of "I am this way because of ______ and I am getting help for it, but I may occasionally show symptoms and ask for your patience" may help lessen any misunderstandings.

 

[spork]

I HATE the stigma attached to BPD. It was a relief to finally get diagnosed because I was finally able to know why I've felt really off from most people and why some things bother me a LOT more than they would others, but I'm so hesitant about who I'll talk about it with. I told my parents after I was first diagnosed and asked them to read up on it, but that's as far as that went and I'm not sure if they ever really did. I think it's still probably sinking in for them and they might be in denial about it.

Actually, this thread will be the first time I've ever really publicly said anything about my diagnosis. I feel safe in TDS. I want people to understand why I am the way I am, but I really don't want to be judged for it and thought of as insane or something even though I might act like it sometimes. I still have a loooong way to go and some days are definitely a million times better than others, but I'm getting there.

Some of my closest friends still don't know that I suffer from BPD. Part of me wants to tell them, but another part doesn't want to because they might think differently of me because of it. I just let them think that I'm only suffering from depression and anxiety.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

My fiancee's father and brother have Borderline Personality Disorder.

The stigma is there *for a reason*, but not all people who have BPD are like my fiancee's father and brother.

It seems there are two "types" of it, like there are two types of Bipolar Disorder. There is a "type" of BPD which is more like a constant stream of extreme emotional disturbance, whereas there's another "type" of BPD which is more like antisocial personality disorder to the point of sociopathy. The latter would probably describe my fiancee's father and brother very, very well. SweetP, Pillthrill, and spork seem to be the first - which are not unpleasant people. I just wanted to say to each of you; sweetP, pillthrill, and spork - I have liked you all, you all are friendly and you don't come off like the other 2 ppl I know IRL with BPD because you are the "less severe" type IMO. Well maybe not "less severe" but the one that isn't closer to APD, if that makes sense. - the kind of BPD person that is closer to APD - they refuse to get themselves help, because they don't see the point of it. And if they do get help, it's superficial and doesn't ever address their core issues (as they are in constant denial of what those really are). People who have the non-APD like BPD (i.e. from what I can tell you all) are willing to get themselves help if they need it and have a support network of people you don't fuck over continuously and never truly apologize to if something does happen, for example. That's the impression that I get from you all, that you all are inherently nice, friendly people to others.

I guess what I am trying to say is I don't think someone with the APD like BPD would stay around long on BL, they would threaten someone over something little and get banned really quick, so honestly, I think it would be assumed no one with APD or anything close to APD like BPD would even have a Bluelight account to be honest with you. People with the "friendlier" version of BPD are able to post on BL, make friends, talk normally to other people, and are not ... I am not going to get into my fiancee's brother and father. I just won't do it here, I'll just vent too much.

Is borderline personality disorder along the same lines as multiple personality disorder?

No, Borderline Personality Disorder is in Cluster B of Axis II of the DSM-IV. The other personality disorders like BPD are: Antisocial Personality Disorder (horrible, guiltless, emotionless people who will fuck over anyone including themselves just to get whatever they want - not all APD people are sociopaths, but let me just say, people with APD are the scum of the earth), Histrionic Personality Disorder, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I can divulge a little into these but I think this thread is strictly for Borderline Personality Disorder.

I HATE the stigma attached to BPD. It was a relief to finally get diagnosed because I was finally able to know why I've felt really off from most people and why some things bother me a LOT more than they would others, but I'm so hesitant about who I'll talk about it with. I told my parents after I was first diagnosed and asked them to read up on it, but that's as far as that went and I'm not sure if they ever really did. I think it's still probably sinking in for them and they might be in denial about it.

Actually, this thread will be the first time I've ever really publicly said anything about my diagnosis. I feel safe in TDS. I want people to understand why I am the way I am, but I really don't want to be judged for it and thought of as insane or something even though I might act like it sometimes. I still have a loooong way to go and some days are definitely a million times better than others, but I'm getting there.

Some of my closest friends still don't know that I suffer from BPD. Part of me wants to tell them, but another part doesn't want to because they might think differently of me because of it. I just let them think that I'm only suffering from depression and anxiety.

Spork - you are a wonderful, friendly moderator and I've seen a fair bit of posts of yours around the forum, not to mention *I LOVE* your avatar! :D

It sounds like you have done a lot of work on yourself and you've gotten positive results! That's wonderful!

I've tried to help my fiancee's brother get help for himself and he says things like "talking doesn't help me, pills do." utterly retarded shit like that. And really, he was severely addicted to pills...which is why he thought it helped him. He never wanted to get true help for himself and still resists doing so to this day.

You are the kind of person who helps yourself, and the universe helps those who help themselves! I think you're doing great for yourself!

Honestly maybe it's because I'm a psych major, but being around my fiancee's brother, I could tell he has BPD. I don't think if I were to just "hang out" with you all I would be able to tell you have BPD at all!

Plus I have suffered with my fair share of anxiety (social, and generalized) and depression. I haven't posted nearly anything about it on BL (I posted a little bit of it in TPH a few minutes ago), so I hope I don't come across as judgemental towards anyone with BPD. Anyone who is actively seeking help for themselves, no matter what the diagnosis, deserves to not be looked down upon. If you're going to make yourself and other people suffer because you don't think you have a problem...different story I guess. My fiancee has PTSD as well, and I go more into that and how I'm amazed I also don't have PTSD (we were held at gunpoint together, long story short, but it's a much longer story than that) as well.

But you all are so friendly I can't see you being anything like the people I know IRL with BPD!

No, WAY different. Borderlines are themselves at all times. They are just connected to others and themselves differently than others.
Its a personality disorder because personality is simply a set way a person acts or behaves. It CAN be changed therefore changing one's personality. However it takes years of work and counseling and is an incredibly difficult process. Especially since people with BPD are often seen as "treatment resistant"

Thank you PT! You have an inherent knowledge of psychology!

"Multiple Personality Disorder" is actually now called Dissociative Identity Disorder. It reflects that one does not have more than one personality, but one personality has become "fragmented" to the point where your fragments of a personality don't get along with each other, and one fragment works by itself at one time, to let another fragment take over later, typically influenced by the environment.

It's an *extremely* rare mental disorder. And, for the record, *all* personality disorders are treatment resistant. They usually are, anyways. That just means you have to put in a fair amount of work, usually more than other mental disorders. It doesn't mean it's impossible.

 

[Pillthrill]

I find often there are 2 types of BPD, those who lash out at others and those that lash out at themselves. Granted there is some crossover depending on what stresses the person is experiencing. But there seems to be a instant reaction.

Person: Hey, you suck.

Internal BPD, external: God! You make me so mad! I could break your face!

Internal BPD, internal: Why would you say that? Am I really that bad? Why don't people like me?

Now of course this is over simplified. And I can recant my theory should someone be offended.

 

[Sweet P]

Is borderline personality disorder along the same lines as multiple personality disorder?

Totally different. Here's how the DSM-IV defines BPD:

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, as well as marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

8. Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms

 

[Captain.Heroin]

His borderline features are not that of the introverted type - he is the type to act out. Multiple suicide attempts, promiscuity, impulsive behavior, addicted to anything he can get his hands on... shows how different people with the same "disorder" can have totally different presentations.

YES you got it! There are introverted and extroverted types.

Introverted type of BPD = a better diagnosis IMO. Maybe I am incorrect to say this, but honestly, I wouldn't be willing to treat an extroverted type of BPD. It's nearly like Antisocial PD.

My problems are of a different nature, but I wish all of you who are BPD diagnosed happiness and relief.

No pressure to share what you're working on, but may I ask? I understand if you wish not to share. I was extremely depressed/terrified to relive the events of my near death experience while I was writing it a while ago...I won't go into it here, it's 2 *long* posts to truly understand a little deeper about myself, I don't want to hijack this thread. I had to take 0.5mg alprazolam to calm down a lot. I was crying a lot about 10 minutes ago. That's what brought me to TDS, I was going to make a thread to make an abridged version of the TPH story I posted...Skillz 4 Thrillz and to another extent drugwench encouraged me to write my story so I did. It was really hard for me.

I find often there are 2 types of BPD, those who lash out at others and those that lash out at themselves. Granted there is some crossover depending on what stresses the person is experiencing. But there seems to be a instant reaction.

Person: Hey, you suck.

Internal BPD, external: God! You make me so mad! I could break your face!

Internal BPD, internal: Why would you say that? Am I really that bad? Why don't people like me?

Now of course this is over simplified. And I can recant my theory should someone be offended.

No this is *totally* right and if this isn't reflected in the DSM-IV , and I don't think it is, it *should* be.

 

[Pillthrill]

I agree. I think it would start to tear down some of the stereotypes people have. I've even seen it in therapist. Some therapists will even refuse to take BPD patients because there are a "hand full"

 

[Sweet P]

I find often there are 2 types of BPD, those who lash out at others and those that lash out at themselves. Granted there is some crossover depending on what stresses the person is experiencing. But there seems to be a instant reaction.

Person: Hey, you suck.

Internal BPD, external: God! You make me so mad! I could break your face!

Internal BPD, internal: Why would you say that? Am I really that bad? Why don't people like me?

Now of course this is over simplified. And I can recant my theory should someone be offended.

I never thought of it like that, but it's so true. I'm seem to be a bit of both, though I guess it does depend on the situation. When I lash out at others I'm never violent - I just say nasty/manipulative things and make their lives as difficult as I possibly can. I know it's a shitty thing to do, but if something triggers me, my emotions just take over.

Every psychiatrist I've seen has agreed with my diagnosis (which honestly doesn't mean a lot to me - it's just a label), and yet my drug counsellor is constantly questioning the diagnosis because I'm not like other people with BPD who she's encountered in the past. She doesn't seem to realise that there is a lot of variation in people diagnosed with BPD, and we're not all the same!

 

[Pillthrill]

Yup. Such is the plight. The time I spend thinking about it the less convinced I am. Sure I got the dx and was like, GREAT now what? Then to be told that medication doesn't work and only MAYBE years of therapy would. Psychological death sentence.
But the mood stabilizer Lamictal and a change out of my poisonous environment seemed to help a lot. Does that mean I'm more Bipolar or do I still have BPD and just cope better? IDK

 

[Musmaro]

I've often suspected I have BPD but I've only been diagnosed as Bipolar so IDK. I've never been admitted to the psych ward, have only sought help through court orders and the such so I'm thinking maybe if my doctors could observe my behavior more the diagnosis may change...maybe not, who am I to say?

 

[Pillthrill]

I do think it is VERY VERY important that you don't allow you dx to define you or get stuck on it.
For a long time I was like "I have BPD and that will never change. I will never get better. This is just the way it is." But that isn't true. I'm a lot better than I used to be and I actually believe that some BLers would even back that up. So there is hope. Also people tend to even out more as they get older.

More info

Millon's subtypes

Theodore Millon identified four subtypes of borderline [32][33]. Any individual borderline may exhibit none, or one or more of the following:

* discouraged borderline - including avoidant, depressive or dependent features

* impulsive borderline - including histrionic or antisocial features

* petulant borderline - including negativistic (passive-aggressive) features

* self-destructive borderline - including depressive or masochistic features

Because of some of the concerns surrounding the use of BPD

there is ongoing debate about renaming BPD. Alternative suggestions for names include Emotional regulation disorder or Emotional dysregulation disorder. Impulse disorder and Interpersonal regulatory disorder are other valid alternatives, according to John Gunderson of McLean Hospital in the United States

I am able to provide more links to information and suggest a very good book for people with BPD as well as their families if anyone is interested.