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Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

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phactor, d's... congrats on taking control. amazing, inspirational turn around for both of you.

and you too cyc, wish i had that self control at the moment but i don't, so im working on it. taking clues from you guys!

jamshyd, dont know you but love your name. have good memories from another jamshyd so i know you must be awesome too ;)! i like your list, and i often do the same kind of thing, so its kinda neat to compare.

what im dealing with right now is the fact that, for me, alcohol is a hard drug. so i have to approach it that way, and make it a night, a special occasion.

i am not looking at total abstinence at this point, but i am becoming more critical and bare bones honest with myself lately. reexamining, reevaluating, and recognizing my inherent abundance.

i have to say im always impressed with the honesty and dedication that happens here, keep it up everyone!!
 
I will not drink today I will not drink today I will not drink today.
I think I've had at LEAST one drink every day for the past 3 months.
I just need to smoke my pot and chill out.
 
Whoops ended up having three last night. Feel fine this morning, just had one more then intended.

Anyways I did work 16 hours yesterday, starting at three in the morning. I hate my job 95 percent of the time, it is so damn draining.

Also realizing that I really need a move. Nothing is left for me where I am living. I am pretty pumped to get to the gym today though!
 
Jamshyd, you are my hero for the month of December for pulling those seven days and finishing with a list of solid foundation. That is how its done i'd say.
You must really be feeling your thinking clear up, and the impending doom sorta lift like a fog. How's your blood pressure, still pretty high? Mine stayed high for months after I finally stopped.
I woke up with hangovery headaches for months after too...
Anyhow, awsome display of personal power wrangling one of the toughest human experiences one can have. So happy for you.
I'm on day three with no pods and 1mg suboxone, and since I tapered so slowly it's been almost no w/d symptoms(I was kinda hoping I'd get high off the sub though).
In the past, when I'd come off an opiate run I'd hit the bottle hard. Since I've been sober from alcohol for a couple years I'm really wondering if cravings will return. So far so good and I'm 100% confident that if it pops up I've developed the tools to deal with it- thanks to all of you.
The return of my sex drive is crazy though, bums me out that I'd chemically castrate myself for a good bit of wasted time. What a pathetic and irritating thought!
 
TippyCup4Life said:
The return of my sex drive is crazy though, bums me out that I'd chemically castrate myself for a good bit of wasted time. What a pathetic and irritating thought!
Click to expand...

It is crazy. I do not want to think of the amount of chances I have blown due to drugs or drinking. Looking back on it the worst is when someone would show interest in me and I would then continue to drink to the point where I am sure I was total mess...

Anyways I try not to dwell in the past.

Not drinking till Saturday. I also am no longer dependent on sleeping pills either. So nice to just be able to say, "nah I'm not going to drink tonight" and then actually be able to sleep.

Anyways, while I am doing well right now, I need to stay vigilant. I've been through these situations more then a few times and I know that it can all end in the matter of a day...
 
Count me in on the chemical castration thing too. There have been a few times I've been lying in bed with a beautiful girl and been more content to be drunk, have a kiss and then fall asleep. Either that or try and have sex or just not be able to.

Even now that I consider myself on the straight an narrow, with a few weekend slip-ups with booze here and there I still don't have much of a libido. I don't think I've even wanked off or watched porn for about four days.

Thinking of it, in fact, I woke up with a girl on Saturday morning, kissed for a bit and then left her in town and I aint even had a wank since then.

Does being an alchie have some kind of long term effect on libido. And does this come back with a vengence after quitting.
 
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Personally I've always found myself incredibly horny during alcohol withdrawals. I don't mean the initial, most terrifying bit, but as you begin to slowly recover. It's the only plus side I can think of, of being in alcohol WD.
 
Yeah, when a 2 day hangover is subsiding I get horny but now that I'm in general good health and have only drank twice over the last four weekends I'm just not bothered. :-/
 
^ lol, I know what you guys mean. I also get the libido spikes during bad hangovers, though it's not exactly the most welcomed thing. It's just strange and confusing. I've never been comfortable mixing alcohol with sexuality, so the fact that this happens kind of leaves a proverbial bad taste in my mouth.

I was put in a somewhat difficult position last night in that one of my best friends had her birthday celebrated at a local bar - one full of memories from "those days." I thought all day about whether or not I was going to go (she knows I struggle with it, so she wouldn't take it as a personal offense), given that I know it would be a risk, but I also did feel like socializing.

So I did end up going. I kind of surprised myself when I got there, as I initially asked the bartender what they had that was non-alcoholic. It didn't exactly help that her reply was ":giggles: What, are you a minor? It's Saturday night, hun. blah blah blah" I was able to limit myself to 2 pints of 4.2% beer and a shot over about a 4 hour period, so all-in-all, I thought it was far from a disaster; far better than what the old me would have for sure done (I was by far the most sober person in the group, and that never used to be the case).

What really affected me, though, was that my friend who was having the party excused herself from the group around 12:45am, stating that she needed to go to the corner gas station to buy beer before sales ended. I knew my friend drank a lot and that she often talked about wanting to cut back, but when she did this (this being something I've talked about doing before, only behind people's backs, not directly like this), it really hit home.

I sent her an email today, essentially saying that I am here if she needs someone to talk with about it. She's the kind of person who I know would at least be polite and say "not yet" in the worst-case, so I don't see the email being a risk to our friendship or anything. It's just alarming for me that one of my closest real life friends may well be in worse shape than I previously thought. I hope that even though I am far from being free of that devil completely, I can help her with this if she is ready. I might even ask if she'd be up for giving AA a go with me. I have never gone, mainly because TBH the religious stuff turns me away, but I know that's not a proper excuse. And not going alone might actually make me feel more comfortable (just never had someone to go with before).

How is everyone else doing around here?
 
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Hi All,

Long time reader of BL mostly for the pill reports and Australian scene, after 4ish hectic years of partying from the age of 22-26 with 10-20 Es consumed a weekend and anything else I could get my hands on 'cept opiates I wound it all down in the last 6 months, unfortunately I realised that my drinking has become way to problematic now as I don't have something to balance it out or curb it on a big night. After another weekend where I've come dangerously close to throwing away my relationship I've decided to take some steps.

I've done the HAMS cost benefit analysis and written up a plan, I'd like to be able to moderate my drinking so that I can have a couple of drinks and not find myself passed out on a couch or up two days later having blown a week’s wage on anything else I can get my hands on. For now I'm just going to totally abstain. I'd like to think if I have a goal of leaving after 5 drinks I could try that but I'm very very doubtful of my own will power.

My problem is certainly not much of a desire to drink every night but the destructiveness of my weekend binges is pretty overwhelming and I've noticed since I cut out the pills/speed/coke I am an overwhelmingly rude cunt to people I'm close to when I get drunk.

Also this year I put my dad into a home for alcohol related dementia, he had been living on and off the streets for 10years and had been a heroin user on and off but mostly just an extreme drinker. You would think seeing your own father drink methylated spirits would be enough to put someone off drinking but obviously not.

I think posting here is something I'm going to need to do because I feel doubtful how this will go.

I don't feel like drinking now but I get the social itch and my whole social life has been based on the party scene for so long it's very difficult.

I want to succeed because I'm starting to count to many failures and losses that can all be tied back to this the worst of drugs.

Cheers
 
Fell off the wagon last night. A few cans of strong bow and a beer so nothing serious. Hit me hard though cause ive been off liquor for awile and it certainly does not mix well with my meds.

Im not beating myself up about it which is good. No big deal and it is december after all. Not that im planning on drinking much cause it puts me in a right state these days and gives me cravings for uppers. Which is odd because im not that big of a fan of amphetamines and certainly not crack. But my mind turns to one or the other after a few drinks.
 
TippyCup4Life said:
I forgot to add that I'm on the last days of a long taper from a 2yr pod addiction. I hear songs on the radio in the morning that make me cry, photographs that make me weep, sunrises that bring tears to my eye-- to be able to feel again, it's the most incredible thing and I love it, out of character as it is. It brings my empathetic tendencies to high-def clarity. Happy or sad, as long as I'm feeling things I know where I am again.
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Totally know what you are talking about. Pods especially have this effect. Its almost like a "waking up" or something. I have never had a long running habit with pods, but even a month or two of usage will have this effect.
 
nitsux said:
I've done the HAMS cost benefit analysis and written up a plan, I'd like to be able to moderate my drinking so that I can have a couple of drinks and not find myself passed out on a couch or up two days later having blown a week’s wage on anything else I can get my hands on.

I want to succeed because I'm starting to count to many failures and losses that can all be tied back to this the worst of drugs.

Cheers
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Welcome to BL. That's quite a history with alcohol. I think you're making the right decision to quit. Do you plan to do a taper? I'd really advise it at the level you were drinking per day. I did a much faster taper than what HAMS has on their website, but I had benzodiazepines on hand.

The HAMS cost/benefit analysis was what convinced me to do my initial taper. I need to revise mine substantially and place some more in the "costs" column since last I did the exercise. This is a well-known technique in cognitive-behavioral therapy - the point is to be able to systematically examine your attitudes and behaviors and decide whether they are working for or against you.

Cost-Benefit Analysis

Good luck to you - and to everyone.

I remain alcohol-free since Thanksgiving. See Lesscember thread for my progress report, and how I plan to manage any drinking over the holidays.
 
I'm very worried about how to manage drinking over the holidays. I'm going to have 2 weeks off to do nothing but read, play video games, dick around on the internet and watch TV.
 
It sounds like you are into sports, maybe make a plan to start each morning at the municipal pool, or find a friend who would agree to go on morning runs with you. Starting each of those days with something like that would probably really put you in a good place to deal with the cravings etc- hopefully lead you to some better choices during the day.
I don't know about you, but for me doing something that strokes yer own ego or improves your body has a side effect of making me make similar type choices for a little while after.
It gets rid of that naggy pit of emptiness for a while.
 
I feel like im turning to alcohol more often for a reward for doing well in school, and at the opposite end to drown myself in sorrow when something bad happens to me. I use drugs recreationally and have fun exploring, but there ant nothing like liquid courage... I fear i may become an alcoholic but I'm determined to at least try my best to self control. I've been hand cuffed and put in the back of a cop car charged with a DUI... however the cop left me there while he went out side to talk to the people i had crashed my car into, when he got back he let me out, unhand cuffed me and let me go..... that woke me the F up.
 
TippyCup4Life said:
It sounds like you are into sports, maybe make a plan to start each morning at the municipal pool, or find a friend who would agree to go on morning runs with you. Starting each of those days with something like that would probably really put you in a good place to deal with the cravings etc- hopefully lead you to some better choices during the day.
I don't know about you, but for me doing something that strokes yer own ego or improves your body has a side effect of making me make similar type choices for a little while after.
It gets rid of that naggy pit of emptiness for a while.
Click to expand...

Not at all a bad idea. I actually have a free pass to my University's brand new, state of the art rec centre. I have barely gone this year.
 
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