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Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

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Miss Hollywood said:
I sure picked a hell of a time to try and "straighten out my life"! With this shit economy (living in Ohio to boot...one of the worst places effected by the down economy. There are literally NO JOBS HERE! Believe me, I've been looking for a whole fucking year!) I don't see a job in the near future. So that just leaves me to sit in my room alone like I do everyday and think about getting high.
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I live in a city in a very similar circumstance (was born and raised here) keep working on staying clean and the job will eventually come. I live in the rust belt too and its terrible here. My city has the highest unemployment in the state and some of the highest in the nation.

It can be hard because the type of environment can get too you. Just try to not let it get you down. Realize you are not a failure for being unemployed right now. However, if you are using its going to be pretty hard to get a job.
 
i guit back in june and after a while i havent felt any desire to do it again even tho i know alot of people that do it its like not even a problem anymore
 
Thanks for the advice and kind words you guys. :)

I'm feelin a lil better today although the anxiety is still there as always. I gotta go see my probation officer tomorrow but her and I are really kool so whatev. I get off probation in April so that will be a big accomplisment...getting through a year of probation without going to jail will be an accomplishment in and of itself!lol!

I haven't used...surprisingly. Something inside me just tells me to keep going...even though I'm so fucking miserable. It's weird. Since when the hell did I get back "the will to live?"LOL! It's freakin me out! Cuz most of my life I never gave two shits if I was alive or dead. Thats one of the reasons I started doing heroin to begin with. Slow suicide, ya know?

By the grace of god, or whatever...I'm still sober. I have a bus pass and money in my wallet and it's still there...and I'm still here.

So I guess thats good right?

heh :D
 
^ Ya, you've got about 6 months to go (I know the April/October thing like second-nature, having a birthday in Oct)! That's a milestone, and something you can count down to. Your options will expand once that happens. Good on you for not giving in and for feeling better. Them wills-to-live can come out of nowhere, but even if they do seem surprising and unexpected, you still can take full advantage :)
 
Red Leader- Your birthday is in October? Well Happy Birthday! :) I just celebrated my 26th birthday September 5th! Was the first birthday in YEARS that I could remember cuz I wasn't fucked up out of my mind!LOL! That in itself was a milestone! hahaha!

Thanks for the kudos for stayin clean despite my urges! It just shows that as time goes on I'm getting stronger! I fucked up a few times since getting clean, but I'm noticing as time goes on I'm not giving in as easily! :D

And I am DEFINATELY counting down until I'm off papers! I'm going out to celebrate...April 16, 2010 i'll be a free woman! WOOT WOOT!! :D

PS. Thanks for the nice PM too! You made me feel a lot better! Your a great mod Red! ;)
 
Ya it's coming up on the 14th. Actually it's looking like the 12th is going to be my one-day free-pass against Octsober, so that's actually going to be my celebration. I'll be 25 :\ I've always been scared of aging, more so than the average person, so this one's not going to be a good one at all mentally. As long as I can celebrate with good people and stay away from abusing my DsOC, it will go down as a good one. I'm like the opposite, though. Be it sickness or college deadlines or whatever, I've always ended up missing out on birthdays and instead celebrating half-birthdays. So I'll be partying 2 days before you become a free woman next year in all likelihood.

To keep the thread relevant, it is amazing how sobriety can put you in perspective. I know a lot of people say that it just takes one screw-up to fall back down to your deepest, but that's only true if you necessarily give into that belief. You have to understand your relationship to your own feelings of guilt, and if you can overlook such and just consider a relapse as "one different type of day," you won't necessarily feel the need to medicate the guilt away the next day. Easier said than done, totally...but it still can be done.

Stay strong, and thank you for your kind words. I'm always here to talk.
 
http://cat.inist.fr/?aModele=afficheN&cpsidt=15442446

so i've been looking into ways to ease withdrawal and came across this article. from what i understand, they're saying that people going through acute heroin withdrawal had an easier time of it with moderate use of tramadol. i'm tempted to order the full article so i can read the whole thing, but does anyone know enough medical-speak to see if i'm at least on the right track?
 
Hey everyone, Im new here! I have been addicted to opiates ( painkillers) for a little over a year. I go back and fourth with wanting to quit, i know im not ready to mentally cause i still want to take the pills, will i ever honestly not want them anymore? Or will i just have to make myself quit and hope i dont relapse?
I am 22 years old and have a 4 year old son who is my life but almost all my time is consumed in seeking my drug of choice, i feel awful about it yet i still wanna get high so badly that i am severely depressed when im sober.....Dont know what to do anymore!
 
kim041987 said:
Hey everyone, Im new here! I have been addicted to opiates ( painkillers) for a little over a year. I go back and fourth with wanting to quit, i know im not ready to mentally cause i still want to take the pills, will i ever honestly not want them anymore? Or will i just have to make myself quit and hope i dont relapse?
I am 22 years old and have a 4 year old son who is my life but almost all my time is consumed in seeking my drug of choice, i feel awful about it yet i still wanna get high so badly that i am severely depressed when im sober.....Dont know what to do anymore!
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i do not mean this to sound cruel, but it sounds to me like your painkillers come before your son.

that's a little fucked up...once you have a kid, your life is no longer just yours.
 
I haven't checked this thread in a while.

I've been clean from diacetylmorphine(heroin) for 16 months and 6 days now, actually all opioids. They are my DOCs.

I am on buprenorphine though, 1.5 milligrams a day.

It was hard at first but now that i've been away from it for so long, the thought doesn't cross my mind anymore at all really, UNLESS i am really really depressed or something.
 
kim041987 said:
Hey everyone, Im new here! I have been addicted to opiates ( painkillers) for a little over a year. I go back and fourth with wanting to quit, i know im not ready to mentally cause i still want to take the pills, will i ever honestly not want them anymore? Or will i just have to make myself quit and hope i dont relapse?
I am 22 years old and have a 4 year old son who is my life but almost all my time is consumed in seeking my drug of choice, i feel awful about it yet i still wanna get high so badly that i am severely depressed when im sober.....Dont know what to do anymore!
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It will catch up with you if you keep at it. You could become Child Welfare involved and have your children removed. Please stop now. The system is over loaded enough. You have only been using a year, it shouldn't be all that hard. Taper down to a lower dosage and then jump off.
 
Mystery Brew said:
I cant believe im saying this let alone this actually happening. Clean-time: Check.

Been about 2 weeks plus or minus (longest down time). I guess im over acute w/d but I still have restless legs up to now and 4 hrs of sleep max everyday. I just thought the physical aspect of w/d would be over by now...anyone with experience on that?

and how do you deal with the empty void it leaves in your veins + heart? something just feels physically missing--kind of like you still want to chase. the whole I have no energy, just want to sit around is killing me.
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took me 2 1/2 months to get over the symptoms of methadone bro!! I feel for you, I went through 2 weeks of restless legs .. ambien,xanax,everything - NO sleep.. it was awful!! The chase is my biggest thrill.. it's my addiction in a nutshell. So you are not alone my friend!!
 
i have been on 60ml of methadone for just coming up to a year i was just on the meth n the odd blue now and then up untill recently when i have been buying the odd bag now and then maybe about a teenth every 2 weeks am using. when i get the teenths once every 2 weeks am smoking them in about 3 or 4 days then not using for another 2 weeks. i have dome this for about 6 weeks now once every 2 weeks ad have not felt any withdrawel as long as i still take my methadone everyday. is it ok to dable for a few days every 2 weeks or will i have to end up putting up my meth evenlow its not anything near everyday. i have been fine so far can take it or leave it.
 
^^^^^^^^^

everytime ive tried doing that it's only a matter of time before im back to using daily....
 
i wasted money on dope all summer...

three weeks ago i stoppedand since then i have just used a lile friday-sunday the first week was awful i need to just stop all together. i think i might need to get back on the subs but it'd be nice to do this on my own. fuck
 
I cant believe half the people here consider themselves clean while being on suboxone thats the biggest bs ive ever heard.....
 
Id consider being on bupe clean. It really does save peoples lives and takes away all the bullshit and dangers addicts have to deal with scoring off the streets. So if bupe helps you it's well worth it.

Some people seem really puritanical when it comes to what they consider "clean". If you go on bupe and don't get high off it why are you not clean? As long as they are avoiding the dangers of scoring heroin and the dangers that go along with using street heroin thats all that matters isint it? Or atleast that's the way i look at it. Just my opinion :\ .

I just wish bupe was alot easier to get in canada then it is. It would make my life alot easier for the times when my morphine script runs out.
 
cire113 said:
I cant believe half the people here consider themselves clean while being on suboxone thats the biggest bs ive ever heard.....
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Well I guess you never went through what a lot of people on here have gone through. For many people who have spent years and years on heroin, and lived and breathed the stuff for so long, the fact that we aren't sticking needles in our arms 10 times a day, regardless of how we get there, makes us clean. I don't care if its methadone or suboxone, as long as it ain't heroin or your DOC your using, I consider that clean. I know a lot of people look at like its just a substitute and that your still dependent on something, but to me, as long as I'm not using dope, regardless of whether I'm on suboxone or methadone or whatever, I still consider it as being clean and off drugs. Hope that makes some sense.
 
^^

actually i have been there man and still there..

I guess i just said that cause im pissed off i cant even stay on suboxone or that my family doesnt agree with sub maintence or for whatever i want to fucking rationalize..

I guess i really believe the opposite... cause deep down inside i believe it would be amiracle if could take sub every day


im sucha fuck up i cant even take my suboxone everyday im still taking oxy....

it makes sense man....

i think im close to really asking for help... fuck ive been to 8 rehabs and back to square one
 
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