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Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

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OrdinaryJunky said:
I ended up on 220mg methadone - kicked that and would NEVER EVER go to a clinic again, fuckin 6:30 am waitin in line on xmas day ? Fuck that -
Um - is that worse than having to supply a heroin habit that costs x amount more and has to be supplied 3 times a day from unreliable sources?
It pisses me off that no-one on methadone ever seems to remember how intolerable life was before they got onto the program.
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good question my friend. I'm not sure is worse, and i cant speak of your sources - the lifestyle is bad both ways. I'm going to stick w/bupe when needed and as little use as I can control myself to - and I've finally made myself go to therapy for my ptsd. Alot of triggers there man. I don't know man. I dont have any answers for this sorta deal, im just scrapin around trying to get myself. I really wouldnt do methadone again though for the record.
 
velvetacidchrist said:
dw:
How long do you plan to stay on methadone for? Sounds like you're doing great, otherwise. Congratulations. Stay strong!

I am a little over two weeks sober of a huge opiate/IV heroin binge. I got through that week of feeling like S.H.I.T, but these mental cravings for the drug are -IMMENSE-, atleast a few times a day. How do you guys curb that?
If it was put in front of me I would surely do it.
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how long was your binge? and how long were you clean b4 binge? and how long did you use b4 that?

i'm asking bcause i was total junkie for years - then clean 4 @ 8 yrs. - then 4 major surgeries later and back on tar for 1.5 yrs. - i've tried kicking twice but haven't made it longer than 10 days because the wd seemed never ending. that 10 days was 2 summers ago and i had to get my shit together before the semester started back up. i'm wishing now that i had pushed through for another few weeks. i tried kicking again at the beginning of this recent summer, but didn't make it longer than five days even though the WDs weren't nearly as bad as the first time (?), but my situation wasn't tolerable where i was trying to kick this second time. --- but now i'm using SO much more than i was either of those other two times; i'm scared shitless of how sick i'll get and how long it'll take...

anyway -- that's why i asked. because how long a person is clean and how long the binge -- those other factors seems to matter maybe as much as how much you're using .. ? -- i don't know.

also -- it seems that, even though H is stronger and last longer than the RXs i've had (and i've the strongest), the the kick is worse w/the RXs than w/the H. is that true or just wishful thinking?

thanks for any input
 
I'm really sad.

My schedule is horrible and my life feels overwhelming.

I've hid this relapse from the people that care about me most. It disgusts me that they pity me for being sick and trying so hard. I don't deserve their pity and I don't deserve their love. I'm a fraud. I give up when it's too hard.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I'm not fit to do drugs. I can't control myself. The only thing I could ever control myself with was weed and I can never find that lately.


I blew off work and school yesterday and stayed at home snorting heroin all day.

I had one bag left, and guess what? I just did it. I was planning on saving it for some point. I guess that was merely hours later.


I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what I want out of this life. I have no direction and no ambition.

*End rant*
 
new to this

I dont know if I am even putting my question on the right place on this website but I gotta start some where. I have been addicted to Vicodin for about 3 years. I want some advice on how to stop. I really dont want to see a doctor and develop an addiction to something else. I just want to know if someone else has done it cold turkey and has some advice for me. Thank you.
 
itsjustme1985 said:
I dont know if I am even putting my question on the right place on this website but I gotta start some where. I have been addicted to Vicodin for about 3 years. I want some advice on how to stop. I really dont want to see a doctor and develop an addiction to something else. I just want to know if someone else has done it cold turkey and has some advice for me. Thank you.
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What is your hydrocodeine daily intake mg? There are plenty of options for quitting, I'm glad you are already thinking ahead and not planning on switching habits during withdrawals (benzos etc) - if you do it cold turkey, there is TONS of info on this site, run a search or PM me if you'd like for what I do personally.
 
itsjustme1985 said:
I dont know if I am even putting my question on the right place on this website but I gotta start some where. I have been addicted to Vicodin for about 3 years. I want some advice on how to stop. I really dont want to see a doctor and develop an addiction to something else. I just want to know if someone else has done it cold turkey and has some advice for me. Thank you.
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It's best to consult a doctor about such manners. Each and every one of us has a unique body, which would (and will) respond differently to an abrupt halt of drugs. Nobody online can predict what will happen to you. But while you are understandably cautious about seeing a doctor, you really should. Vicodin for 3 years is no joke, and you will likely need specific and tailored help as to how to get off of this. Doctors won't call the police on you, nor will they call your parents (as long as you're 18+) or anything. At worst, one passes a negative judgment and you seek help from another.

We want to see you get help, but that's an addiction too strong for people not physically there to assess your situation to really be able to analyze. Slowing down a bit could be a good start, and definitely accepting your problem is a great change-of-mind. But BL is not a medical community per se, and we can only really help you best with the mental side of addiction.

What about seeing a doctor do you fear the most?
 
To ITSJUSTME

My advice to you, as someone who started with a painless, heavy addiction which became a OXY and signifcant health/pain issue person, is one of TWO things depending on what you mean when you want to come off Hydrocodone (Vicodin).

1) Are you trying to stop for good, without any sort of Pharmaceutical assistance (ie: bupe or methadone, or maybe even clonidine + a benzo [lorazepam, diazepam etc).

OR

2) You are trying to cold turkey with only the assistance of some Over the Counter (OTC) aids which would be: Immodium (Loperamide for the shits), Naproxen Sodium (aleve), and some OTC sleep aids such as Unisom or Benadryl (Diphenhydramine)

Plus, you gotta give us a context to your using so we can offer the best suggestions in the name of harm reduction and helping you try and get clean...

BD
 
opiates make me so emotionally unstable and pretty much just unstable in most areas of my life, but i still can't stop fucking doing them. what is wrong with me?

when i have the drug i feel guilty that i am using it as an escape and i always cry or get irritable and i always get stressed out so easily when i am high; but i still can't seem to fall out of love with them. getting high is starting to become not as fun anymore and i just don't want to stop. i have no motivation to do anything because i am high all day, but then i feel bored and lonely so i just keep getting high. this is a never ending viscous cycle that i just don't seem to want to break.
 
I'm losing my grip - no doubt about it - just called to check in on my old guy to see if i could line up some bags, I need to be saving this money. I dunno why the hell I think so fucking stupid when I'm not using, when I'm on I know "I have to stop this, I need to get m life right" - but when I'm off , fuck it. What the fuck man, sorry - rants over - I want out of my head.
 
that is the hardest part for me, being in my head constantly while off dope. it's really hard and can be a real clusterfuck.
 
theartofwar said:
I'm losing my grip - no doubt about it - just called to check in on my old guy to see if i could line up some bags, I need to be saving this money. I dunno why the hell I think so fucking stupid when I'm not using, when I'm on I know "I have to stop this, I need to get m life right" - but when I'm off , fuck it. What the fuck man, sorry - rants over - I want out of my head.
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We all get that attck on our minds.It is a "war". You can do it Don't use the money. Did you know a scientific study found that a craving usually lasts at longest 15 seconds? I have tested it myself...I'll talk 2 you about anything as long as you want...You can make the right choice..You can do it.
 
Carl Landrover said:
I'm really sad.

My schedule is horrible and my life feels overwhelming.

I've hid this relapse from the people that care about me most. It disgusts me that they pity me for being sick and trying so hard. I don't deserve their pity and I don't deserve their love. I'm a fraud. I give up when it's too hard.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I'm not fit to do drugs. I can't control myself. The only thing I could ever control myself with was weed and I can never find that lately.


I blew off work and school yesterday and stayed at home snorting heroin all day.

I had one bag left, and guess what? I just did it. I was planning on saving it for some point. I guess that was merely hours later.


I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what I want out of this life. I have no direction and no ambition.

*End rant*
Click to expand...
You are worthy of a healthy & happy life..relapse is part of getting well....you are trying..it just doesn't happen as fast as we would all like...It's sounds stupid but I have self-esteem issues due to traumas....but i have to say to myself over and over, "you are worthy". Get up from it, if I can you can...reach out to people who have a lot of clean time...or just reach out...i'll talk whenever you need to.
truly, LaLa
 
freedom

Carl Landrover said:
So everyday since Tuesday, I've blown off more and more shit and have been consuming lots of drugs.


Bought another bundle yesterday. Guess I went on vacation this week, prob should have told school and work.

I'm completely lying to everyone.


I'm a model of what NOT to do. I'll say this, I was really stressed and wasn't that happy, but things were going alright at least. Now I'm going to have some major damage control to do..........later. This second bun is better than the first and it's keepin' me going.
Click to expand...
It Is difficult to be, truly FREE!
Do you want to be?
 
itsjustme1985 said:
I dont know if I am even putting my question on the right place on this website but I gotta start some where. I have been addicted to Vicodin for about 3 years. I want some advice on how to stop. I really dont want to see a doctor and develop an addiction to something else. I just want to know if someone else has done it cold turkey and has some advice for me. Thank you.
Click to expand...

It's just that from what I have heard quitting Vic's cold turkey can be very dangerous. I don't have any advice to offer I'm afraid, but I certainly have heard your body can go into convulsions if you suddenly stop.
Hope that helps:)
 
dionne said:
It's just that from what I have heard quitting Vic's cold turkey can be very dangerous. I don't have any advice to offer I'm afraid, but I certainly have heard your body can go into convulsions if you suddenly stop.
Hope that helps:)
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study to back this ? I think you are misinformed - you'll get RLS yeah, feel like shit yeah, but the convulsions are from benzo w/d as far as I'm aware. Correct me if im wrong - i'd like to know for my own sanity.
 
lala poppy said:
We all get that attck on our minds.It is a "war". You can do it Don't use the money. Did you know a scientific study found that a craving usually lasts at longest 15 seconds? I have tested it myself...I'll talk 2 you about anything as long as you want...You can make the right choice..You can do it.
Click to expand...

I've been part of those studies bro - my cravings last as long as I allow them too, in this case - I've been going and going and going - it's not until I use that I stop and say Iwant to quit, it makes no fucking sense. :!:!
 
theartofwar said:
study to back this ? I think you are misinformed - you'll get RLS yeah, feel like shit yeah, but the convulsions are from benzo w/d as far as I'm aware. Correct me if im wrong - i'd like to know for my own sanity.
Click to expand...

this is exactly correct -- it's fucking crazy (and REALLY fucking irritating because places that will medicate a pill head will just stand there and watch you go through hell because there's not real health threat -- HOWEVER -- you still should be careful. with the knowledge that the w/ds aren't actually life-threatening i tried to kick a heavy IV dilaudid habit last summer. i just had my friend drop me off in the middle of the desert at this shit-hole detox -- it was free, so the only kind i could afford -- but i could have died out there because, even though the H w/d itself aren't life threatening, you can develop secondary health threats that are created by the effects of the w/ds -- specifically i could have totally injured myself because of dehydration. w/fluids coming out at both ends, and no one there to FORCE you to drink, you can become dehydrated -- your kidneys could also become damaged if you don't give them water for a few days -- and you'd at that point have sever electrolyte imbalance -- of course you have to be kicking a pretty heavy habit to get this sick. --- just saying be careful. have someone checking in on you.)
 
^ yeah when i kicked methadone - it was literally a couple months (6 weeks of real hell) of really having to monitor my fluid / bp etc. I saw my primary doc every week we did ekgs - bloodworks - for the first 5 weeks. When it started to turn around we laid back off. But having good health insurance - and a good doctor - made it possible to kick domes, never could've without it. Duration of that withdrawal was so fucking long. Of course now I'm back on opiates lol - go figure - love addiction.
 
Well if you can count moving down the "opiate ladder" a good thing, I've successfully started tapering down from oxycodone to hydrocodone in preparation for my eventual switch to Suboxone at the end of the year (per my agreement with the PM doc).

The transition has been pretty seamless, except I seem to be sweating more than usual (and I am a sweater).

My Oxy connect got arrested, leaving only my hydro connect and my official RX's. I am really really hoping to be taking normal, prescribed doses at some point before the end of the year (and the sub program starts).

I have pain issues and such, but still think that I am in real danger of losing any chance at a meaningful life (I'm smart, successful, and have the opportunity to return and finish University). Opiates have been the downfall of me for the most part since I started everyday use (January '06).

I feel like these last four years have been an utter waste in terms of possibility, yet I am absolutely TERRIFIED of a life not surrounded with pills and getting high. I just don't remember any other way of life.
 
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