Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

[smackem]

Last monday i had my first experience with opiates (100mcg fentanyl, i.v and 2 ampoules of 10 mgs Nalbuphine). Here in Brazil it's almost impossible to score that kind of stuff. It was a great experience! But i don't think i'm going to use it anymore. The rush is to good to be true!
thats why i won't mess with opiates anymore. Don't need another type of drug to crave for.

Don't use those at the same time. The Nalbuphine will cancle out the fent.

 

[atomicmayhemgirl]

I FEEL ... I don't even know. I had 15 MONTHS Clean off heroin.. I've used five times in the past week. Its so easy to fall back in. I'm already experiencing minimal physical withdrawals and heavy mental cravings. This is not what my family deserves after the hell I've put them through, and not what I deserve after all my hard work with extensive rehabilitation and expensive treatments. I still feel that heroin addiction is not that bad and this will eventually lead to my demise. I was only staying clean for everyone else because i have come to find that nothing gives me comfort in coping with this lonely world except .. you know. How am I to overcome this affliction? I don't want to be a junkie anymore. I want what you have... because I'm obviously short a molecule.

 

[stonedandrolling89]

ah, my first time posting in the dark side, i believe...

well, it's been going on six years with this love/hate relationship with opiates/opioids. kicked the OC last May, but still use other pharmaceutical opiates/opioids.

to make matters worse, i have a legitimate prescription to norco for a legitimate pain condition. i feel sick, sweaty, and depressed before my first dose of the day, which is expected. problem is, my first dose of the day has become the only dose of the day thanks to tolerance, and now that dose doesn't even relieve my pain half the time.

i feel completely 'off' until i get an opiate/opioid into my system. i'm growing to fucking hate it. i'm twenty, going to college, have a wonderful girlfriend who doesn't use drugs/drink, and have my father pushing me to get a new job. most people tell me that's enough to not need the pills, yet i have this annoying, never-ending voice in the back of my head telling me that i need that dose.

i realize most people posting here are into H and look at an addiction like mine as child's play, but i am genuinely getting sick and tired of needing this shit to function.

FUCK.

 

[dankstersauce]

I FEEL ... I don't even know. I had 15 MONTHS Clean off heroin.. I've used five times in the past week. Its so easy to fall back in. .

hey, don't beat yourself up about it. you're def not alone just look at all the posts here. if you've had 15 months clean, do you have any support you can go to? One that will actually help and not just yell at you for fucking up? I had 10 or 11 months clean before I relapsed. But I didn't seek treatment I just kept along dabbling, going on runs for a few weeks, stopping for a little while.

And now like almost 2 years after that relapse and I'm fuckin sick again. This time from a 2 week poppy pod/vicodin/percocet binge. I've taken 24mgs of bupe and I'm wondering why the fuck I still feel like shit. I'm feeling a little better but in the past the bupe has worked like a charm at doses way smaller. But I'll be fine as long as I don't order any more pods...and I don't plan to. god damnit just as i typed that my mind seriously was considering "hey you just got that $$ today...you could order some." the fucking war inside my head.

 

[placid space]

to make matters worse, i have a legitimate prescription to norco for a legitimate pain condition. i feel sick, sweaty, and depressed before my first dose of the day, which is expected. problem is, my first dose of the day has become the only dose of the day thanks to tolerance, and now that dose doesn't even relieve my pain half the time.



FUCK.

Just one dose a day produces such nasty w/d symptoms for you ? Must be a high dosage... have you spoken to your doc., maybe some other drug (not an opiate) would be better suited for your pain problem ?

 

[QuasiStoned]

i realize most people posting here are into H and look at an addiction like mine as child's play, but i am genuinely getting sick and tired of needing this shit to function.

FUCK.

Ugh I know what you mean. When I was using poppy tea I was getting so sick of having to rely on something just so I could sleep at night, shower in the morning, and just plain give a shit. Then my biggest problem was that I craved the high so badly that I would regularly withdrawal to keep the effects fresh.

Finally 1 week clean from the stuff and am starting to feel more normal. I still yawn constantly whenever I am sitting still but otherwise I feel a lot better physically. I am eating better and finally sleeping without having to take morphine laden tea to accomplish it.

On the other hand I REALLY want to use again but I got fired from my job and gotta pass a drug test so I have that deterring me. I actually convinced myself to get high last night (went through the trouble to freeze some clean piss and planned on substituting) and went through the process of making my beloved tea, but luckily I thought better of it and stashed it in the refrigerator for better days...

Damn good thing I did because I got two interviews tomorrow...

 

[KStoner6tb]

(went through the trouble to freeze some clean piss and planned on substituting)

Have you ever done this before, and had it work? Freezing piss? Hahaha sorry but that just made me laugh a little. Have will you thaw it out? I can just picture you giving them a 'slushy' sample.

 

[Mystery Brew]

Id like to think I can stay clean completely. But it never will feel that way. I got mad anxiety and feel uncomfortable under my skin 24/7 and opiates was the only way to keep me on a sane level. Id like to be clean but I cant see a future that holds that. I lost my job recently. Dont have friends let alone a girl. I just feel to alone on this one. I dont want to get rehab treatment because my parents will find out and Ive hit rock bottom else where putting them thru to much shit, I just cant do it. I just cant picture anything in the future

 

[RiTaLiN_FIEND]

I started likeing opiates when i was 13 or 12 when i was hit by a car and had 9 days of morphine and large doses of painkillers to which i got addicted to the painkillers because i liked that warming feeling which pushed me over to weed, pills and almost enything i can get my hands on. i think its wierd how accidentaly getting hurt can affect somones life and send them down the "wrong" path

 

[QuasiStoned]

Have you ever done this before, and had it work? Freezing piss? Hahaha sorry but that just made me laugh a little. Have will you thaw it out? I can just picture you giving them a 'slushy' sample.

I actually did this when I was on juvenile probation. All of my friends had JUST started smoking weed and I had just gone and blown it for myself for 6 months because I got caught behind the wheel stoned (I was so shocked when I got a marijuana related DUI, didn't have any weed on me either ).

After some thorough research I learned about methods of substituting clean urine and was considering that as an option. As it turned out my PO used to visit me at home and let me go into the bathroom by myself to provide my "sample." I had a friend supply me with some nice untainted piss. I used it for 4 of my monthly tests, I would thaw out the urine by putting the bottle in warm water. I would seperate the amount of urine I needed out of it and refreeze the rest again. Type in urine substitution on google, there are websites with details on how exactly to do this.

Anyway, I never failed a test %) I really NEED a job though, my livelyhood is depending on it so I didn't want to try this in a testing lab setting. Best just to get cleaned up for that

 

[QuasiStoned]

Id like to think I can stay clean completely. But it never will feel that way. I got mad anxiety and feel uncomfortable under my skin 24/7 and opiates was the only way to keep me on a sane level. Id like to be clean but I cant see a future that holds that. I lost my job recently. Dont have friends let alone a girl. I just feel to alone on this one. I dont want to get rehab treatment because my parents will find out and Ive hit rock bottom else where putting them thru to much shit, I just cant do it. I just cant picture anything in the future

I too have had a very difficult time getting clean Mystery Brew. I have been using poppy tea for a year and have only quit twice in that time frame, never for longer than 2 weeks. I too lost my job and it was this that finally motivated me to get clean. It is hard to believe but it does get better. I had a job interview at Target today that went really well and I think I might be able to get in there making more money than my previous employer.

I think you just have to set reasons to get clean. My reasons are that I want to perform my job well and I want to start saving up some money to fix my teeth (which have started aching now that I quit the tea, I probably rotted them out by not brushing or flossing very much over the last year that I used PPT). I feel like I am strong enough to pull myself out of this hole, and if I make more money I can start buying myself nice things like a new car! It makes me sick how much money I have wasted on poppies

I must admit I still crave ALOT (and I still have some poppies left too...) and with my teeth hurting I wish I could relieve the pain a little. Gotta stay strong till I get a job though.

 

[blairbear0]

You have to do what it takes to get off opiates. I have finally found a program that is helping me. I am in a methadone clinic for a month now and I slipped only once. I tryed cold turkey and suboxine in patient a few times. It didn't work. I had a iv habit of shooting 10 to 20 30 mgs of roxys a day for 2 years. With no clean time.

 

[Ds]

Ok day 1, so far no opiates. I havn't had a "BM" in a few days. It's not like i've been ''plugging'', just somethhing about opiates and me.
I have a pack of marlboro lights. To keep me comfort. I have bluelight to. My Anit-Drug, in a sick twisted kind of way.
I'm craving just anything to put up my nose. (No marbles, or batteries please!)
I have 40mg of adderal, I have no idea how this is going to help my opiate addiction.
I'll find out later.

 

[Carl Landrover]

Shits been tough man.

I got that taste again and I want more soo badly. Fortunately haven't been carrying money/ATM card with me. I curse myself up and down the fuckin' block when I know I don't have it on me, haha.


This part of my mind has been telling me that I'm alone in this and everyone else is the enemy, just keeping me from what I want. It's weird.

I don't like it.

 

[QuasiStoned]

^^^
It's fucking scary man the power that these drugs can hold over us.

 

[skinnyDog]

Time to ride!! i was supposed to quit aug 1, and i didn't get crackin til the 4th, i been a dope fiend for way too long and prior till this last run which began in december- i was doin fuckin great. anyway its day 3 and i still feel like shit, but def a wee bit better, tonight i take my last 10 mg of methadone, and i got a feelin the bottom is gonna fall out again, but i must get thru this cause sept 1 i go back to work thank god! cause i work on a commercial fishin boat and love it, its one of the few jobs where u can make money without any higher education, and like i said- i love my job!! and i think that may be part of the problem, cause when the season is over i get so fuckin bored- and if you're an action junkie/thrill seeker like myself boredom is like kryptonite to superman. so i just try to keep my eyes on the prize- but its damn tough when its 4 in the mornin, nad you can't sleep, eat, CAN'T DO ANYTHING THAT GIVES YOU THE LEAST BIT OF PLEASURE!! besides all the physical shit, that soul crushin depression is the hardest thing for me to deal with (it makes pickin up the pieces seem impossible)- but i've done this before and it does get better, this time around though i'm gonna do one thing different- and that's gonna be no beer, weed, etc.- cause that's what always gets this ball rollin-when my brain is like fuck this shit! let's get down to business with the real deal-- anyway thanks for listenen to my little rant- it just helps lookin at it on the screen when everything else seems hopeless

 

[blairbear0]

Venting can really help. Its good to listen to yourself and hear yourself trying to quit. You did it before so you can do it again. I am still not over the worse but, I know I dont ever want to go through this again!

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

More than a year and seven months clean off of heroin and I relapsed yesterday... been smoking pretty constantly for the last two days.

My life has been bad but got to such a point yesterday that I felt like I was just overwhelmed with som e ki nd of emmotional PAIN and I just could not take it anymore. Driving home from work on Tuesday I've never been so close to wanting to drive my car off the bridge. I needed a break from my emmotions and even though I've been doing some opiates lately (mostly just vicodin, some oxys a couple times) I guess I just wanted to go all the way and destroy any progress in my life. Because as much as I love methamphetamine, nothing will ever numb me the way heroin does.

I remember how much this drug fucked up my life and I've already missed two days of work. which I REALLY needed to go in for, and I don't want to go back to being a junkie again/. I have enough left for another two smoking sessions or so and then I really want to say good bye to this drug for a long while.

 

[DexterMeth]

Throw out your pods to show yourself you're really committed. Instead of a car you should be thinking about saving up for the dentist, then a car. Priorities man, priorities. You're like the 3rd addict that's said how much better it gets. I know an ex-BLr that used to be really into dope and then pods, methadone, etc..he suddenly detoxed and has been clean for 2 years now. He told me if I think the first 30 days are good, try the first 90, then the first 365, etc... The flow of endorphines and such need to be naturally re-regulated to pre-opiate use..that takes some time...years even. The rule of thumb is 2 years, but everyone is different, obviously. Think of all your opiate receptors as caves...the opiates created extra caves that shouldn't exist and you're now having to make up for them in the meantime..just hang in there..fuck MMT/BMT...i've been in both extensively..I relapsed on pods on father's day..you can search through here if you want and find my "Pod ER OD" thread...I relapsed when I got out of the ICU twice, but since have been clean and don't really crave anymore. There's just that general feeling and ansiness, you know? It gets easier each day though. They key imo is to STAY BUSY....a job is a great thing for an ex-addict to have. Unlike AA/NA, I don't believe in the whole "you're a junkie the rest of your life even if you never use again"...sure you're more susceptable to more problems than newbs but if you're clean you're clean, you know?

I guess I'm just "sick of being sick"...sick of needing a crutch... sick of having no money, no real friends, etc (although when you get clean many a friends may start comming back into your life..or maybe that was your problem in the first place, or part of the problem..the "friends" you had/people you hung with and got all doped up with), etc.

If you find yourself getting stressed to where you want to use badly, go for a run! It works pretty well..seriously...go out for a walk in nature...do something other than dwell on how "fun and nice" opiates are....in the end all they are is shit. I like to think of abusing them as "zombie auto-pilot/conscious subliminal suicide".... Opiates are for people that don't want life but instead the darkness...fuck the darkness...you can have all the darkness you want when you die.. (har har)

Good luck btw and stay strong

 

[xxkcxx]

hey all.

it's been a minute but i just wanted to let everyone know that i am clean now for 4 and a half months.

i'm living in a recovery home and doing really well. i got me a sponsor and everything overall, things are pretty great.