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Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

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doped once again. but this time..it felt different. it felt disguisting. It felt immoral. than the question "why" came. in the grand scheme of some must needed change
 
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Mystery Brew said:
doped once again. but this time..it felt different. it felt disguisting. It felt immoral. than the question "why" came. in the grand scheme of some must needed change
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Sounds like a good time to quit right? It wasn't until I became truely disgusted from the lifestyle, the being sick on and off, scrapping money to buy dope, missing obligations, getting ripped off by shady people/dealers, watching yourself slowly drift away from friends/family/life... that is when I started finally making it through my detoxes and starting to gain the necessary dedication to kick the damn stuff! Hopefully for good this time. I am right in the middle of a sub-assisted detox.
 
I think I felt guilty for at least 4 months before I stopped. Definitely ruined a lot of highs and made it even more of a waste of money than it already was.

I wasn't using daily though (well not dope).
 
Haha well I felt guilty alot more than that, just the last 4 months was really bad. I hated myself every time I got it and it usually fucked with the high. That was one cool thing I liked when I tried shooting it those few times, I'd get so fucked there was no room for guilt. Crazy!

Glad I remained a sniffer these last few years, save those few times near the end.


Though, now on day 65, and I'm STILL COUGHING UP SHIT. Well, not coughing up so much, but when I run, I still get mucus coming up in fairly big amounts. I no longer need my inhaler, before or after runs, so that is a HUGE improvement, but it's been over 9 weeks without sniffing a thing and my lungs are still messed up because of that. I think my sinuses are just fucked up in general from the last few years of abuse. :\ :(

Maybe if I'm clean long enough they'll heal up.
 
Hey sniffers unite! Yeah I've put so much cut up my nose the past couple of years I'll be curious to see how long my mucus continues to continue traces of yellow and white and other nasty bits that I won't go into further detail about.

Last clean stretch was only 10 days and at the end of it my sinuses were SOOOO much clearer it was awesome. I'm surprised you still coughing up shit after so long!
 
Hello All. I'm new to BL and have a question that maybe someone on here can answer. I am addicted to Heroin and want to seek help from a methadone clinic. I have a young child and I am afraid that they will call child services if I did happen to replapse. Does anyone know if this can happen?
 
If the relapse puts your child at risk or makes your home unsafe or causes you to put your child in harms way to get high (all of which are pretty likely) then yes that could happen. But its not like the clinic would give a shit... people come and go to these places, somebody else would have to notice and call child services.

Btw I've heard of people taking their kids to methadone clinics and I understand sometimes its a necessary because the parent has to go every day and whatnot but I still don't think thats a good place to bring yer kids :(
 
I would never bring my child with me. I have been using again for 6 months now and It makes me feel like a horrible parent. I still go to work everyday and of course my child has a roof over her head and food too eat but it is killing me. I just want to stop now before she becomes old enough to understand what is going on as I know first hand what it is like to have drug addicted parents.
 
i came clean to my mom last week (yes, im staying with my mom - lay off) that id been using heroin regularly and broke down about wanting to get away from it. ive been having a bitch of a decade dealing with severe depression/bipolar, eating disorders and drugs. ive been in and out of treatment and had multiple suicide attempts and have even ended up in ghetto nursing homes for people with severe mental problems. almost two years ago, i ended a crazy run in a ball of amphetamine psychosis and was hospitalized again. however, this time and after over a decade of trying every different med, i was put on a combo of meds that actually made me clear headed and stable. it was amazing. it took a while but after a month i was seeing the world clearly and i wasnt crushed under depression. well, i was still considered unstable and in need of more looking after. so, i got put into a ghetto nursing home. the place was horrible and lonely but for the first time i was stable on meds and able to function so, after a while i took advantage of downtown chicago and actually got a job. a good job too. they bent rules for me to work and yadda yadda. finally i was able to move out and move in with my cousin. that lasted 3 weeks - my cousin is more unstable than i am. so, she kicked me out and booted me to my moms, forcing me to quit my job. ok, i told you all of this to explain that im really trying to bounce back and get my life moving forward after being stuck in nomad zone for so long. i really want to get back into life - back to work and back to school and out of my mom's house. ive been hiding out in crisis land for a really really long time and now that my meds have liberated me, i should be doing everything i can to keep moving forward. the thing is that i like drugs. i really really do. but ive realized what a meaningless and selfish existince it is - and i hate the fact that i had been so incredibly selfish and hurtful to other people through my stuff. the person i had been hanging out with is also jobless and carless and just lives to score dope and treat his family like shit and disrespect his parent's place and their time. i have been watching this and i get really embarrassed for being a stupid, lazy junkie living in this revolving circle of nothingness. i love heroin and it does keep bringing bad stuff into my life and i know i can't truly move forward and be a responsible adult if i don't stop. i don't want to stop but i have to, right? sorry for rambling on and on.... i just feel like im breaking up with a hot lover who occassionally slaps me around. i know i need to stick to my guns and give up the h but i keep looking for another "one last time."
 
Jesus, how long am I going to put up with all the constant up and downs of opiate use before I get so tired of it that I actually DO SOMETHING about it??

It's been a fucking year now and I am no better off than I was when I started. I use poppy tea so it is not difficult for me to keep my supply up and never run out but it is such a long lasting high that if I do it too often, I get bored with the high. Rather than quit, I struggle through withdrawals and drawn out tapering, only to test out the waters of the high again. The high comes back full force so I binge a few days until the effects are no good anymore and it just keeps repeating itself.

For a long time I have told myself that my addiction was fairly minor and that I could quit whenever I wanted to as long as I put some motivation in it. Well I have found motivation to at least make the attempt to but I always end up at square one. It scares me how much poppy tea has really taken my soul after a year of use.

I have quit before for as long as 2 weeks but I can't stay away from the shit....
 
Just giving a little update:

I've been doing great with suboxone treatment. I take one 8mg pill under my tongue when I wake up and feel pretty much almost no withdrawals, still get anxiety which I take the kpins for so that helps a lot. But yeah I still do have a lot of cravings to get high again, but know it's immpossible while on suboxone so that's a relief to know. I learned it the hard way when I found a bag I had lost in my room and tried shooting it after taking suboxone like 9 hours earlier; didn't feel a thing from the dope, the subs blocked it.

Other than that I've been doing a lot more excercising, talking with my parents more besides sitting in my room high all day worrying bout how I'm gonna get my next fix soon. I even went to a 'get together' last night with some old friends who I stopped hanging with during my addiction and had a pretty fun time without having to use heroin. I did get a 32 oz of smirnoff watermelon flavor though, I drink for the taste not to get drunk though. I've been applying all over for a job with no such luck yet...getting pretty hopeless about that tbh.

Stay clean everybody!
 
Georgie - that is really good news man. I'm glad the subs are going well, they saved me and many others. We are lucky to live in this day and age where a medication like that is available. I have an appt with my GP on Weds I'm hoping I can get some Ambien or a small dose benzo to help me sleep.

I am considering confessing to him that I am trying to get off opiates but I may not... we'll see how I feel on that day I guess.

Carl - Damn man sorry to hear that. I'm sure it will pass though! Your posts have been really positive and inspiring lately so don't forget how well you've been feeling lately with your girl and the stuff she is doing for you to reward you for being clean! You've been doin so good keep it up.
 
I'm kinda wondering what the negative mental and physical effects of long term Tramadol and Fioricet with codiene abuse are. Other than watching the APAP intake with the Fioricet.
How about if I mix them with crystal meth?
 
jigsawpuzzlepiece said:
Carl - Damn man sorry to hear that. I'm sure it will pass though! Your posts have been really positive and inspiring lately so don't forget how well you've been feeling lately with your girl and the stuff she is doing for you to reward you for being clean! You've been doin so good keep it up.
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Wow! Thanks man! :) It's really great been able to get support on BL. Every bit helps I suppose!

Feelin' a bit better today, had a little herb (which I haven't had lately and smoking usually takes my cravings away), woke at up my girls house, and even though I'm trying to stay away from all drugs aside from weed/suboxone, I had a small dose of adderall last night, which really helped.


I've noticed there's a lot of things I have to do to feel normal/good, and if I'm missing out on 2 or 3, things go downhill. Off the top of my head the list looks like:

suboxone
exercise (running! %) )
girlfriend
weed
eating well (i crave when I'm hungry)
sleeping closer normal hours
vitamins and those omega 3 fish oil pills
work
staying busy with something that interests you
staying busy with something that you can work on
some form on non-drug socializing

I'm sure there's others, but they're all pretty basic, but important.


Anyway, how things going with you?

It's hard keeping up with everything
 
I had a pretty good week. My sub taper is going well I am going to take my last dose on Monday hopefully. Unfortunately I have been having trouble sleeping and I just ran out of lunesta. Melatonin isn't quite powerful enough but hopefully as more time passes it will begin to do the trick again.

I'm still smoking a lot of weed, and have been every day for like 8 yrs now. But I figure I should only try and tackle one addiction at a time. Once I am all the way clean from opiates I will try to quit weed again and hopefully it will be very easy by comparison.

Glad you are feeling better today though. Your list of things to do good sounds similar to mine actually. Having lost my gf (breakup not death thank GOD) really hurt and I relapsed because of it but now I am back on the wagon of trying to achieve sobriety again. But while we were still dating she really helped keep my mind off drugs and planned a lot of activities to keep me busy.
 
bow-viper1 said:
Sorry to hear about your day, DW. I have had a couple of those in the past two weeks when I haven't been able to come up with the money to get my Suboxone filled.

Right now, at 2:30 A.M., I'm rolling pennies trying to come up with the USD $12.39 it is going to cost me to buy my one 8mg tablet. I have about $12 right now, but I also need to put $3-4 in for gas to get to my pharmacy and back.

It is so pathetic that I'm at a point in my life where another $5 would really mean I had no problem, and I am having a hard time coming up with it :(

I'm thinking of pawning my TI-89 calculator tomorrow, which is worth $100+, but I'll probably only get like $25 for it.
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Cant u get a job?
 
I know, just go to the job market and pick up a jobbie.


jigsawpuzzlepiece said:
I had a pretty good week. My sub taper is going well I am going to take my last dose on Monday hopefully. Unfortunately I have been having trouble sleeping and I just ran out of lunesta. Melatonin isn't quite powerful enough but hopefully as more time passes it will begin to do the trick again.

I'm still smoking a lot of weed, and have been every day for like 8 yrs now. But I figure I should only try and tackle one addiction at a time. Once I am all the way clean from opiates I will try to quit weed again and hopefully it will be very easy by comparison.

Glad you are feeling better today though. Your list of things to do good sounds similar to mine actually. Having lost my gf (breakup not death thank GOD) really hurt and I relapsed because of it but now I am back on the wagon of trying to achieve sobriety again. But while we were still dating she really helped keep my mind off drugs and planned a lot of activities to keep me busy.
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Sounds good man, how much suboxone are you taking out curiousity?


I'm in a similar boat with you about weed. I'd like to not smoke it everyday, but it's been over 5.5 years of that with the odd day off here and there. I did go 10 days without it when I went to Hawaii. Like you say, one addiction at a time. :)

Though, I really don't have much problem with weed, other than the cost and legal issue, but I am tired of being dependent on substances.


I know I would definitely relapse if my and my girl broke up. Right from the moment she found out, she's been more supportive than I could have imagined. <3 I did get through this twice before I had anyone though. I just hope that it sticks this time, now that I have her help.


Good luck dropping the sub man! Let us know how it goes! :)
 
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I had a terrible relapse with the needle..... i am going to try to get back on my suboxone program...

do you think my sub dr will kick me out if i tell him i relapsed.. im extremely broken right now..

this sucks i dont even knwo what to do
 
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