• 🇬🇧󠁿 🇸🇪 🇿🇦 🇮🇪 🇬🇭 🇩🇪 🇪🇺
    European & African
    Drug Discussion

    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Joke Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
I was in the butcher's this morning. I walked in and he says to me "I'll bet you £10 you can't get those bits off meat off that top shelf."
I said "I'm not gambling on that!" "Why?" "The steaks are too high!"

:p
 
Man walks into a gun shop.

Man: Hello, I would like to purchase that AK-47 there along with some ammunition.

Shop Assistant: OK then sir, but it is company policy we ask why you would like to purchase the gun?

Man: Well to shoot cans mainly.

Shop Assistant: Hmmm... What kind of cans?

Man: Afri-cans and Jamai-cans.

=D
 
What was the nationality of Adam and Eve?

A: Russian, of course. Why else would they think they're in Paradise when they were homeless, naked, and just had one apple for both of them?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lord, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have
to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work...
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays

And help me to remember...
When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!
 
How many Iriishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

4, 1 to hold the lightbulb and 3 to turn the stool



Q. How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a light bulb?

A. I don't know

Oh you don't know, YOU DON'T KNOW 'COS YOU WERENT THERE MAN!!
 
Since most of the jokes on here are bad taste Ill add

Whats 18" long and makes women scream?

Cot Death!
 
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
liquidform, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable
for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour
himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink,
and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and
just a good old- fashioned 'st iff drink'.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants
and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040,
there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
 
General George W Casey jnr walks into the white house to see president bush.

"Bad news sir, there were three Brazilian soldiers killed in iraq today"

President bush starts crying uncontrollably and banging his fists on the oval office table.

After controlling himself 23 minutes later he asks

"Just how many is a Brazilian?"
 
>How to impress woman?

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her,
comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine with her,
buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, standby her, support her,
go to the ends of the world for her...


>How to imprress a man?

Show up naked ...with cold beer
 
Apparently they're melting down Michael Jackson and using the plastic to make toys.

This means that children can play with him for a change!

SORRY that was terrible, but someone would have said it.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top