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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Cutting v. 2

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Oh hun, it breaks my heart to know that you're doing it again :(

If the cut on your thigh is still hurting in the next few days you should definitely go and see a doctor about it. It could be infected (despite the peroxide etc you used afterwards).

And yes, my thigh cuts definitely hurt way more than my arm/other area cuts. I think it could have something to do with the thickness of the skin on the legs...? More cutaneous layers = more nerve endings?
 
xxkcxx said:
^ Oh, I already see a therapist.

My parents know I cut in the past, but they don't know that I recently relapsed...they don't know I'm using again either though :\

I considered telling them after I did it cause I was in such a desperate place, but I'm glad I didn't cause it just would have caused more problems.

I remember when they first found out--it was last year so I was 20--my mom asked if I wanted her to do "body checks" in order to keep me from cutting 8) I know why she'd want to do it, but honestly, NO, I do NOT want my mother do check my naked body for cuts.
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Aww im so sorry that youve started cutting again. That makes me sad cause your a really nice and cool person. Try and not do it again because it just gets easier and easier to do it. I know it's hard though when your miserable and need some relief.

Id have to agree 9 times outta 10 telling parents only makes things alot fucking worse. When my mom saw my arm after id slashed it up ( i was trying to hide it as best i could but she saw it when my sleeve was pulled up abit) she freaked and called me everything under the sun. She said i was a idiot and sick in the head and should be locked up because no sane person would do that 8) . Like the fuck she knows anything about what i feel like and have to go through. Atleast i admit i have proiblems unlike her.

She even had the audacity to say she knew alot about cutting because she had seen it on TV shows. More then likely those very informative shows like oprah and dr.phil or as i call the cunt farmer phil. Fucking useless imbread cunt and anyone who takes his advice is a fucking sheep. Thats where she gets her info :| .

Like the fuck she knows anything about cutters she knows fuck all. She said "oh i guess thats another addiction you have". Thanks for being so supportive mom 8) . Plus im not a cutter by nature i only really do it when majorly depressed or sufering from mixed state mania. So it's not a addiction for me per se.
 
I have a growing desire to start cutting myself again. I don't really know even why, whenever I think of it, I just feel like it would be extremely good...

Partly because of the inflicting pain on myself thing. I don't know why, but sometimes it just makes me feel good when I hurt myself deliberately. Maybe it's a control thing, when finally the pain I feel is under my total control.

Partly because of the scars that are left behind. I'm proud and ashamed of them at the same time. I don't know how to express myself properly, I live in a world of constant and often overpowering pain, but I don't know how to express this to others, other than cutting my arms and showing them to a select few people. At the same time I feel ashamed because of the crude methods I have to resort in to express myself at an acceptable (for me) level. If I could make people understand me any other way, I think I'd do it instead.

Partly because of the "I don't give a shit anymore, let it all just burn" mentality cutting myself seems to invoke in me. It is so relieving, nothing matters anymore at that moment, except the cutting and the pain. Some form of escapism I guess.

Oh why does this feel like such a good idea... Sign of desperation for me.

Damn, before writing this post I didn't even realize I am this desperate, once again. I hate myself and just want to do what the rest of the world is doing, making me suffer. Either that or turn those fucking flames that are burning me back against the world. I don't think that's me though, hurting anyone or anything never was part of me, but then again I don't even know who I am or what I am. Maybe that's something we can never truly know?
 
I always wondered why people cut themselves. But after analyzing the situation from a scientific point of view I have come to the conclusion that people cut themselves (inflict pain) because when the human body feels pain it released endorphins (sp? or something like that) that basically are the humans bodies natural opiates, therefor giving the subject in pain a natural dose of Heroin sort of speak... Am I wrong?
 
JahRed24x said:
I always wondered why people cut themselves. But after analyzing the situation from a scientific point of view I have come to the conclusion that people cut themselves (inflict pain) because when the human body feels pain it released endorphins (sp? or something like that) that basically are the humans bodies natural opiates, therefor giving the subject in pain a natural dose of Heroin sort of speak... Am I wrong?
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For me it's a sort of release. When i feel miserable and feel like id rather be dead then alive thats when i usually cut myself. It has little to do with making myself feel better it has to do with getting some of the frustration, anger and misery out. I not only cut but i end up punching steel doors, brick walls and all that. Anything to get a release.
 
JahRed24x said:
I always wondered why people cut themselves. But after analyzing the situation from a scientific point of view I have come to the conclusion that people cut themselves (inflict pain) because when the human body feels pain it released endorphins (sp? or something like that) that basically are the humans bodies natural opiates, therefor giving the subject in pain a natural dose of Heroin sort of speak... Am I wrong?
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Nope you're pretty much spot-on.
There are many reasons why people self-harm. But in the end, there is a release of endorphins, which many people can get addicted to.

Wow, that is really over-simplifying something that is a hugely complex phenomenon 8o
 
Anyone else notice how Meg Griffin from family guy has been talking about cutting more and more?? Tonight on the show she told the popular girl at school she cut her self because of her and pointed out lines on her forearm! I mean shit, cartoons are getting intense! Kinda cool though, you know? From an awareness- ur-not-alone kinda angle..
 
Sean told me yesterday that he was proud of me for not cutting. Its hard, I fight it almost everyday. Its not something he understands, but he asked if it helped if he was proud of me. A reason to be encouraged not to is good.
 
I have cut my arms again after reading the book skin game, it triggered me as well as some nasty comments from my dad being heaped on me in loads didn't help...bleh...:o
 
I tried SO hard not to cut this weekend. Had to keep rubbing in coca butter into the scars to remind myself why I don't wanna cut.
 
I used to cut.. maybe once a month or so.

I love trance.. and there was this particular song that I always cut to.. I cut my arms to the beat with my box cutter, speeding down the back roads at near 100mph. When the song was over I'd park and walk to this creek that I knew noone would be at, and I'd wash the blood away. For some reason it felt so great..

And for the next few days I'd be able to rub my arms through my shirt and it would sting real good.

No idea why the pain felt so good.... Coping mechanism they say. I've talked to maybe 2 people in my entire life about my problems.. I'm just a closed individual, what can I say.


Now I just pop my Xanax script... or whatever I can buy/get from my buds.

(Every time I hear that song I hurt myself some how. Yesterday I kept stabbing myself in the leg with my pencil to the beat. Haha.)
 
I wish I would have kept track of when I quit so I would have some kind of milestone, but I know its been at least a month since I've cut last. :)
 
Sean is my main motivation but I kinda think it hurts him to see me do it and I hate trying to hide it from him and bleeding all over the place. If I can't do it for myself, at least I can do it for him to start. I wish wish these stupid scars would fade. I hate people seeing them. I always think they are wondering, "Is she a cutter?!" "Did she actually do that to herself?" "What the fuck is wrong with her?! She must be a freaking psycho or something."
 
Yeah, somedays I wonder if I've caused a lil nerve damage since it just hurts sometimes out of the blue right on the scars.
OK, maybe this is a stupid question, but does anyone else feel kinda pathetic for not commiting to it? Just cutting enough to leave scarring and the occasional keloid scar but not enough that you bleed for hours or need stitches or anything? Its like you are a faker or don't suffer as much or something.
Don't get me wrong I could never want to tell my parents I need stitches, have REALLY nasty scars or cut tendons and fuck up my hand or something.
Does anyone else feel this?

Also, has anyone had luck with coco butter on scars? If so how often did you use it and how long did it take so see results. It seems whenever I put stuff on the scars, scar products or whatever it seems to get worse actually. Turn redder. Does it get worse before it gets better or is it just not working?
 
yeah I know what you mean by not going all the way and getting serious. But I think people harm for different reasons. I like the feeling I get when I'm doing it. And i like the way it looks and that stinging pain afterward. For me it was never to see how far I go, it was more a fascination with the whole process. The thing is its been a while since i've done anything, yet I think about it all the time and I don't know why.

as for scars, i do rub coco butter on my scars, but im not sure if it works that well (i like to think it does, atleast a little). But if your going to use something make sure it is all natural. I use this product, it is a blend of cocoa and shea butter. It's a good moisturizer and does not itch my skin. I find when i use something with parrafinum liquidum it it, it makes my all itchy (i have sensitive skin that's why).
 
Well I guess at the least like I said, I reminds me why I'm not going to cut anymore...
 
Well I was at a party yesterday.. gotta hella drunk.. took my rec. dose of xanax.. was having a generally good time. Talked to a girl that I liked, and I was drunk and fucked up so I guess way emotional.. things weren't going the way I wanted. Anywho.. I went to look for a comb in the bathroom cuz I had just gone swimming and I didn't want my hair all fucked up and knotty. Found my friends dad's valium script.. took like 50mg I don't even know how much that is. Felt really shitty for that because I never thought I'd be the kind of person to steal someones meds..................

Miraculously I was the last one awake at the party.. anyways I was stumbling around and found their Cutco knife collection.. Let me tell you what, I did a number of my arm, and have to wear long sleeves and SWEAT in this 105 degree weather.


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i've never cut myself, i don't have any problems with depression, i have great self esteem etc

i havent even injected any drugs (though i plan on experiencing the opiate rush some time before i die)

but when they drew my blood at the methadone clinic that was so fun! fascinating stuff! lol
 
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