Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

[Swerlz]

today is day 1 off my suboxone and into the real world on my own again.

Wish me luck

 

[drug_wench]

dont worry claire - im saying stupid shit for similar reasons......we all do on that shit
those r awful memories for a child to go thru - at least one positive came out of them i guess in that uve stayed off heroin!

swerz - gd on u mate.....hang in there.....how long hav u bn on the subs?

 

[Swerlz]

22 days. starting at 16mg a day down to 2mg. droping half a pill every 3-4 days.

I took some immodium to settle my stomach. Its moving like a subway, gotta slow that down.

 

[Carl Landrover]

You're jumping off at 2mg?

 

[comptonking]

Ok guys i'm 8 days clean from a small heroin habit $10-$20 a day, i quit tapering down to cm long lines of H and then 3 day taper with methadone 7.5-5-2.5mg's and that kept me from getting to sick, so obviously my habit wasnt that bad but i still got sick if i didnt do H everyday, so my question is, if I were to do the rest of my stash would i start completely over with w/d's or how bad would they be?

 

[jigsawpuzzlepiece]

Ok guys i'm 8 days clean from a small heroin habit $10-$20 a day, i quit tapering down to cm long lines of H and then 3 day taper with methadone 7.5-5-2.5mg's and that kept me from getting to sick, so obviously my habit wasnt that bad but i still got sick if i didnt do H everyday, so my question is, if I were to do the rest of my stash would i start completely over with w/d's or how bad would they be?

How much is the rest of your stash? If its just enough to get high for the night, your w/ds will most likely not start completely over. But it will probably ignite some cravings to go get more, and you'l be tempted to get high again the next day and before you know it you'll be right back on the regular cycle.

 

[bow-viper1]

How much is the rest of your stash? If its just enough to get high for the night, your w/ds will most likely not start completely over. But it will probably ignite some cravings to go get more, and you'l be tempted to get high again the next day and before you know it you'll be right back on the regular cycle.

I completely agree with this. I've been in a situation where I had decided to quit, was in withdrawals, but still had a small supply of opiates left. If you decide to do the rest of that heroin, compton, I can almost guarantee you that you will decide to go score and just push the detox to a later date.

Right now, you are at a point where you need to decide to either sell or flush the supply you have left and get clean, or do what you have and keep using.

That is how it has always ended up for me anyway.

I wish both compton and swerz all of the luck in the world. Keep us up to date - it always helps having people to talk to.

 

[Staj]

Fuk I was 2 weeks clean with suboxone and just took 2 days off to relapse on a gram of down. I'm bak on my subs and feeling cold and sweaty dammit I wish I never bought that gram.

 

[eon_blue]

Fuk I was 2 weeks clean with suboxone and just took 2 days off to relapse on a gram of down. I'm bak on my subs and feeling cold and sweaty dammit I wish I never bought that gram.

Miss Hollywood this ^^^^^ is exactly how you are going to feel after you use on Friday.

Man, I wish there were something I could say to make you think twice. But I went through the same thing a couple of months ago after having 8 months clean, and I told myself I just wanted to try it again a couple times to satisfy that urge...then move on with sobriety again.

Oh man, what a fucking idiot I was.

After those first few shots I went out and bought more. Then more. Then more. I was shooting up everyday again just to stay well just like I used to a year ago. Everything I managed to rebuild in my life after getting sober I managed to destroy all over again after that 2 month long relapse.

The worst part about it is that it wasn't fun at all, every time I got high all I could ever think about was how much I've fucked up what progress I've made. I know you think it sucks being sober right now but believe me, once you get back into the grips of heroin addiction you're going to wish with every fiber of your being that you could be back to where you are right now. No amount of dope that I did during my relapse made that feeling go away.

I would give anything to go back in time to two months ago when I made that same decision you've made and fucking do it differently. Goddamn, I'd give almost anything

Please reconsider. I know you won't, cause I certainly didn't, but fuck....it's worth a try.

 

[paranoid android]

Aww im sorry youve gone through all that shit miss hollywood. I ain't got nothing to keep me from abusing my meds either. No job, no significant other and no friends around. Hell i never even had a real girlfriend just one night pickups and a few call girls. Truth be telt i never really wanted a g/f up until i dunno 3 years ago but now i do. Dunno why that changed maybe im just getting old.

So ya i can certainly understand why you want to go back to using smack and fuck knows youve had it harder then me. That was unfair the way they set you up the cops in canada are bad enough but the ones in the US are total fuckin pigs.

 

[Miss Hollywood]

Thanks you all so much from the bottom of my heart! You guys have really helped me out, and actually convinced me I'm not gonna score tomorrow and not to mention I had court today, which I was sentenced for a year of probation with RANDOM drug testing. So, in a few months or so from now they'll freak me out with a cup, but whatever. I'm gonna make sure I dont fuck shit up as hard as it may be. If I fuck it up, then oh well. I'll have to deal with the consequences of that.They arent' gonna waste space on jail for a person like ME.They have bigger fish to fry! I mean HELL I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE HEROIN ON ME, JUST RIGS! I did smoke some weed today tho I was so stressed out and my best friend that I never get to see was in town today and wanted to smoke with me after court, and I haven't smoked in 2 months so I TOTALLY CAVED!

I don't want to fuck this up and I'm scared. I want to get high really bad but I'm having second thoughts, so I guess thats a good thing.

But oh well, i DIDN'T do dope and that is a good thing right?

But check this out, after court probation was SO FUCKING LAZY that they couldnt spend 10 minutes explaining my probation to me, so they are making me COME BACK TOMORROW and all that bullshit. So I smoked today, and now i'm all noided out they might test me tomorrow but I mean come on...they didn't put me on ACTIVE probation...they said they will "randomly test me" meaning they can test me ANYTIME during my years probation. They aren't gonna test me the first day i'm there right???! I hope not!

I mean, they know im on a suboxone program and stuff. They told me I had to get my A.A. papers signed twice a week and all that,so i'll go in there tomorrow and they'll just tell me the conditions of my probation, is what i'm thinkin.

Anybody have any experience with the "random testing" thing? Please help!

Thanks again everybody! This whole thread really helped me feel a lot better!Drug_wench is the best mod in the world, WERD!

 

[Draigan]

I think I would want to be sober if I had more reasons to be, but I don't. I dont have a signifigant other or a child to take care of, or even any friends anymore.

When I first got sober I really wanted to get sober, and I was looking forward to living a happier and healthier life. It's almost 5 months later and NOTHING in my life has changed or gotten any better. I feel more depressed than I EVER did when I was using, I have no job, and now that I'm not using anymore(i can't even smoke pot cuz of probation)none of my old friends want to hang out with me, and all the new people I meet are druggies. Its not until you quit doin drugs that you realize how many people actually DO them...and now that you don't do them anymore you don't know where you belong in the world. I feel like there is ME and then the REST of the world. I dont know. this is my first time ever really trying to be sober after being a drug addict for 16 years. It's not easy just to go full speed ahead on the highway and then slam on the breaks. and it wasn't even just the DRUGS...it was the lifestyle that I lived. I was a prostitute for a long time, so I dont even know how to go back to the 9-5 misery job shit and get paid minimum wage. I just have been this way so long I dont know how to change my life. I stopped doing drugs...but that wasn't even the hardest part.

The hardest part is learning how to LIVE MY LIFE. It's like being an infant and learning how to walk and talk. I just dont know how....and its frustrating.

I just want to give up, I hate this "straight life." its just not me

This is very telling Miss Hollywood. I think it really gives you a great opportunity to analyze why your in the troubled spot that you are in, and I think with propper analysis you can find a solution!

I really really meant you no disrespect by what I said, and I even stand by what I said because it provoked you to write such a truthful post like the one quoted above!

I can relate to what you said about feeling like you need to learn to walk again, although the magnitude that you must feel that feeling at is way way way more intense than what I felt it at, I'm sure. And even the bit that I felt it at was intense! Anyway, I really think you can get past this really challenging part in your life if you play your cards right, if you want to of course.

I'm no expert, but I have learned a thing or two from my life. Its been full of suffering since the day I was put on this earth, and I have tried to take this suffering as lessons learned. I can tell you whats worked for me, in the spirit of sharing wisdom and ways to overcome lifes challenges.

I have payed attention to how you described your circumstances, and I really believe that you can enjoy life again without drugs, and be very happy! When I say happy, I mean a feeling of everything is going to be ok and a feeling of growing towards the light.

All I can say is what I would do if I was posited with a set of circumstances like the ones you described. So I like to think that I am not trying to force unsolicited advice, but instead just relating your experience with my own in a metaphorical stream that you may choose, or choose not, to drink from.


Please take in mind for the sake of this writing the idea that we humans have 2 general states. One of them is a state of happiness, it entails functionality, harmony, love, togetherness, respect etc. The other state is a state of depression, it entails, no energy, disprespect, harm, and other mean spirited things like that.

Remember rome wasnt build overnight! Little by little we fill up with beauty until we overflow with joy happiness and all the other awesome stuff! :D

Little by little we fill up hatred and dishonor, until we run about screaming in our minds at the horror we are feeling!

It may take a long time before all these good deeds come to fruition, but I promise that they will.

The first thing that I see as a foundation for fixing a broken set of life circumstances is intention. Without proper intention how can one ever expect to finish a goal? If one day I am stealing and lying and the next day exercising and caring, how will I build a beautiful life? So the first thing that I believe is necessary for fixing problematic life circumstances is an unbending determination to build a beautiful life.

With unbending intention to build a better life we can then bring into our lives many many wise things that will improve the quality of our mind! The second thing that I think is really important is focus! Without focus how can we expect to keep unbending determination? The two go hand in hand and support eachother! So focus is really important.

The next important thing I see is working really hard! When we work hard we keep in tune with the earth. Before our society was the way it is now, we would have to work at tilling the earth and watering plants to feed us. Now we have become disconnected to the process, but the basic human need to work still remains. That is why I think that it is incredibly important to work at something every day. I think that we should work at something that is positive seeming and gives us a sense of reward. Even if the job is not perfect, the fact remains that we are doing it to keep in tune with life and so in that perspective it is rewarding!

The next beautiful action I see is to exercise. Our body responds to the type of input we give it. I think energy is conducive to happiness, and so it is so important to have it! The best way to get energy is to expend energy, paradoxically. I really think that if you want to be happy and feel fulfilled that you should exercise!!

Feng Shui! I don't know if thats how its spelled, but basically it is an idea that has to do with the nature that things are layed out and maintained. Good feng shui is a house that makes one feel clear, comfortable, and homey when one walks in it. I think that proper feng shui is conducive to happiness. Feng shui is not just the way that one keeps ones home. It is also the way that one maintains ones body. It feels nice for me to be well put together and to be clean. I recommend picking up garbage off the street periodically and never littering.

Learning how to play. I believe learning how to play and playing is extremely important to a healthy human being. For some people it takes determination, focus, and proper intention to learn how to play.

Creative outlet. I think its really important to have an outlet for creative energy. It shows people where they are in life because often works of art are very symbolic and telling. It lets the energy flow, and it feels good and rewarding!

Resisting craving!!! To resist the physical pull of cravings is quite a simple idea, but rarely ever practiced! Human bodies crave all sorts of things, many of them detrimental, but if we follow every bodily craving that we have we will be destroyed! It is important to remember our intention to create a beautiful life when we are faced with bodily craving! :D
What is worse, the pain of bodily craving, or the pain of consequences from the cravings?

Generally treating the world with respect. The world and most people in it like to be treated nicely. If we treat the world nicely, the world will treat us nicely. Thats not always true, and we need to be careful to not be taken advantage of, but its a general guideline. Lots of people are very mean and we must be careful of them, just like we are careful not to walk into a lions nest.

Avoiding people who are nasty. Lie with dogs and you get fleas. People who don't care always seem to be suffering horrible consequences because they don't respect themselves or the world. They don't listen to their heart. I don't spend time with people who don't care if I can help it.

Eating healthy. Eating healthy is very important. Sugars that digest fast are not part of our natural diet, for the most part, and its not good to eat those. Eating a sensible diet can balance the dreaded modern mental/physical disorder called hypoglycemia. I would say that most addicts have hypoglycemia. It is caused by irregular sugar levels(low blood sugar) and it causes a huge list of mental sicknesses, depression and anxiety being one of them. I definitely think its very important to learn about hypoglycemia and eat the propper diet that corrects the dissorder. I know the diet is hard, but if we remember to live for our well being and not our physical desires then it becomes very attainable.

Generating new ideas to make life more harmonious. Ultimately inside of our minds is the possibility for all sorts of cool new ideas that can help benefit ones life. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to think of this stuff, but it does take a very aware person to practice it. Most people are not paying attention, and therefore paying attention will give you an edge on life that can overcome the darkness that most people feel.

I'm no psychic, but I really believe that if a person is paying lots of attention and adheres to such loving principles as these ones that they will live a fulfilling life that is safe from most of the horrible stuff out there! But remember that it takes a long time to transform. Just think about how long it took to get all tangled up in the first place. Results are immediate too though. I think this kind of positive thinking can dig you out of the feelings of learning how to walk again.

Good luck and I am sorry if I made you feel bad with my prior post. I really didn't mean to.

 

[eon_blue]

Thanks you all so much from the bottom of my heart! You guys have really helped me out, and actually convinced me I'm not gonna score tomorrow and not to mention I had court today, which I was sentenced for a year of probation with RANDOM drug testing. So, in a few months or so from now they'll freak me out with a cup, but whatever. I'm gonna make sure I dont fuck shit up as hard as it may be. If I fuck it up, then oh well. I'll have to deal with the consequences of that.They arent' gonna waste space on jail for a person like ME.They have bigger fish to fry! I mean HELL I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE HEROIN ON ME, JUST RIGS! I did smoke some weed today tho I was so stressed out and my best friend that I never get to see was in town today and wanted to smoke with me after court, and I haven't smoked in 2 months so I TOTALLY CAVED!

I don't want to fuck this up and I'm scared. I want to get high really bad but I'm having second thoughts, so I guess thats a good thing.

But oh well, i DIDN'T do dope and that is a good thing right?

But check this out, after court probation was SO FUCKING LAZY that they couldnt spend 10 minutes explaining my probation to me, so they are making me COME BACK TOMORROW and all that bullshit. So I smoked today, and now i'm all noided out they might test me tomorrow but I mean come on...they didn't put me on ACTIVE probation...they said they will "randomly test me" meaning they can test me ANYTIME during my years probation. They aren't gonna test me the first day i'm there right???! I hope not!

I mean, they know im on a suboxone program and stuff. They told me I had to get my A.A. papers signed twice a week and all that,so i'll go in there tomorrow and they'll just tell me the conditions of my probation, is what i'm thinkin.

Anybody have any experience with the "random testing" thing? Please help!

Thanks again everybody! This whole thread really helped me feel a lot better!Drug_wench is the best mod in the world, WERD!

Thank god, I'm so glad to hear you've changed your mind about Friday. Seriously, you have no idea...good for you Miss Hollywood You should be incredibly proud of yourself, I wish to god I had been as smart But alas, it is what it is and I'm paying my dues now.

So you smoked a bit of weed, who cares heh. Just watch out that it doesn't cause you to think carelessly about heroin, because you and I both know that there IS NO SUCH THING as recreational heroin use, not for people like us. That shit don't fly, it just doesn't compute. If smoking a bit of weed helps you overcome this, by all means do it.

Seriously, I can't say it enough...good on you for changing your mind about copping on Friday. If you start to feel weak, come check this thread again and reread all the warnings and support you have on here, alright?

 

[Miss Hollywood]

Thank god, I'm so glad to hear you've changed your mind about Friday. Seriously, you have no idea...good for you Miss Hollywood You should be incredibly proud of yourself, I wish to god I had been as smart But alas, it is what it is and I'm paying my dues now.

So you smoked a bit of weed, who cares heh. Just watch out that it doesn't cause you to think carelessly about heroin, because you and I both know that there IS NO SUCH THING as recreational heroin use, not for people like us. That shit don't fly, it just doesn't compute. If smoking a bit of weed helps you overcome this, by all means do it.

Seriously, I can't say it enough...good on you for changing your mind about copping on Friday. If you start to feel weak, come check this thread again and reread all the warnings and support you have on here, alright?

Thanks man! You rock!

Yeah I feel a lil guilty about smokin weed today, but I wasn't technically "on probation" yet so they are going to expect my first test to have something in it right? I mean as long as its not heroin, and just weed I don't think it will be a huge deal.

Most people smoke up until they realize they are gonna be on probation right?

Ah, i hate probation! lol But i'm definately not gonna use this weekend! If i feel like it, i'm just gonna come to this thread and read all the kind words my friends here at bluelight had to make me feel so much better!

 

[drug_wench]

as usual....an essay!

gd on u holly!!!
i am so proud of u!
i actually had an inkling u really deep down wanted to b clean this much

i agree with eon - if u can handle smoking weed without going back to heroin (and without overdoing the weed) theres no problem - i luv weed and im proud to say it
dont worry about the drug tests - ur right, most ppl hav some THC in their systems wen they first go on probation for drugs....fuck it stays in ur system a long time
also remember ibuprofen and other substances show up as THC sometimes so this cud b used as an excuse (im sure ur allowed to take ibuprofen!)
and theres always the old magic detox kits u can buy from headshops that work for some ppl
but my point is....i wudnt worry

much luck to u
and u make me blush - of course i wudnt consider myself the 'best' mod but......thanks for ur kind words

draigan - thanks for the positive advice this time.....this is more like a typical draigan post....full of excellent ideas to stay healthy!

to whoever told swerz u shudnt jump off suboxone at 2mg - well evry time ive bn thru detox ive had to jump off at 2mg
sure theres some minor discomfort (mainly shaking, fatigue/depression, aching, RLS, insomnia and diarrhoea) but it is mild - nothing like the opioid wds u will hav grown accustomed to in the past
u just hav to ride it out
ideally its better to jump off at 1mg or 0.5mg but 2mg is wat ive always jumped off at and it hasnt killed me
again gd luck swerz - and evryone else coming down

day 3 of being on 50mg methadone today - tomorrow i hav the option of going up to 55mg but id rather get my serum levels checked first to see how im metabolising it
i dont feel my done isnt holding me - i feel perfectly normal on it - i just go into wd by about midnight
theyre only beginning wds, not full-blown - just a bit of shaking, aching, sneezing, yawning, dillated pupils and diarrhoea plus the desire to put a needle in my vein becomes very strong
i cud hav my levels put up but i dont want to if i dont hav to....i dont want to abuse the stuff or become over-sedated esp as im on diazepam as well

apparently some MMT clients need to take their dose twice a day and i may b one of those - so ill wait till the doctors checked my serum levels before going up

ive also had recent blood tests for my liver function as ive noticed since ive bn on methadone my pee has bn dark....almost a brown colour and my skins a bit yellowy like wen i had hepatitis
i dont hav any symptoms of hepatitis (apart from those) but something isnt right IMO and id like to know wat

oh yea and i relapsed on needle (with sterile water) use today dammit!
i think having the blood test and injecting methamphetamine reawoke the cravings and today my friend relapsed (crank) so i was upset
so i was shooting up and paul walked in on me

instead of getting upset as he usually wud he calmly asked if he cud hav a try having me inject him - this next bit cud b triggering for anyone who has a needle fixation so if u hav one, unless u can stay strong, plz dont read!

NSFW:

oh hell was i keen - anything to use a needle...and his veins r big and healthy
so i taught him like a proud mother how to swab his arm then i got him to tighten the tourniquet (yes he used mine but i dont hav anything - last blood test showed i hav bn exposed to hep C but dont hav the disease....anyway my tourniquet has no blood on it) and showed him how to attach the fit to the syringe, draw up the water from the vial, check for air bubbles, squirt a little out then slide the needle into his vein the right way, check that dark blood draws back into the fit then got him to release the tourniquet as i pushed down the plunger slowly
he agreed the water flowing up his vein felt refreshing and it even gave him a boner!

oh dear - i hope i havnt got my fiance into shooting.....water (he wont touch drugs apart from marijuana and the odd valium wen he cant sleep tho he wants me to give him like 2mg of my methadone wen im up for takeaways so he can 'try it'.......im not keen on introducing an anxiety-ridden ex-alcoholic who likes benzos a bit much to opioids! hes obviously a 'downer' person!
i dont want my needles or my methadone going 'missing' at any stage.....

 

[jigsawpuzzlepiece]

drug_wench sorry to hear about the needle use, but damn at least it was only water heh I mean what can you do? Some might see that as you getting closer and closer to your addiction but it can also help you keep your distance if its enough to satisfy your most intense cravings.

But the part about your fiance is a bit alarming. Obviously its good that you are with someone clean and who doesn't do any hard drugs. In fact that is an awesome position to be in! I would not share my methadone with him, or leave it out in front of him so hes tempted or anything like that. I know you know it but ex-alcoholic is prime target for opiate addiction.. but what he doesn't know can't hurt him! So don't be the one to give him a taste. Even tho 2mg of methadone probably wouldn't do much even to somebody with zero tolerance but why risk it?

 

[drug_wench]

i totally agree with evrything u say jigsaw - and glad u see it as not too much to worry about that i hit up with water
i knew i needed to keep my equipment just in case!

i wud never share my done with anyone - its my medication
anyway he was suggesting i put it up his vein....even more alarming
last thing we need is 2 opioid-addicted partners in a relationship

u always give gd advice mate

 

[paranoid android]

Ya i was a alcoholic way before i was addicted to opiates and it is way too easy to replace alcohol with opiates. I generally don't crave alcohol much at all (usually) when im on opiates plus i find opiates sort of block the alcohol high.

I would argue that alcoholism is worse then a opiate addiction but still it's not a good replacement.

 

[Frankie_Gee]

Oh yesss I have plenty of knowledge with the random drug testing, in fact I was one of the unlucky ones who after 1 year of random testing i failed so many tests that my probation officer finally had no choice but to sentence me to the maximum penalty of my crime, being it was only for a minor weed offense, they still had to max me out on jail time. I did 90 days in jail, and belive me, belive me you want to try and avoid jail at all costs i tell you this from the bottom of my heart. Jail is the most worst boring dirty low down creepy place you could ever be in and dont forget its loud and annoying also, just pure hell, so please w/e you do dont wind up sitting in that county jail like I did please do whatever it takes ok.

 

[chigrl25]

Suboxone is going generic in July!!!! That shit is sooo expensive, almost $200 a bottle. Thank goodness!