• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only

Status
Not open for further replies.
^hahahah caffeine made you want to relapse? Hmmmmmm :D

I'm sorry to hear that drug wench, but don't be too hard on yourself :( you have made so much progress you should be still be so proud of yourself! :) As you've said to me many a time all meth addicts have relapses, it's just part of the addiction, the important part is putting a stop to it, which it sounds like you have :) you are my inspiration on these boards <3
 
Last edited:
I want to get high. Seriously. I have not let loose or partied in so long. Too busy working and moving and so tired.

I just need to let off some steam.
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
you are my inspiration on these boards <3
Click to expand...

that means a lot to me hun <3
oneday ull get there too, i guarantee it - anyone who wants it enough will eventually get it and i know u want it

i can see how caffeine cud make u relapse if ur sensitive to it - some of those energy drinks, if i hav enough of them, feel like wen i was snorting speed
coffee, tea and soft drinks dont do shit-all tho, except give me a headache (caffeine gives me headaches)
i hav to admit im still a caffeine addict tho, headaches or not - i luv my energy drinks and my no-doz pills
diffrent things trigger diffrent ppl

paranoid android is right about benzos being perfect for RLS - however i always feel i hav to add, to b cautious, dont take the benzos for more than 2 weeks (the usual amount of time amphetamine withdrawal lasts)
if u relapse during this time, cease use of the benzos (i know theyre perfect for comedowns but...) cos otherwise u may become tempted to start the upper-downer cycle that gets so many ppl hooked on benzos

claire - u might want to ask ur doctor for a course of valium if ur becoming agitated
however, like i said, if u relapse, stop taking the valium!

im only physically addicted to valium - i hate it, does nothing for me - but its the worst drug ive ever experienced withdrawals from (and ive been thru heroin and alcohol withdrawals)

zeph - all i can say is just remember how shit it felt wen u were using, and how uve got ur old friends back cos u cleaned up....u dont want to lose that do u?
maybe u cud try no-doz to help u get thru work

thanks for all the words of kindness regarding my relapse - i havnt used since and dont plan on it
fuck that lifestyle!
 
I know how shit it is. Yet. I want. Its because I am drunk and sad that I am alone right now like I always was. I dont really want drugs. I want love. But love comes from another person and that is beyond my control. Speed is a rush I can have on my own and not rely on others. I wont go looking. I just crave so badly. :(
 
DW I'm sorry to hear of your relapse, but we're only human hun. You've come SO far and we are all so proud of you. You need to be proud of yourself for what you've acheived, not disappointed for the mistakes you've made.
You know how bad the crashes are, this is a reminder why you don't use anymore!!
Talk to Paul, he will help you through this hun. Don't do it again, you know you don't want to.
Much love sweetheart <3
 
dont worry about me, hun - paul and i hav talked it out and hes a gd listener
he saw a documentary on methamphetamine in rehab and learnt a lot about it so he understands my addiction a lot more now!

zeph, tbh im craving too - i also feel lonely
i hav paul at night but atm mavericks out of action with a sore mouth, as is the horse i train (milly) plus i feel like shit from being on valium for so long (nauseous and unmotivated) so i just feel like staying in bed all day
lately (since that puff really) ive bn thinking 'wudnt it b nice to hav meth back in my life so i can feel productive and motivated and stop caring that i cant eat!'

PM me if ur ever feeling lonely and want to chat - u know ull always get a reply with me! <3
 
zephyr said:
I want to get high. Seriously. I have not let loose or partied in so long. Too busy working and moving and so tired.

I just need to let off some steam.
Click to expand...

Don't do it hun, you'll feel worse than you do now. Think of the comedown, it won't be worth it. You're clean for a reason, and you chose to be clean, keep it that way :)
 
i bawled my eyes out today
my brother is addicted to meth
he uses evryday, its like watching myself all over again (but with the pipe)

hes so sick, i just wish i cud do something to help him
but the saddest thing about other ppls addictions is how fucking powerless we r over them! *sigh*

he always looked up to me - he tried pot, E, nitrous, salvia and LSD with me
i never advocated meth to him but sometimes i worry that he saw my addiction as a reason to start using himself
i dunno.......it doesnt help to think like that i know but u know how these destructive thoughts pop into ur head sometimes?
and then.....i want to use to take the pain away

vicious cycle
 
Last edited:
Sorry billfrist but that is probably more Drug Culture material, this is a thread not to preach about how amazing they are but the negatives that inevitably comes with excessive usage of meth/amphetamines. I'm just a little concerned that your post could possibly trigger someone as I know it would for me if I was attempting to abstain.

As for me.. I am still in the same place I always am. I am not even trying to quit anymore, everything that comes along with the lifestyle is making it hard to even consider leaving meth out of my place; the thought scares me. Like I am leaving behind a best friend, or a lover, who makes up part of me.
 
drug_wench said:
i bawled my eyes out today
my brother is addicted to meth
he uses evryday, its like watching myself all over again (but with the pipe)

hes so sick, i just wish i cud do something to help him
but the saddest thing about other ppls addictions is how fucking powerless we r over them! *sigh*

he always looked up to me - he tried pot, E, nitrous, salvia and LSD with me
i never advocated meth to him but sometimes i worry that he saw my addiction as a reason to start using himself
i dunno.......it doesnt help to think like that i know but u know how these destructive thoughts pop into ur head sometimes?
and then.....i want to use to take the pain away

vicious cycle
Click to expand...

I've never had a family member who uses meth - but I can imagine what my siblings and Mum go through.
Think about when you were using - did you want help?
Nobody will be able to get him off it unless he wants to.
It is very sad that we can't but you just have to try and be there for him, try and encourage him to take steps to change his behaviour, how much it is hurting you.
If anything your addiction would have deterred him, seeing how low you were toward the end, so sick.
Destructive thoughts are inevitable. It's how you deal with them.
Much love.<3
 
thanks claire - ur right about the destructive thought thing
and wen u ever do want help stopping, u know im always here for u
i know u can do it......maybe u just havnt quite hit that place in ur life

just try to take it easy and use as much harm reduction as poss
-sleep wen u can
-eat as much as poss (hard but sometimes u hav to force urself!)
-drink water at least on the hour
-take plenty of B vitamins and fish oil
-if u start experiencing psychosis, get urself to a hospital

and billfrist - claire is right
this isnt the thread for talking about how wonderful speed/meth is - if u keep using it at a rate of knots tho u may end up returning to this thread for help
then u will find a group of supporting ex-and-currently-using amphetamine addicts
till then, plz keep amphetamine worship to OD/DC/etc
 
This stuff doesn't make me happy the way it used to. It used to be if I was having a really shit day methamphetmine would make it OK... now if the days bad meth makes it bearable and if its really bad not even that. I don't even know what it would like then without it? I haven't tried to not do it for a day in about a week and a half, the longest I've gone is 10 hours or so. Fuck. It's not good when you don't remember the last day you were sober.
 
I think its because its always in your system now as opposed to giving your body a break from it.

Its now the norm. I got the same feeling,or lack of, when I used daily.

Last time I lapsed I had not used in about 8 weeks and the happy rush returned.

Except for 2 isolated lapses I have been clean for almost 5 months. I regret using daily. I regret my addiction.

If I had kept control and been a drug user as opposed to addict I could have still used it when I wanted.

I did not go sober to feel so bad. Just no energy, tired, and real low. My therapy is sort of ok. Just hate having to go. Its embarrassing.
 
I am an adult and should not have made the dumb decisions I did. Using meth to make me feel better and able to cope with daily life was just a really silly way to hide from issues.
 
^Yes but going to therapy and choosing to deal with them and live your life in a mature and healthy way shows you ARE a responsible and strong person... so you should not feel ashamed to be in therapy :)
 
I long for a shot of methamphetamine, but I can't muster the strength to bother, the psychosis and misery and addiction after years has destroyed the inner good in me, I can't even get my drug of choice, I don't want to anymore.
but I'm still just as miserable.
 
One slip, and down the hole we fall
It seems to take no time at all
A momentary lapse of reason
That binds a life for life
A small regret, you won’t forget,
There’ll be no sleep in here tonight

those r the words for anyone who has lapsed on speed/meth lately (Pink Floyd's 'One Slip')
ive bn trying not to beat myself up since i used but lately ive found it hard to give myself self-affirmations, ive bn crying a lot and i feel a lot of guilt and shame
to any of u out there going thru the same, u r not alone!

zeph - to address u first
hun, u may not know this but u r one of the ppl on this forum i most admire
uve fought a fucking whale of an addiction and more
if u cud only see wat i see - a compassionate but no-nonsense, loveable, wise woman who has made a mistake so many of us hav made - u wud b fucking proud of urself
try to remind urself how far uve come and try to stop beating urself up

mia - unfortunately meth will cease to make u feel ok
ill give it to u straight-up here
for me, in the end, it only just made me b able to get out of bed.....i was still so horribly depressed even on 3-4gm a day, there was nothing left of me
i was anything but ok
i hope u can do something about it before it gets to that point for u hun

gorgoroth - im also going to b straight-up with u
like u, ive bn a long-term meth addict, like u i used by IV, like u ive bn prescribed dexamphetamine for ADHD (although ive been taken off it atm so im totaly scattered and hav bn writing mammoth posts lately)
like u, i was miserable for ages after giving up meth
in general wen u give up meth the first, third and twelfth months r the hardest (for some reason) but in the end, so ive heard, if u dont relapse after a yr like i did it slowly starts to get better
PAWS for meth users that hav used for as long as we hav....well it can go on for 3-5 yrs
it takes a lot of guts to face that demon.....but ur doing it

try to find another adrenaline-increasing activity u enjoy - for me thats my work with horses
theres nothing like galloping after a deer with a rifle over the ranges off our family lodge/ranch, racing my friends along the beach at full blast, or competing at the ultimate adrenaline-seeking horse competitions - three-day events and show-jumping!

lately, as ive said in the opiate thread, since i got out of detox with a reawoken needle fixation (from shooting heroin not meth) ive taken to shooting sterile water
god its a full-on addiction, stupid as it sounds
my arms r all fucked - the veins r hardened and they roll in most places
a couple r ready to collapse
so ive started going into my legs and feet

ive got down to shooting twice a week now but i know i really need to stop
wen i inject the water i actually get a placebo rush (more like heroin than meth usually but lately since meths bn wat im craving meths bn wat the 'rush' is) - weird eh!

suboxones basically saving my life from heroin - i no longer even crave it
now can some pharmacologist please work on making a 'methamphetadone'?????
COS IM FUCKING SICK OF METHAMPHETAMINE CRAVINGS!!!!!
 
zephr-- I thought of this, counselor said to me a long time ago--

"You should never be ashamed of your drug addiction or feel you have to hide it in fear of losing respect, because you don't lose respect from becoming a drug addict. You lose respect when you realize you're a drug addict and chose to stay one."
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top