Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

[jaroben]

sigh. been on dope again for.. a couple weeks i think. maybe more. i've been putting off getting on suboxone again because of how shitty the w/ds are, even switching from h to suboxone. i was about to make the switch a few days ago, but ended up making a lot in tips at work, so i decided to go pick up a gram. by the time i had the dope in my possession, it had been 12 hours, and i was already puking and feeling shitty. don't know what to do.

on the bright side, i found out that there's a suboxone doctor 5 minutes from my house AND they accept insurance. I've been paying $150 out of pocket every month for a year, and it was 45 minutes away. I made an appointment at the new place, but had to cancel it because i hadn't gotten off dope yet.

 

[drug_wench]

i consider myself clean even tho im on suboxone - it doesnt actually get me 'high' as such, just relieves the cravings
ive certainly never snorted it or anything, just taken it the way im instructed (sublingually) - after all ive got a pharmacist watching me dose up anyway

as for the breathing thing, im an asthmatic and ive never bn able to snort anything for long without kicking it off
i can certainly empathise cos its a pretty nasty disease, one im battling with pretty majorly most nights atm 8( - but it seems if ur using H ur either snorting, smoking or shooting (the first 2 r lungbusters, the 3rd fucks ur veins.....i guess u hav to weigh up which is worse if ur going to use!)
hope u can all get to the point where u can recover a bit

christopher - i dont know if i actually hav hep C yet but there is a fair chance
luckily, as my bfs a recovering alcoholic and i already hav a partially damaged liver due to an encounter last time i relapsed on meth with hep B (yes i shot that disgusting shit too) i dont drink (well i was for a while but it was rare and in small amounts)
cheers for the info anyway

 

[the_ketaman]

Im really pissed off but ok at the same time, its weird but ill explain why.

I just spilled my last shot of oxycontin!!! I am so, so devastated about that but I got over it, so I figured ill micron filter some ritalin and have a tiny shot of that to get my rush for the night, I got everything done then I couldnt hit a being even though I swear I was in every time so eventually my syringe was full of blood and I didnt want it to coagulate I just pushed down not feeling any sting, look down and there a fucking huge lump on my arm, I obviously missed but usually that would sting like a bitch but it just felt normal. Maybe its coz it was micron filtered or something but im pissed off. At least I can still feel this xanax and the leftovers of my last rit and oxy shot but fuck, why did this have to happen, I feel sad that this happened more than anything, I could be nodding right now and have rit left for another day At least I have my trusty old weed but Id better not speak to soon, ill end up somehow fucking that up too

Shit!

 

[xxkcxx]

HE FINALLY ADMITTED IT!

(Names changed to protect)

Paul was the first person I smoked weed with. I asked if he could get me shrooms, but he couldn't but could get E. I was doing E with Paul every other day for 3 months. Paul was a junkie and had been for 5 years. After months of driving down to the tips with him and giving him A LOT of money for his habit, Paul got me to try it. I became a junkie.

Paul's BFF, Ron, was a junkie too. He got his straight laced 40 y/o gf to become a junkie. She paid for their habits before her 5 kids or bills. They are going to lose her house soon because of it. Paul always comments how he wishes Lacey had never met Ron because he ruined her with dope.

Now, I don't BLAME Paul for me being a junkie in a resentful way, but it did make me mad when he would say that about Ron and Lacey because I felt like he didn't realize that without him, I wouldn't have ever come near smack and my life wouldn't be the crap that it is (a lot of which he did directly contribute to by borrowing lots of money and not paying it back in a timely matter or at all).

Well, last night he admitted it.

He was dropping off bags and told me to tell him what I thought because he thought they were better than our other guy's but had smoked some rock with his friend Joe right before hand so he wasn't positive.

I'd been asking him to try rock even before I did dope with him and he always denied me because he actually got on the dope to get out of his crack addiction which he despised.

His response?

"For the last time--I am not giving you rock. I got you into dope and that was bad enough. I'm not going to be the one to give you crack."

*sigh*

This is what I have been waiting over a year for.

(Again, let me reiterate that I don't blame him, blame him, and if he hadn't always been saying that stuff about Ron and Lacey that directly applied to us as well, I wouldn't even care, so please no--"No one forced drugs up your nose!")

PS: Please check out my blog for another great thing that happened, that really is more a blog issue since it doesn't have to do with doing drugs really, but it has to do with this post in a way.

 

[placid space]

@xxkcxx
Why is him saying this so important to you ? Does it change anything ?

It's definitely better to use than the right one, except I feel like it gets stuffed up so much quicker. Nothing more frustrating than lines in front of you, but you can't blow it. 8)

What about you? You got any plans to stop? You use an inhaler or ever get prescribed anything from a doctor for your lungs?

Nothing for my lungs, I dont see why. I know what is the cause of it, i am just more careful.

And i would suggest you to never clear your nose with nose drops if you do that, those just mess your nose up and can result in permanent damage, plus the absorbtion of the drug is like halved, probabily more. What I do when I wake up with a stuffed nose and cannot snort is I start doing push ups or crunches for a while or whatever warms the body up (running or jumping up and down whatever) and your nose will clear in a minute or two (the more you warm the body up the more it clears up). Of course It will get stuffed again after a few minutes but it opens up enough to do a line. Though you do waste some powder with a stuffed nose and eventually you have to stop for a while to give your nose a break
Yea Im running out today of my supply and am not going to score a new g today. So Ill be off for the next 3 days cause my source is out of town for a couple of days so I wont have a chance. Next week I hope to possess enough willpower not to go and buy. I really have enough of this, basically thats why I even came on bluelight again, sometimes it helps me to put things in perspective by reading other posts and writing my own.

 

[QuasiStoned]

Im really pissed off but ok at the same time, its weird but ill explain why.

I just spilled my last shot of oxycontin!!! I am so, so devastated about that but I got over it, so I figured ill micron filter some ritalin and have a tiny shot of that to get my rush for the night, I got everything done then I couldnt hit a being even though I swear I was in every time so eventually my syringe was full of blood and I didnt want it to coagulate I just pushed down not feeling any sting, look down and there a fucking huge lump on my arm, I obviously missed but usually that would sting like a bitch but it just felt normal. Maybe its coz it was micron filtered or something but im pissed off. At least I can still feel this xanax and the leftovers of my last rit and oxy shot but fuck, why did this have to happen, I feel sad that this happened more than anything, I could be nodding right now and have rit left for another day At least I have my trusty old weed but Id better not speak to soon, ill end up somehow fucking that up too

Shit!

Oh god brother, that would suck! I remember once when I was pretty heavily addicted to poppy pods, I made a cup of tea using the last of my poppy pods. After going through the process of preparing it, I came extremely close to spilling the cup over! I almost screamed, I would've been so pissed if I spilled it!

 

[xxkcxx]

@xxkcxx
Why is him saying this so important to you ? Does it change anything ?

I sort of held a resentment toward him for not realizing what he accused Ron of doing is the same thing he did to me. He thought Ron was a dick for it, but I never knew if he realized it of himself.

Now, I know he does.

It's just nice to know.

*shrug*

ETA: I think if you really care about someone, you would have some sorrow, if not guilt, about introducing them to the thing that ruined your life and is now ruining their's. He's very quiet and introverted and doesn't share emotions, so it's one more clue about how close we are.

Of course, I told him that it wasn't his fault and he didn't force drugs on me, etc., etc. I don't WANT him to feel bad, I just kinda wanted to know if he did.

It sounds terrible when I put it that way, but I don't have the evil intentions it sounds like.

 

[Swerlz]

Coming back from relapse withdrawal. Insides hurt like hell.. but i guess that's what i get for fucking with the those lil blueberry yum yums. I should of learned my first time experiencing this garbage.

Fuck is this sickness insane.. I mean you have to be fucked-in-the-head to know what the outcome is going to be, know its gonna be bad, i mean real bad. Yet you still go ahead and go through with it. Fuck.

 

[Carl Landrover]

Nothing for my lungs, I dont see why. I know what is the cause of it, i am just more careful.

And i would suggest you to never clear your nose with nose drops if you do that, those just mess your nose up and can result in permanent damage, plus the absorbtion of the drug is like halved, probabily more. What I do when I wake up with a stuffed nose and cannot snort is I start doing push ups or crunches for a while or whatever warms the body up (running or jumping up and down whatever) and your nose will clear in a minute or two (the more you warm the body up the more it clears up). Of course It will get stuffed again after a few minutes but it opens up enough to do a line. Though you do waste some powder with a stuffed nose and eventually you have to stop for a while to give your nose a break

Why wouldn't you need something prescribed? I could know the cause of having pneumonia, but it doesn't mean I could get through it without some type of medication. When my lungs get bad, I NEED the albuterol inhaler to help catch my breath and I've been prescribed avelox to help clear the congestion out of my chest. It definitely makes the phlegm/sputum/mucus come up easier. It's not like you immediately get rid of the congestion when you stop. At least I don't. I've still got stuff coming up and I've only used once in the last 19 days.

The only time I ever use a nosespray is when I'm done snorting for the night and try to not have it dry up in my nose, if that even makes sense. Similar to you, I do some simple exercise to clear my nose up. I usually go for pushups, even hopped out of my car and randomly did them in parking lots a couple of times.

 

[xxkcxx]

^ Carl, check your PMs.

 

[Carl Landrover]

I feel like I hog this thread or something, but I have no where else to vent. I guess I should open up a journal on here, though I'm not sure how to anymore.

I hate how when something shitty happens I feel like it's an excuse to go use smack. My day did a complete 360 and now alls I want to do is go score something. I feel like I have enough common sense and time away to resist, which is why I want to get really drunk right now, just so I could talk myself into picking something up.

If I don't get anything, then I wish I could just punch people in the face...fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, and fuck you. Peace, I'm out.

 

[eon_blue]

Coming back from relapse withdrawal. Insides hurt like hell.. but i guess that's what i get for fucking with the those lil blueberry yum yums. I should of learned my first time experiencing this garbage.

Fuck is this sickness insane.. I mean you have to be fucked-in-the-head to know what the outcome is going to be, know its gonna be bad, i mean real bad. Yet you still go ahead and go through with it. Fuck.

Repeating the same actions and expecting different results is the definition of insanity my friend. You definitely aren't alone there

 

[xxkcxx]

Let's see...


Got a good amount of dope yesterday, it was only going to be mt 2nd bag after a 5-day period of sobriety and already I felt bad in my lungs, chest, throat, and nose.

This morning, I'm pretty much plugged up in one nostril, and strangely the OUTSIDE of my nose is red and sensitive.

I probably going to bang at least one of these.

 

[null_null]

this is my first post in this thread i think.

im on methadone since august '08, had a few relapses
since then but most recently the cravings seem to
vanish completly which makes life so much easier
for me. i even stopped smoking weed three weeks
ago. last time i shot heroin was 4-5 weeks ago
if i remember correctly.

i planned to go to a 6month rehab in march but instead
of that i applied for school in which im doing great so far.
ill be going to detox the methadone during the summer
holidays, trying to live completly without opiates.

 

[QuasiStoned]

Fuck is this sickness insane.. I mean you have to be fucked-in-the-head to know what the outcome is going to be, know its gonna be bad, i mean real bad. Yet you still go ahead and go through with it. Fuck.

I know it dude, it's insane. I guess it's the temptation of the high really, I know for a fact that the withdrawals are god awful and I never want to experience them again, but I just want to experience that euphoric bliss once more...

 

[Swerlz]

I know it dude, it's insane. I guess it's the temptation of the high really, I know for a fact that the withdrawals are god awful and I never want to experience them again, but I just want to experience that euphoric bliss once more...

And that's my problem, I want that cliche "one more" and I'll be ok. But sadly it doesn't work like that. Deep down, I know this can and will be my downfall if I continue down this downward spiral.

 

[xxkcxx]

^ Right, I always used to try the "Sunday will be my last day" or "I'll cop X many and when they run out, I'm done."

A year and a half later and yeah, has not worked out so well.

 

[Carl Landrover]

I think I took a big step tonight.

My girl knows I used to use, but she thinks I've been clean since October 2006. Shameful I know.

Anyways, I told her tonight that I've been really stressed and have been craving it lately. She got really upset and was worried that I was going to start using again. She said early on she'd only break up with me if I cheated on her or went back to drugs.

It was nice to be able to talk about it with someone and to be able to hold on to what I could potentially lose.


Sometimes I can't believe how much I already fucked up.

 

[drug_wench]

carl, that was a big step
i dont know if ull ever tell her the truth or even if u shud if ur planning to do something about it anyway
but it took guts and i want to acknowledge u for that

why cant those test results get back? im losing a lot of sleep over them!

 

[xxkcxx]

I think I took a big step tonight.

My girl knows I used to use, but she thinks I've been clean since October 2006. Shameful I know.

Anyways, I told her tonight that I've been really stressed and have been craving it lately. She got really upset and was worried that I was going to start using again. She said early on she'd only break up with me if I cheated on her or went back to drugs.

It was nice to be able to talk about it with someone and to be able to hold on to what I could potentially lose.


Sometimes I can't believe how much I already fucked up.

That is a big step. How long have you been together? What did you say to her when she said she was worried you would start using again?

Do you think this makes you more likely to actually quit since not she might be looking for signs that you are?


DW

How is Paul doing? Anything new with his case?