Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Here it is. Very strong trip for me. It was a trip I came back to the psychedelic world with (before that I had just done the classics and explored a bit with 5-meo-DMT from JLF). It breaks my heart to read the gentle words of this little guy...things were so much simpler 2 years ago for me. Some things have happened in 2008 which have really changed my consciousness. I still love life...but life is...much different now than it was then.
samadhi smiles said:DOSE: T+ 0:00 5 g oral Syrian Rue (extract)
T+ 0:25 68 mg oral DMT (capsule)
Here is a trip report wherein I dosed 1.36mg/kg of DMT combined with a MAOI (syrian rue). I have a few reasons for writing this trip report. Primarily, it acts as a way for me to synthesize the experience as well as provide information to those who may be researching using this combination.
There were a few aspects of my trip that stood out to me, in retrospect, in comparison to similar trip reports I have read online. First, the onset of the trip was extremely rapid (less than 15 minutes). Second, there were extreme and persistent auditory hallucinations that would characterize the first 90 minutes of the trip. These two points may be of interest to somebody. Then there were more common aspects which should be noted up front - extreme open/closed eye visuals, separation from body and mind, trouble focusing on tasks, vomiting, gas, etc.
Before I get into the actual trip report, I should provide some quick background details. I am a moderately experienced (so to speak) psychedelic user. I've used mushrooms and LSD approximately 30-40 times, 5-meo-dmt two times, and MDMA a handful of times. This would be my first time trying DMT and also my first time experiencing a psychedelic in over four years.
Set: My mindset is positive and happy. I spent the afternoon preparing myself, gathering supplies together, listening to music, chatting to a friend on the phone, spending some time in meditation, etc.
Setting: A fairly remote ~10 acre horse pasture. I am familiar with this area and knew it was very unlikely that I would be disturbed. The horses were pretty far from me, a quarter mile or more. My trip took place on a west-facing slope, with the late afternoon sun shining, hunkered down in an enclosed nook of grass/flowers. The dosing began at 5:30pm (the sun, at this time of year, sets around 7:30pm).
T+0:00: I drink the syrian rue extract - tastes bitter but is manageable. I get up, and walk towards the horses and feed them bits of grass while I wait for the MAOI to take effect.
T+0:20: I am noticing the first effects of the MAOI - sedation and a mild body buzz. It is neither pleasant nor unpleasant. Slight bit of gas.
T+0:25: The DMT goes down the hatch, in a capsule. I am definitely feeling the MAOI effects now – a drugged narcotic feeling, minus any euphoria.
T+0:30: I burp and taste what I guess is the DMT. Pretty foul and my stomach turns but nothing drastic.
T+0:35: I am noticing visual distortion - grasses and flowers are waving back and forth in the air very strangely. They will wave as with the wind (this was a calm day) and then start vibrating very uniformly. I am surprised I am feeling the effects this soon. I check my watch and notice that I still have control over mental functions. I take my pulse very quickly and it comes out to be 75 (my resting pulse is 60).
T+0:40: I hear someone say out loud, 'Wow!' and realize it is my voice. Green and orange patterns are starting to spiral out of the sky. There is a brief moment of panic/anxiety. I focus on my breathing, noticing how deep and long it takes for just one breath to cycle through.
T+0:50: I am now fully tripping. Colors around me are furious, mad, spiraling, pulsing. I remember green and orange the most vividly (these are colors I most often have experienced on LSD/psilocybin, or perhaps these two colors I just tend to focus on in the throes of intense visuals). I also remember blue diamonds embedded, deep inside these orange/green spirals. I had been thinking earlier about the structure of galaxies, spirals, discs, etc. The spiral pattern was the most prevalent of the visuals. A persistent and extremely loud auditory hallucination begins. Buzzing and ringing - like high voltage electricity or insects perhaps. A bit of stereophonic accompaniment to the visual patterns – the buzzing would sometimes pulse in time with the visuals a la weird dissonant techno music. This continued for approximately 30 minutes off and on and then left to not return.
T+0:55: This phase of the trip was a rocky settling in to the experience. For a little while I will admit I did not feel welcome in this strange, strange DMT land. I felt the question was posed to me, “what the fuck are you doing here?”
T+1:00: It is a little scary. I'm forgetting what it is like to not be experiencing this. Without thinking, I rock forward and projectile vomit, very hard, multiple times. I vomit on my hands and on my feet. I begin thinking about the nature of thought and cognition (a field I've been studying recently). I am grasping onto this idea of what it is like the moment before a concept is retrieved/accessed in one's mind. I begin thinking of myself as composed of only physical matter. I realize the concepts I have physically exist in front of me (they resemble colorful bubbles). Things were not exactly firing as normal in my brain (to say the least, right!). I was caught in a cycle of arising thoughts that I can’t even exactly remember what they were now. A thought would begin to form, then dissipate, and then begin to form again, over and over.
T+1:30: At this point these time estimates are only a guess. I tried, and failed, to check my pulse and then I tried and failed to check the time on my watch. I was still experiencing quite a bit of intense open eye patterns. But at this point I could more clearly see physical reality around me, but just could not process it. Strangely enough, my sense of feel was much more sharp and I could function, as if blind, by feeling for the zipper of my backpack and opening it up to retrieve a jacket (by this time the temperature had dropped to maybe 55 degrees). Here began a very complex part of my trip that I don't quite understand now. I started focusing on the theme of Warmth and the need I had for it. I was a little chilled, probably, but nothing drastic enough to necessitate this dwelling of my thoughts. This idea of Warmth came to represent safety and familiarity to me. I remember curling up into a fetal position (before I managed to execute the task of opening my backpack and retrieving my jacket) and experiencing Warmth, eyes closed, patterns assaulting. This was not altogether unpleasant. It was like a great discovery - Yes! Warmth exists!
T+2:00: I am still tripping very hard but things are more manageable. With my jacket on my problem of Warmth is solved and also I discover my water bottle and drink some water, which helps the vomit taste in my mouth go away. At some point here (or was it before) I spent a large chunk of time with my eyes closed, lost in the incredibly detailed and overwhelming visual patterns.
T+2:30: Here begins perhaps the most beautiful part of my trip. I finally figure out how to lay back and look up at the stars, which have been out for a little while now. They are beautiful, sparkling, and swirling. Their sheen is a light, translucent pink and I am in complete awe at reality. I sit up and look behind me and realize I am 'looking back' at my childhood and begin crying very hard for a few minutes. For the first time in the trip I begin thinking about my family, who I am very close to. I imagine each member, focus on our relationship, and cry a bit more.
T+2:40: Laying back down and focusing on the stars I start to see them descend lower and come toward me. One drops down onto the ground beside me and I feel a very close affinity toward it. I begin crying again.
T+3:00: My open-eyed visual field is still very distorted, things are bending and waving, especially if I stare at them long enough. My general process of sight is still not functioning. I get up and stumble around the pasture, stepping into horse shit, crashing through stands of tall grass and encountering trees (which I took some time touching and feeling before I understood what they were). I never find the group of horses, which I was vaguely searching for (which is all well and good because they were probably sleeping and did not want to be contacted by a DMT-bemused wild-child!). I do find tiny little luminescent bugs in the grass. I initially think these are stars scattered around the grass but I spend enough time looking at one to realize that it is probably a bug and not a star (or a piece of a star).
T+3:30: I am still very much 'under the influence' and drugged, my coordination is off and I stumble more than walk straightly (although if I concentrate on my balance I can master it). But, the visual distortions have subsided. I probably could of dealt with talking with another person (or so I thought at the time at least), but I would have preferred not to. I head toward my truck and finally arrive at it and sit inside listening to Vivaldi for about 20 minutes or so. I turn off the music and crawl into the back and pile a couple sleeping bags up on top of me and lay there thinking about my life. I originally planned to sleep out under the stars, but find I am much more secure and comfortable in my truck, snuggled under lots of material. I actually don't fall asleep for some 5 more hours, drifting in and out of thoughts, emotions, and body sensations.
T+8:30: I wake up, urinate outside, eat a peanut butter sandwich, and drift back to sleep until the glorious sun rises and illuminates the world.
Conclusion: This was a very strong trip for me. I think a lot of subtle things happened to me during the course of the more overt and obvious drug-like effects. How strange it is to return to the intense world of psychedelics after four years of largely not even considering them! DMT is uniquely its own thing, as others have said, which definitely should be treated with respect and consideration. I mentioned that during part of the trip I did not feel entirely welcome in the DMT space. I will be curious, then, to experiment with smoking DMT in a more controlled/stabile environment to see if I can become more familiar with the world and the methods one can go about interacting with that which inhabits it.
~Peace and Love~
ugh
, Hiking trips in the mountains with a head full of L almost every weekend, and just feeling so alive and happy, it was like i was falling in love with life all over again.
