I know it is all temporary, but I'm stuck between wishing I had no responsibility and could just use as much and whenever I want and wishing that I never wanted to use again.
Sounds like the majority of my days lately.
I wrote a post on the talk to yourself thread in the lounge last night, and I meant to write something here, since it would be more appropriate here. I was nodding way too hard last night to focus.
I'm taking a break from BL. It's not going to solve anything, but I'd like to think I'd think about drugs a little less.
I'm tired of coming on here and bitching about how I want to stop, then just going out and using. I really have a problem and I'm really having difficulty in stopping.
I just want to thank everyone for any advice/kind words that have helped me out in the last couple of months.

I hope you all can find the happiness you're looking for.
I know I'm not going to find it in dope, I just have to cut it and other opiates/opioids out for a while and get my head back on straight so I can find that happiness once again.
Shortly before the initial relapse that has lead me to where I am today, I remember thinking that it was the happiest I'd been in a long time. It was a sober happy too.

I miss that and I hope to feel it one day again.
Good luck everyone, much love. I'll be back eventually, hopefully sober....'with God's help I'll conquer this terrible affliction'.
