Every time I took meth during a period of about 5 months I was convinced that I was stuck in a 'game' that my friends had created. It was up to me to observe, analyse, understand and then finally break out of it before things would return to normal. A lot of it was based on rhthym; everything seemed out of sync. It was literally as though something had clicked out of place and everyone was following a different beat to what they would usually be following.
The time spent with my friends was torture for both me and them. I was acting so irrationally, thinking that they were dropping clues into conversations to solve the game. I hung on to every word they said knowing that on the surface they were bullshit stories, but it was up to me to piece together all these hidden meanings. I thought they were controlling the lights, the temperature, hiding in some other part of the house making these strange animal noises... Hired actors to walk past the window at certain times and asked the neighbours to drive out of their driveway in this shit bomb of a car that was falling the fuck apart.
It didn't help that I have pretty crazy friends... One time I was rolling a joint and this guy threw exploding FIREWORKS at me! And another time I had a nang in the darkness of the loungeroom and suddenly jumped out of my skin when I realised I was in the middle of a WAR ZONE. I could hear mothers screaming with their children and all these bombs and tanks were exploding everywhere. This was actually some trippy CD that was turned on really loud and it is the biggest head fuck ever. Everything loops and just doesn't match up. One minute you're in a circus, the next listening to this person singing things which sound like words but actually aren't. Crazy.
I also thought that my friends were controlling the birds like puppets, because they were flying in the strangest ways and doing backflips, but repeatedly. One stared right at me and moved it's head from side to side like they do in American movies when they say 'What-EVER!' Whenever I went to the toilet I thought my friends were all laughing at me because I couldn't piss and were waiting outside listening.
The thing is I never once thought I was paranoid. Even when I went home I still thought that they were the reason everything was not normal. On the train I was convinced that everyone was trying to trick me into getting off and following them. And I did! I hopped off at some random station and tried to follow these people until I realised that they were leading me in the wrong direction! As I was walking home from the station, the same cars with the same drivers kept appearing everywhere. And when I actually got home I thought my friends had followed me there. I could hear their voices around my house and spent so long sitting by my window trying to figure out if they were in this car across the road. My fuckin neighbour freak was in the garden and I knew she was in on it too. I looked out my window and she was hacking into the soil with an axe like a strange, possessed robot. I was begging my sister (who I believed was in on it too) to please tell me if my friends had called her to be a part of this. My mum kept saying things like "Ok I'll give you 2 more tries, I want to see if you can get it." I thought I had to continue the off-beat pattern and she was trying to help me figure it out.
The funniest part was when I logged onto bluelight and was convinced that my friends had somehow set up a false site and EVERY SINGLE post was directed to ME and related to the 'game'. I spent hours and hours reading whatever I could because there were all these 'clues' in it to help me break out.
Another time I was writing a message to a different friend and suddenly I looked down at my arm and it was absolutely HUGE, swollen and red. I had been pressing the keys so hard and holding my arm in the air for 2 whole hours!!
It took me a long time to realise that this was all in my head, and now when I look back at it was like I was a paranoid schizophrenic. I would spend so long 'researching' on the internet things like quantum mechanics thinking that my friends had used these theories to create the game. Everytime someone said something to me I would try to link it back but everyone was trying to tell me something different. I thought I had to act certain ways which lead me to doing crazy things like... weird dancing, yell, don't talk etc. I wrote pages and pages and pages about this. The hardest part was lying in bed not knowing what was real. But not just the game part, my whole life. I questioned all my friendships, truly believing that everytime I had seen them (in the whole of my life) they had been acting falsely. It was all a game.
It's something I'll remember for a long time, definitely a turning point in my life.... All I can really do is look back and say 'LOOOSSER!'
The time spent with my friends was torture for both me and them. I was acting so irrationally, thinking that they were dropping clues into conversations to solve the game. I hung on to every word they said knowing that on the surface they were bullshit stories, but it was up to me to piece together all these hidden meanings. I thought they were controlling the lights, the temperature, hiding in some other part of the house making these strange animal noises... Hired actors to walk past the window at certain times and asked the neighbours to drive out of their driveway in this shit bomb of a car that was falling the fuck apart.
It didn't help that I have pretty crazy friends... One time I was rolling a joint and this guy threw exploding FIREWORKS at me! And another time I had a nang in the darkness of the loungeroom and suddenly jumped out of my skin when I realised I was in the middle of a WAR ZONE. I could hear mothers screaming with their children and all these bombs and tanks were exploding everywhere. This was actually some trippy CD that was turned on really loud and it is the biggest head fuck ever. Everything loops and just doesn't match up. One minute you're in a circus, the next listening to this person singing things which sound like words but actually aren't. Crazy.
I also thought that my friends were controlling the birds like puppets, because they were flying in the strangest ways and doing backflips, but repeatedly. One stared right at me and moved it's head from side to side like they do in American movies when they say 'What-EVER!' Whenever I went to the toilet I thought my friends were all laughing at me because I couldn't piss and were waiting outside listening.
The thing is I never once thought I was paranoid. Even when I went home I still thought that they were the reason everything was not normal. On the train I was convinced that everyone was trying to trick me into getting off and following them. And I did! I hopped off at some random station and tried to follow these people until I realised that they were leading me in the wrong direction! As I was walking home from the station, the same cars with the same drivers kept appearing everywhere. And when I actually got home I thought my friends had followed me there. I could hear their voices around my house and spent so long sitting by my window trying to figure out if they were in this car across the road. My fuckin neighbour freak was in the garden and I knew she was in on it too. I looked out my window and she was hacking into the soil with an axe like a strange, possessed robot. I was begging my sister (who I believed was in on it too) to please tell me if my friends had called her to be a part of this. My mum kept saying things like "Ok I'll give you 2 more tries, I want to see if you can get it." I thought I had to continue the off-beat pattern and she was trying to help me figure it out.
The funniest part was when I logged onto bluelight and was convinced that my friends had somehow set up a false site and EVERY SINGLE post was directed to ME and related to the 'game'. I spent hours and hours reading whatever I could because there were all these 'clues' in it to help me break out.
Another time I was writing a message to a different friend and suddenly I looked down at my arm and it was absolutely HUGE, swollen and red. I had been pressing the keys so hard and holding my arm in the air for 2 whole hours!!
It took me a long time to realise that this was all in my head, and now when I look back at it was like I was a paranoid schizophrenic. I would spend so long 'researching' on the internet things like quantum mechanics thinking that my friends had used these theories to create the game. Everytime someone said something to me I would try to link it back but everyone was trying to tell me something different. I thought I had to act certain ways which lead me to doing crazy things like... weird dancing, yell, don't talk etc. I wrote pages and pages and pages about this. The hardest part was lying in bed not knowing what was real. But not just the game part, my whole life. I questioned all my friendships, truly believing that everytime I had seen them (in the whole of my life) they had been acting falsely. It was all a game.
It's something I'll remember for a long time, definitely a turning point in my life.... All I can really do is look back and say 'LOOOSSER!'
