Hello. I’ve been in the shadows of BL for a long time. Learning, and ultimately looking for the same thing you are. I did however go the distance and went out in search of that boy we all knew so well. Where on earth has he gone to!? Certainly not here in the Midwest where he used to frequent the major cities and small towns. All I’ve found is the same thing that everyone here talks about, and I call her “Fenny” but she should be more aptly named as something closer to the truth like; “Bringer of Death.” No euphoria or warm fuzzy “mommy hugs” like that boy used to bring. We share a lot in common. I am also in my 40’s and have a nice life. Being out there and “playing the game” with these new age DD’s is about as reckless as one can get, but like you I desire that old connection so desperately that I started finding myself in the nittiest and grittiest places, asking the same question we used to ask. “You fuck with that boy?” And I get led to a spot where I inevitably get what is not at all what I want. Oh don’t get me wrong, I deff tried it. Kinda had to after all that work, right? So there I was with a brand new setup, and doing the initial test loads. Hmmm, so there is a feeling that this new girl in town “Fenny” has that isn’t really describable. It’s kinda just like falling asleep, then waking up. No nod. No warmth. Just a small prick, a push of a plunger, and then sleep. Now don’t get me wrong, I love sleep. And if it’s done correctly, I found I can nod for awhile which I also like. Soooo, I got a steady supply and dove down a rabbit hole because I’m an addict and that’s what addicts do.
The thread is about looking for an old friend, and I haven’t forgotten that. I’m just giving you the rundown of what happened with my travels to find exactly what you are looking for. I’ve had several dozen different colored bags of what people now call heroin, and it is not by any means heroin. Not even the tar I scored was actually tar. It’s exactly what others have told you it will be; Fenny and her friends who are a mixture of substances that basically knock you out. It does however have incredible pain reduction capabilities and lasts quite awhile. For me that was nice since I live in constant pain, and can’t get anything decent for it from the doctor anymore without going through the maze. It’s unreal how hard it is to get opiates anymore. Legally, or otherwise. Trust me, I’ve tried to get it any way I could. I don’t know about you, but it kinda feels like looking for love for me. I miss that feeling so fucking much! Like you, I was in my 20’s when we all had access to either good pharmaceuticals, or #4 on the street. “Afghan Gray” was what I got back then. Also called “raw” and it was indeed TT raw! Most people had to cut it with Dorm just to blast a “tenth” or it would send them to the ER on an O.D. or to the dumpster from the trap. I’m still on topic, just follow me as I tell the story.
A man in his 40’s out there in the streets, looking for true H with a pocket full of money and nothing better to do has spent literally thousands of dollars on “Boy” that is not a boy at all, but that’s what everyone still calls it. They call Fent the same shit they called heroin back then and that makes the journey to find it very, very confusing. I’ve traveled all over the damn place, being told each time that this guy has what I’m looking for. I get excited. I feel like I gotta shit every time I get something that resembles what I used to know. Get home, test it, and fuck me if it ain’t fent again. I thought for sure St.Louis would be the spot…nope. So Kansas City will have the tar…nope. Now I’m to the point where I’m literally plotting on going out of the country to get what I want. I mean, surely Mexico will have it, right? Maybe if I go into the golden triangle somewhere…Asia? Bad idea. All bad ideas.
I unfortunately don’t know how to do the “dark web” thing and even if I did I just feel like I’d end up in jail or something.
I know why it’s like this. It’s pretty easy to figure it all out. We are no longer at war in the Middle East, and that means that all of those transport vessels can no longer supply the nation. It’s around, like people here say, but finding it is either going to be pure luck, or taking the risks of the dark web, traveling to someplace quite unsavory that may lead you to a grave in the desert, or being kidnapped for ransom.
So I said fuck it and started methadone. It’s as close as I can get, and keeps me out of the streets. Is it close to what we want? Not even. It does help with cravings though, which will NEVER go away. I hate it. I hate that I can’t have that feeling I want. It’s not fair.
So I ranted a bit. I guess I just wanted to tell someone else who was experiencing the same thing I was to understand what it looks like if you go out and try to find what you’re looking for. I don’t know about you, but I didn’t have any luck. Maybe you will, or maybe this will stop you from going out and trying to find it because I can tell you for certain that it is extremely dangerous out there now. I consider myself lucky that nothing bad happened to me on my journey to find that boy. I still have hope though lol. I hope that one day I can score myself a good oz of some actual #4 TT raw. I swear I would make it last!
