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To do, or not to do.

streaM Freak

streaM Freak

Sr. Moderator: H&R, LAVA, S&T
Staff member
Joined
Aug 20, 2024
Messages
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Location
East Coast USA
It is what it is.. I've relapsed on the 3 major drugs that I used to abuse. This does not count weed, and alcohol I've been dry for almost 2 years now. For the others, it was 2021 that I stopped touching them.

Here is my main issue: my life. Well not all of it, but I still haven't found my footing with a job. A job, job, job. Blah blah blah. I had probably 20 at this point. Grocery stores, chain restaurants, pet stores, private corporations, a bank, teaching.. about 6 of them I walked out on. Just decided I'd be more happy not at work.. and that always put me in a tough spot financially , but often that sense of urgency motivates me.

Of the 20 about 6 or 7 I walked out on (after writing a friendly email, thanks but no thanks take care), and two I was forced to leave (unexcused long term medical leave and workplace violence). Im a hard worker when I have a reason to be / am sufficiently challenged / have a mission that requires my full attention, but I also can get bored of a simple routine or answering to a manager who uses me as their golden goose but is otherwise stupid - those two situations account for the main reasons behind leaving those 6 jobs.

I had a privileged upbringing, but after homelessness from mental health and legal issues that my parents "helped out" by using the old tough-love technique of not allowing me to live with them, I became far less materialiatic and in a way really enjoyed my autonomy and exploration with many drugs that I had not tried before.

Now here is the current situation: I have a phone screening with somewhere that I've wanted to work for the last decade, in a couple weeks.. I'd say the only career that I've always wanted to do. And by the way ,you would think I'm even more crazy than you already do if you knew to what lengths it took me to get this phone screening (it wasn't malicious or illegal, it was just taking unusually bold initiative - something I've been doing for those past 10 years of interest).

Like I said I've (recently) relapsed, but have that phone screening (not even an interview..) coming up. This is the biggest fork in the road I think I've ever faced because of how drastically different the outcomes might be.

So Bluelight.. what do I do here. Do I fully recognize my love for autonomy and letting my crazy side out in a world where I resent many social expectations and don't subscribe to the system, or do I put my entire effort into locking down what I think would be the best opportunity I have at fitting IN to the system with a job id likely love and thrive at but having to suppress that desire for autonomy and wild side.

I believe I've done a good job integrating my "shadow self" so I have really good self control these days, but I just don't have a crystal ball (no pun intended) to see which path has the outcome that gives me the most happiness.
 
I'm at a very similar crossroads.

I'm considering the fuck it route and getting more involved rather than staying with the BS of having a boss and playing the game.

issues are always is risk v reward v happiness, I personally don't want to take risks so that limits my options.

thankfully as I've got older the materialistic side of me has reduced to almost nothing.

What I would say for you @streaM Freak is this isn't a 1 way door for you, it sounds like you have an opportunity to give something a try that might be as good at it gets within the system, what do you have to loose by giving it a try? if it's not right for you or not good enough, just quit, only thing you've lost is the time you've invested

though time is the most precious thing we have....that would help guide me, but my north star is the same as you, I'm looking to maximise happiness
 
Yeah @streaM Freak it seems to me from what you have said that you are an "unusual" ( ha!) person who doesn't fit in well with structure and social expectations, yet at the same time are someone with a shitload of passion and drive and ability to offer in the right circumstances. You want a job that fits you, not just because of financial need ( though, yeah, we all have that).
You have identified a job that you really think is what you want and you made all this effort to try to get a chance at it. That sounds great! It also sounds like you are afraid of failure or disappointment? Well, wtf, as others have said, you can always quit if it disappoints, and there are always other unknown job options in the future yet to be present themselves
Somewhere there is a perfect niche for you, or a series of niches, I'm sure of that. Might as well try this, it sounds ideal, you wanted it.
( Now the relapse, well dunno what to tell you but there was a reason you quit before. Does it still apply?)
 
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Hey, I’m a little curious about the teaching gig you had lined up? You asked for advice so advice I will give. There is a lot to the saying “To your own self be true” I believe if you are anything like most of us here, you have already made up your mind. Not preaching at all but read my response to question about the soul in spirituality forum. Basically the inner nucleus self automatically guides you to what you want and need. It protects you, keeps you safe etc.
to your own self be true….listen
M!$TER-ED
 
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It's Dark in here I guess.


Sry.


Broh just work. Explore the Uncharted. Damn I really have full confidence in your abilities so much.

And capability as well. It's just the fit that you have find that you want to be doing with it somewhere.
I know, I'm the Poster wild of the wall of text now. Sorry again. I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to say, Boldly go out there again. Civilization needs you.


chemistry would be a good one r they hiring. teaching it.

Oh and I forgot that you're bi-polar. Are you.

I get so emotional. Omg, I'm just a Dork. Dorky dork.
Now everyone is going to read this but so what because

I care about you and how you should be in a position

that you deserve too.


YVQGvBw.jpeg



Yeah, join an enterprise venture maybe. lol. Bye.

It's just so deep in here for me. Always. I know that you are serious but so am I. hehe

That's intense.

And I'm out. ( of ideas ) You mad, Broh !!!!

I better retreat into my retirement for the night. wink wink

bye again.


Maybe you went to work somewhere. Or maybe you will be back

and post again. That is it for me now.
 
Ki3ly said:
See the thing is ... to find that job or a job that no one else can do. The impossible. A job that no one else likes or can do.

And the thing is ... in the managerial position. Not anything else. You're better. They need you. Do what you can to get there first and foremost and I know that you

have empathy but just leave that out at first. Most of it. Do good for a year, and after preliminary probation period is over do

the best job ever that you can. Show it ! And do it better than all the rest of them. The Best Ever. Remember when your

boss yelled at you. Show them. Show them and everyone us all that you are so much better than that. And

the thing is ... no b.s. work. Managerial position from now on .... right off the bat !!! Because it's your calling as in

please we need you. And be The Change. See what they those basterds did to you. they gaslit the dignity right
off of you because they were Jealous. You look too good and you are a human being. Not Machiavellian. They made you vulnerable. They tore you apart for it.
And then Don't get nervous ( like they did to you like that. )

However, it's normal to be nervous at first. And everyone always does and is always anyway.

You just get used to it. Numb. It's automatic or you just .... compartmentalize it. However the catch is you

need to look for this job while you already have a job anywhere. Even if it's one day a week and the rest is

support. And while you are working anywhere, always be hunting like they always are.

Then when you interview tell them that you want to move up improve and make more money than your current

employment. Or state this in your own way how you yourself YOU would. People change jobs for this reason always.

And then when you finish that first year and get through all of the love and holidays, then go and do it right now after you work a year and start to read the room.

The Good Person Healthy Way whenever possible, try to always. Anyway. If you're even really worried about it.

It's a job. You go home after 8 or 10 hours or on the weekend. Maybe. It's a Job. That's why it's called work.

And you get Paid. Take the night shift. Work the evenings. Get a job where you can work alone. That always worked best for me. And I always did, or isolated at least. Or weekend fill-ins. Like the weekend news updates. lo.

That's why they call it work but you can even get paid to work in air-conditioning if you find the right spot !!

I mean look you did it here. You know. You have to find that fit. Or you just move to other places ( openings ) then.

See you are Sr already and doing something that no one else or others can even understand or comprehend.

Yet here you are !! You fit. And you want to as well which makes it all the more intriguing. What are those odds. But they are somewhere else out there too.

It's a job. That no one else can do or understand even. So you just have to do it good and right. And the

healthiest way possible when you can. If you can ... is even more spectacular. And you can because you

are spectacular. Just as a manager, boss, supervisor though. And nothing less ... until you can find

something else while you have to be there while you have to do some little b.s. ... for a while.

... That situ I mean.

Oh well, I was a manager. Of my own little dept. though. But still. However it was really tough trying to fill

the positions there. Forever !!! No one would last like three weeks to nine months or even three days

sometimes. I almost left but I felt some kind of a vibe and stayed. And then stayed more. And then stayed

and stayed longer.

And one of the co workers that I worked with that was a psychologist at the time before she got her

Psychiatry degree after she raised all her 10 kids, three were her own and the rest they chose them to be

adopted because they loved. Anyway She lasted One Fuckin Year.

I stumbled on to her while she was throwing all her sht abrubtly into boxes. Cause I heard her and got scerd.

I said hi your the famous Dr

da da da. And of course I know her. And she said Yeah Infamous !!!! And kept emptying her office. She said I'm so outta here.

Well not like that, but she meant that and also was being really nice to me though. We even LoL'd together quite loudly.

And then I went home and told someone bout it and we ROTFL'd so loud. It was the best.

I mean at least she had a degree to go where she wanted with it. I wanted to be a psychologist

all of my life. And my parents sent me off to learn Advance algebra, Trig, Chem, Calculus, Statistics,

They just didn't want us to figure them out. Now that we finally did they are all different now and we know how to

just work around them. Of course this is not before the destroying of both of our lives. I mean my sibling is strong and I'm just

weak but my sibling still got destroyed right along with it, all of it too. So what are those odds. The good news

is the inlaws were actually fckn crazier. One had to be in a jacket even. Looooooo ool. Oh well. Too late. haha.

But I mean they are still the greatest people in the

universe ever. My family .... but they just got broke somehow too. So I just ran away to the coast and anywhere we could go

and did the Real Estate instead. So look for something that no one else

can do. Like my ceo. They sent her letters three times to the east coast begging her to move back here

to fill in the position. The third time she said she would do it. The last ceo before her lasted 30 years until she

got sick then had to leave and eventually got old and perished. So then my ceo omg noone

could compete with her. She would speak in public to the community we got to mingle with the judge and the

mayor. Community. Guests. City Sherif the mix. lool. It's great. She wouldn't back down to anyone and was so spiritual and inspiring and an ADVOCATE as well and

also professional appropriate with compassion. You know community outreach and support. It helped though that she went to an Ivy university and had

background in the air force.

So then the XO not CO the XO omg total townie she was. Grew up here all her life. If she reads this I'm dead. She only graduated from h.s. Had no formal

education what so ever. Tried any job she could get. I guess bc she had to support her babies. when they

were young. She has grandkids now. And most likely some greats ... or maybe yeah.

Anyway we were gathered around the staff meeting table one day blabbing and she said I used to be a truck driver.

I mean she was like 90 lbs at one time and didn't even look like she could even drive a Truck. So she said

wink wink @ Ki3ly. Did you know that. That I used to drive a truck. Da da da knows that I did. And then she looked

right at me and said and we used to Pee in a bottle while we were driving out on the road.

And I almost stopped breathing. And I didn't say shit. However ...... I kept showing up for work. Dedicated.

And they kept calling me in. So I got through the first many many years because of hydrocodone and xannies. Legal ones.

I was so glad when the state went legal MM finally. But still. It's not Federal. Anyway.


So no formal education, A boss, an XO, drove a truck and whatever she could do. Only high school

training. Oh and her poor second husband. Works for the county or city or whatever gvt dot job.
Shi ... they might even have their own company. Her husband and the PLOWS.
Hwy. maintenance work. When it

snowed he plowed the roads. Ect ect. Nice white truck plow from somewhere, huh. Because he could drive equipment. So he would pick us all up when we

were snowed in and dropp us off to work and take us back from work in the winter during ice and snow storms.

Yeah so she wouldn't have to go in, right. But good community. He would make the most world famous Enchiladas for the pot

lucks. Cause she couldn't cook she say. I hated pot lucks. Then the place gets trashed. And the refrigerator stinks. Still it's being paid

for being in a building. A building with a refrigerator. A refrigerator filled with Food. That they pay

the repairman to fix. Or they just get a new one.

So he would bring the Enchiladas and then we would listen to her say I'm not picking up my husbands dirty

stinking filthy $#####^7 ######## smelly socks from the side of the arm chair EVER. When he left. And she say she told

him he BETTER do it and was soo pissed she stated becuse she said we are all guilty of being mean bitches. All of us without realising it at times. Or actually even realising it at all. Just as long as it wasn't one of 'us.' leaving stinky laundry. Lol. I think we did laugh though lol. But still.

No degree. No prestigious Ivy league college. Omg you should have seen their bonus checks. Accidently left on the fax. haha F ing A. Anyway. No certificate or certification besides driving a

truck. And the ceo gets sick and has to go live by her sons at the coastline. Cant work anymore.

Who gets the position .... SHE DOES. Locked in. Oh and you best believe she stayin to this day. You can't fire her. She even told us employees. There are no

promotions here and you don't get promoted. You can just try for the Board meetings. That's it.

Now she's in there and there goes another 30 years.

And that's how tough it is to find a fit anymore. It's so tough out there to find a place where they won't

red flag you. It's tough out there. You're a soldier. You have to go out and survive. You have to do your

Best. You can't get nervous and frustrated. Just when you think that they want to get rid of you they

really want you to stay and stay and stay to ' help out. ' That's how everyone feel. That's why it's suck work.

So make it quality at least. Everyone gets nervous and you just try your

best. And if you can find the right place, you are the best.

I guess there are places that aren't for everyone. lol. Sometimes you have to just find the most broken

down rickety places around and just help make it better for them. By being that management. That Leader.

That larger than life that you can be. And that gift somehow.

That you should be !!!! You @streaM Freak

Look what you do here. Like who could do that. Except YOU.

Well you know, I'm sure instead of having to read all of this that you would much rather have a job NOW

at this point to be able to say. Sorry I can't read all of this. I have a job and I am BUSY WORKING.

lolol. And fuckin potlucking.

Or invent your own job. Example sell and ship things. That's how amazon grabbed it. Packaging books and

taping them up and selling them in a garage. So they made their own work somehow and it went all fortune 500 ! lol.

Whatever you do. Please do it well. So that you can help help help humanity. I'm not saying help me personally

I am saying help humanity. Yes, even if you have to do it on your off from work hours. Just please do.

But do get a job as well, if that's what you want. A fit where you can help your work community and represent.

Well and genuinely and sincerely productively. They will know. Because I know YOU CAN. You just have to find that vibration and where it is going to be located.

Yes, You. The StreaM Freak.

However, you would be the only one that knows because I am not out there anymore. I think YOU

need to be the gatdamn Manager Boss NOW. For us all. Represent !!!! No more b.s. assignments anymore. You are the BOSS !!!

Not them. You are the Superpower.


I mean. I hope that helps a bit. Anyway at least I got to post. lololol. I mean it's a challenging Journey,

to say the least. But once you get there and have to be there and keep Showing, it gets to be muscle reflex

eventually really. A good one at Least like you are and do. That's why you have to stick with it as long as you can. Not b.s. stuff. But the real contribution work when and where you can.

And then you just do it without even thinking about it eventually. I mean look at Goochie Goo or however you say that.

She's out there because she's Got It. BB.

Anyway, you're a manager. Not someone's hacky sack. You deserve better than that b.s games they played.

You were too good for that.

You Are Better. You ARE that change that good example and we have to get you there somewhere. They

have to find a nugget as well as you do too. Somewhere follow that brick road to it.

Don't let them get on your nerves. They are all anxious. It's work. Continuously. Always. Everyday.

We just have to stick with it in the healthiest direction that we can.

And then before you know it you will be doing it without even thinking. Because you will have to.

A routine.

So you can provide that support for this and the teamwork too. You have to help them all depend on each other.

And that there ... will be all worth all of the Award.

Stream wtf Are you too empathetic or what. Go get you one. A job. I'm kidding. Maybe.

I don't know what it is like out there anymore. You know. Grow MM. Do a youtube channel.

True crime. Model. Loool. I love your Stream. You're ALWAYS the best. I just don't get it

I just. Why can't I be like you Why Why Why. ....


After reading this your head won't rattle anymore when you have to go out recruiting jobs now. Just think of the

agonizing e mail like post. That you could actually be getting a paycheck for. That job finding couldn't be as bad as this encouragement post was. You got this.


But anyway ... You have this too !! Soldier !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Click to expand...

That's interesting, I've flirted with managerial things as well. I will revisit that. Be a grunt at first if I need to.

Lol, I did read this but yeah maybe that's the motto: "I was busy workn' and fucking potluckin'"

Amazon just packing boxes and now they're fortune 500 haha so true, what the fuck really?

No finding one is definitely worse than reading, but maybe if I search with the concepts of your post, it will be better.

I appreciate you @Ki3ly
 
Ki3ly said:
It's Dark in here I guess.


Sry.


Broh just work. Explore the Uncharted. Damn I really have full confidence in your abilities so much.

And capability as well. It's just the fit that you have find that you want to be doing with it somewhere.
I know, I'm the Poster wild of the wall of text now. Sorry again. I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to say, Boldly go out there again. Civilization needs you.


chemistry would be a good one r they hiring. teaching it.

Oh and I forgot that you're bi-polar. Are you.

I get so emotional. Omg, I'm just a Dork. Dorky dork.
Now everyone is going to read this but so what because

I care about you and how you should be in a position

that you deserve too.


YVQGvBw.jpeg



Yeah, join an enterprise venture maybe. lol. Bye.

It's just so deep in here for me. Always. I know that you are serious but so am I. hehe

That's intense.

And I'm out. ( of ideas ) You mad, Broh !!!!

I better retreat into my retirement for the night. wink wink

bye again.


Maybe you went to work somewhere. Or maybe you will be back

and post again. That is it for me now.
Click to expand...

I hear you, is MM the retirement you mentioned?

I was just walking around, slept last night though. And now searching for a lot of what you mentioned because you mentioned almost everything 😉
 
Well, you're still kicking. I was wondering how you made out.
What a chaotic time we are experiencing. If you can practice a little restraint, tho you said you have a tendency to push thing a little too hard.
Sobriety is hard to do. and it's no advised. Just adult responsibility is a skill we have to teach ourselves on our own. That message in schools doesn't resonate.
Don't know if they still teach prohibition or abstinence only in schools. But even then, the schools failed us, and are failing the next gen too.
You have a big circle of friends to talk to online here, tho outside of physically showing up, everything has it's limits.
we wish you the best.
 
Amazon, even vested ' in stock ' market as well. I guess the larger investment, the larger profit.

And all. Bean stocks. 😉😉
<3
 
streaM Freak said:
I will revisit that.

I appreciate you @Ki3ly
Click to expand...

Your strong work ethic, empathy, and kindness make you a perfect fit for outreaching performance in a positive environment.

You bring a rare balance of strong work ethics, genuine empathy, and kindness.

And great legislation and advocacy support.

You know evals really are always humbling though. And a team will

need someone good like you as well. You will be success waiting to happen in that location. I believe in your Empowerment.

:)


Difficulties strengthen the Mind as labor does the body
 
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