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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

What to do now

I mean I'm just really interested, does deciding to believe the worst about me and hate me fulfill some gaping hole in your life that could not be filled before

The office is asinine sociopathy

They sat there and groomed a lonely government hostage to a torture victim and you all sit back clapping like something good happened, meanwhile nothing fucking did
 
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I mean, imagine it. Imagine you did something stupid but not evil while people were watching and then they went around saying it was evil.

What's evil is telling me to go to your school, your work, your prison. Your fake herpes, your rape for rent, your high school raves, your domestic violence, your homeless daughter, your planned parenthood, your rent, your neglect, and then to put my life into public so every idiot who contributed by doing NOTHING to help me, every creep waiting around the corner to molest me, can sit there and say I'm evil and the have the audacity to talk about my fucking childhood you fucking hypocrite
 
Why do this to myself? Why couldn't I just work at Subway? Eat a six inch veggie on my break. Drink a soda. Go home and get high and drunk and talk to my friends. Go shopping. Why is my car and my life his to destroy
 
The government sound tortures me with electromagnetic all day long. What do they say? They call me all the pieces of shit in the world and they never stop. They abuse me. They abuse my life. It never stops.
 
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All the celebrities think they can tear me down every day. They claim all the strife I had to go through was somehow my fault. They call me a piece of shit, point out how I look now, and they spread this around with no way for me to make a rebuttal. They've put it on their secret tv, that I'm a worthless ugly piece of shit. They flaunt their privilege and claim they deserve it. They flaunt their health. Musicians tell me I can't be their fan or listen to their music, call me a piece of shit, tell me I can't have my own identity and call me fat
 
Not to mention the punch in the nose I got which turned me from pretty to ugly. That's right. Its okay to have self esteem. I used to dress, do my makeup, my hair. Like a human being. I go to sephora. Victorias secret. Nice shops online. Nice stores. I'm not some cheap piece of shit. I have good taste in music, film. I am not some bumpkin. I am not any of the pieces of shit they call me. I know they're lying. All day they lie about me to justify hurting me. The innocent don't have to be framed. The ugly don't have to be punched.
 
Literally they don't let me take a shit. My stomach is huge. I'm anorexic and bulimic. They pass this off as a joke. My favorite musician degraded me with rape, called me names, and tells me I'm fat and now everyone keeps repeating it. Not to mention the trauma of how I found the band, they degraded it, they mocked the rape I went through on normal Bob, they called it over a trash can, my mother's evil, holding me hostage with a predator. He forced me to have sex with him without a condom through threats of abandonment, lied about having a place to live then DRAGGED ME THROUGH THE STREETS, VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED ME. I HAD TO GO THROUGH TWO ABORTIONS. HE TOLD ME TO SLAP HIM ONCE SO I FUCKING DID. MOTHERFUCKER CALLED THE GODDAMN POLICE AND PLAYED VICTIM. I GOT LOCKED UP FOR IT. PREGNANT. NEEDING AN ABORTION. I SHOULDNT HAVE TO RELIVE ANY OF THIS. My MOTHER WOULDNT LET ME COME HOME TO OWN BEDROOM AND BE SAFE. I WAS IN A STRANGE FILTHY HOUSE
 
My dad thought he could throw me out of his house when I was 12. Good riddance. I was trying to go to the FBI ABOUT SUSPECTING HIM BEING A sociopath AND MY STEP MOM A SOCIOPATH. they found it in my journal before I could, told me I was crazy and made me see a therapist. I started cutting my arms at my dad's house. I didnt like it there. I used to think about running to my mom's with some toys. About how long the roads were. My mom used to tell me when I was in preschool, no matter how much you cry and beg you still have to go to your dad's house. First they put me in therapy then they just got rid of me. I was trying to get help. My mom pretended she'd be my best friend just to dump me on the streets, supposedly for smoking weed. Yeah right. All she cared about was her boyfriends. One of them was an alcoholic. She actually did that. I complained she never spent any time with me! Then she blamed me for having to break up with him to spend time with me!! Her own child!!
 
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The step dad I had in elementary school would take his shirt off, grab a belt, and whip it around, threatening to beat us with it. He broke my brother's arm. My mom lied to the doctor.
 
When I was 16, I was raped by two different adults in the "rave scene" and then my so called friend who TOOK me to those people suggested I SHAVE MY EYEBROWS OFF
 
I couldn't graduate high school. What do you do with no eyebrows? I couldn't sit in class, it felt like I had to shit my pants. I got degraded for it, my truancies. Right in the middle of class, degraded by the teacher. Like I was just some worthless derelict. I was developing my anxiety disorder. School was too crowded. I had to drink cough syrup. I couldn't pass my classes anymore. Chemistry didn't even make sense to me. Neither did algebra. I'm not stupid. Why do people need it anyway
 
When I wanted to go to community college with my GED, my mother denied me my education. She illegally forced me into child labor at Pizza Hut and told me to work without a home
 
Ok, what is going on? Are you sober writing this? Is there anyway out? Are you having a psychotic breakdown?

As in are you safe and not a threat too yourself? What is going on; I see chaos and a horrible situation.
But, also I wonder if there is something more?
 
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