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Yay or nay - is it possible to be a weekend warrior long term with hard stuff?

and all of my grandparents died in hospice on morphine. and my aunt died of cancer on oxycodone. and anyone i know that died before typical life expectancy was an OD or drug caused death .

my immediate anecdotal experiences are representative of all of existence
That is nonsense, if a person is definitely terminal, pump they full of Dilaudid every 3 hours or give them a shitload of OXY.
 
i said no such thing

Maybe I got the wrong Idea " doc" lol
It seemed like that's what you were saying.

Hey, I know we haven't always gotten along but how are you doing, seriously. You, chronicled your painful " journey " out of...... And so how are things going?

I am being sincere, I know that can be hard to believe but honestly, how are things going for you? Are you doing well?
 
Maybe I got the wrong Idea " doc" lol
It seemed like that's what you were saying.

Hey, I know we haven't always gotten along but how are you doing, seriously. You, chronicled your painful " journey " out of...... And so how are things going?

I am being sincere, I know that can be hard to believe but honestly, how are things going for you? Are you doing well?
that’s a loaded question when asking a deeply pessimistic person but i’ll try to respond like a normal human being would.

yea i’m fine.

seriously the best i’ve been in the last 6 years or so going on 3 months now.

my life is also objectively better despite my own struggles than most people on this hellscape of a planet so there’s that ….but gratitude and saying “it could be worse” never did much for me personally - but it may add answers to your question.

i don’t really expect this good phase to last because it never does but ill take what i can get.

did i chronicale my painful journey out of anything?

i dont beleieve im out of anything until im dead. i’m just waiting for the next bad thing to happen as we all are whether we acknowledge that or not. could be tomorrow could be 20 years from now.

my struggles and life could definitely be pieced together from the posts under my old username, to chronicle the journey….but i don’t think i made an explicit thread to that effect did i?

i did get back onto methadone after quitting (might be referring to the thread from a year ago in the recovery forum where i quit). but i can maintain on 1 mg per day right now which is low …but as i always say going from 1 to 0 is harder than going from 50 to 1 mg.
 
Oh, that is what I was basically asking you. I am truly sorry to read that. I t seems like you went trough Hell, trying to get off it.

I am pessimistic also but, we have very different personalities and perspectives on things.

Just curious, as to why you got the liquid handcuffs again?

You seemed so miserable and then finally got better( not sick). What happened to get you back on it?

I am not here to judge, because I am not even close to being perfect, no one is.

I really hope you can get a better outlook on life.

You chronicled your wd/s and misery. Also your wife issues.

Are you at least doing,ok?
 
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Oh, that is what I was basically asking you. I am truly sorry to read that. I t seems like you went trough Hell, trying to get off it.

I am pessimistic also but, we have very different personalities and perspectives on things.

Just curious, as to why you got the liquid handcuffs again?

You seemed so miserable and then finally got better( not sick). What happened to get you back on it?

I am not here to judge, because I am not even close to being perfect, no one is.

I really hope you can get a better outlook on life.

You chronicled your wd/s and misery. Also your wife issues.

Are you at least doing,ok?
i don’t remember what i was saying about my wife but i was in therapy for my marriage back then (alone- not couples therapy) specifically selected the therapist for that reason despite the more major issues i have
and it made a huge different. also the humbling experience of getting off drugs gave me a very different perspective and got me more out of the selfish everything is someone else’s fault mindset and that really helped me treat my wife better and be very grateful that she loves me and has put up with so much.



i quite using weed daily and heavily. i use sporadically now….1X a week maybe when im using it and breaks of weeks at a time. This made a huge difference in my temper and mood which of course helped with the relationship and internal strife issues.



“liquid handcuffs”. i get pills. it’s prescribed for chronic pain from a regular doctor so not the liquid from a clinic. and the reason i resumed taking it was due to a flare in my chronic pain condition.

my medical treatment is based on law enforcement ideas, peole with no education, no scientific or medical background, no addiction background, and no chronic pain background. freedom is a lie in this country. anywhere south of the border i wouldn’t have methadone handcuffs and would be able to have a drug more amenable do flares and getting off of…..a pain management doctor at one of the top 3 medical schools saw me and agreed that methadone is strange for this type of usage i’m prescribed it for. but she’s not allowed to prescribe schedule 2 drugs and even if she was she would never risk doing so because she’s so high level of a prestigious doctor that she sticks to interventional procedures and research. the only doctors that will risk prescribing any schedule 2 opioid are non specialists that basically can only prescribe medicines and don’t have much else they can bill for like expensive interventional procedures. this is a consequence of for profit medicine dictated by laws instead of non profit medicine dictated by outcomes.




the medical system being managed by giant providers that make a bunch of rules and red tape to avoid lawsuits and the dea has totally broken medical practice in america.

there are no more doctors with their own privately owned clinics anymore practicing medicine based on science. they are employees of giant corporate providers practicing medicine based on law.


the corporate swallowing up of independent practitioners has destroyed medicine in america and is part of why we are less and less healthy.

for example i live in 2 city + suburb area with 4 million people. There is not a single primary care medicine doctor in private practice for 4 million people. they are all under a giant corporation. same applies to specialists. this is another consequence of our unique and sick for profit medical system that the entire country hates, is inferior to all the other advanced countries that do it differently. we all agree our medical system is sick, but unfortunately the left is the only “side”
willing to admit that it’s the for profit aspect of it that has broken it so badly.


as far as “pessimism” it goes way beyond just being a glass half empty sort of guy. i study the philosophy itself (ie “pessimistic philosophy”). and adjacent philosophies such as nihilism, antinatalism, efelism, materialism, etc. i like buddhist takes on not getting emotionally responsive to these facts of life (ie negative things happening)…but that’s about the best one this deep into pessimism can do
 
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Obama did this, I Know because that is when I got limited by my doctor on what I could have after my nearly 3 week hospitalization where I was given a year to live without a liver transplant. That female democrat governor of Michigan further screwed me over.

What Obama wasn't the president in 2015?

Weird, that a druggie from the 70's and 80's would do this. Asshole. I could give two shits until I dug deeper and realized the core issue. The unlimited visits to rehabs and all other shit in Obamacare. Then the Fentanyl which cut down on junkies by the hundreds of thousands. 6 figure deathtolls a year for a while, when heroin and prescription opiod deaths were less than a quarter of what they became , even after Narcan, once fentanyl came around. One hit will revive a perscription od but 3 are need for fent.

Never a drug addict. Pain patient and chronic pancreatitus is no fucking joke.( my fault, too much fun, but that is life)

I am mad at the demoncraps who did this and the republitards who went along with this morphine equivalent bullshit guidelines.

Yes, I know doctors outside of a medical setting and they are being terrorized, more so under the left which has me scratching my head and saying WTF.

I get coupons for weed like everyone else in Metro Detroit( I live in a decent middleclass suburb of that dying toilet) Even still, the dems led the opiod charge and I can never forgive them for that.( at least not as a group, but the powerful ones can get whatever they want).

Besides the limits on opiods to save money from people ending up in rehabs, sober living, ect... I believe both parties particularly the dems were instrumental in allowing the deaths of hundreds of thousands of junkies(I have yet to become addicted after a long time on opiods; never psychologically addicted) I forget to take them till the pain really kicks in.

Alcohol was my drug of choice, that screwed me over. It is sad how little OXY I can get, for legit pain.

So, you see a female doctor. I have no problem with that. If I were a woman and wanted to see a gynecologist, I suppose I would choose a woman.lol Otherwise, I would be more open minded to seeing a male doctor from The mid east or India, they seem more generous. But past drug addiction can be a big issue. I have found over the decades that female doctors are less likely to write for opiods for legit reasons and this is based off,of family and friends. Not sexist. just the truth.

My late little sister would only go to female gynecologists and male doctors for her other serious issues.
She was the one who really was against other women when it came to writing for opiods.

I also know someone very well who was a doctor and he said methadone is a great pain killer. However, that it was really strong( not a negative).
But it was probably more oolong/ (physically more addictive than heroin.( whether or not you agree, this is based on how quickly one can become physically dependent and not psychologically). Also they said it could cause early signs of physical addiction in as little as 3 days of continuous use. depending on the person.

Methadone is a horrible drug for pain in terms of how hard it is to get off( You made this very clear, through your suffering, on your posts). Granted it is strong. Strong enough to replace heroin. The makers of these maintenance drugs are the real winners.

They can have patients for life because bupen( whatever) and methadone are apparently two of, if not the hardest drugs to get off, of.

I guess the various lobbyists for the makers of Bupe and methadone are loving the new system of not allowing legit pain patients, the proper meds in decent quantities. The female democrat governor of Michigan cut the morphine equivalent by a third or 50% depending on how you look at it.

Wow Cali sucks. Metro Detroit has countless primary care physicians and I like the one I have. Must be they all ran away like all the businesses that have gone to Texas, Florida, Tennessee, ect....

I would have be able to get 50 percent more than the pathetic measly amount now but also it was a one third reduction. Trust me it works out that way. They cut the morphine equivalent recommendations( which are enforced by the blue storm troopers)( this is a swing state)

Thank you Obama. What? Who was our president in 2015?



Shit no primary care doctors. Cali is more screwed up than I thought. They are all over the place here. I guess it is like all the jobs that fled Cali. Far left loons, in control do that. There are 4.something million people in metro Detroit.
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So, I guess your marriage survived. I am glad to read that.

But, I wish you luck. I have a true Christian world view. ( not like those idiots and con artists on TBN and Daystar) Yes, I am a lousy one. But l)
 
Obama did this, I Know because that is when I got limited by my doctor on what I could have after my nearly 3 week hospitalization where I was given a year to live without a liver transplant.
corporations buying and owning doctors is obamas fault and not the fact we have for profit healthcare that existed long before him?






good thing trump is saving american healthcare with his concept of a healthcare plan.



.
.
.

speaking of any day my life going down hill again.

it happened yesterday. let’s see how deep this hole goes. vacation abroad is canceled
now.

while life isn’t abject torture right now as a proper pessimist i find it extremely pointless
 
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My liver is fine, now. I repented of my sins and God healed me. Yeah I have some issues but honestly I would have saved a fortune just going to my regular doctor, and paying cash. Unlike Cali; prices are cheaper here and my meds are cheap.

Besides I was never against Medicaid, which I was on a for years before I got some money and a house and other property. That was when I had some serious medical costs.( being on medicaid was great, I was unemployed and I didn't get stuck with ridiculous bills. They even offered me a free liver transplant which I was thinking I needed at the time. I passed, I had my reasons, mainly because I wasn't ready to stop drinking but I decided Medicaid and being a bum was just not for me. Although it was better than my current insurance.


corporations buying and owning doctors is obamas fault and not the fact we have for profit healthcare?

could be possible , democrats are against public healthcare and bribed by insurance companies. just like republicans. either of them want this fix



i hope your liver was perfectly healthy before you started with that insirsnce company. otherwise the insurance company would reject care and you would never be eligible to receive care for the rest of your life for that condition.

isn’t that just an absolutely insane policy only the US had?

one insurance switch or employment change and you never get covered again for a preexisting condition.

savage it was even that way. glad obama that.

yea the whole entire rest of the western world is doing it wrong and we are doing it right

the ars why citizens are murdering healthcare executives. because our system is better than everyone else in the worlds.

same as us not using the metric system. it’s everyone else in the world that’s wrong.l…not us


also fuck those 20 millions ppl that lost insurance under trump now. they aren’t me or you so fuckem right ?
 
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My liver is fine, now. I repented of my sins and God healed me. Yeah I have some issues but honestly I would have saved a fortune just going to my regular doctor, and paying cash. Unlike Cali; prices are cheaper here and my meds are cheap.

Besides I was never against Medicaid, which I was on a for years before I got some money and a house and other property. That was when I had some serious medical costs.( being on medicaid was great, I was unemployed and I didn't get stuck with ridiculous bills. They even offered me a free liver transplant which I was thinking I needed at the time. I passed, I had my reasons, mainly because I wasn't ready to stop drinking but I decided Medicaid and being a bum was just not for me. Although it was better than my current insurance.

Oh and if you are trying to hurt me, I am immune. No wonder, people can't stand you. You out of nowhere attack me. Really at this early Cali time. No wonder no can stand you.
I avoid many of my living relatives because I like peace and quiet. Yours disowned you. Then again from your posts, so does anyone who knows you long enough. Say 1 minute or less,lol.

But like your wife gave up having sex with you. Why, she said she was asexual. That is almost as funny as you believing her. Maybe you did turn her that wat,lol

Nope, I would be willing to bet a lot it was because she saw you as weak and sickly and once she started playing mommy to a sickly grown man who became weak and angry, she lost all attraction or should I say was repulsed.

Maybe she found a real man on the side. One who she didn't have to play nurse maid too. A real guy who doesn't need to always use hard drugs,


hate life and the world.
You went to therapy. Talk about a waste of money.
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Maybe one( a guy) she didn't have to come home from work and hold as he cried and pissed and shit himself. Your description, not mine.
I couldn't make up something that funny and simultaneously pathetic.

Yeah that type of stuff will definitely make a woman lose all interest in a man, I use that term losely. More like a middle aged baby.

I care about as much about Trump as he does me. I am an independent. Wow this early Cali time to fight with me. Sad. and🤣🤣
man you are too fast


i changed the message completely after i realized it was too rambling

but you responded at the same time ? i edited it

you can ask the mods for the timestamps or check it yourself to see that i had modified the post before you posted


anyways the post is pretty different from what you initially responded to
 
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You went after me. I tried being nice

it’s actually pretty sick how obsessed you are with me man. you’ve got your stories severely mixed up with other posters on this website but you are weaving some crazy narritive going back decades about my life. and some of it is stuff i said a decade ago about shit that happened to me 20 years ago,

you see how sick it is to be that obsessed with a screen name on a website?

i don’t even remember who you are or know you since i posted about joe rogan in ceps a few months ago.

but you seems to know what state i live in and a whole confused history of alleged life events.

i have no idea where you live, your gender, your marital status your addiction type or history.
 
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Not at all obsessed, I just have a good memory when I find something very funny and you keep messaging me,lol
 
Not at all obsessed, I just have a good memory when I find something very funny and you keep messaging me,lol

that’s one hell of a memory i’ll give you that. hope that amazing memory for small details was useful in something that actually matters to your life like academia or career.
 
The Bler formal know as LucidSDreamer. Of course you don't, you were wasted and I wasn't.
I was glad when got off methadone, and remember all of your sad posts, that's all. Sorry I have a functioning brain and you know who I am by what you wrote. That is a mystery I will keep to myself,lol Guess you got a new job. Until it leaves Cali.
 
Guess you got a new job. Until it leaves Cali.

i did after two months. experience and academic background, and rec letters from previously employer - like mine make it easy to get hired. my pay/title bump was a 64% increase plus stock options, which was nice.

none of the jobs in my field are going anywhere, you’re just making stuff up left and right.

money can’t buy happiness but it can certainly make others jealous and mad.

that and the perfect weather year round, beaches for surfing and ski mountains within a days drives of eachother.

really hell on earth out here
 
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