Social Tell a Joke

[Ki3ly]

what did the frenchman say to the TSA agent when asked why his luggage was full of snails?

Escargot

 

[lexxbell]

thank you, thank you, i’ll be here all night. ya know i’ve done a few minutes of my best jokes at open mics before, i like to call that a tight 5 doing her tight 5

 

[FixXxer]

Saw a guy driving around yesterday in a Ford CliTaurus

 

[Ki3ly]

There's an elderly man walking down the street and um a sex

worker pulls him into an alley and says, "Mister, I could give you super sex."

And he says, "I'll take the soup." All right, moving along.



....... Potato soup sounds good.

Or how about some Matzo ball.

 

[TJ5]

What do you call a midget psychic that committed a crime? A small medium at large.

 

[Ki3ly]

What do you call it when someone gets slashed real bad on the Subway in NYC ?

Tuesday. Lol.

 

[Ki3ly]

Woman 89 yrs old receives new LICENSE

License plate shocks Senior --- New at 11

SQUEEZE WHAT ?

She sounds like a party.

Oh well. It's easy to remember though.

I know I can clearly see 5's so

How bout ' Y00A55 '

 

[Ki3ly]

 

[TJ5]

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs under a pile of leaves? Russell

 

[Ki3ly]

Husband : I'm getting you diamonds for our anniversary.

Wife : Nothing would please me more.

Husband : ** Gets her nothing instead **

 

[lost weekend]

A guy goes in to use the toilet in a restaurant, while he is using the urinal an enormous man comes in and stands at the urinal next to him
He unfurls a massive willy and then proceeds to start smashing up all the urinals and wash basins with it ,he then goes into the cubicals and smashes up all the pots
He comes back out and says to the guy "see this I'm going to shove it right up your arse"
"Oh thank fuck the guy says I thought you were going to hit me over the head with it"

 

[lost weekend]

Had to change it a bit

 

[puke]

What do u get if u combine gay people and roller blading? Rollaids -El Duce

 

[lost weekend]

A visitor knocks at a door asking 'is your granny in" the lad tells them she's at arbroath " Oh well ' he says " ill just come in and wait till she's finished "

 

[Ki3ly]

if Bob Seger wrote a song today
it would be

- here I am, on the phone again

 

[Ki3ly]

How can you tell if an accountant is Dirty ?
They are always fixing and handling women's Assets.

 

[Ki3ly]

Please explain Norwegians jokes - I can't seem to get one at all.


Did you ever hear about the Norwegian who loved his wife so much he almost told her?

 

[lost weekend]

This isn't a joke but it's the funniest thing I ever heard
We were all called to a site meeting at the site compound (about 60 of us) the site agent was standing on a crate going through site safety and other rubbish ,he wasn't the greatest public speaker, after he finished he asked if there were any questions
And an Irish guy piped up " Where did you get your jumper from" everyone burst out laughing and the site agents face turned beetroot ,the Irish have some craic
Prob had to be there lol

 

[chippermonk]

Google Afbeeldingen resultaat voor https://s3.amazonaws.com/lowres.cartoonstock.com/medical-accident-accidental-surgeons-surgeries-operations-rde8831_low.jpg

 

[lost weekend]

Can't find it on youtube but there's a an episode in Simpsons where Bart gets a letter from Australia and the stamp says "Celebrating 30 years of electricity "