Hi everyone,
So I ended up doing it because I'm silly (and stupid). Here is my submitted report:
This was babies first molly trip, I was very scared because I am on a ton of SSRIs and lots of people told me it would be a waste because SSRIs dramatically reduce the effects of ecstasy and put me at greater risk of serotonin syndrome. I have been very depressed and suicidal lately, so part of me was just willing to take the risk, its going to sound dark but I really did not care if I got serotonin syndrome and died because at least I had a good time, I wouldn’t want to go out any other way. I should clarify I did not take it in hopes of ending my life, but rather because I wanted to try it and have a good time; I felt indifferent to the risks and quite impulsive and careless partially due to my mental illness. I wanted to document this account because I couldn’t find much information on this combination of SSRIS and MDMA so maybe this will help someone. I also want to say its very important you do these things in a very good headspace or surrounded by very good people. I take 150mg of pregabalin in the afternoon maybe about 4 hrs before my first dose of molly. I only ate breakfast.
I started with 65mg of molly crushed in a capsule taken with water. I did not feel it initially but about 30 minutes later I noticed I was talking everyone’s ear off. I was feeling extra grateful for these people, but I don’t think it was just the drugs, I think its because they were also being very kind. I went from being a little bit bogged down by conversation to super interested in what everyone was saying regardless of what they were talking about. I went to the bathroom to change, and I (a super antisocial person) wanted to compliment everyone’s outfits in there. I chatted with everyone for an hour standing, my legs did not feel sore or tired. I was gnawing a lot, so I chewed gum. My friend complimented my hair and I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry a lot throughout this whole experience, I was so grateful to be there with these people, I wanted hugs even though I am quite awkward and shy with physical affection, when I was offered a hug I couldn’t refuse. I shared way too much about my trauma and the things bothering me, but we bonded over it. My friends said I was tweaking a bit, but I didn’t feel like it at all, I felt good. I drank so much water; I had to pee a lot but found it a bit difficult. I went to check my pupils in my mirror because all my friends pupils were super dilated and I found it funny because I thought they were, but after turning my head I realized they weren’t at all. I found it funny that I deceived myself into thinking they were and laughed out loud in the bathroom, thought maybe people around me would think I’m crazy for laughing and that made me laugh even harder. Looking at the photo I took of my pupils now they were definitely normal sized. I did a shot of vodka with friends and could not stop chewing ice. When the show started, I was enamored by the lights, I felt bathed by blue light as if the heavens were shining down on me, I found the ceilings especially beautiful. I had to turn around to look to my friends and others jumping around and it made me so happy I really felt their energy. I didn’t even mind much that I couldn’t see the stage because some super tall guy pushed in front of me, sober me would have been enraged. I was just focused on dancing and enjoying the music, I didn’t even take as many pictures as I usually do, I was really just living in the moment. I never sweat so much in my life, I felt very self conscious and made it a point to my friends that I was aware of how much I was sweating. That being said I felt way less anxiety almost none, like as if my anxiety disorders were put on the backburner for the first time in awhile.
After the concert I was starving, but when I went to try to eat food made my mouth so dry I physically couldn’t. My stomach hurt and my pants felt too tight and I didn’t feel like walking. I felt so exhausted I had a bit of an energy drink before topping up with a little bit (45mg) more molly. This time wasn’t as intense, at the club I felt like bouncing around, I had just enough energy again. I felt so much love for my friends I wanted to hug them all, but I still had enough anxiety not to. I still yapped a lot but by the end of the night I was feeling my old self-conscious self again. 3 hrs after my second dose I shared a blunt with my friends, probably some kind of hybrid strain idk. I used to smoke weed weekly, so I have pretty ok tolerance of it. The high was not affected by the molly, although maybe indirectly it contributed to the satisfaction of it because I was so tired (if that makes sense). It felt like being coddled in a warm blanket and made me ready for bed. I skipped taking my nightly escitalopram and Lexapro.
The day after I was tired and cranky, I only got a few hours of sleep because I had shit to do. I felt super hungry, but I also felt changed in a good way, like as if the whole experience switched something in my brain. Again, I cant say if it was the drugs or just because I had a good time with such good friends which I hadn’t in awhile. I don’t feel as suicidal and have been trying to reach out to more people in hopes of not being as isolated. The sadness in my heart is still there a little now though, I need to figure out some hobbies or something or I’m going to end up bedrotting again.
As for my experience with molly, I definitely got the euphoria, but I did not get any hallucination, and I wonder if it was all placebo because I hadn’t gone out in almost a year or interacted with friends in months because of my depression. I can’t wait to do it off my medication in the future, but its definitely something I’d reserve for a concert where I can really vibe to the music, unlike a club where they just play whatever, but maybe that’s just me.
The best trip is definitely
- At an event (Id probably only ever take it at a concert to be honest)
- With friends who have done it before who can guide you
- Not on SSRIs to receive the full effect without having to take a higher dose (and risk serotonin syndrome)
TLDR: Took 65mg capsule of molly for first time 4 hrs after taking my daily escitalopram, peaking about 2 hrs after ingestion. Felt: euphoria, happiness, empathy, togetherness, super chatty. Physical: grinding teeth, high energy, sweating, excessive thirst, difficulty urinating, stomachache on the comedown. I did not experience hallucination or time distortion as I was still sad the concert felt short (which it was). Took a shot of vodka and didn’t really feel it but it went down easy and was refreshing. Drained afterwards and took another dose even though my stomach hurt, chattiness returned and energy, but not as much confidence or euphoria etc. Smoked some weed a few hours later and felt a familiar high that made me ready to sleep.
I am very lucky I did not meet the big bad serotonin syndrome or get sick; I had an amazing time but please be careful.
