Mental Health i'm alone now.

[ledbyher]

i pushed the last person who would speak to me away during a meth crashout.

i hear things in their words and tone, and decide i would rather listen to my own thoughts.

now i enter cali sobriety (going to buy weed to ease the 2 week vry real meth comedown)

low stimulation music and environment.

tending to my belongings and my space. advocating for my right to have affordable housing,
through all means necessary.

i don't carry a lot of shame for my past actions, i listen to the angels that guide me towards a bright window with
friendly faces and familiar gestures of love.

i found a musical artist that gets me for now



right now i know the next thing to do, that is hope, here.

this isn't as bad as facing real homelessness, i can listen to artificial rain.

i am wrong but i am right.
i am bad and i am good.
i care and i don't give a fk.
i'm sorry and i'm not sorry.
i will take care, i'm not yet there.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Everyone needs alone time, it gives us a chance to regroup and become grounded again. It’s not a bad thing, but by the same token humans are social creatures and some of us need to be connected in that manner.
Take time off as you need it but remember BL is here for you as you.

 

[chippermonk]

Good luck. Don't forget to nurture yourself. There are a lot of helpful tips in that regard here here on BL that people have shared

 

[aokorn]

i pushed the last person who would speak to me away during a meth crashout.

i hear things in their words and tone, and decide i would rather listen to my own thoughts.

now i enter cali sobriety (going to buy weed to ease the 2 week vry real meth comedown)

low stimulation music and environment.

tending to my belongings and my space. advocating for my right to have affordable housing,
through all means necessary.

i don't carry a lot of shame for my past actions, i listen to the angels that guide me towards a bright window with
friendly faces and familiar gestures of love.

i found a musical artist that gets me for now



right now i know the next thing to do, that is hope, here.

this isn't as bad as facing real homelessness, i can listen to artificial rain.

i am wrong but i am right.
i am bad and i am good.
i care and i don't give a fk.
i'm sorry and i'm not sorry.
i will take care, i'm not yet there.

Being alone isn't a bad thing. I have a wife and family, and I'm still alone.

It only becomes a problem if you see it as one.

I've accepted being alone, and it's fine.

 

[N0ph0n0]

I am so sorry for you, will be praying things get better for you. I know it comes out rudely but as my first sponsor told me after a pretty bad relapse, sometimes you need to hit rock bottom if you want to stay away from drugs. I never truely hit rock bottom but when my gf broke up with me because my drug habits scared and i had to shave my beloved beard because after scratching away at too many imaginary imbeded hair well it got infected it sure did feel like rock bottom, now of course that's nothing compared to your situation but hopefully what you are living will get you to kick this fucking horrible disease out of your life for good. Good luck man, try hitting up the AA meetings, they are more accepting of cali sobriety than NA.

 

[ledbyher]

ty for all of your thoughtful responses.

whilst i was alone i made a drug friend, over a couple months.


they stabbed me yday with a blunt knife to steal my gear.

i am alone, i have a friend irl, they are good to me, i am good to them.

i do not fear living, things change and do align, we forget, we remember.

 

[ledbyher]

meth is a horrible drug and attracts really dirty people.

i am completely over it. stay away.

 

[ledbyher]

i'm being gangstalked

people follow me and think i might be able to read their minds.

but i'm just a bit smart.

 

[SoCalShordie]

i pushed the last person who would speak to me away during a meth crashout.

i hear things in their words and tone, and decide i would rather listen to my own thoughts.

now i enter cali sobriety (going to buy weed to ease the 2 week vry real meth comedown)

low stimulation music and environment.

tending to my belongings and my space. advocating for my right to have affordable housing,
through all means necessary.

i don't carry a lot of shame for my past actions, i listen to the angels that guide me towards a bright window with
friendly faces and familiar gestures of love.

i found a musical artist that gets me for now



right now i know the next thing to do, that is hope, here.

this isn't as bad as facing real homelessness, i can listen to artificial rain.

i am wrong but i am right.
i am bad and i am good.
i care and i don't give a fk.
i'm sorry and i'm not sorry.
i will take care, i'm not yet there.

Loneliness is the human condition; cultivate it.

 

[SoCalShordie]

Lol that’s a quote from my all time favorite book.

 

[SoCalShordie]

I’ve always found it to be helpful. As I too have always felt totally alone. Until my daughter arrived.

 

[Pucman]

Meth is a terrible drug for certain people, it screws up all your core beliefs. Makes you doubt your own sanity and from everyone that I have seen is one of the worst recoveries. In rehab they were the first to leave, if they made it thru then they were already planning a relapse. But I know plenty that have beaten it and are doing great. First thing I would suggest is get out of your head, you do realize that the longer you stay in there having conversations with yourself the worse it makes actual life. My voice tells me all the things I want to hear, you deserve a reward, you have had the hardest life, Im here for you always all your friends will never understand you. Lets just do one more! That one was too small, we should do another just so we get right. Listen to some Allan Watts he can break down how your brain works in 30 minutes. You are just choosing to be alone so you can rationalize in your head whatever you want. There is only one of us, why would you need to constantly chatter/argue/rationalize with your self. That other voice isnt the real you brother. Im trying to quiet mine again for the 100th time. Addiction is a life long carer, and Cali sober is always the goal. Best of luck my friend, you sound intelligent as well but most of the addicts I know, myself included would rather be alone and not be judged by our degenerate ways.

 

[ledbyher]

i cut a toxic person out of my life today,

i have blocked all of my meth and weed contacts.

i can't be friends with people addicted to meth.

routine and structure is where i find fulfilment. i've seen it work before.

morning outside light-movement-stillness

i don't feel so alone now, missed being seen and understood, i cherished that.

nothing i need is rushing past me,
what is mine - arrives in it's own time.

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

i’ve tried everything possible to get my wife to leave me so i can kill myself in peace.

having loved ones is a trap that will keep you in this hellscape if you don’t want to stay.

 

[fuckabout89]

i’ve tried everything possible to get my wife to leave me so i can kill myself in peace.

having loved ones is a trap that will keep you in this hellscape if you don’t want to stay.

Not really for me, atleast, my family isn't holding me back. They caused me nothing but misery in my life there little better now but....No one holding me back I dont think anyone ever could maybe if I had partner and she actually loved me and cared about me. Only thing preventing it at this stage is my inability to find a proper rope. My make shift extension cord isnt gonna work without me worrying about it failing. So my only options is find one someone throws away or steal one from the store. I dont feel like going to jail so.

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

Not really for me, atleast, my family isn't holding me back. They caused me nothing but misery in my life there little better now but....No one holding me back I dont think anyone ever could maybe if I had partner and she actually loved me and cared about me. Only thing preventing it at this stage is my inability to find a proper rope. My make shift extension cord isnt gonna work without me worrying about it failing.

yes all my family i told them to eat shit and they are confused and sad but fuck them.

my wife is the only one that really understands and the only one that i respect and love. and it’s not even that; it’s just what it would do to her that stops me.

 

[fuckabout89]

yes all my family i told them to eat shit and they are confused and sad but fuck them.

my wife is the only one that really understands and the only one that i respect and love. and it’s not even that; it’s just what it would do to her that stops me.

Thats a wonderful gift you have, I dont have that unfortunately.

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

Thats a wonderful gift you have, I dont have that unfortunately.

my whole point is that it isn’t a gift it’s a curse.

i’ve tried almost everything legal to get her to leave me.

i’m trapped. all i want to do is kill muself but im trapped because of her.

if she died today in an accident i would feel immense relief and immediately kill myself.

the few times when something was dangerous happens to me and i thought i could die i felt immense relief amd happiness that i was about to die, no fear reaction at all.

 

[fuckabout89]

my whole point is that it isn’t a gift it’s a curse.

i’ve tried almost everything legal to get her to leave me.

i’m trapped. all i want to do is kill muself but im trapped because of her.

if she died today in an accident i would feel immense relief and immediately kill myself.

the few times when something was dangerous happens to me and i thought i could die i felt immense relief amd happiness that i was about to die, no fear reaction at all.

What's making you depressed?

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

What's making you depressed?

chronic pain. i’m not depressed.

and if it wasn’t for narcotics i wouldn’t be able to stand it even for her.

no questions asked i’d be out this hellhole