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What Are You CRAVING v. I wanna be sedated

lost weekend said:
ga Thom
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my better half of 30 years is thai. when i ate pain meds like candy and sometimes got sick she would tell me "maeng da" would help. she said it was a leaf from home that helps with pain and all kinds of other beneficial effects. i was like yeah right a leaf will keep that monkey off my back. after years of her saying "maeng da" i thought to google it one day.
found maeng da = kratom in the usa. hmmmm. called the local head shop and asked if they cary kratom or maeng da. he said both. what? he explained that essentially all marng da is kratom but not all kratom is maeng da. whatever on the way.
bought some .5g capsules and got back and ate one. then another. it was magic. couldnt believe what i was feeling (or not feeling). looked on ebay and saw a vendor there and bought some. they stopped selling on ebay but she still my "plug". i just recently tried a different vendor after all these years and found some that is more effective. tried before and always returned. idk the kratom just seemed weaker the last few goes. didnt have that bitterness that i am used to, ya know? maybe old and stale....
anyway
stay safe and keep yer eye out for da boogieman ;)
✌️
 
PtahTek said:
my better half of 30 years is thai. when i ate pain meds like candy and sometimes got sick she would tell me "maeng da" would help. she said it was a leaf from home that helps with pain and all kinds of other beneficial effects. i was like yeah right a leaf will keep that monkey off my back. after years of her saying "maeng da" i thought to google it one day.
found maeng da = kratom in the usa. hmmmm. called the local head shop and asked if they cary kratom or maeng da. he said both. what? he explained that essentially all marng da is kratom but not all kratom is maeng da. whatever on the way.
bought some .5g capsules and got back and ate one. then another. it was magic. couldnt believe what i was feeling (or not feeling). looked on ebay and saw a vendor there and bought some. they stopped selling on ebay but she still my "plug". i just recently tried a different vendor after all these years and found some that is more effective. tried before and always returned. idk the kratom just seemed weaker the last few goes. didnt have that bitterness that i am used to, ya know? maybe old and stale....
anyway
stay safe and keep yer eye out for da boogieman ;)
✌️
Click to expand...
Yeh I've found the powder almost has a burnt taste,I did querie it with vendor years ago but never got a reply

The major malfunction with kratom is tolerance, I guess like every drug .if only I had more will power I could be floating once or twice a week .
Hey its great your better half is Thai ,I love Thai people,there so gracious ,polite and I'm not so naive but in Thailand your treated like a Prince.
You must be eating better than the average bear ,I love Thai food .I'm feeling all nostalgic now .
 
lost weekend said:
if only I had more will power
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famous last words. lol
lost weekend said:
treated like a Prince.
You must be eating better than the average bear
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i am and am bot. a balance. its not that difficult to become one and the same as if we dont feel like we can solve an issue we feel we have failed. not the best perspective but who am i to make that call?
indo have tho opportunity to eat lime a bear but the state im in wont let me. at least im back to at least 175lb and holding.
not used to it even after 30mys. 60 days was tops with anyone before her.
i know i shit talk myself and her at imes (hell everyone i imagine) but wouldnt have it any other way.
its like after 30 years ya kinda earn the right to have some output thats not in the most positive light. we havent always been kind to each other in the past but never have we come to blows or any other kinda of physical disputes
tmi my bad

btw i am thai now. more appropriation ffs.
just need to get home.
she has made a freaking huge impact for the "good" in my wretched life.
maybe i have ascended...? 😂

thanks for the back and forth
dont get much of that.
♥️
 
I would love a nice strong thc edible, 5mg of clonazepam, alprazolam or similar and 1/2g of heroin to chip away at throughout the day. Maybe 0.2g of cocaine to have a couple speedballs over the day. Id do that before the edible though.

Ive overindulged in meth over the past 3 days and im going through a very emotionally turbulent event atm and using that much over that long was a huge mistake. If these benzos dont happen im in a lot of trouble.
 
PtahTek said:
ohhh i wanna sedated so bad rn
grrr
itll be okay
just sit with it. 🤣
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Sit with the feels, homes

Been trying to do that the last couple days. Or was it months. Years maybe? 😉 What I mean is I think the past 2 days I've been doing it well but it's always difficult no matter what day it is.

It's hard but doable. Moving nowhere is moving forward. We just gotta be rocks in the river (quoting JackARoe)
 
streaM Freak said:
Sit with the feels, homes
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been doing just that and its catching up to me... but not today im sedating since awakening. will not "sit with it" on this day. a reprieve if you will.
i feel that maybe i am losing control of usage but from past experience(s) can regain it at will.
Probably pass out inna bit but it def feels great to shed all that is keeping me "down" even if it is short lived....
can also have all the coffee as i want. :)
 
Well I have got.....a lot of text writes....people who read'em said that they gave vibe instantly...well after I read one night I cannot do it ...and throw them in the fire....guess.....heavy,too heavy stuff....I don't want to smash people,but to make'em laugh and smile.....who can put this pain along with his own on his back?For what?Isn't a world shitty enough?
 
Someone to talk to

Release from mental/physical/spiritual pain, I tell myself one day all this pain will be the reason for my transcendence, but when is suffering too great to learn from?

Besides that Im not craving anything
 
I want more heroin. I'm actually craving freebase coke to smoke atm. I'm craving more benzos but one in particular that I no longer have access to is Etizolam. I'd love 20-50mg of that stuff to go through over the next week.

Other than that I'd love me some ketamine or preferably MXE. Some really nice hash or live resin would be an absolute treat too.

Now smoking freebase, then 4-5mg Etizolam. When that kicks in enough IV heroin to not kill me but to get really high would be amazing. Then a good smoke of hash or dab some live resin, or even some decent edibles. Then later on when all that has mostly worn off some MXE and a good lay down until it's time for bed.

The drug I'm absolutely NOT craving is meth!
 
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