Social Do you like life, specifically do you like your life?

[PtahTek]

4 am a fear creeps in

yeah i know that dread well. for so long that im not sure if i could function without it.
imma say it again: life was soooo much easier when abusing substance daily. sure there are issues running out of supply, not having funds to eat, scaping to get rent paid etc (abusing substances is not the only reason why we may find ourselves in above circumstance(s) ).
im sure you have come a long way when looking back. i have regarding daily abuse but to face "life" is yes daunting. not pleased with the plastic age but im innit. trying to make the best of it.
just trying a different means to an end to being "sane" in an insane world, seeing things as they (maybe) truly are, dealing with dealing with family as we age (and myself), preparing for more loss ahhh just so much i can go on but i feel the struggle is global so maybe dont have to go on.
sorry to ramble. i have no other outlet other than therapy so sometimes posts may be all over the place and sometimes off topic but its complex and ohhhh there i go again. sorry.

 

[PtahTek]

i will say this with fair certainty: as much as it sucks to be me most times i would rather keep the life I have than trade it for anothers. there is no perfect life no matter what kind of mask someone may wear in public.
so yeah i am happy with my life in that regard.

 

[lost weekend]

yeah i know that dread well. for so long that im not sure if i could function without it.
imma say it again: life was soooo much easier when abusing substance daily. sure there are issues running out of supply, not having funds to eat, scaping to get rent paid etc (abusing substances is not the only reason why we may find ourselves in above circumstance(s) ).
im sure you have come a long way when looking back. i have regarding daily abuse but to face "life" is yes daunting. not pleased with the plastic age but im innit. trying to make the best of it.
just trying a different means to an end to being "sane" in an insane world, seeing things as they (maybe) truly are, dealing with dealing with family as we age (and myself), preparing for more loss ahhh just so much i can go on but i feel the struggle is global so maybe dont have to go on.
sorry to ramble. i have no other outlet other than therapy so sometimes posts may be all over the place and sometimes off topic but its complex and ohhhh there i go again. sorry.

I find the forum therapeutic, well as much as anything could be.i think it's easier letting your feelings known to I don't like the term stranger but someone you don't know.my biggest fear is having to interact with other people especially at work it would be fair to say alot of them are arseholes but not all of them I have better friendships at work than I do with my friends I grew up with who I lost touch with years ago

 

[lost weekend]

I know what you mean with substance abuse ,life is bearable but hectic

 

[PtahTek]

I find the forum therapeutic

so do i. its (bl) has been here in some of my darkest days and there is genuine support. i feel i will be around these halls for a while (gods willing) and appreciate the feedback not only to you on a serious note, but also to the other responses when im feeling a bit clownish. the only thing i dont love much about getting on bl has come to phone use (small keyboard) as pulling out the laptop (which i used to have a passion for) no longer interests me enough to do so.
i would be willing to bet that the users here at bl (and across the globe) have more in common than led to believe. petty disputes spiral into wars and i find this can be avoided easily. no cash gains/returns on being in common so very improvable to happen. dreams ill never see.... (molly hatchet)

life is bearable but hectic

true chaos in my experience. if one is into that sorta thing well kudos but it took a heavy toll on me. still the echos remain.
ahhh what do we do? tick away the moments that make up the dull day? - pink floyd. ha so fitting specially on overcast/rainy days like it is now.

 

[lost weekend]

so do i. its (bl) has been here in some of my darkest days and there is genuine support. i feel i will be around these halls for a while (gods willing) and appreciate the feedback not only to you on a serious note, but also to the other responses when im feeling a bit clownish. the only thing i dont love much about getting on bl has come to phone use (small keyboard) as pulling out the laptop (which i used to have a passion for) no longer interests me enough to do so.
i would be willing to bet that the users here at bl (and across the globe) have more in common than led to believe. petty disputes spiral into wars and i find this can be avoided easily. no cash gains/returns on being in common so very improvable to happen. dreams ill never see.... (molly hatchet)


true chaos in my experience. if one is into that sorta thing well kudos but it took a heavy toll on me. still the echos remain.
ahhh what do we do? tick away the moments that make up the dull day? - pink floyd. ha so fitting specially on overcast/rainy days like it is now.

so do i. its (bl) has been here in some of my darkest days and there is genuine support. i feel i will be around these halls for a while (gods willing) and appreciate the feedback not only to you on a serious note, but also to the other responses when im feeling a bit clownish. the only thing i dont love much about getting on bl has come to phone use (small keyboard) as pulling out the laptop (which i used to have a passion for) no longer interests me enough to do so.
i would be willing to bet that the users here at bl (and across the globe) have more in common than led to believe. petty disputes spiral into wars and i find this can be avoided easily. no cash gains/returns on being in common so very improvable to happen. dreams ill never see.... (molly hatchet)


true chaos in my experience. if one is into that sorta thing well kudos but it took a heavy toll on me. still the echos remain.
ahhh what do we do? tick away the moments that make up the dull day? - pink floyd. ha so fitting specially on overcast/rainy days like it is now.

At least such a thing as music exists, if I could have lived in another era away from social media and mobile phones I may have been comfortably numb at least

 

[PtahTek]

if I could have lived in another era away from social media and mobile phones

ha! brings back memories of the farm where i was born. no electricity at borth but remember acquiring (grandparents) a radio and tv over a few years.trip looking back and realizing how much has changed in 50+ years.

 

[lost weekend]

ha! brings back memories of the farm where i was born. no electricity at borth but remember acquiring (grandparents) a radio and tv over a few years.trip looking back and realizing how much has changed in 50+ years.

Yeh it's mental when I was 16 serving my time nobody had mobile phones apart from the apprentices the boss if he wanted to get a hold of you on a job had to get off his arse ,that's why jobs were more organised

 

[PenguinWithNapalm]

I actually do like my life. I am also very grateful for my life. I think that being grateful go hand in hand with happiness (I know you said that they are different) I would also consider myself a generally happy person even though there are hardships. I have had a lot of mental healthcare professionals try to tell me and diagnose me with depression which I find very irritating because how tf are you going to try to tell me you know me better than I know myself? (Mini rant) I have pretty bad ADHD and anxiety which lead to distress but that isn’t the same as depression. It can always be worse. I’m grateful that I have all of my limbs and I’m a healthy person with people who love me.

 

[PtahTek]

I have pretty bad ADHD and anxiety which lead to distress but that isn’t the same as depression

A lot of mind "issues" may overlap with some symptoms so they just take stabs at what it may be and hope they get it right. Just my take, anyway.
IMO/E mapping the mind and its actions through psychology may be a science (used to think it witchcraft lol) but like all sciences proven methods change constantly so not sure where to go from that regarding looking at it from that perspective.
Glad to see someone is loving life! It's encouraging.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

The human mind is an amazing instrument, it shapes and interprets the world you live in and who you are in the world. If have a negative outlook on life and your place in life you struggle just to stay afloat, life is hard because your fighting with life instead of riding the positive aspects of life. How do you go from negative to positive is a lesson I have to relearn from time to time. The positive thing about life, like humans are in constant change. This gives us an opportunity to change direction from a bad day to a good day. It's about choice and who / what you choose to be.

 

[DrChivago]

You're asking incredibly complex question in a diverse and convoluted sea of opinion, often skewed by psychoactive substances. So objectivity is pretty much out of the question...lol

In general, the answer to this question is always gonna be NO(on this forum). I speculate that most people who self medicate with an illicit chemicals, probably are trying to escape... something. Trauma, a shitty job... whatever but for the most part people who live envious lives, tend not to litter it with drugs. And let's be real... go visit a homeless camp or a shelter to volunteer. It's no coincidence they all have one thing in common.

Honestly The best years of my life were spent sober when my children were young, but it was a matter of time for my trauma caught up to me. I covet those years of ignorance. They were great and I always have those memories. As do my children

 

[bvc]

Honestly The best years of my life were spent sober when my children were young, but it was a matter of time for my trauma caught up to me. I covet those years of ignorance. They were great and I always have those memories. As do my children

If you don't mind my asking, what kind of trauma are you going through?

 

[DrChivago]

The human mind is an amazing instrument, it shapes and interprets the world you live in and who you are in the world. If have a negative outlook on life and your place in life you struggle just to stay afloat, life is hard because your fighting with life instead of riding the positive aspects of life. How do you go from negative to positive is a lesson I have to relearn from time to time. The positive thing about life, like humans are in constant change. This gives us an opportunity to change direction from a bad day to a good day. It's about choice and who / what you choose to be.

This is cute and it gave me a chuckle. No offense but it sounds like AA/NA

I think it's just acceptance. Not necessarily negative or positive, because things are gonna fucking suck no matter what in the world is just a shitty place. Every now and then you find a nugget. Let's face it. People are assholes, life is a bitch and bad things are bound to happen. But every dumb dog gets a warm piece of the sidewalk every now and then. I'll give you another one from there... The serenity prayer.

Give me the courage to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change things that can, and the wisdom to know the difference


i

 

[DrChivago]

If you don't mind my asking, what kind of trauma are you going through?

Well I hate to play the victim, or sympathy fish bc I tell my Kids that shit all the time.

Where do I start? I think the main traumatic experience I'm suffering from is being adopted into an abusive family, that should have NEVER had a kid. My adoptive parents were cheap, violent and manipulative and I spent my best years aggressively seeking validation from them only for "Ma" to die from a double stroke late 50's(didn't even recognize me) and "Pop" from Pancreatic cancer 5 years later. He never once said "I love you." and I idolized that son of a bitch. I wanted to scream at him "WHY?!" as I watched him die on his deathbed. But I just told him "Its OK You can go..."

Wanna know what he did? He left his house and his Life insurance to his second wife of 4 years instead of me. But she was actually a decent woman and put it in my name and gave me the money. Although the house was actually still in a mortgage with $80,000 owed on it. Gee thanks dad...

I'd say that's probably the main thing... I won't even go into fighting cancer or losing my son's mom to an overdose a couple years ago. Sometimes life just deals ya some shitty hands.

 

[bvc]

Well I hate to play the victim, and no sympathy fishing

Too late. I already have a sympathy boner.
Seriously though, I understand. I can't imagine what you've gone through but I'm glad you're still here. Your son still has you and that's a great thing.
I had a good childhood so obviously I can't go there with you. But I hate when people who don't deserve a kid get a kid. It might sound stupid and I'm not sure how to put it, but it feels like there should be a license for having a child. At least passing some courses.
Please stay happy, healthy, and safe, and keep your kid the same the best you can. I'm rooting for you, for whatever that's worth.

 

[lost weekend]

You're asking incredibly complex question in a diverse and convoluted sea of opinion, often skewed by psychoactive substances. So objectivity is pretty much out of the question...lol

In general, the answer to this question is always gonna be NO(on this forum). I speculate that most people who self medicate with an illicit chemicals, probably are trying to escape... something. Trauma, a shitty job... whatever but for the most part people who live envious lives, tend not to litter it with drugs. And let's be real... go visit a homeless camp or a shelter to volunteer. It's no coincidence they all have one thing in common.

Honestly The best years of my life were spent sober when my children were young, but it was a matter of time for my trauma caught up to me. I covet those years of ignorance. They were great and I always have those memories. As do my children

When my son was young I was at my happiest ,we used to go for walks every Sunday and visit outlaws on a regular basis ,now I can't be bothered, I'd rather come home from work and drink beer .I resent visitors including my own mother and father although I have no reason to

Years ago I would look forward to inviting them over for a cooked breakfast, that hasn't happened in 10 years. Sad

 

[bvc]

Years ago I would look forward to inviting them over for a cooked breakfast, that hasn't happened in 10 years. Sad

It sucks being alienated from your parents sometimes.

 

[lost weekend]

It sucks being alienated from your parents sometimes.

I know there only here for so long ,more effort needed on my part but easier said than done

 

[DrChivago]

Too late. I already have a sympathy boner.
Seriously though, I understand. I can't imagine what you've gone through but I'm glad you're still here. Your son still has you and that's a great thing.
I had a good childhood so obviously I can't go there with you. But I hate when people who don't deserve a kid get a kid. It might sound stupid and I'm not sure how to put it, but it feels like there should be a license for having a child. At least passing some courses.
Please stay happy, healthy, and safe, and keep your kid the same the best you can. I'm rooting for you, for whatever that's worth.

I appreciate your mention.

Im cancer free now and plan on being around to bug the shit outta my kids for years. Got a check up with the Endo in a couple weeks see how the remaining kidney is doing. Been doing the keto and TRT with some success and feeling not to shabby. Slow and steady wins the race

and @lost weekend... bruh. Call your peeps and make sure you're good. Yo ass better be there for Xmas! Appreciate em while you can cuz aint no sunshine when they gone brother.