Reaching out to hypnotist to address trauma in hope of regaining my memory.
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Recovery I have childhood trauma and trauma associated with psychosis
- Thread starter M!$TER-ED
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Vanilla_Incense
Bluelighter
I feel you bro. I definitely have some lost memories. Let me know if the hypnotist works 
. I hope it does 
. I hope it does I'd look into EMDR, which is supposed to be good for that
I remember the day I broke, after high school a buddy and I did LSD drinking liquor. I could never hold my liquor without passing out. I think I had some PCP too…anyway something happened that night, my buddy’s car was in a ditch the next morning when I woke up.
I was out-of-sync with time and the world, I wasn’t in the groove I was before that night. I couldn’t make simple decisions for fear of something catastrophic would happen if I made the wrong choices.
I want to know what happened that night that set the criteria for psychosis and mental illness. After all this time, 55 + years I will have answers to the mystery of me.
There is 25 + year gap between 1980-2005 I wasted away smoking tobacco in my laundry room away from my family because of second-hand smoke. Tobacco was more important than family back then. That part of my life is a blur, I didn’t socialize with anyone except my youngest daughter. My oldest daughter and her mother teamed up because my youngest was having mental health issues of her own.
In 2005, I overdosed on herbal supplements and prescription medication, psychosis set in for the third time in my life. I had a spiritual experience that involved Easter time and a resurrection from my former self. I died, at least the old me died.
I put my life together the way I should have 30 years ago. I got a job, went to college and graduated with honors with a bachelor’s degree in human services.
I retired 2021, currently I’m working on a community health movement for senior citizens that involve psychedelics for healing and end-of-life acceptance. The psychedelic renaissance is almost upon us. Psychedelic therapy for mental health is almost a reality in most states of the union. However, amidst the frenzy of treatment options for depression and addiction, seniors need to be included in this research and conversations.
As far as the website, it is almost ready, I just need to do some final tweaking before it goes live full time.
I was out-of-sync with time and the world, I wasn’t in the groove I was before that night. I couldn’t make simple decisions for fear of something catastrophic would happen if I made the wrong choices.
I want to know what happened that night that set the criteria for psychosis and mental illness. After all this time, 55 + years I will have answers to the mystery of me.
There is 25 + year gap between 1980-2005 I wasted away smoking tobacco in my laundry room away from my family because of second-hand smoke. Tobacco was more important than family back then. That part of my life is a blur, I didn’t socialize with anyone except my youngest daughter. My oldest daughter and her mother teamed up because my youngest was having mental health issues of her own.
In 2005, I overdosed on herbal supplements and prescription medication, psychosis set in for the third time in my life. I had a spiritual experience that involved Easter time and a resurrection from my former self. I died, at least the old me died.
I put my life together the way I should have 30 years ago. I got a job, went to college and graduated with honors with a bachelor’s degree in human services.
I retired 2021, currently I’m working on a community health movement for senior citizens that involve psychedelics for healing and end-of-life acceptance. The psychedelic renaissance is almost upon us. Psychedelic therapy for mental health is almost a reality in most states of the union. However, amidst the frenzy of treatment options for depression and addiction, seniors need to be included in this research and conversations.
As far as the website, it is almost ready, I just need to do some final tweaking before it goes live full time.
buriedbyclouds
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2025
- Messages
- 9
best of luck to you, i actually got an appointment this month for my first EMDR scheduling for trauma therapy, was recently diagnosed with DID and i have a plethora amount of lost memory. massive gaps. its not getting any better so hopefully this therapy works. i feel for you
endlessnameless
Bluelighter
I'm sorry to hear about this. I have a lot of trauma too, mainly from my mothers insane temper tantrums that had me terrified of her as a child and most of my life. It sent me into a perpetual state of anxiety - more specifically the 'freeze response' when at kind of danger (percieved or otherwise) I would freeze up and go completely mute. I found it very difficult to trust anyone for most of my life and I am constantly on edge, have serious social and generalised anxiety issues and it took me years to pin-point the source of it being my mothers temper. I always suspected that to be the source but I could never be absolutely certain as I was moved around to a lot of babysitters/nannys as a child and the only other reason could have been something that happened with one of those that was so traumatic that my mind repressed the memories but no, I'm fairly certain my mothers tantrums are the culprit.
It wasnt until I began doing some CBT exercises at home along with TRE (Trauma Release Exercises) that my mind relaxed enough for me to start to be able to think more clearly and I began getting flashbacks to being scared stiiff as a child. One minute everything would be calm and happy and then it would take something as small as my mother dropping a spoon in the kitchen to set her off and she'd SCREAM the damn house down, bang presses and doors and break stuff for 10+ minutes sending me into instant panic and shock as it was so unexpected. This would have been daily. This went on from as young as I can remember up until not long after my brother was born, so the first 9-11 years of my life and its has a very serious and long last effect on me.
Having said that I love my mother and without her I dont know where I'd be, but she has a lot of unaddressed mental health issues herself which in turn gave me mental health issues its something I'll be going for therapy/CBT for ASAP. I got my previous doctor to fill out the necessary forms to send off to the HSE to book me in for an appointment with a mental health professional but he never sent the bloody thing off. This was over a year ago (July 2004) and when was down with him I told him I am at a CRISIS POINT yet he still didnt send it off, so I'll get my connection in his office to get me the form and I'll get my new doctor to send it off instead.
What annoys me the most is that the waiting list to be seen takes anywhere from 6 months to 1 year so i would have been seen by now had he sent it off but alas - no. I can expect to be waiting at least 6+ months to be seen...but it needs to be done, cant live like this anymore (certainly not sober anyway).
The word resilience comes to mind as I read your post, you are stronger than you realize. I hope you find peace and healing.
EMDR has helped my issues somewhat.
Specifically: I still see the faces, smell the smells, hear the screams, taste the blood and feel the dread and panic. EMDR seems to have let me experience all this almost from a discociative way and even though the bullshit is still in my head and body I feel it all to a very less degree than I did in the beforetimes.
I can pharma-lobotimize myself if need be I try anything that is reported to help besides medication(s).
Working through this shit is exhausting, painful and seemingly never ending at times but looking back at the progress made keeps me in the game.
Best wishes to you all.
Peace
Specifically: I still see the faces, smell the smells, hear the screams, taste the blood and feel the dread and panic. EMDR seems to have let me experience all this almost from a discociative way and even though the bullshit is still in my head and body I feel it all to a very less degree than I did in the beforetimes.
I can pharma-lobotimize myself if need be I try anything that is reported to help besides medication(s).
Working through this shit is exhausting, painful and seemingly never ending at times but looking back at the progress made keeps me in the game.
Best wishes to you all.
Peace