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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Venting I just hate being sober

Mushoku_Sensei said:
I see you're underway.... From fent back to pills is probably the biggest step one may have to take...if you can achieve that much it would probably make things quite a bit easier Already, right? Your tol must be going down rather fast this way... Don't give up! You're going to be able to feel them again eventually 🙏🫂🍀
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If I could find anything... I'd be off the wagon in no time flat. Fucking hate sobriety. My brain won't cooperate. I finally found some opanas today... fucking ridiculous prices. But they "helped" as much as something you can't feel CAN help.. I admit I actually got excited thinking I might get a snap off them. Nope. 45mg all at once, and it took the edge off. Shoulda known better.

There is no place for me here sober. I know I sound like a self defeatist. Maybe I am. I personally think I'm just being honest. I suppose the inner workings of the psyche and what is truly what isn't for me to decide.
 
Uden said:
If I could find anything... I'd be off the wagon in no time flat. Fucking hate sobriety. My brain won't cooperate. I finally found some opanas today... fucking ridiculous prices. But they "helped" as much as something you can't feel CAN help.. I admit I actually got excited thinking I might get a snap off them. Nope. 45mg all at once, and it took the edge off. Shoulda known better.

There is no place for me here sober. I know I sound like a self defeatist. Maybe I am. I personally think I'm just being honest. I suppose the inner workings of the psyche and what is truly what isn't for me to decide.
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I see... It's probably going to take some time to bring fent level tolerance down... It's an insane level after all.. And I don't even think you have to aim at sobriety. Also once you're in full WD even for me it took a lot more than a normal dose to come out of it... All on comparatively tiny levels but that's what I felt. Thank God I never touched fent fr... Still then if you keep just taking the edge off your tol must come down. I would just wish you could find some fairly reliable source for pills ... I know we talked about it already but substitution would be a real blessing.... Maybe ChatGPT can be of help with that? Just to get a foot in the door..🙏😖🙏
 
Uden said:
Lived in the general area since 2008. Oak Ridge. Farragut. Rockwood. That sucked. Knoxville itself for a time. Western Heights was ... interesting. Sevierville. I think that's it.
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I lived in Oak Ridge a couple years in mid-90s and in Gatlinburg 12 years early 2000s.
 
@Uden : I don't want to sound ridiculous but I was just wondering if you tried Kratom yet... I know it definitely won't get you high but it's still an opioid and it could help to at least cover some of the basics... Also afaik it's legal in most places so it might be a lot cheaper than anything you buy from the street...
 
I wouldn't say that I hate being sober. There are a lot of things that are more enjoyable while sober than high or drunk. But I wouldn't want to live a completely sober life. I need regular breaks from reality.
 
docpavor said:
I wouldn't say that I hate being sober. There are a lot of things that are more enjoyable while sober than high or drunk. But I wouldn't want to live a completely sober life. I need regular breaks from reality.
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That's a cool attitude! 😎
I wish I could stop breaking 😅
Anyway what are you into?
 
Mushoku_Sensei said:
@Uden : I don't want to sound ridiculous but I was just wondering if you tried Kratom yet... I know it definitely won't get you high but it's still an opioid and it could help to at least cover some of the basics... Also afaik it's legal in most places so it might be a lot cheaper than anything you buy from the street...
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You don't sound ignorant at all.

I have tried it several times, gave me a headache a couple of those times. Otherwise I didn't really notice any difference. I'm not sure if I did too little or what... (probably, I'm usually pretty skimpy when it comes to trying new shit...) but yeah I don't know what I did wrong, if I did anything wrong, etc.

And I appreciate the suggestion.

I've heard heroin can help with the detox process of heroin. I think I should try that. :P
 
Uden said:
You don't sound ignorant at all.

I have tried it several times, gave me a headache a couple of those times. Otherwise I didn't really notice any difference. I'm not sure if I did too little or what... (probably, I'm usually pretty skimpy when it comes to trying new shit...) but yeah I don't know what I did wrong, if I did anything wrong, etc.

And I appreciate the suggestion.

I've heard heroin can help with the detox process of heroin. I think I should try that. :P
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The laughter was for the last sentence 😅
I get that though...

As for Kratom there's a ceiling effect apparently around 10-15 g. Easiest way is to mix the powder in some liquid that has a strong taste (lemonade or juice works for me), add some lemon/vit C and down it on a possibly empty stomach. Many use toss and wash but since I accidentally inhaled it once I didn't try that anymore ... The effect lasts around 3 hours. That's about all I know. Ofc there are different strains, red meng da is said to be strongest for sedation. It has serotonergic effects, that might have been the headache, but I'm just guessing...
 
Mushoku_Sensei said:
The laughter was for the last sentence 😅
I get that though...

As for Kratom there's a ceiling effect apparently around 10-15 g. Easiest way is to mix the powder in some liquid that has a strong taste (lemonade or juice works for me), add some lemon/vit C and down it on a possibly empty stomach. Many use toss and wash but since I accidentally inhaled it once I didn't try that anymore ... The effect lasts around 3 hours. That's about all I know. Ofc there are different strains, red meng da is said to be strongest for sedation. It has serotonergic effects, that might have been the headache, but I'm just guessing...
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Well thank you. I might give it a try again at some point. I gotta figure something out. Can't keep going on like I am.
 
Uden said:
Well thank you. I might give it a try again at some point. I gotta figure something out. Can't keep going on like I am.
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100% understandable... No one could I believe. Idk if there's a possibility to just admit yourself to some sort of hospital or ambulant care for acute cases... If only I could give you a useful tip for this but I know way too little about what is possible where you're at.. If you say you want to detox here you can be hospitalized for it... Not always at once but it's possible... Or maybe just go and ask any local doctor... They should be able to at least tell you where to go... I really hope you find a stable solution somewhere somehow... Please don't give up 🙏🙏🙏
 
Mushoku_Sensei said:
100% understandable... No one could I believe. Idk if there's a possibility to just admit yourself to some sort of hospital or ambulant care for acute cases... If only I could give you a useful tip for this but I know way too little about what is possible where you're at.. If you say you want to detox here you can be hospitalized for it... Not always at once but it's possible... Or maybe just go and ask any local doctor... They should be able to at least tell you where to go... I really hope you find a stable solution somewhere somehow... Please don't give up 🙏🙏🙏
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They'll just stick me in a psyche ward again. I'm all good on that. Those places are NOT where I want to detox. My insurance is super cool apparently. I'm trying though. I relapsed yesterday. Didn't have a choice. Couldn't find any pills and I was pretty bad off. Like contemplating about stringing up all day bad off. Fuck I can't wait until this is over lol. What a shit show.
 
try keeping yourself busy with life progress activities to keep your mind off sitting around and getting high .... but I do think it is perfectly naturally to get high in whatever way you feel best for yourself. I kind of think of it as releasing all the pent up shite -- if you don't blow the steam pipes off now and than you may be likely to explode.

or that is just me projecting my own psyche onto you idk
 
notsmokeymcpot42088 said:
try keeping yourself busy with life progress activities to keep your mind off sitting around and getting high .... but I do think it is perfectly naturally to get high in whatever way you feel best for yourself. I kind of think of it as releasing all the pent up shite -- if you don't blow the steam pipes off now and than you may be likely to explode.

or that is just me projecting my own psyche onto you idk
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The progress of my life came to an end couple decades ago. Lol. Thanks for the thought tho. (I'm not sure if that was directed at me or not, either way still a nice thought.)
 
Uden said:
They'll just stick me in a psyche ward again. I'm all good on that. Those places are NOT where I want to detox. My insurance is super cool apparently. I'm trying though. I relapsed yesterday. Didn't have a choice. Couldn't find any pills and I was pretty bad off. Like contemplating about stringing up all day bad off. Fuck I can't wait until this is over lol. What a shit show.
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"Big hugs" I'm literally too dumb to get any stickers in here but that's what I mean... Just keep going... It's going to be over sonner or later, that much is sure...
You're going to be better once you can reach any type of regular schedule I'm positive about that.
🫂🍀🫂
 
Well damn. I hear you I am not a big fan of sobriety either, on vacation I almost had to remember to take my dose (Which is different for me)

music, writing, something tells me neither of us are the podcast type-- Heck crosswords sodoku chess. You see cognitively fine it shouldn't be a problem -- something you enjoy that takes awhile.

Knit me a sweater! (JP lol) There must be something you can enjoy to pass the time.

The only substance that lends to constant intoxication is marijuana and you can be bored and high - I promise.
 
Mushoku_Sensei said:
"Big hugs" I'm literally too dumb to get any stickers in here but that's what I mean... Just keep going... It's going to be over sonner or later, that much is sure...
You're going to be better once you can reach any type of regular schedule I'm positive about that.
🫂🍀🫂
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Oh I meant life lol. But yeah I'm trying. I'm sorry I'm not in a very positive mood lately.
 
notsmokeymcpot42088 said:
Well damn. I hear you I am not a big fan of sobriety either, on vacation I almost had to remember to take my dose (Which is different for me)

music, writing, something tells me neither of us are the podcast type-- Heck crosswords sodoku chess. You see cognitively fine it shouldn't be a problem -- something you enjoy that takes awhile.

Knit me a sweater! (JP lol) There must be something you can enjoy to pass the time.

The only substance that lends to constant intoxication is marijuana and you can be bored and high - I promise.
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I was a pothead for something like 30 years. From 15 til 40ish. So 25ish years. I've let my body deteriorate. I have nothing but a string of loss following me around. For better or worse, correct or incorrect, I believe I've had a view of "the other side" and I honestly can't wait to get back. I feel very empty most of the time. Like my insides fell out onto the ground. Hollow. I don't enjoy doing anything. Yeah. I'm really good at parties.
 
Yeaa I have been a pot head from 13 to 37 but it didin't deteriorate my body. Alcohol a bit, opi's some, benzos there was a run I was so deep into I had bad circulation -- The body is very good at bouncing back from things and not all drugs are all that hard on the body ---

When you say had a view of the 'other side' do you mean sobriety and decided it was for you or do you mean getting fckd up and deciding it was for you?

If the latter are you in some forced sobriety period? I had to be a bad influence but you know what is worse for you than drugs -- depression leading to that one thing we don't talk about. This is the place to be if you wanna get high and have your body deteriorate the minimum amount -- just research heavily and ask questions.

If sobriety is what you want -- it has to be what you truly want. That is about all I got there. (never been there lol)
 
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