What do you think caused your anxiety , ptsd , depression ? I can pin point what caused some of my issues . I was emotionally and physically abused as a child from about 4 years old til I was about 16 years old. I was beaten down physically and mentally. Starting as young as I can remember my father use to call me names such as fa*got , bi*ch, pu*sy. Tell me id never amount to anything , tell me i was nothing. Call my mother names etc. it was horrible. Also suffered a lot of physical abuse at the hands of my father. I’d get beaten (meaning kicked, punched, stomped out etc) for minuscule things like spilling milk on the floor , laughing too “much”, missing a tackle in a football game, not scoring “enough” in a basketball game , getting anything less than an a on my report card. My childhood was horrible. I’d say that definitely contributed to my mental health problems. I try to deal with these issues that my childhood has caused with physical activity’s and I do take klonopin 3x a day to help with the anxiety and ptsd. Any of you care about opening up about your childhood trauma. Maybe we can help each other fellas .
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PTSD childhood trauma
- Thread starter gymguy30
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The_Selecter
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Sorry to hear you had to go through all of that abuse. It's hard enough when you are being bullied at school but its so much harder when the abuse occurs in the family. Parents and other relatives should help and respect and not damage each other
Your story makes me sad. How are you dealing with the trauma?
Your story makes me sad. How are you dealing with the trauma?
Yep it’s harder when the bullying and damage is caused by someone who is suppose to protect you ! It’s crazy even with all that l’ve been through I’m a very loving person. I could never abuse my child so I don’t see how my father did it to me. I use to deal with it my abuse in the wrong ways like fighting, substance abuse etc. but I’ve been to counseling (need to get back to that ). Working out helps me a ton. Also spending time with my child and traveling helps me a lot. I am looking into more activities I can do that will help me when I start thinking about my past . Maybe journaling, hiking , getting into therapy again and picking up more hobbies. Also I take klonopins for (GAD) and panic attacks and it helps a ton
foodcrisis
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i can relate to a father using homophobic slurs. my father wasn't as abusive in terms of physically abusing me, but my neighbor that was a bit older than me convinced me that it was cool to rub our genitals together when i was like five and then i found out that was inappropriate. my father used to use homophobic slurs all the time and obsess about being macho.. i felt put down a lot cause i thought i was gonna be gay.... because i didn't want to be gay, when i was like 7 or so because i'd get boners pressing my genitals against boys, i decided to press my dick against my baby sister till i got a boner cause i didn't want to be gay and then after that i started to think i raped my sister, so my head was fucked up on a lot of levels as a victim of trauma and then thinking i probably caused trauma for my baby sister, although i'm not sure in the long run if she really noticed...
my parents also argued a lot before i had sexual trauma.. just hearing parents with negative tones of voices can really shape a person. if you're father was putting you down a lot and being physically abusive, that can really shape a person and throw off their general well being a ton... it's like people learn to start feeling bad it takes over a person's whole life.
my parents also argued a lot before i had sexual trauma.. just hearing parents with negative tones of voices can really shape a person. if you're father was putting you down a lot and being physically abusive, that can really shape a person and throw off their general well being a ton... it's like people learn to start feeling bad it takes over a person's whole life.
Man I tell you. It seems all my childhood consisted of was madness all the time. Madness and chaos. 24-7 I had anxiety bro. Fucking horrible. My heart raced 24/7. And yes my dad used homophobic slurs towards me all the time. If he wasn’t doing that he was putting me down one way or another. He would even put us (my brother and I) down infront of other people and that made us feel less than human. I remember when we would get home from school every day we would be just chilling and then we would hear him pull up in his car and run and hide because we knew what was about to happen. It puts me into a panic attack almost immediately now when I hear yelling etc. also I internalize everything anyone says to me. And take almost everything offensively. I’ve calmed down but I use to fight over everything. Also I am so self conscious (I’ve gotten a lot better with this ) but my father use to always make fun of my appearance. He’d talk bad about my teeth , smile and everything. I do know he was abused as a kid but I refuse to continue the cycle. When I look at my child I see an angel. I don’t know how anyone could abuse a child much less their own. You know ? And I hate that you went through the trauma you did !
The_Selecter
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Obsessing about being macho was a big deal when I was in secondary school. If a guy didn't look or act a certain way he was automatically labelled gay and weak
Yep same way. The thing is though is I have no indication that I was anything other than straight. I did all the “manly” things playing sports , working out (and I still do) etc.and I was good at them. I’ve came to terms with the fact that my dad is just narcissistic and a sociopath. The abuse I suffered as a child has taken a huge toll on me throughout my life
M!$TER-ED
Bluelighter
My dad was messed up, I used to think he was great but that was before I saw him as he really was. It has taken me a lifetime to get over the trauma I accepted as my fate. Growing up in a dysfunctional family you don’t realize the impact it has on you until you get away from the toxicity.
That’s a fact bro. The abuse has caused me so many problems in my life. From the constant state of worry , anxiety , depression , ptsd. I constantly worry about the most minor things. What majority of people wouldn’t think anything of I worry like hell about whatever it is. Use to if someone said the slightest things to me that offended me or embarrassed me Id fight them immediately. Off and on suicidal ideations. Even have attempted suicide a couple times. People don’t realize how bad certain things are unless they’ve experienced it themselves. That said I wouldn’t wish abuse on my worst enemy. I’ve came a long way since then but life is definitely hard but I’m proud of my growth so far.
vision conquest
Bluelighter
I have recently been diagnosed with a complex ptsd.
My trauma didn't come from being treated badly by my parents, my therapist, and talking to her has helped me sort through and just generally unload, thinks it is as a result of a number of traumatic things that have happened over my life.
I had a childhood friend die when I was 6, I distinctly remember my garade 2 teacher standing out the front of the class and telling the class what happened but theat was it, I received no help to process the incident from anyone, I don't blame my parents, I just don't think they knew any better.
Then I had an incident when I was around 20, I had a fight with my best friend at the time, we really were close but we fought over a girl.
He ended up in hospital with a broken jaw, I was taken by my girlfriend at the time to visit him in hospital but I was still angry at him, I know now this was my insecurity, he told me if I said sorry we could still be best mates, I told him to go jump, and the next day he did, off a bridge to his death.
The weight of the guilt I carry over that is hard to describe.
Finally in 2008 I had the accident that left me totally blind and missing most of the fingers on my right hand.
I have found talking about all these things with my psychologist has helped a lot.
I also find working out/lifting weights helps, however I find it can cause me to have more angry thoughts so balance is key.
I also get a lot of relief from benzodiazepines and take them when needed.
For me the biggest help is from my faith, I believe that there is meaning in life, I think if I thought all this was just meaningless then I would really struggle.
By this I don't mean that these incidents happened for a reason I just mean that there is a bigger picture and that our lives aren't just the result of a fortunate set of coincedences.
Each to their own though and I think we all just need to show love to each other.
My trauma didn't come from being treated badly by my parents, my therapist, and talking to her has helped me sort through and just generally unload, thinks it is as a result of a number of traumatic things that have happened over my life.
I had a childhood friend die when I was 6, I distinctly remember my garade 2 teacher standing out the front of the class and telling the class what happened but theat was it, I received no help to process the incident from anyone, I don't blame my parents, I just don't think they knew any better.
Then I had an incident when I was around 20, I had a fight with my best friend at the time, we really were close but we fought over a girl.
He ended up in hospital with a broken jaw, I was taken by my girlfriend at the time to visit him in hospital but I was still angry at him, I know now this was my insecurity, he told me if I said sorry we could still be best mates, I told him to go jump, and the next day he did, off a bridge to his death.
The weight of the guilt I carry over that is hard to describe.
Finally in 2008 I had the accident that left me totally blind and missing most of the fingers on my right hand.
I have found talking about all these things with my psychologist has helped a lot.
I also find working out/lifting weights helps, however I find it can cause me to have more angry thoughts so balance is key.
I also get a lot of relief from benzodiazepines and take them when needed.
For me the biggest help is from my faith, I believe that there is meaning in life, I think if I thought all this was just meaningless then I would really struggle.
By this I don't mean that these incidents happened for a reason I just mean that there is a bigger picture and that our lives aren't just the result of a fortunate set of coincedences.
Each to their own though and I think we all just need to show love to each other.
I’m sorry about the trauma you had to endure. If you ever want to talk my inbox is open. Yes Love is the key. I always try to show love to my fellow human beings.
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Jeanpauldash
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my step dad would take off his shirt (white trash) and threaten to hit me and my brother with a belt and he broke my brothers arm which my mom lied about at the hospital and he slapped me before school one time which is when he was found out because i had a red cheek and was crying on the bus.
That’s so fucked up! Abuse is not cool or ok in any shape form or fashion.
Shady's Fox
Bluelighter
While you was bullied it's a rare intuition and I guess is not that met or was in UE back 11 maybe 20 years ago because you also gotta step back and let your spirit known, maybe you was rewarded other things in life because of and you don't know, like being able to make a choice between whats for you and not because of.. personal trauma where a teenager at that age hasnt met and is doing shit that gonna cost him later in life.
I mean it has a small benefit because it shaped you from a young age to someone with a bit of reflexes and now this mirrors you back with pills or you associate your vice with those memories which you shouldn't. Drugs are drugs, childhood was childhood and is gone. Now you gotta do this bit of field portion you got left to walk on with what you know best. You can't deny what I say by not acknowleding that without maybe you could be in a different position. Happiness doesnt exist.. but what exist is you who create small attack points from all these personal gaps.
I mean it has a small benefit because it shaped you from a young age to someone with a bit of reflexes and now this mirrors you back with pills or you associate your vice with those memories which you shouldn't. Drugs are drugs, childhood was childhood and is gone. Now you gotta do this bit of field portion you got left to walk on with what you know best. You can't deny what I say by not acknowleding that without maybe you could be in a different position. Happiness doesnt exist.. but what exist is you who create small attack points from all these personal gaps.
M!$TER-ED
Bluelighter
i am proud of you and the many survivors of physical and psychological abuse. We are resilient intelligent people who by choice have overcome obstetrical perpetrated by parents and guardians of whom we trusted.
I’m sorry you and your family had to go through this, your father sounds horrible. What a nightmare.
It sounds like you have done really well being able to come to terms with everything that happened and putting it into perspective. I’m sure you’re right and your father has mental issues maybe triggered by childhood trauma but there really is no excuse for his behavior. I’m glad you’ve been able to break the cycle of abuse. How is the rest of your family doing?
vision conquest
Bluelighter
Thanks mate....it says a lot about your character that you endured something like what you did and yet broke the cycle and became a man that cares about his fellow man enough to actually create this thread and give others the chance to engage/vent.
Thank you bro. People in my real life who know me in person tell me a lot of times that they don’t know how I’m such a loving and loyal person given what I was put through as a child. I’ve had my problems in life but I’ve done pretty well so far
Jeanpauldash
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yeah. then as a adult my parents both made me a homeless woman. once my dad yelled at me to get the fuck out of his car when i was crying because my boyfriend was hitting me.