sadmachine
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2022
- Messages
- 65
I'll try keep this as short as I can. I recently started using dexamphetamine 5mg recreationally & as a tool when I need to be sharp for work. With 0 tolerance, I notice 25mg+ gives me some nice mild euphoria, energy and the ability to focus calmly on anything. After 2-3 hours I have two main problems.
1. Disappointment. This happens really really bad to me with meth and mdma, I will be having the time of my life then after a few hours all of a sudden the floor falls out and I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything other than clench my jaw and fidget. I instantly fiend for more, although from my meth experience 15 years ago I know that more = more side effects not = more euphoria & focus. I suspect the secret here is 1. lower, carefully planned dosages and redosing and 2. really teaching myself that its ok that the fun is over and that there will be other fun times (delayed gratification) and that trying to binge to chase that feeling won't give me what I want and will in fact make me feel worse.
2. Edginess. I always usually take a small (0.25-0.5mg) clonazepam long before I take any dex just to deter the edginess. When I feel the edginess coming on if I sit still it almost feels like a tingly body high, and I'm wondering if maybe I can train myself to use mindfulness to enjoy this body high/redirect my high rather than spiralling into that manic/geeking/jittery state of being.
Overall they give me intense focus and even help my confidence & anxiety for a few hours, but after that I just being a fidgety mess, even on a low dose benzo. From here i'm going to experiment with much lower doses and instead of going down the rabbit hole of jitteriness i'm going to try to apply mindfulness rather than just giving in to the monster that wants more and more even if it's going to ruin my high. I'm also considering Vyvanse XR as I hear it's less up and down more just that consistent feeling, but i need to do more research.
1. Disappointment. This happens really really bad to me with meth and mdma, I will be having the time of my life then after a few hours all of a sudden the floor falls out and I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything other than clench my jaw and fidget. I instantly fiend for more, although from my meth experience 15 years ago I know that more = more side effects not = more euphoria & focus. I suspect the secret here is 1. lower, carefully planned dosages and redosing and 2. really teaching myself that its ok that the fun is over and that there will be other fun times (delayed gratification) and that trying to binge to chase that feeling won't give me what I want and will in fact make me feel worse.
2. Edginess. I always usually take a small (0.25-0.5mg) clonazepam long before I take any dex just to deter the edginess. When I feel the edginess coming on if I sit still it almost feels like a tingly body high, and I'm wondering if maybe I can train myself to use mindfulness to enjoy this body high/redirect my high rather than spiralling into that manic/geeking/jittery state of being.
Overall they give me intense focus and even help my confidence & anxiety for a few hours, but after that I just being a fidgety mess, even on a low dose benzo. From here i'm going to experiment with much lower doses and instead of going down the rabbit hole of jitteriness i'm going to try to apply mindfulness rather than just giving in to the monster that wants more and more even if it's going to ruin my high. I'm also considering Vyvanse XR as I hear it's less up and down more just that consistent feeling, but i need to do more research.
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