00intherain
Bluelighter
it's the funniest thing, whenever i'm buying something, no matter how long i've known a plug or how many times i've bought from them, i get like horribly socially anxious.
i have pretty bad social anxiety, and i get really anxious about accidentally not giving them enough money (which has never happened btw, my anxiety makes me compulsively count it like three times beforehand), taking too long, seeming nervous, somehow offending them or sketching them out, even my outfit and makeup.
that last part might sound really silly (which it is lol), but whenever i message a plug i start doing my makeup right away, and putting on an outfit. obviously not like a crazy, going-out type of fit, i don't want to draw unnecessary attention to myself or make myself more recognizable/identifiable should something go wrong. just a regular outfit, only i stress about every minute detail. it's not that i want them to find me attractive or anything like that (in fact, my main guy has a girlfriend, so i intentionally dress down, because i overthink and worry that he'll think i'm trying to look good "for him"), it's just that i want to look put together, relaxed, casual, like i've just been sitting around the house and not running around being an anxious freak for the past hour "getting ready" for what is ultimately a mundane, three-second interaction.
my anxiety doesn't stem from a fear of getting caught buying or anything like that, though that is a factor, my main thing is stressing the fuck out over coming off as polite and calm. i obsess over the exchange long after the transaction has taken place. you know when you say something embarrassing, and then that just replays in your head over and over? that's me every time i buy. i had a very normal conversation today:
"hey"
"hey"
"oh by the way, i'm gonna have some good deals on [ ] when i get back from [ ], because it's cheaper there"
"oh nice, good to know, have fun in [ ]!"
"thanks! enjoy!"
"thank you, bye!"
that is literally it. and i can't stop thinking about it. some awkward eye contact was made, and when i handed him the money it wasn't folded up right bc it'd been in my pocket, so for a literal half second i was fumbling around with it a bit (mind you, this whole thing was over so quickly, and took place on an empty street through a car window). i've been overthinking this for the past hour. help!
it's so weird, bc all of the people i buy from are people i've known since early highschool, who have been nothing but nice to me, plus i met them through friends who've never had bad experiences with them. i literally see them out at clubs and raves and things on the weekends all the time, and we're friendly enough with one another.
anyone else get weird anxiety like this?
i have pretty bad social anxiety, and i get really anxious about accidentally not giving them enough money (which has never happened btw, my anxiety makes me compulsively count it like three times beforehand), taking too long, seeming nervous, somehow offending them or sketching them out, even my outfit and makeup.
that last part might sound really silly (which it is lol), but whenever i message a plug i start doing my makeup right away, and putting on an outfit. obviously not like a crazy, going-out type of fit, i don't want to draw unnecessary attention to myself or make myself more recognizable/identifiable should something go wrong. just a regular outfit, only i stress about every minute detail. it's not that i want them to find me attractive or anything like that (in fact, my main guy has a girlfriend, so i intentionally dress down, because i overthink and worry that he'll think i'm trying to look good "for him"), it's just that i want to look put together, relaxed, casual, like i've just been sitting around the house and not running around being an anxious freak for the past hour "getting ready" for what is ultimately a mundane, three-second interaction.
my anxiety doesn't stem from a fear of getting caught buying or anything like that, though that is a factor, my main thing is stressing the fuck out over coming off as polite and calm. i obsess over the exchange long after the transaction has taken place. you know when you say something embarrassing, and then that just replays in your head over and over? that's me every time i buy. i had a very normal conversation today:
"hey"
"hey"
"oh by the way, i'm gonna have some good deals on [ ] when i get back from [ ], because it's cheaper there"
"oh nice, good to know, have fun in [ ]!"
"thanks! enjoy!"
"thank you, bye!"
that is literally it. and i can't stop thinking about it. some awkward eye contact was made, and when i handed him the money it wasn't folded up right bc it'd been in my pocket, so for a literal half second i was fumbling around with it a bit (mind you, this whole thing was over so quickly, and took place on an empty street through a car window). i've been overthinking this for the past hour. help!
it's so weird, bc all of the people i buy from are people i've known since early highschool, who have been nothing but nice to me, plus i met them through friends who've never had bad experiences with them. i literally see them out at clubs and raves and things on the weekends all the time, and we're friendly enough with one another.
anyone else get weird anxiety like this?
