• LAVA Moderator: Shinji Ikari

Random I have no life

I gave up all physical activity because it seems to make my pain worse and I don’t want to get stuck on opiates again.

I’m trying to learn to draw now only put in 30 minutes a day but it’s something
 
drawing is so fun and meditative. Exercise has the effect of making me feel shitty, but after 30 years Ive managed lower expectations.
maybe you need a change in scenery/get a different job. I tell you this so scared to alter my routine it borders on agoraphobia
but I listen to self help podcasts
 
I am sorry that you are feeling bad @LucidSDreamr . Things will get better. They will.

I really hope everything works out for you. And keep trying alright.

It's good to hear from you and you sound like you have some ideas now

and can get better. We just have to think up something. Like a storm. haha.

You can do this. Keep finding a way with all of the good energy that you can find and have.

Maybe avoid stress. I hope today is better. There might be something in the air but I had to take a benzo.
 
Try to go outdoors more. It's really weird but it really really helps.

Even in allergy season with all of the pollen out it still seems to help out.

Find things to do outdoors for a little while and see how it helps.

Mostly yes, just try to stay away from those opi's and just relax and it should pass eventually. Just don't let your guard down for a while until your brain adjusts or whatever.

And wish us luck. I'm sorry that you are in pain. Try heating pads. Or heat up a blanket and wrap up in it okay.
 
I've been severely disabled for 25 years. For me winters are hell. I might not see another human being for weeks on end. But I have internet access which provides for one to carry out useful research, I just looked what I had and decided that as long as I am able to help another, however marginal that aid is, I'm not a waste of life.

But I have my exit strategy for when my disability renders me entirely housebound.

All I can tell you is that just getting outside and being around people can seem overfacing the first time, but gets easier and in my case, certainly improved mental health.
 
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I gave up all physical activity because it seems to make my pain worse and I don’t want to get stuck on opiates again.

I’m trying to learn to draw now only put in 30 minutes a day but it’s something
Can you just get up and walk around the garden or something. Do you have a dog.

It will get better. Just keep trying.

Good to hear you posting though. Thanks !!! 🌻🐶
 
One Day, It Will Make Sense.

There are moments in life when nothing seems fair.
When the people you love leave too soon.
When the dreams you chase slip through your fingers.
When the road ahead looks too long, too uncertain, too
impossible.

And in those moments it's easy to believe
but life is nothing but a series of losses.
A collection of almost and what ifs.

But what if every wrong turn
was just leading you to the right place ?
What if every closed door
was protecting you from something not meant for you ?
What if, one day you look back
and realize that every struggle, heartbreak,
every tear you shed had a purpose ?

Maybe not today.
Maybe not tomorrow.
But one day when the weight has lifted,
When the pain has faded to a memory,
You'll understand why it had to happen that way.

Hold on for that day. From the past life.
Thank you for this. Your insight moved me.
 
I'm very familiar with chronic pain and depression, so I can empathize. I'm still climbing out of my wintertime slump-- that SAD shit is real.

This is the best advice I've seen on this thread:
Try to go outdoors more. It's really weird but it really really helps.
Just 20 to 30 minutes of sunshine on your face will boost oxytocin levels. Also, any movement at all is better than nothing. I am not a big fan of exercise, but I've found that just a short walk can help a lot-- especially if there's any kind of nature around (even if it's just a couple of trees).
And try not to doomscroll. Nothing good ever comes of it.


Best wishes to all of you.
Stay in touch.
 
Can you just get up and walk around the garden or something. Do you have a dog.

It will get better. Just keep trying.

Good to hear you posting though. Thanks !!! 🌻🐶


I can do that but I haven’t tried to do even that. I suffer from a very all or nothing mentality where if I can’t do what I want ( intense cardio excercise for example- I just do nothing instead)
 
Aid rendered from one anonymous person, in an unspecified location, that by reading, lifted my spirits today, isn't marginal
its magical!
Thank you

Don't suffer in silence. There are quite liteerally tens of thousands of decent BLers who wouldn't want that. On the other hand, I understand why someone might not wish to broadcast their current life experiences. Be assured that the mods are all great people and I guess the unwritten rule is 'never leave a (wo)man behind'.

The Shrine is to remember our lost, our goal is to stop our family (BL) from ending up IN The Shrine.
 
I gave up all physical activity because it seems to make my pain worse and I don’t want to get stuck on opiates again.

I’m trying to learn to draw now only put in 30 minutes a day but it’s something
Have you thought about drawing memes or cartoons? To use more of your creative side and brain while trying to come up with witty, funny or satirical drawings?
 
@4DQSAR Thank you; I have had some intense trauma indeed that I need to speak about. its been 7 months since my son ODed and I rescued him. But it was indeed traumatic to the max. Regarding harm reduction and drug stigma; my education here saved my son, 24y.o.). Mom always told him to stay away from me cuz, "You never trust a junky" but my narcan sure as heck saved him; he trusts me with his life, and I call myself "hero" because nobody else has; only shame and stigma, on top of same
BL reading by me and the drug knowledge I acquired here kept my kid out of said Shrine. I carried and understood what may save an unresponsive soul. Narcan n CPR

While son was unresponsive and not breathing at all for more than 10 minutes I performed CPR and gave narcan to his seemingly dead body until he got the extra 4 mgs from the paramedics I was sure he was dead. By the time I got to see a shrink I have been suffering ptsd from this episode as well as my countless proddings by the medical establishment.
I was too private to open up to my shrink. I only told my parents; not even my ex-wife knows
Sorry if I derailed your thread LSDreamer. I read your posts; I have similar feelings regarding the steadyness of my drug supply here in USA. I feel maybe we are in similar events. Ive been hurt in the gut n neck for 30 years and I am 57 now
 
I gave up all physical activity because it seems to make my pain worse and I don’t want to get stuck on opiates again.

I’m trying to learn to draw now only put in 30 minutes a day but it’s something
i heard you mention going for walks, maybe find a place with flat surface like a track or whatever and that's usually a lot less strain on the back ime than walking on streets with hills or even having to step up on to a curb, any type of uneven pavement can bother my back a lot.... i actually stopped walking up stairs because of my back and found it healed a lot... i only have one herniated disk, but it's from getting hit by a car and i have some pretty bad arthritis symptoms. a lot of the really bad symptoms will go away when i don't stress my back out. i get pretty bad headaches from stress on my back too. i take that as a warning to stop doing what i'm doing.... i find going for walks will help relieve some tension in my body and anxiety for a couple maybe even few days afterward.

about learning to draw, you should try shading 3d shapes if you haven't... i can't really get that down and i consider myself an abstract artist even though i can't complete that task. i always enjoy giving it a try though... maybe you can get the hang of it. something good to thinking about and rewarding if you can get the hang of it.
 
i heard you mention going for walks, maybe find a place with flat surface like a track or whatever and that's usually a lot less strain on the back ime than walking on streets with hills or even having to step up on to a curb, any type of uneven pavement can bother my back a lot.... i actually stopped walking up stairs because of my back and found it healed a lot... i only have one herniated disk, but it's from getting hit by a car and i have some pretty bad arthritis symptoms. a lot of the really bad symptoms will go away when i don't stress my back out. i get pretty bad headaches from stress on my back too. i take that as a warning to stop doing what i'm doing.... i find going for walks will help relieve some tension in my body and anxiety for a couple maybe even few days afterward.

about learning to draw, you should try shading 3d shapes if you haven't... i can't really get that down and i consider myself an abstract artist even though i can't complete that task. i always enjoy giving it a try though... maybe you can get the hang of it. something good to thinking about and rewarding if you can get the hang of it.
My back is fine. Something is wrong with my lungs. Just trying to take a break from all of it but I’ll ask my doctor if it’s bad or not
 
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So ultimately the thing with existence inside of the death knell of age of industry. Is we are all spending so much time keeping busy, so we can keep the lights on,
keep the rent paid, our bellies full. We are quite literally working harder than medieval farmers, or maybe not harder but definitely longer hours. That, i can say for certain.
So, i just got out of a very long relationship with the woman i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with because she got pregnant with my "best friends kid".
I never wanted children, just didn't. I enjoy sex, and i'm definitely a hedonist, but the idea of having a child still at my age, it seems line an anchor especially when it comes to the construct of
How expensive it is to just exist in the damn world. I want to be a good father, and give my offspring everything i can. But i can't do that if i don't want it now. So yeah, my best friend and her,
because i have a very well paying job were both pretty much trying to manipulate me into staying. That's a comedy routine if i ever heard one considering when the truth comes clean and my partner who never had a job, who i supported the entire time... Lets just say, I moved. Just, drove the uhaul up to the house we were renting and i just started packing. I said look, i've told the landlord, im moving. I have the lease. You can take it over, but I am leaving. Since moving, my job has moved to online, and i've been self isolating. I took my cats, everything i hold dear, and i've not found a reason to socialize. Truthfully thats fine. everyone if they can afford it, or have the luxury of being able to work from home, should have the ability to disconnect. a Human being who cannot sit alone with themselves, is obviously in bad company and if you don't love yourself enough to learn how to be with just yourself, and examine your thoughts, your feelings, seperate from people... then you're basically just an ant. Criticial self development emerges within those isolatory moments of reclusiveness, and so much of culture is driven with keeping us automated in a perpetual construct. All i can say is, I ride bikes, I do Drugs, i've got my hobbies, i've got my goals. I've not gone out to the bar, or truthfully really gone on to much social media. I go down to the beach sometimes on moonlit nights and just cry because i need to. I think i've been to 3 concerts in the past year as an escape. One Rave. truthfully, my desires, my hopes, for things now that i am doing them only for me.... when im ready, i know it's going to be good, because this iteration of me... doesn't want to stumble into a nullified, yes man, for a community that ultimately seeks to manipulate and abuse his good nature. I've joked with a few people who've reached out about how im entering my villan era. It's not a bad thing, to want to do things for you. Just don't hurt anyone ya know. But even in your darkest most static void ridden moments, don't forget to do things for yourself. Take up new interests and hobbies even if you realize it fucking sucks, because ya know what. It keeps you learning, constructive. True Brainrot, is doing nothing. That is a fact. Sure you're doomscrolling but what else are you gonna do, Hopefully along that trial of your mouth dries, due to the dopamine release and your thumb develops a stiffen callous that clicks against the screen, you find something within the swamp that at least inspires you down a path that exhibits some knowledge or truth, or comedy into those moments when you cannot seek it from within. The other thing is books. Read Books. Actually go and buy a book. Hold them for what they are. Read from physical books. I don't want to say the past is the game changer but really, fuck reading books online. It's not the same.
 
Biking, gardening, art, Bluelight communicating, improving my living environment.
Doing good things like keep contact with my kid s that live with my loony ex.
Actively bettering my surrounding earth by myself sadly, as no one seem s to care.
Or wanna tag along.

After being repeatedly being stabbed in the back 25 years.
I conclude keeping busy is good, but never rewarding [it was].
Interest in live is totally gone at east 5 years i am in the Blues.
More interested in what comes after. So concluded,
joy never returned the world went black. And stays like that.

Only thing that helps Weed, but i have to do it everyday.
For the effect to remain, financially impossible.
So i am in a 5 day depression atm.

Till money comes in again. Sad but true, and i am 52.
 
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