Background:
My partner 31F and I 30M have been together for 6 years now. We have a 2yo son. Up until our son came along we had Meth GHB fueled sex marathons pretty much every weekend. We discovered each other, then together quickly discovered gear then combo. Which is so good, especially with a new love, became very hard to say no. Further back, Id say both sexually charged people from a young age, her more so, She had far more partners and admits cheating on her ex with me and 2 others. Also cheated before that. She described sleeping with guys to get things, in her 20s. Mainly weed or to have a place to stay rent free, even just to get back at people that wronged her…
But you get the picture.
So fast forward to 2022, we have our baby boy. I was so proud of her but she got fkd up, as badly as you can downstairs. She had 6 hours of reconstructive surgery after the birth. (This might be important?
Very soon after this our sex life dipped dramatically, as you would expect, new baby plus damage, I figured it was normal m. It had begun dipping in the year leading up to pregnancy… even when druged…
When bubs got his own room, we got our privacy somewhat back, there were nights where we took some gear/G (fairly low quantitys) to try rekindling. And it worked sort of. Then it just stopped.
We haven’t had sex in over 11 months, the last time, even during foreplay, I could tell she wasn’t into it. But would say she wanted to when asked. Only to be disconnected again seconds later…. It scared me, it was so cold but she wouldn’t say why. So I stopped trying, figuring she needs time so
It was probably 6-7months before I tried instigating again. Throughout that time, I tried discussing it, many many times in the most open and respectful ways i could.. Nothing. Denial, if I tried pushing I was met with aggression about how I was creating an issue…
6 weeks ago, finally i got somewhere, after months of strained tensions, she admitted had seen some txts on my phone too another female, that were of a sexual nature. Now I take full responsibility for them, it was a drunken attempt at soliciting, to a stranger, 3 txts long. Once explained they weren’t as damming as they originally seemed to her way back but doesn’t change the fact. Trust was broken.
I still beat myself up for it,
Ill briefly add that from my side, she was caught lying about drug use/purchase, where she was going, 3 days in a row I was told she was at work but she wasn’t. Found out by trying to drop off lunch/coffee and told oh shes off sick?
Yep 3 days in a row. Plus lots of other minor shit, because of my actions We’re expunged.
So my question is, with the background Ive outlined, she claims its her broken trust that means she doesn’t feel comfortable.
I respect that, if she doesn’t want too ill never force it. Despite it seemingly never being a problem to sleep with whoever for whatever to this point…..
But how long can this go on for? After 10 months of me being ostracized with no gratification at home, along with a death, a divorce and a heart attack in my immediate family, plus work drama/stress, Im emotionally stuffed. Im very depressed and anxious all the time, which she acknowledges, but doesn’t really care?
I feel worthless unwanted and unloved. I want to love this woman and keep our family together but Its very much a 1 way street now.
Im of the belief, despite what she says, its dead to her and shes waiting for a better opportunity to jump into. But if not, When can I expect to start sighting my needs in the relationship without it being trumped by my infidelity?? If ever.
My partner 31F and I 30M have been together for 6 years now. We have a 2yo son. Up until our son came along we had Meth GHB fueled sex marathons pretty much every weekend. We discovered each other, then together quickly discovered gear then combo. Which is so good, especially with a new love, became very hard to say no. Further back, Id say both sexually charged people from a young age, her more so, She had far more partners and admits cheating on her ex with me and 2 others. Also cheated before that. She described sleeping with guys to get things, in her 20s. Mainly weed or to have a place to stay rent free, even just to get back at people that wronged her…
But you get the picture.
So fast forward to 2022, we have our baby boy. I was so proud of her but she got fkd up, as badly as you can downstairs. She had 6 hours of reconstructive surgery after the birth. (This might be important?
Very soon after this our sex life dipped dramatically, as you would expect, new baby plus damage, I figured it was normal m. It had begun dipping in the year leading up to pregnancy… even when druged…
When bubs got his own room, we got our privacy somewhat back, there were nights where we took some gear/G (fairly low quantitys) to try rekindling. And it worked sort of. Then it just stopped.
We haven’t had sex in over 11 months, the last time, even during foreplay, I could tell she wasn’t into it. But would say she wanted to when asked. Only to be disconnected again seconds later…. It scared me, it was so cold but she wouldn’t say why. So I stopped trying, figuring she needs time so
It was probably 6-7months before I tried instigating again. Throughout that time, I tried discussing it, many many times in the most open and respectful ways i could.. Nothing. Denial, if I tried pushing I was met with aggression about how I was creating an issue…
6 weeks ago, finally i got somewhere, after months of strained tensions, she admitted had seen some txts on my phone too another female, that were of a sexual nature. Now I take full responsibility for them, it was a drunken attempt at soliciting, to a stranger, 3 txts long. Once explained they weren’t as damming as they originally seemed to her way back but doesn’t change the fact. Trust was broken.
I still beat myself up for it,
Ill briefly add that from my side, she was caught lying about drug use/purchase, where she was going, 3 days in a row I was told she was at work but she wasn’t. Found out by trying to drop off lunch/coffee and told oh shes off sick?
Yep 3 days in a row. Plus lots of other minor shit, because of my actions We’re expunged.
So my question is, with the background Ive outlined, she claims its her broken trust that means she doesn’t feel comfortable.
I respect that, if she doesn’t want too ill never force it. Despite it seemingly never being a problem to sleep with whoever for whatever to this point…..
But how long can this go on for? After 10 months of me being ostracized with no gratification at home, along with a death, a divorce and a heart attack in my immediate family, plus work drama/stress, Im emotionally stuffed. Im very depressed and anxious all the time, which she acknowledges, but doesn’t really care?
I feel worthless unwanted and unloved. I want to love this woman and keep our family together but Its very much a 1 way street now.
Im of the belief, despite what she says, its dead to her and shes waiting for a better opportunity to jump into. But if not, When can I expect to start sighting my needs in the relationship without it being trumped by my infidelity?? If ever.
But it’s entirely reasonable for you to want that intimacy. It’s what you signed up for. She’s the one who’s reneging but we need to figure out why.
