throwaway4benzos
Bluelighter
To no one's surprise, heroin is incredibly addictive. It truly is the crème de la crème of antidepressants; it's sedating, cozy, everything we wish our lives could feel like. I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this; I suppose I just need to vent to someone. I don't have anyone I can talk about this with in real life, so I'm hoping someone might read this and offer some guidance.
I tried it for the first time six days ago, on February 6th. It was incredibly lackluster at first, probably because I smoked it and had absolutely no idea what I was doing. But the next day brought quite a surprise. I tried it again, this time intranasally. Long story short, 20mg went up my left nostril, and 20 minutes later, it was far from disappointing.
Today, here I am again, deeply depressed and at a strange point in my life. I'm 23; having just graduated college in December, I'm waiting for a job opening to appear. I've been doing absolutely nothing; my human interaction has been minimal, I spend my days inside playing video games and watching television, and I barely talk to my friends. I'm in a rut; we are nothing without routine. I cannot wait to get a full-time job; I know I'll value my free time much more then. Sometimes I feel like I'm going insane. I'm very lonely; the days crawl by, and I usually just sleep until whenever and wait for the next day to arrive. I know I'll make it through this, but your early 20s are confusing times, that's for sure.
Despite telling myself last night that I wouldn't, I used again today, the sixth day in a row. I had used O-DSMT orally for 2-3 days beforehand, so I'll likely have mild withdrawal symptoms tomorrow. I'm not too worried about that; I'll manage. It's only 8-9 days of use. You reap what you sow, and I knew I was playing with fire.
About an hour ago, I snorted a farewell line before writing this post. Immediately afterward, I flushed the rest of my stash down the toilet. I've never had a substance affect me like this; I've never flushed drugs before. It's surreal just how addictive opioids really are (who could have known!).
I need a plan. I'd like to start going back to the gym to work out and swim. That will be good for me; it'll help pass the time, and the endorphins won't hurt. It will also help me establish some sort of routine again. I just need to overcome my initial anxiety about going there. I'm also going to look for a therapist tomorrow. I cannot talk to my psychiatrist about this or anything going on in my life; I will lose my diazepam prescription.
That's all, everyone. I'm going to enjoy the rest of this high. I hope my experience with this drug changes me for the better rather than the worse. I suppose I'm really the only one who can determine that; my life is in my hands. Tread carefully, my friends, and thank you to anyone who reads this. You are loved.
I tried it for the first time six days ago, on February 6th. It was incredibly lackluster at first, probably because I smoked it and had absolutely no idea what I was doing. But the next day brought quite a surprise. I tried it again, this time intranasally. Long story short, 20mg went up my left nostril, and 20 minutes later, it was far from disappointing.
Today, here I am again, deeply depressed and at a strange point in my life. I'm 23; having just graduated college in December, I'm waiting for a job opening to appear. I've been doing absolutely nothing; my human interaction has been minimal, I spend my days inside playing video games and watching television, and I barely talk to my friends. I'm in a rut; we are nothing without routine. I cannot wait to get a full-time job; I know I'll value my free time much more then. Sometimes I feel like I'm going insane. I'm very lonely; the days crawl by, and I usually just sleep until whenever and wait for the next day to arrive. I know I'll make it through this, but your early 20s are confusing times, that's for sure.
Despite telling myself last night that I wouldn't, I used again today, the sixth day in a row. I had used O-DSMT orally for 2-3 days beforehand, so I'll likely have mild withdrawal symptoms tomorrow. I'm not too worried about that; I'll manage. It's only 8-9 days of use. You reap what you sow, and I knew I was playing with fire.
About an hour ago, I snorted a farewell line before writing this post. Immediately afterward, I flushed the rest of my stash down the toilet. I've never had a substance affect me like this; I've never flushed drugs before. It's surreal just how addictive opioids really are (who could have known!).
I need a plan. I'd like to start going back to the gym to work out and swim. That will be good for me; it'll help pass the time, and the endorphins won't hurt. It will also help me establish some sort of routine again. I just need to overcome my initial anxiety about going there. I'm also going to look for a therapist tomorrow. I cannot talk to my psychiatrist about this or anything going on in my life; I will lose my diazepam prescription.
That's all, everyone. I'm going to enjoy the rest of this high. I hope my experience with this drug changes me for the better rather than the worse. I suppose I'm really the only one who can determine that; my life is in my hands. Tread carefully, my friends, and thank you to anyone who reads this. You are loved.