I really think that Suboxone is a life saver. That's what I'm on currently, along with Lexapro, Seroquel, Busebar, Hydroxyzine, Robaxin, and Trazadone for my mental health. I'm trying to get the doctor to prescribe me Nerountin for my panic attacks, sofar thats why she's got me on all this other shit (besides the suboxone) because apparently the clinic wants her to try everything else before prescribing nerountin. So hopefully this coming up Monday I will see her & get it.
This last time I went out I ended up getting permanent nerve damage in my left leg. Pretty much from my groin to my left kneecap it's literally numb to the touch, but internally I feel it tingle, I feel sharp pain, I feel like it's burning, it just rotates that pain, but as far as when I touch it, it's fucking numb. So I really fucked something up this time.
I was doing massives I mean massives amount of nitrous. I was doing upwards to 3 big tanks a day. They were the biggest size tanks that you could legally buy at headshops. Fucking 3 a day, and not eating because I was on dope & drinking. I may have like a cracker, but there'd be periods where I'd just throw it all up.
So I'm guessing that doing the nitrous ontop of everything else it fucking ruined my leg.
I can still walk and move my leg normally, it just fucking hurts all the time.
Anyways, I've been doing well. Been clean since November 1st of 2024, and been through detox-inpatient treatment -PHP & now I'm in an IOP program. I'm out of state, so I mainly just do the few hours of class a day and find a meeting to go to or celebrate recovery in the evening.
So far things have been doing pretty well. I'm also journaling every day, and I've been journaling since I started inpatient, so I've already filled up a notebook and I'm working on my second one now. It's been helping tremendously, because it's like I'm getting my thoughts and reflections out there on paper, and I enjoy writing so it's pretty rewarding. Especially going back in my journal and reading entries from last year, and how I overcame stressful moments.
I live in a sober living house type of place, and a van usually comes Monday -Friday to take us to clinic.
Not sure how much longer I have left in this program, but have been voted in an oxford house & they are going to hold my bed until I graduate. & Will be continuing my aftercare at a place back home.
I've really enjoyed my time going through this journey and really excited to see what will happen next.
Maybe you could get a massage or see a chiropractor? My hip goes out now and then and the chiro applies magic lol. But hey good work, sounds like you're in a good environment for recovery 
& honestly I don't think I'd make it this far if it weren't for admitting I have a problem, & going into an inpatient treatment program, and now I'm out of state somewhere I have no clue about but it was either continue treatment or go back to the streets, and here I am!
