hey guys, it’s me, gossip girl.
anyways i’m sorry i’ve been MIA over the past few months. been a hell of a ride. but the past week has been crazy. my plug got arrested, no warning, nothing. I had already been planning on kicking so I was stockpiling gabs and xans for when that fateful day came. which was monday 8/19. I panicked, drove around looking for any of the people he associated with. nothing. so that’s when I decided to go grab my supply and put it off. I had dosed that morning so I knew i’d be alright for at least 2 days, minor w/d and everything, plus a xan helps with the sleep and anxiety. I went and visited my brother (I wouldn’t have bc of the no drugs situation, but I promised him so I still went) who lives about an hour away. was fine. slept.
the next day tue 8/20, I drove back home and had a friend who wanted to sell some more xans and gabs in exchange for a ride to her plug, who sells m30s. I knew I was gonna need more gab/xan just in case, but I also figured why not grab a m30 for whatever reason. mind you I had already taken maybe one 1mg xan that day so I was pretty calm, not yet feeling too many withdrawal symptoms (just goosebumps which imo are the worst feelings). this asshole was charging $40 for one pill, so I bought one and we split one. I said fuck it i literally don’t have any other choice. got home, did the half, and felt normal. went to sleep but I think it’s because of the xanax already in my system. i’d learn tomorrow that the perc didn’t do a damn thing.
next day, wed 8/21, I wake up feeling like shit. so I do half the perc i bought yesterday, go and buy one more for my upcoming shift, and I do it. throughout the shift I felt the worst I think i’ve ever felt. it felt like I was crawling out of my skin. sweating but cold. yadda yadda yadda. everyone at my job had had covid over the past month so they think I have covid and send me home early. so what do I do when I get off? I go and buy another 2! I got home and did both and only then did my symptoms kind of go away. that’s when i knew I was fucked bc those m30s were bullshit. but you seek relief where you can find it right?? that’s when I decided, i’m kicking.
DAY 1
I consider this next day, thu 8/22 the 1st day of my detox. throughout the day I acquired vitamin c, magnesium, vitamin d, vit b complex, and tons of body armor electrolyte drinks. I had 30 600mg gabapentin pills and 33 1mg xanax footballs that i’d been stockpiling for this occasion. I was advised by a friend on here, his user is helpingout, if you know you know. but the first day, per usual, was shit. didn’t touch the gab bc it’s better to wait for symptoms to get worse so it’s more effective. I didn’t know if they were gonna work or not, I was very sceptical and very scared. but I took 2 xanax, 2-500mg vit c, my vit b complex, my magnesium, and somehow went to sleep.
DAY 2
woke up in hell. absolute hellllll. got a call from our dear friend helpingout, and he told me to go ahead and take 300mg of the gab and a xan or two, I did. he told me to take a hot shower, that it would help with my temp. I did. fell asleep some time after that for a few hours and woke up feeling shitty but not as shitty. took a 600 gab and another xan, my vitamins but this time with a 600mg ashwaganda tablet. I stayed in bed watching house of the dragon, drinking as many fluids as i could, eating what little I could eat. a bite here, a bite there. spent a few hours in this position, and ended the night with 2 xans and a final 600 gab dose. apparently the ceiling for gab is 1800mg so you don’t wanna go over that, don’t know why, don’t care to find out. but I fell asleep.
DAY 3
woke up. and it was the craziest thing. I felt, kind of normal??!! not great don’t get me wrong but the chills were gone, which is my biggest peeve when i’m detoxing. I called helpingout, he said it’s the gabapentin. I dosed 600mg, without a xan and my vitamins. and watched tv all day. crying when I needed to, i’m a big crier when i’m detoxing. but throughout the day, if I started feeling the symptoms come on, i’d do either 300 or 600 dose of gab, a xan here or there, and i’d make it through the day. by this point im getting nervous because i was like there’s no way I should be feeling this okay right now. but then I thought about it. those shitty fuckin 30s I bought must have acted as some type of mini taper. still felt the symptoms but they probably had such little amount of fent it didn’t really do anything for me. but I went to sleep.
DAY 4
This was today, Sunday 8/25 and I woke up feeling normal. did my first gab dose, 1 xan. vitamins. still mainly surviving off fluids and bites of food here and there. fell asleep. woke up and that’s when the diarrhea hit. now it didn’t last all day bc i had NOTHING on my stomach but electrolyte drinks and water so thank god for that. but I did another dose of gab along with my vitamins and a xan, and fell back asleep. before i did fall asleep it occurred to weigh myself, I have lost 25 pounds over these 4/5 days. so please try and eat something, even if it’s a little bite here and there. Ive been surviving off vitamins and fluids but you still need to eat. i’m typing this part right now, feeling pretty normal. tomorrow will be 5 days without any opiates. I plan on tapering off the gab and xan, from the 30 gabs and 33 xans I started with, I now have 19.5 gabs and 14.5 xans. but when I tell you that without them and the vitamins I listed earlier, this would have been impossible. it’s now 12:17 AM which means Day 5 is starting. i’ll try and keep you guys updated. but I think i’m on my way to kicking opiates (for the third time) but now I know it will never ever work. no matter how much you con yourself into thinking oh just this one time yadda yadda, you will end up dependent and you will have to go through some of the hardest days of your life. you don’t deserve that. sending love to anyone struggling who might be reading this and please reach out if you have any questions. and helpingout, I love you dude.