Sad My Boyfriend Told Me He’s Sick of Me Fucking Up

I'm-Still-Alive

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 17, 2015
Messages
155
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New York
So, apologies, I’m high on Ambien, so this may get weird. But I accidentally spilled my boyfriend’s quick oats on the floor (not all of them). I immediately cleaned them up and put away the oats and finished doing what I was doing for him. He came out and looked in the garbage and said that he’s fucking pissed off with how I always fuck up (I drop things a lot, I have a spinal cord injury) and he’s not going to spend the night hanging out with me. I’m going out of town tomorrow so I really, really wanted to spend time with him. My heart just always hurts when we get in these fights, and it makes me want to call my plug now instead of waiting until Wednesday.
 
Hmmm. Gotta say the relationship dynamic definitely sounds rather unhealthy. We all make mistakes like dropping things from time to time and it sounds like you have more of a justification than most for this. Telling you you 'always fuck up' and punishing you by depriving you of his company over something so trivial is veering into abusive territory IMO.
 
Hmmm. Gotta say the relationship dynamic definitely sounds rather unhealthy. We all make mistakes like dropping things from time to time and it sounds like you have more of a justification than most for this. Telling you you 'always fuck up' and punishing you by depriving you of his company over something so trivial is veering into abusive territory IMO.
That’s how all arguments end….
 
Hmmm. Gotta say the relationship dynamic definitely sounds rather unhealthy. We all make mistakes like dropping things from time to time and it sounds like you have more of a justification than most for this. Telling you you 'always fuck up' and punishing you by depriving you of his company over something so trivial is veering into abusive territory IMO.
This is so true.

Your boyfriend's belittling sounds like verbal abuse. You were making HIS breakfast and he belittled you for spilling some cereal? Really??

This situation sounds like something to discuss with a good counselor.
 
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He sure didn't seem to have any problem dating you or being with you or being your boyfriend.

Are you sure he doesn't have controlling narcissistic behavior.

Why else would he be your boyfriend and in your life. Is this power and control over you so that

he can have you for manipulation.


I am sorry for saying it like this but he seems like he is your boyfriend for some reason.

Maybe he is the one that makes you so nervous that it actually causes you to spill things.

It just seems like you are his relationship so that he can feel comfortable doing what he wants.

I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this and that he seems to want to be a bully.

That's a shame he has you in his power like this.

Maybe he should take some kind of chill pill too then. But he doesn't deal with this very well except

that he has this kind of power over you. I truly don't know if he is enjoying this or not

but there is that strong possibility.

Good Luck. You have this. And you can. Just decide what is more important you or him.

Or a normal healthy comfortable nonthreatening relationship instead !!!!!!

??
 
I mean are you sure he isn't trying to manipulate you for his convenience.

I mean he does choose to have you as his girlfriend and he is your boyfriend.

You must be his girlfriend for some reason.

I am glad that you two have each other but maybe you both should work on

relationship dynamics more.

He seems to have no problem having you as a girlfriend to boss around however.

Maybe it is exactly what he was looking for and wants in a relationship.

On the other hand maybe he just doesn't understand.


And never will.

Take care. I hope it works out for the better for you in the long run. Hang in there and do your best.

He's you boyfriend for now.

You have been through a lot. Don't be bullied. Try to see what is real.

bye for now.

You are strong because you say you are and you will do better than all of this bulling.

He doesn't play fair obviously.

Stay safe. And you will be fine too.

k.
 
So, apologies, I’m high on Ambien, so this may get weird. But I accidentally spilled my boyfriend’s quick oats on the floor (not all of them). I immediately cleaned them up and put away the oats and finished doing what I was doing for him. He came out and looked in the garbage and said that he’s fucking pissed off with how I always fuck up (I drop things a lot, I have a spinal cord injury) and he’s not going to spend the night hanging out with me. I’m going out of town tomorrow so I really, really wanted to spend time with him. My heart just always hurts when we get in these fights, and it makes me want to call my plug now instead of waiting until Wednesday.
Gotta say it sounds like he's actively looking for stuff to get cross with you for (looking in the garbage) and that you sound like you're walking on eggshells and sort of serving him. I mean you're such a terrible person for having a spinal injury that causes you to drop things eh :rolleyes:

There's a lot of red flags there in such a short post. I know relationships can be very complex, but it sounds like you are head over heels (which makes you vulnerable) and you're perhaps seeing him through romance-tinted glasses - this person who causes you to want to self-medicate faster that you would ideally prefer...

From outside perspective and limited info my immediate feel is that you're worth more than this - much more. Take care mate.
 
i think sometimes people will get into living situations and it becomes common place to stay in an abusive relationship cause it's hard to move, esspecially if a person is a drug user and can continue using where they are.

i drop stuff sometimes. i have spinal arthritis. obviously you know your partner is in the wrong for putting you down because of this. very wrong and i could assume they have a lot of other negative qualities because of this too. i don't know if you should move, if you get anything from being with your partner or what. the economy is tough now, so it's not always easy to just up and move. they probably have some types of support programs and if you are low income maybe you could get some financial help with new housing, then again society is rough and they don't have options for everyone everywhere... at least if you have to live with the person for sometime longer, realize that they are the ones with the flaws and not you... i realize it's kind of fucked up for me to even be recommending you live with them. sometimes people stay in some random situations though. i really don't know.
 
So, apologies, I’m high on Ambien, so this may get weird. But I accidentally spilled my boyfriend’s quick oats on the floor (not all of them). I immediately cleaned them up and put away the oats and finished doing what I was doing for him. He came out and looked in the garbage and said that he’s fucking pissed off with how I always fuck up (I drop things a lot, I have a spinal cord injury) and he’s not going to spend the night hanging out with me. I’m going out of town tomorrow so I really, really wanted to spend time with him. My heart just always hurts when we get in these fights, and it makes me want to call my plug now instead of waiting until Wednesday.
Tell your boyfriend to, " go fuck himself with a nail driver" and leave. No other solution. Your loneliness can not be substituted, by misery. Fuck that noise. You deserve WAY better. He's a cunt, end of.🤘💜
 
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I think we briefly touched on this in the other thread, but it does not sound like he is good for you. I know that people vent, and we only hear the negative when that happens but you have some serious stuff going on. You need someone who is supportive and understanding. Not someone who limits what you can do, makes you wait on them, then belittles you when an accident happens. I'm with Asclepius on this one. I know you're still young and it makes it difficult to leave. I guess I've just reached a certain age when I won't put up with stuff like that anymore. A relationship is about having a partner, some one who is supportive no matter the situation. You are not property. He does not own you. Don't let him treat you as such. The more you allow that, the more you're saying its ok for him to do.
Tell your boyfriend to, " go fuck himself with a nail driver" and leave. No other solution. Your loneliness can not be substituted, by misery. Fuck that noise. You deserve WAY better. He's a cunt, end of.🤘💜
 
i think sometimes people will get into living situations and it becomes common place to stay in an abusive relationship cause it's hard to move, esspecially if a person is a drug user and can continue using where they are.

i drop stuff sometimes. i have spinal arthritis. obviously you know your partner is in the wrong for putting you down because of this. very wrong and i could assume they have a lot of other negative qualities because of this too. i don't know if you should move, if you get anything from being with your partner or what. the economy is tough now, so it's not always easy to just up and move. they probably have some types of support programs and if you are low income maybe you could get some financial help with new housing, then again society is rough and they don't have options for everyone everywhere... at least if you have to live with the person for sometime longer, realize that they are the ones with the flaws and not you... i realize it's kind of fucked up for me to even be recommending you live with them. sometimes people stay in some random situations though. i really don't know.

What were you doing for him?
What does he do for you, besides making you feel bad?

From what you wrote he's an asshole and no counselor in the world can cure that.
I was making his protein shake for him…
He’s been paying the bills while I’ve been unemployed, and he’s done lots of wonderful things too. But it’s been really rough lately too. Lots of controlling. Lots of making me feel like I don’t do enough. I try to be PERFECT. I mean PERFECT for him. But it’s not enough. 😢
 
I was making his protein shake for him…
He’s been paying the bills while I’ve been unemployed, and he’s done lots of wonderful things too. But it’s been really rough lately too. Lots of controlling. Lots of making me feel like I don’t do enough. I try to be PERFECT. I mean PERFECT for him. But it’s not enough. 😢
Have you tried talking to him about how you are feeling?
 
I haven’t spoken to a counselor about it. But I will…
I think this is a good idea. Hopefully a good counselor can help you to shed some light on what is going on in the relationship. In the meantime try not to let him get to you. It's okay to speak up for yourself. If he doesn't allow you to do that it's a red flag.

Be safe. Has he been physically abusive?
 
Have you tried talking to him about how you are feeling?
Well, yes… And he says he doesn’t want to bring things up with me because he understands that I try so hard. So, he finds it hard to bring things up. Which, I can understand. I’ve been incredibly hormonal and emotional the last 6 months with everything that I physically am going through, and it does make me harder to talk to sometimes so I am trying really hard to reign in my emotions and be neutral as much as possible. But it’s not always possible and I just start crying. Idk I’m a big baby half the time anymore anyways. Idk things are so hard anymore. It was so easy when the relationship was newer and I didn’t have all these issues and whatnot. I had my job, I could still see my friends, I was able to do things on my own. Now I feel so trapped. I’m just… losing my mind. I’m rambling because I’m drunk and stoned. Sorry.
 
I think this is a good idea. Hopefully a good counselor can help you to shed some light on what is going on in the relationship. In the meantime try not to let him get to you. It's okay to speak up for yourself. If he doesn't allow you to do that it's a red flag.

Be safe. Has he been physically abusive?
No, no physical abuse at all.
 
Well, yes… And he says he doesn’t want to bring things up with me because he understands that I try so hard. So, he finds it hard to bring things up. Which, I can understand. I’ve been incredibly hormonal and emotional the last 6 months with everything that I physically am going through, and it does make me harder to talk to sometimes so I am trying really hard to reign in my emotions and be neutral as much as possible. But it’s not always possible and I just start crying. Idk I’m a big baby half the time anymore anyways. Idk things are so hard anymore. It was so easy when the relationship was newer and I didn’t have all these issues and whatnot. I had my job, I could still see my friends, I was able to do things on my own. Now I feel so trapped. I’m just… losing my mind. I’m rambling because I’m drunk and stoned. Sorry.
I completely understand. I have always had a hard time with relationships because of my health issues. It's really hard to be with someone when you never know how they will feel on a day to day basis. I've gotten to the point where I was so sick of cancelling plans last minute that I rarely make them anymore. I've lost friends because of it.
On the other hand I will say that I've had some successful relationships. The last one was 6 years. I had another 6 year relationship when I was younger. What you say about your boyfriend kinda reminds me of that one. I was isolated, never physically touched, but mentally and emotionally abused to the point where it broke me. It literally broke me. I always say we were together for 5 years too long. He would tell me things like no one liked me, I would die alone, and stupid stuff like that. But when that's all you hear, you almost start to believe it. I finally got up enough strength and nerve to leave him. I had 2 kids with him who were 5 and 3 at the time. I've never been so terrified in my life. I had never lived on my own before and now I had to do it in a place where I had no support, and with 2 kids to take care of.
That was probably the best thing I ever did. Do you have a support system there? Parents, friends, anyone to talk to other than him? Like I said before I know with venting, we're only getting the negative and I'm sure there's a reason you stay with him. I hope he also makes you happy, not just stressed and feeling like you aren't good enough. I would just be careful. Think about how you feel the most of the time. How much of your relationship is affecting your health? Like do your seizures come on during tense moments with him? Do you feel like you're walking on eggshells most of the time? I mean no one can tell you what to do, but if your answer was yes, maybe think long and hard about how at risk you're putting yourself.
 
I completely understand. I have always had a hard time with relationships because of my health issues. It's really hard to be with someone when you never know how they will feel on a day to day basis. I've gotten to the point where I was so sick of cancelling plans last minute that I rarely make them anymore. I've lost friends because of it.
On the other hand I will say that I've had some successful relationships. The last one was 6 years. I had another 6 year relationship when I was younger. What you say about your boyfriend kinda reminds me of that one. I was isolated, never physically touched, but mentally and emotionally abused to the point where it broke me. It literally broke me. I always say we were together for 5 years too long. He would tell me things like no one liked me, I would die alone, and stupid stuff like that. But when that's all you hear, you almost start to believe it. I finally got up enough strength and nerve to leave him. I had 2 kids with him who were 5 and 3 at the time. I've never been so terrified in my life. I had never lived on my own before and now I had to do it in a place where I had no support, and with 2 kids to take care of.
That was probably the best thing I ever did. Do you have a support system there? Parents, friends, anyone to talk to other than him? Like I said before I know with venting, we're only getting the negative and I'm sure there's a reason you stay with him. I hope he also makes you happy, not just stressed and feeling like you aren't good enough. I would just be careful. Think about how you feel the most of the time. How much of your relationship is affecting your health? Like do your seizures come on during tense moments with him? Do you feel like you're walking on eggshells most of the time? I mean no one can tell you what to do, but if your answer was yes, maybe think long and hard about how at risk you're putting yourself.
So, I’ve got a couple people… I finally told my aunt tonight about a few things, and she’s quite alarmed. She was alarmed by the fact I kept saying “I’m not allowed” when referencing certain things, but I hadn’t told her the extent of things. I told her some other things and she feels there’s quite a few red-flags, and she wants me to start focusing on me. Once I am working full-time, I’m going to be putting money away to possibly leave if need be. I don’t have many friends, mainly because he monitors my friendships. It’s rough.
 
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