Probably going to have some WDs of buprenorphine

Pissed_and_messed

Pissed_and_messed

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Here we go. I guess.

Last summer I obtained 1 Subutex 8 mg. I had some dentist visits scheduled. And it is no fun business, so I figured out it would make things easier. Obviously I did it once a week all the time when I was having it. I have some other medical reasons to do some anyway. I really appreciate buprenorphine in medical reference frame. It makes me kinda dumb and numb but otherwise I think it is better medicine than many others, particularly those with short half-life.

After the scheduled visits were over and my legos were in decent condition, I soon ran out, as planned. So I got one 8 more. Obviously it is powerful asset, it eases OCPD and pains and stuff. I really appreciate buprenorphine in medical reference frame. It makes me kinda dumb and numb but otherwise I think it is better medicine than many others, particularly those with short half-life. I guess the kappa-activity is valuable. I don't know. It is also theoretically economically viable medicine from black market where I live.

You see how I make up excuses for the obviously shitty side-effects? This is rhetorics I feel conflicted about, I guess those things are technically true but I don't really believe bupre will make my life better. Hyperalgesia and hypogonadia and stuff that will often follow opioid use. Low affection. Cognitive effects I got used to and learned to dismiss as non-relevant.

I am not really sure what my doses have been lately, it kinda got out of hand, as supposed, obviously, that's what happens to most people who turn to opiates. I developed some protocols but ended up dismissing them, because I am addict.

But my dosing has been mostly pursuit of a) therapeutical effects b) uh, "self-regulation in the evening", so, in some sense just recreational use. The feeling of warmth and ease pushing soon after snort that I used to do after slave work has also directed me towards all kind of hedonistic habits. When I have started to feel euphoric, why not stop there? But anyway, my doses have been generally on lower side and I've been dosing for relatively short time, so this is best chance to quit I will ever get.

I figured out there will be some time to sit out because I think I have been essentially high every day for last one and half month or something. And even longer times I have most probably had some bupre in my system 24/7, even if I wouldn't call it being high.

It has been now more than 30 hours since my last dose. I have weed and speed and mirtazapine and propranolol and I have humongous amount of pregabalin in my system I expect to modify my state for next 24 hours, easy. And I am fucked up on speed and weed and beer also, so I could have withdrawals now otherwise but I am too fucked up to notice. I have read here that amphetamines may ease opioid withdrawals. They seem to have indirect effect on endorphine release or something, as well as alcohol. That's what I have been told here.

And, most important, money. BUT NOT ENOUGH TO SCORE ANY BUPRE, ONLY FOR FOOD AND BEER! FOOD IS FUCKING IMPORTANT! And the money will get my hangover next morning fixed, at least for how long the money lasts.

I have one or two classes monday, but I am already familiar with content of at least one class. I don't know if it is important. The rest of the week, there is nothing scheduled. I just started school in machine and production and I am intending to get relatively straight for it. Bumbling and needle pin pupils won't help it. Fortunately there is this slack period in the beginning where I can get myself rekt.

If I won't get proper withdrawals, I can at least report how much clearer and delicate and connected to world I feel without bupre. Or then I will report every day for weeks how bad my life sucks with my multiple mental and physical conditions and end up back with bupre again, convinced I won't have future otherwise.

We will see. I don't really believe in latter theory, I have dosed so much psychedelics lately, I expect the lessons learned from trips to blow to my face so hard when bupre lifts off that I will develop course away from it.
 
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I have been told exercising is great on opioid WDs, and I have two bicycles, and space to do some yoga, but I have challenge with my weak stupid bladder. Apparently it should get even more spastic on WDs, and exercising further stresses it. We will see how I overcome this challenge, or subdue to it.
 
Mirtazapine, amphetamines, pregabaline are 3 super wd stash. I would change mirtazapine and amphetamine for tramadol, alprazolam and tizanidine .
 
So you've only been on suboxone for ... how long... 9 months-ish? You might not even get withdrawal or minor withdrawal. I don't think you have to worry too much.

I actually think you should cut out the speed soon. I don't mean it like, you should quit cause drugs r bad mmkay, I mean it will actually help your opioid withdrawal process, at least in my own experience. I find the lack of dopamine from the amp crash actually helps keep me away from opioids for a while... like you are just too tired to even be bothered to get more opioids. That effect obviously doesn't last forever. Maybe 5 days - 2 weeks. But its a good time to get a head start... as long as you don't have too many responsibilities.
 
I don't want to turn onto other opioid other than maybe loperamide, I could check the prices in pharmacy if I will get diarrhea and make decision if it is worth the money. Tramadol is very addictive for me and I think causes also wds much more easily than bupre.

Tizanidine would be fucking god bless, but for some reason doctors are very reluctant to prescribe it, EVEN THO I HAVE FUCKING ALMOST CONSTANT MUSCLE TIGHTNESS, and they say "it won't help it" even if I have observed it helping. In black market it is rarely seen and it is damn expensive always. So, fuck it.

Benzos could be great, if some of my friends had some laying around. Not for long-term use, I will get rebound after two day therapeutic dosing already. I have been dependent once. And apparently long half-life opioids will cause WDs lasting weeks. Not worth of scoring really.
 
I recognize that amphetamines often make people to turn on things they already want really bad, like bupre.
I will run out tomorrow and I am not intending to score more.
 
I have had two-day chills after extended high-dose tramadol use of week or something, and according to my logic, I will have at least some minor chills, insomnia and anxiety.

It would be bad because of my obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, which I call "modulator", which ABSOLUTELY REJECTS IDEA OF BEING DYSFUNCTIONAL!
 
But I recognize that my doses even lately have been something many other people have been tapered down to from much more long-term habit and considered it good dose to jump off, so...

Indeed, I am in very good position.
 
The benefit of OCPD I think is that if I put my mind to it, I can maybe frame this process so that pain and dysfunctionality can be interpreted as neutral or good thing. It was what got me over benzo habit also. Call it masochism if you want to, I do.

I have completely blank calendar from tuesday to sunday so it doesn't matter.
 
"world agony" is direct translation of what I feel in my native language. This is one of the driving components of my escapist direction. Addiction followed by experience of lacking capability of changing the direction the world is going. It is cause and excuse.
 
Pissed_and_messed said:
Subutex. Only bupre. At least... that's what the pill and dealer told me... and bupre it felt like, and if it was counterfeit, it wouldn't definitely have opioid antagonist.
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I'm just using it as a catch all. The narcan has no effect as the binding affinity of bupe is so much higher... So in the end... Effects should be the same.

Edit: ps I remember one time I asked my doctor about the purpose of the Narcan in the pill. At first he gave that official explanation most people get, that it prevents IV, but thats BS because of binding affinities like I just said. So when I brought that up he admitted the narcan does nothing and is perhaps in there for patent reasons.
 
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Pickledlemons said:
Edit: ps I remember one time I asked my doctor about the purpose of the Narcan in the pill. At first he gave that official explanation most people get, that it prevents IV, but thats BS because of binding affinities like I just said. So when I brought that up he admitted the narcan does nothing and is perhaps in there for patent reasons.
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8o

actually I read that somewhere elso too not so long ago
 
Sleeping was damn difficult but I eventually fell asleep, having dreams of great parties with lots of alcohol and woke up too early. I feel occasional chills, apathia and pains. Not much of anxiety, which is surprising. I have mirtazapine in my system, but not much else, maybe traces of THC. I am having coffee now and go to attend few classes and enjoy my free school lunch.
 
Good news is that I can manage sitting in class without puking. Even tho I feel like on mix-up of hangover and flu.

Bad news is that I might have classes later in week, after all. My own directing/assisting teacher might ask questions about my wellbeing tomorrow.
 
I am feeling pretty o.k. I definitely have some withdrawal symptoms but nothing devastating. Chills, sweats, brain fog, head feels heavy and achy, restlessness, minor pains, muscle tightness, insomnia, slightly runny nose, minor apatia, feeling hot in very fusty way. But I have not yawns or many other symptoms (probably partly for mirtazapine)! And even those are not really prominent symptoms all the time.

School was miserable for a short while. Rode a fixie a little. Ate most basic possible finnish-style minced meat and macaroni dish and it was not revolting. I am planning to take 30 mg mirtazapine again in a short while. Gonna watch some documentaries while waiting for it to come up and get me down. Inhale little bit THC.

I have basically nothing scheduled tomorrow, except get some food from share in the morning.
 
This is really easily manageable with some comfort meds and slack calendar, feels like a mixup of minor flu and minor hangover...

...as I quit so early on. Does not mean it will stay that way, while I am convinced I will feel much better than on stupid subutex in just week or so.
 
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