Pissed_and_messed
Bluelight Crew
Insane brain fog. I am utterly discapacitated.
Probably going to have some WDs of buprenorphine
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Pissed_and_messed
Bluelight Crew
My legs and ass are freezing all the time ffs
Pissed_and_messed
Bluelight Crew
I try to score money and spend it on alcohol
Pissed_and_messed
Bluelight Crew
I have done 30 mg mirtazapine every night so I can't say how it would be completely natural, but week from running out, I feel almost normal. I have had few short bouts of chill today, but lot less than yesterday and I am fucking pissed off because of right-wing politicians, but apart of that, I am feeling okayish in surprisingly short time. I am also physically very capable, I don't have much of fatique. I feel much richer emotions, even if I don't like them, and lot less escapist tendencies. I am going to get drunk when I get money, tho'.
Pissed_and_messed
Bluelight Crew
Okay, so, I thought that I'd make some conclusion here about the journey.
My anxiety is better, my inner child is better, my sleep is better. My cognition and connection to people is better. I don't nod off and I don't need to "act sober". I sometimes get some minor skin discomfort if I have sleep deprivation, but honestly that has sometimes happened since quitting benzos anyway. I consider the withdrawals being completely over.
What is surprising is that even when I was still withdrawing, my bruxism-sort of symptoms were better. They originally started of obsession/compulsion related to hyper consciousness about my breathing and salivation, and so have not completely vanished, but they are much better. Which makes sense because opioids can cause minor jaw lock or sort of. Which is probably mediated by acetylcholinergic function, but I can not claim that for sure. I was really surprised that things I thoght I had been treating, I was actually actively making worse by doing bupre.
Asthma/long covid is worse, or at least the cough symptoms associated to it. I can not exclude possibility new emerging of symptoms is just coincidence, but I don't think so. I am doing inhalators about the cough now. Cortisol and bronchodilator.
Alcoholism is worse. This is such a bummer. But I don't feel same kind of inclination to get stoned every night. Bupre seemed to direct me towards escapism and boring repeated pattern of comfort.
I have done oxycodone 3 times since quitting. It seemed to cause minor setback in withdrawal symptoms, nothing serious. First time, when I had serious set of other drugs too, it was nice, but the 2 times since without all the amphetamine and stuff, I've been slightly discontent with the emotional numbing it caused. I am not exactly looking forward to it, but I guess I am going to do it again. Definitely. Bupre too. But if I do some work about it and I have some luck, I might possibly lead rest of the life without another opioid habit. Statistically not very likely, but I guess I should not think about that.
All in all, I had so many medical reasons to do bupre and still I think I am much better off, I have to agree with people that say commonly opioid habit is not a good thing. I also did very low dose for limited amount of time, and people tell it gets only worse over time. I had noticed pattern that people tell bupre might be effective medication for many things 6-24 months but suddenly it turns against you. This was also one reason I decided to quit. I was confused for a short while and I was inclined to do bupre rest of my life, but I am glad I got out of that delusion and got into this point.
My anxiety is better, my inner child is better, my sleep is better. My cognition and connection to people is better. I don't nod off and I don't need to "act sober". I sometimes get some minor skin discomfort if I have sleep deprivation, but honestly that has sometimes happened since quitting benzos anyway. I consider the withdrawals being completely over.
What is surprising is that even when I was still withdrawing, my bruxism-sort of symptoms were better. They originally started of obsession/compulsion related to hyper consciousness about my breathing and salivation, and so have not completely vanished, but they are much better. Which makes sense because opioids can cause minor jaw lock or sort of. Which is probably mediated by acetylcholinergic function, but I can not claim that for sure. I was really surprised that things I thoght I had been treating, I was actually actively making worse by doing bupre.
Asthma/long covid is worse, or at least the cough symptoms associated to it. I can not exclude possibility new emerging of symptoms is just coincidence, but I don't think so. I am doing inhalators about the cough now. Cortisol and bronchodilator.
Alcoholism is worse. This is such a bummer. But I don't feel same kind of inclination to get stoned every night. Bupre seemed to direct me towards escapism and boring repeated pattern of comfort.
I have done oxycodone 3 times since quitting. It seemed to cause minor setback in withdrawal symptoms, nothing serious. First time, when I had serious set of other drugs too, it was nice, but the 2 times since without all the amphetamine and stuff, I've been slightly discontent with the emotional numbing it caused. I am not exactly looking forward to it, but I guess I am going to do it again. Definitely. Bupre too. But if I do some work about it and I have some luck, I might possibly lead rest of the life without another opioid habit. Statistically not very likely, but I guess I should not think about that.
All in all, I had so many medical reasons to do bupre and still I think I am much better off, I have to agree with people that say commonly opioid habit is not a good thing. I also did very low dose for limited amount of time, and people tell it gets only worse over time. I had noticed pattern that people tell bupre might be effective medication for many things 6-24 months but suddenly it turns against you. This was also one reason I decided to quit. I was confused for a short while and I was inclined to do bupre rest of my life, but I am glad I got out of that delusion and got into this point.
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I read out of Rolling Stones magazine about Eminem going through benzo withdrawal and opioid withdrawal hell and he said that for 2 weeks could not even blink for sleep just a zombie staring at tv..and similar to your post he said that he developed some sort of OCD especially when it came to exercise..like if he said 5 miles to himself, motherfucker HAD to reach the mark...maybe this is some sort of correlation going on here?
BTW your thread gives me hope. I'm on a long taper and maybe I don't even need to be...I need to just take that jump. Probably not as bad as I am making it out to be....but Lord knows every morning is absolutely frightening if I don't have substance on deck. Trying to train my brain into a nice loving Marijuana addiction. I mean shit I get so high when I smoke, the fuck am I wasting money on over priced opioids that do not really do shit for me anyhow? Wicked world.
Pissed_and_messed
Bluelight Crew
I postponed jump all the time, only making it worse. I don't think I even managed to jump from any lower dose after all when I told myself "I need to decrease the dose again before jump because I lost control and increased my dose after decreasing dose that targeted comfortable jump". I just ran out and concluded that picking up third 8 mg won't make it any better.
I am now basically addicted to riding a bike again. If I develop tendonitis again and need to limit my intake of exercise, I might pick up some substance habit again. I wish it will be weed.
I am now basically addicted to riding a bike again. If I develop tendonitis again and need to limit my intake of exercise, I might pick up some substance habit again. I wish it will be weed.
Pissed_and_messed
Bluelight Crew
Here we go again. I don't have accuate statistics, but I have againended up taking bupre for like half a year. Pretty much for desperation with my medical conditions. I think I have achieved important breakthroughs regarding my health, relationships and life quality so I have decided to quit again. I have reached much higher doses than ever before, eventually reaching something like 1 mg/day on average, sometimes destroying up to 2,5 mg in single day. Could not really get high properly anymore and I have experienced minor withdrawals so easily for not being on exactly correct levels of drug in system. Annoying. Side effects require additional medications. And other reasons I have talked about before.
Currently going to do yardwork. My ass was freezing in seconds after I stepped outside, even if I had sweater and wool socks and beanie in 8 celsius ambient temperature. Turned back to get some amph to keep me warm. Later going to try how helpful low-dose dextromethorphane could be. Withdrawals are significantly worse than before when I did smaller doses, but I have developed so much that I can deal with situation just fine. Certainly. This is barely touching the limits of my resilience.
I have also developed relatively minor clonazepam habit because it helped with bruxism bupe causes. Gonna quit that also but my daily dosing has been really tempered so it won't be that bad.
Currently going to do yardwork. My ass was freezing in seconds after I stepped outside, even if I had sweater and wool socks and beanie in 8 celsius ambient temperature. Turned back to get some amph to keep me warm. Later going to try how helpful low-dose dextromethorphane could be. Withdrawals are significantly worse than before when I did smaller doses, but I have developed so much that I can deal with situation just fine. Certainly. This is barely touching the limits of my resilience.
I have also developed relatively minor clonazepam habit because it helped with bruxism bupe causes. Gonna quit that also but my daily dosing has been really tempered so it won't be that bad.
Pissed_and_messed
Bluelight Crew
My teacher has been on vacation this week but going back to school next week while still withdrawing could actually be serious challenge.
Pissed_and_messed
Bluelight Crew
My life is pretty ood, I just did relapse. keyboard not quite up to te task. Life is well. And od damn fuckin odd and uncertain.
I quit. I set new oal. Startin from monday, (I may consume any leftovers in sunday) I will be 4 weeks witout any alcool watsoever like I do te oat for te onor for my close uman wo wants to an out wit me witout alcool for te sake of me, I can not let tem down and drink wile actin some teater like I am "off alco ol" and expect tem to elp me wit my process. Tat is fuckin ridiculous. I am in debt for people close in me and I value uman connection over drus so it does not present me any issue to make te oat but ere is te caveat-I am expectin to relapse. It is inevitable boundary condition, almost, associated to addiction. owever I can sense te edes of te sanity related to addiction lifestyle-and tey are ever srinkin, tere is notin to defend, so I am boundin myself to failure leadin to success maybe? Because I am not oin to bullsit my way trou eiter, it does not, like, even work because substance abuse issue is more severe and urtful wen tied to ide :D so I can just strait up skip tryin to maintain superficial relationsips and test wat I can o trou seriously, like, wat can I lose? Disonest relationsip? Tat is not loss.
Tis is related because quittin bupre as exposed me to risk of relapse relatin to alco ol, o, u, I mean, I ave relapsed already. I am od damn tired to everytin but occasional weed and coffee. I am onna do some kind of pus and maintain onesty trou it to make it really stick, it is kinda risk to lead tat way wit cold faced onesty but I ave rown so tat I ave trust in my onesty, commonly beind my onesty as surfaced uman wo many ave liked-not everyone or od damns sake, but many enou.
I quit. I set new oal. Startin from monday, (I may consume any leftovers in sunday) I will be 4 weeks witout any alcool watsoever like I do te oat for te onor for my close uman wo wants to an out wit me witout alcool for te sake of me, I can not let tem down and drink wile actin some teater like I am "off alco ol" and expect tem to elp me wit my process. Tat is fuckin ridiculous. I am in debt for people close in me and I value uman connection over drus so it does not present me any issue to make te oat but ere is te caveat-I am expectin to relapse. It is inevitable boundary condition, almost, associated to addiction. owever I can sense te edes of te sanity related to addiction lifestyle-and tey are ever srinkin, tere is notin to defend, so I am boundin myself to failure leadin to success maybe? Because I am not oin to bullsit my way trou eiter, it does not, like, even work because substance abuse issue is more severe and urtful wen tied to ide :D so I can just strait up skip tryin to maintain superficial relationsips and test wat I can o trou seriously, like, wat can I lose? Disonest relationsip? Tat is not loss.
Tis is related because quittin bupre as exposed me to risk of relapse relatin to alco ol, o, u, I mean, I ave relapsed already. I am od damn tired to everytin but occasional weed and coffee. I am onna do some kind of pus and maintain onesty trou it to make it really stick, it is kinda risk to lead tat way wit cold faced onesty but I ave rown so tat I ave trust in my onesty, commonly beind my onesty as surfaced uman wo many ave liked-not everyone or od damns sake, but many enou.
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