Anxiety Valium WD day 6

[silver_lining]

day 6 since i jumped to zero. Definitely tapered to fast: 40mg > Zero in 10 days time. 1 year of usage, poly use with other gaba's drugz.

I feel like i'm dying.

Symptoms have done nothing but continue to worsen.

Horrible spontanious "jerking" last night, severe muscle tension today.

Anxiety feels like my heart is outside my body.

I've never had a seziure, i hope i've passed the window where that could happen.

I hope this get's better, or I find something that helps.

 

[Eryximachus]

Hey man. I know where you're at. 10 days time is maybe too fast, but in my experience, the taper guides are too slow. When I finally quit after 7 years, I went from 2mg clonazepam to 0 in 30 days. One thing that helped me a lot was carbamazepine. Like most things epilepsy, they don't really understand how it works. But for me, it helped a lot. If you're working with a doc, try to get it.

During this acute phase, you'll be thinking all kinds of anxious shit. You're not going to have a seizure. They prescribe benzos to people with epilepsy all the time (that was an epilepsy dose you were on) and they stop taking it all the time. You don't have epilepsy? Very low risk to the point there is no point in worrying about it. Really worried STILL? Get the carbamazepine.

I'm 13 months benzo free, and honestly - if I could go back to trying to quit that Year 1 where you are at, I would kill for that time machine. I was SO afraid of withdrawal, and I tried several times and gave up after that anxiety you're feeling right now. Push through it, don't look back, and believe me LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER without benzos.

 

[4meSM]

Probably not what you want to hear but if I were you I’d take a valium asap and do a much slower taper (AKA a proper taper).

 

[silver_lining]

Hey man. I know where you're at. 10 days time is maybe too fast, but in my experience, the taper guides are too slow. When I finally quit after 7 years, I went from 2mg clonazepam to 0 in 30 days. One thing that helped me a lot was carbamazepine. Like most things epilepsy, they don't really understand how it works. But for me, it helped a lot. If you're working with a doc, try to get it.

During this acute phase, you'll be thinking all kinds of anxious shit. You're not going to have a seizure. They prescribe benzos to people with epilepsy all the time (that was an epilepsy dose you were on) and they stop taking it all the time. You don't have epilepsy? Very low risk to the point there is no point in worrying about it. Really worried STILL? Get the carbamazepine.

I'm 13 months benzo free, and honestly - if I could go back to trying to quit that Year 1 where you are at, I would kill for that time machine. I was SO afraid of withdrawal, and I tried several times and gave up after that anxiety you're feeling right now. Push through it, don't look back, and believe me LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER without benzos.

Thank You! These words are helping me alot,. It's been really fucking tough. I don't have epilepsy, i was self medicating for my anxiety issues. Helped so much I didn't stop

 

[silver_lining]

Probably not what you want to hear but if I were you I’d take a valium asap and do a much slower taper (AKA a proper taper).

I kinda did, at first i just cold turkey'd, and 4 days later i was such a mess, i started taking 2.5mg twice a day, for about another 5 days. Then a few days of just 2.5mg and then 6 days ago I went to zero.

I don't want to move backwards, and i have a few tricks up my sleeve if things get so bad I am reaching for a benzo. I have Soma and find it kinda gives my wd's a break for the evening, and helps with sleep too. But very sparingly. I also have Zopiclone if i absolutely can't sleep after multiple nights without. THC is a godsend, edible's seem to work the best for sleep aid. Smoking sometimes causes anxiety, so i actually like the edibles more atm.

 

[4meSM]

I kinda did, at first i just cold turkey'd, and 4 days later i was such a mess, i started taking 2.5mg twice a day, for about another 5 days. Then a few days of just 2.5mg and then 6 days ago I went to zero.

I don't want to move backwards, and i have a few tricks up my sleeve if things get so bad I am reaching for a benzo. I have Soma and find it kinda gives my wd's a break for the evening, and helps with sleep too. But very sparingly. I also have Zopiclone if i absolutely can't sleep after multiple nights without. THC is a godsend, edible's seem to work the best for sleep aid. Smoking sometimes causes anxiety, so i actually like the edibles more atm.

The thing is, benzo withdrawal isn’t like other types of withdrawal, it can cause long-term damage to the brain. It should not be taken lightly. I would prefer to give the gabaergic system all the time it needs to slowly achieve homeostasis, rather than rush the process and risk being in a perpetual state of anxiety for months, or even years afterwards. Diazepam has an extremely long half-life, especially when you consider its active metabolites. Therefore, after six days, it’s very likely that it’s not completely out of your system yet. Personally, I would choose to taper off at the lowest dose possible (less than 1mg if necessary). The good news is that 40mg isn’t an excessively high dose, and having taken it for only one year means there’s definitely hope for returning to your normal self. However, based on your description of the symptoms, it seems like you have a moderate dependency, so recovery might take some time. This is my opinion, based on the information I’ve read in both forums and scientific publications.

 

[silver_lining]

The thing is, benzo withdrawal isn’t like other types of withdrawal, it can cause long-term damage to the brain. It should not be taken lightly. I would prefer to give the gabaergic system all the time it needs to slowly achieve homeostasis, rather than rush the process and risk being in a perpetual state of anxiety for months, or even years afterwards. Diazepam has an extremely long half-life, especially when you consider its active metabolites. Therefore, after six days, it’s very likely that it’s not completely out of your system yet. Personally, I would choose to taper off at the lowest dose possible (less than 1mg if necessary). The good news is that 40mg isn’t an excessively high dose, and having taken it for only one year means there’s definitely hope for returning to your normal self. However, based on your description of the symptoms, it seems like you have a moderate dependency, so recovery might take some time. This is my opinion, based on the information I’ve read in both forums and scientific publications.

Ya i'm not sure why but i hate dependency and i didn't understand it until it was to late. Thanks for your opinion, but i truly feel it would do me much more damage if i started taking valium again. I would feel like such a failure, i don't want that despair! I understand the long 1/2 life, i understand it's going to take a few months if not longer. But atleast it's on my terms. Fuck you Valium. I hate me for loving you.

 

[chippermonk]

Ya i'm not sure why but i hate dependency and i didn't understand it until it was to late. Thanks for your opinion, but i truly feel it would do me much more damage if i started taking valium again. I would feel like such a failure, i don't want that despair! I understand the long 1/2 life, i understand it's going to take a few months if not longer. But atleast it's on my terms. Fuck you Valium. I hate me for loving you.

I hear you, but don't think of it as a failure to quit the valium. Think of it as a safe and planned way to beat valium. It'll take a little longer, but in the end you'll get it right and be done with it. Fuck valium indeed, but don't let it fuck you worse. You already showed some incredible personal strength to stop, but as others with experience have said, stopping too quickly can really fuck you up and none of us want that

 

[silver_lining]

I hear you, but don't think of it as a failure to quit the valium. Think of it as a safe and planned way to beat valium. It'll take a little longer, but in the end you'll get it right and be done with it. Fuck valium indeed, but don't let it fuck you worse. You already showed some incredible personal strength to stop, but as others with experience have said, stopping too quickly can really fuck you up and none of us want that

Thank You. I really want this to be it. I don't trust myself to start taking it again, I keep a journal and it shows time and time again how my addictive behavior always wins. Hind sight i could of been done with this months ago but kept slipping back, no doubt i've added the "kindling" effect

 

[4meSM]

Ya i'm not sure why but i hate dependency and i didn't understand it until it was to late. Thanks for your opinion, but i truly feel it would do me much more damage if i started taking valium again. I would feel like such a failure, i don't want that despair! I understand the long 1/2 life, i understand it's going to take a few months if not longer. But atleast it's on my terms. Fuck you Valium. I hate me for loving you.

Well, it’s your choice to make. Only you know the full context of your situation.
But imagine being on top of a mountain, you really hate it there and desperately want to go back home. You could run down the mountain as fast as possible, and you might make it to the ground, but the chances of taking a dangerous fall are pretty high, it might not kill you but it could cripple you for a long time. Alternatively, you could take your time and try to find the safest path down in order to maximize the chances of getting back home safely (which should be the main objective).

 

[silver_lining]

Great Analogy. I'm a dumbass. I just can't bring myself to do the long tapers. I feel so bad but if i take more it'll just add a big pile of helplessness to my already weighted down soul. I'd prob be back to 40mg in 3 days. I can't control my self anymore

 

[4meSM]

Great Analogy. I'm a dumbass. I just can't bring myself to do the long tapers. I feel so bad but if i take more it'll just add a big pile of helplessness to my already weighted down soul. I'd prob be back to 40mg in 3 days. I can't control my self anymore

Are you able to seek some kind of professional help? Perhaps a doctor could assist you with a tapering plan? And/or asking someone you trust to manage your medication, providing only the necessary doses (I know not everyone has access to that, but it's just an idea). IMO, it's also important to try to address the underlying issues that led you to that situation in the first place.
Be kind to yourself, quitting benzos is an incredibly difficult thing to do. And you're currently experiencing benzo WD so it’s completely normal to feel extra bad and experience negative thoughts. You clearly want to improve your life and have already taken significant steps, that’s already a huge deal. You just need some adjustments in order to find best path for yourself, and that usually involves some trial and error.

 

[Eryximachus]

There is a fair amount of evidence that tapering just doesn't work for most people. They end up tapering for years, get impatient when they still have acute withdrawal symptoms, then reinstate, and 10 years later, they are like WTF benzos are evil.

Honestly, I was just in your position in 2016 after 1 year of use. The doctor even told me to just taper off over 2-4 weeks so as to avoid further dependence. I didn't listen, believed the Ashton craziness and wanted to do some ridiculously long taper that ended up as 6 more years of use.

You're at that crossroads. You're off the drug. You can continue to stay off the drug and recover, or get trapped in the cycle of perpetual tapering schedules. It's your life, but this is such a tired story. I can almost guarantee you if you reinstate a taper, you will fail and just end up a long-term addict like I did.

 

[Eryximachus]

Also, every good psychiatrist is going to push for a rapid (30 days or less) taper, if they have handled benzo dependent patients frequently. They have seen longer tapers fail over and over again and they know there is no way to avoid the withdrawal effects you describe. I had a great psychiatrist in Manhattan in 2016 who leveled with me just as you did it. I met the motherfucker out at a high end cocktail bar, doing blow, drunk, somehow telling him I wanted to quit benzos. He probably handled 100s of losers like me. I didn't listen to him. The endless taper schedule of the internet seemed a better choice. But it's a choice I regret to this day.

Try to visit a psychiatrist in a place where benzo addiction is more common. Make sure he has experience with junkies.

 

[silver_lining]

Thank You! I actually slept 8 hrs last night. I felt a little better this morning, rather than worse. I can do this, your words of encouragement help tremendously!

 

[searchingforthesound]

Thank You! I actually slept 8 hrs last night. I felt a little better this morning, rather than worse. I can do this, your words of encouragement help tremendously!

You've got this brother! I'm sure it doesn't seem like it but you're doing GREAT!

Hope your wds are easing, and just know you'll only have to go through this tunnel once!

 

[silver_lining]

You've got this brother! I'm sure it doesn't seem like it but you're doing GREAT!

Hope your wds are easing, and just know you'll only have to go through this tunnel once!

Thank You so much. I read this right when i felt the entire world was falling apart around me. My anxiety is out the roof as today progresses, had to talk to some co workers and haven't felt that awkward in many moons. What a fool I was, fucking Valium.

Thanks so much for the continued support, this is the living hell I was warned about. I wouldn't listen tho because it valium washed my anxiety away. Dependence is fucking hell. It didn't take long... I hope i get ME back, i'm a prisoner.

 

[deficiT]

This is just my experience, but I was in detox for two weeks tapering down on Librium and Ativan this last time I kicked Benzos. I was on high dose bromazolam for about a year. I have used benzos off and on, sometimes heavily for a lot of my life though. I absolutely couldn't sleep for the first few days when I got out the hospital. But it got better with time. Just keep at it, things will get better for you for sure.

 

[silver_lining]

This is just my experience, but I was in detox for two weeks tapering down on Librium and Ativan this last time I kicked Benzos. I was on high dose bromazolam for about a year. I have used benzos off and on, sometimes heavily for a lot of my life though. I absolutely couldn't sleep for the first few days when I got out the hospital. But it got better with time. Just keep at it, things will get better for you for sure.

Thanks. Day 9 today. Still pretty rough. Didn't sleep a wink last night, just laid there. Also having lots of body jerking and brain zaps. Physical sensations of burning and numbing in face & arms and legs. The anxiety is truly un explainable. I really appreciate the words of wisdom & experience. I hope i sleep tonight without taking any sleep aid. I didn't last night. Maybe an edible THC 30mg

 

[searchingforthesound]

Thanks. Day 9 today. Still pretty rough. Didn't sleep a wink last night, just laid there. Also having lots of body jerking and brain zaps. Physical sensations of burning and numbing in face & arms and legs. The anxiety is truly un explainable. I really appreciate the words of wisdom & experience. I hope i sleep tonight without taking any sleep aid. I didn't last night. Maybe an edible THC 30mg

Dude, you're doing fucking great! I'm sure it feels like shit right now but there's a light at the end of the tunnel and that light is you! Better days to come!