I really don't think it'll hurt them, they don't reach out, she's convinced them I don't want to see them and fair play to her shes used them as a weapon and pushed me to this. I can't forsee any future past the next few weeks when I get more of my prescription tbh.
They aren't reaching out because they are kids. They will grow up and at the very least be curious.
This is not only about you. You know I'm right.
It shouldn't be hard to get the message to them that you want to see them. Only needs to get there once.
They will favor and follow their mother, for some time to come. It sucks horribly, I'm not saying you are not going through horrible times.
But, think of your kid's future, not your own. They will have a future, whether you foresee one for yourself or not.
Get the message to them that you love them and want to see them. Your ex will respond in some way to screw that up. It will work. Don't respond. Let it go and live your life. Take care of you.
Get healthy, get fucked up, live your life. Whatever.
Play the long game.
Whether a part or all of their childhood has been unfairly taken from you or not, it's a wonderful thing to see the adult your child has become.
You have, at the very least, that to look forward too.
And, know what? You just might find things change in your favor even before that.