Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

[tokayeahok]

+110 hours almost 5 days tonight. Feeling better but still feel like shit and weak. Hopefully I can feel the kratom more. Is that how you always prep it. Dry shot in the mouth and drink juice. It works for me and it helps. Hopefully the future really alleviate and helps my body. If I don’t get better at day 7 I will take a sub strip. If I’m not good for 9 days I won’t let work kill me and my progress. Thanks everyone keep it up as I’m hanging in there to make this possible. This is hell but hopefully theirs light at the tunnel soon.

bruv i am SOOO proud of you. yeah man, toss & wash method for sure. that’s the fastest ROA i can think of with kratom - toss & wash and i feel relief within 10-15 minutes. keep it up man, i do NOT miss the weak, hardly-can-move feeling at all while also not being able to quit squirming around. 5 days is huge man, we could really say you’ve done it! you’re well past the hump and now you’re on the way down, so keep dosing the kratom. if it’s not helping, try taking an extra dose of it. you should be feeling some relief today from it.

day 7-9 is pretty shit just because the mental fixation of using really sets in, but if you’re still feeling really really crummy on these days, yeah i’d take the little piece of sub. that should top you off perfectly

cheers and im proud of you buddy

 

[tokayeahok]

day 15 clean, i’ll be not counting days from here on out since i’m past any shitty feelings other than mental issues to sort through daily.

woke up at 7am, dosed my kratom & br-nad+, DLPA & a b complex. sitting in my bubble bath talking to my friend felix - he’s a guy my age(27), who’s been one of my best music friends for nearly a decade. he lives in sweden & im from the states and we always fire tunes back and forth and chat and his company is just so valued and makes me so incredibly happy. today is his birthday, only a week away from mine so we’ve been sharing & talking today. his music is so fucking good, what an inspiring person he is honestly. beyond blessed at how talented some of my friends are. sucks he’s in sweden due to time zones but we still make it work when we can. just wanted to share that as it’s really nice to have a close friend, a music friend at that, who stuck by me even throughout my active addiction. i’ll link a tune by his below for you guys to check out.

anyways, today on my list is to do the dishes and clean my room, listen to tunes, go on my nature walk, and just exist for another day clean right now. small, silly goals but day by day is important for me rn.

good morning you lovely BLers.

https://on.soundcloud.com/rF5EEwtV9xVkeWA8A

have a good day, i’ll post day 3 of br-nad+ this evening.

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Trying to hang in there. Tough season
I will dedicate this rest of the week & weekend to doing art, to try to have that be some sort of outlet or a positive.
Thought about going to a Recovery on the Rez meeting yesterday but don’t feel like getting hit on or a guy staring at me like I’m their next fix, I’m not in a strong enough position mentally. I don’t know
Trying
Big hugs to everyone

 

[tokayeahok]

Trying to hang in there. Tough season
I will dedicate this rest of the week & weekend to doing art, to try to have that be some sort of outlet or a positive.
Thought about going to a Recovery on the Rez meeting yesterday but don’t feel like getting hit on or a guy staring at me like I’m their next fix, I’m not in a strong enough position mentally. I don’t know
Trying
Big hugs to everyone

super proud of you i’ve been creating a lot this week as well honestly. i’ve been keeping busy through expression and art, it helps tremendously. it feels like i have so much art and music to catch up on in terms of writing. like all the stuff i never did in active addiction, i wanna make up for lost time and art, which is really really really fucking anxiety inducing at times

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

super proud of you i’ve been creating a lot this week as well honestly. i’ve been keeping busy through expression and art, it helps tremendously. it feels like i have so much art and music to catch up on in terms of writing. like all the stuff i never did in active addiction, i wanna make up for lost time and art, which is really really really fucking anxiety inducing at times

Aw gracias
Super proud of you too, you’ve been doing great
I’ve always found it interesting how so many of us that struggle with addiction are really creative artistic types
Big hugs

 

[tokayeahok]

Aw gracias
Super proud of you too, you’ve been doing great
I’ve always found it interesting how so many of us that struggle with addiction are really creative artistic types
Big hugs

that is quite mental to think about, it’s almost as creatives thrive on impulsiveness & very unstable lifestyles as a form to medicate their artistic career. have thought about that from time to time.

 

[elgoucho9]

Just managing to finally get back doing some exercise after my last fuck up with benzos/cocaine. I notice the recovery time is really becoming long these days. Not good.

Also seem to have picked up some weird nerve injuries i'm not sure if they are down to coming off pregablin. It's the one drug i feel may have been genuinely helping me. But also it became every day to hold up my mood. I think deep down i need to be able to do this 100% clean off everything.

I'm thinking 30mins spinning bike and like a full body with the dumbells every other day due to this niggling elbow injury.

 

[tokayeahok]

Just managing to finally get back doing some exercise after my last fuck up with benzos/cocaine. I notice the recovery time is really becoming long these days. Not good.

Also seem to have picked up some weird nerve injuries i'm not sure if they are down to coming off pregablin. It's the one drug i feel may have been genuinely helping me. But also it became every day to hold up my mood. I think deep down i need to be able to do this 100% clean off everything.

I'm thinking 30mins spinning bike and like a full body with the dumbells every other day due to this niggling elbow injury.

yeah man, i dunno your age but recovery time does seem to get worse and worse the more times you relapse etc - it’s called kindling and is more exclusive to benzos & opiates but i’m sure it has its place with every other drug. and the older you are the more deplenished your health is on a cellular level and recovery takes a little more time in terms of fighting off the blues and sick-feeling.

keep going mate, i’ve been doing 2-3 mile walks a day, and today i’ve got the energy to go another 2 miles even though i went this morning. isn’t much but i hate strength workouts. it’s making me feel so much better.

love bro,
-j

 

[elgoucho9]

yeah man, i dunno your age but recovery time does seem to get worse and worse the more times you relapse etc - it’s called kindling and is more exclusive to benzos & opiates but i’m sure it has its place with every other drug. and the older you are the more deplenished your health is on a cellular level and recovery takes a little more time in terms of fighting off the blues and sick-feeling.

keep going mate, i’ve been doing 2-3 mile walks a day, and today i’ve got the energy to go another 2 miles even though i went this morning. isn’t much but i hate strength workouts. it’s making me feel so much better.

love bro,
-j

I'm early 30s mate. Also i guess with the increased recovery time part to blame within that is surely the prolonged session. Bought diazepam like an idiot and wound up using those, crack and spirits for a week. Pregablin was involved aswell. I guess when i factor in my own irresponsible drug use it's no wonder my recoery takes longer these days.

I am ashamed as i had such a good run at one point there, but alas i will treat this as a final lesson. I can't get where i want to be in life if i continue using at this stage it's just plain facts.

Did 30mins on the spinning bike there followed by 3 sets of dumbell clean and press. Now meal prep. I am determined despite my fuck up i will do better with this attempt.

Tomorrow i will get back to a morning walk with the dog. Tonight watch a movie and try to integrate myself back into my family.

Bless for the kind words.

 

[tokayeahok]

I'm early 30s mate. Also i guess with the increased recovery time part to blame within that is surely the prolonged session. Bought diazepam like an idiot and wound up using those, crack and spirits for a week. Pregablin was involved aswell. I guess when i factor in my own irresponsible drug use it's no wonder my recoery takes longer these days.

I am ashamed as i had such a good run at one point there, but alas i will treat this as a final lesson. I can't get where i want to be in life if i continue using at this stage it's just plain facts.

Did 30mins on the spinning bike there followed by 3 sets of dumbell clean and press. Now meal prep. I am determined despite my fuck up i will do better with this attempt.

Tomorrow i will get back to a morning walk with the dog. Tonight watch a movie and try to integrate myself back into my family.

Bless for the kind words.

i’ve been spending lots of time with my mum as well, watching films and making her dinner. i sorta caretake in a way for her bc she has crippling rheumatoid arthritis

this evening i’m doing okay, i just have a massive toothache going all down my jaw. it’s my wisdoms moving around quite a bit, which happens 2-3 times a year and it’s excruciatingly painful, so just dealing with this. i know gabapentin sucks for breakthrough pain but i might take an extra one to try to help. i’ve already taken my max aleeve and ibuprofen dose & even then it’s not safe to take the max of both of those meds at the same time, due to tummy issues


the br-nad+ is working it’s magic, keeping me very content, and making things effortless

 

[tokayeahok]

morning lovelies.
just woke up and dosed my supplements, kratom and gabapentin. sitting in a bubble bath reading about some RC benzos. thinking about ordering some, just struggling with clearnet vendors vs darknet ones. having a good morning so far, all things considered. mainly just last night i had debilitating tooth pain. it was horrendous, honestly. it eventually went away after taking far more aleeve and ibuprofen than i should, not too much over daily dose but a decent bit, which is pretty rough on your stomach lining. once won’t hurt though for breakthrough pain.

took my br-nad+ again; so of course will update this evening on how i’m feeling and how / if i think the medication is working.

my mum and i are going into the city today, about an hour and a half away. we’ve got some stuff ordered to this massive goodwill thrift shop there we have to pick up, and we’re going to check out other thrift stores, get dinner, and she’s going to grab a few things for me for my ‘birthday’ that’s coming up in a week. i sorta feel like a kid again in a good way, albeit being fucking 27. i would slag it off as toxic but honestly, this is exactly what i need - to be supported, nurtured, and taken care of temporarily and i am so thankful that my mother, as an RN and a mother, is here to help me and be by my side. it’s rare for parents to be this involved at my age for a lot of people and i am so thankful for it. she gifted me a pair of the new airpod pros that i’ve been wanting for a year now, since my stepdad got new ones. it feels so weird because the last 5 birthdays i’ve had i was either baking my own self a shitty cake with one candle and going out to get drugs. and that was strictly it. i thought baking myself a cake on those days the last 6 years would make me feel a little bit better in regards to self care, but what’s a cake when you’re destroying your body.

anyways sorry for rambling, just excited about today & how good i feel.

much love guys

 

[Frog Dreams]

Still having trouble breathing after COVID-19.

Went to the doctor today and they told me to do: an ECG, a chest x-ray, an abdominal ultrasound and a bunch of blood tests. The results of the ECG were not perfect. The doctor said I have a minor gap between the ventricles of my heart which indicates "blockage". He sent the results to a cardiologist and said I may have to do an echocardiogram. He said he isn't super concerned, but I don't know if he's saying that because he doesn't want to worry me. Will get the results of the bloodwork tomorrow. He said he wants to rule out a blood clot in my lungs. Booked in for the other tests (x-ray / ultrasound) next Tuesday.

Whatever is wrong with me, it is what it is. Previously, I would have been so stressed about this. But - now - I just want to know what's happening inside my body. I'm at peace. Stress isn't going to help. It's unlikely to be anything life threatening. Maybe I'll have to take some medication for the rest of my life. Maybe I'll need to get surgery.

God is testing me. I'm not relapsing. I don't care what happens.

Whatever it is, alcohol will make it worse.

I injected unfiltered drugs for 15 years. Once I spilled a shot of meth onto the dirty floor of a tent, then sucked it up through a piece of (cigarette filter) cotton and slammed it into my arm. I have never had a heart exam.

Wish me luck.

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Still having trouble breathing after COVID-19.

Went to the doctor today and they told me to do: an ECG, a chest x-ray, an abdominal ultrasound and a bunch of blood tests. The results of the ECG were not perfect. The doctor said I have a minor gap between the ventricles of my heart which indicates "blockage". He sent the results to a cardiologist and said I may have to do an echocardiogram. He said he isn't super concerned, but I don't know if he's saying that because he doesn't want to worry me. Will get the results of the bloodwork tomorrow. He said he wants to rule out a blood clot in my lungs. Booked in for the other tests (x-ray / ultrasound) next Tuesday.

Whatever is wrong with me, it is what it is. Previously, I would have been so stressed about this. But - now - I just want to know what's happening inside my body. I'm at peace. Stress isn't going to help. It's unlikely to be anything life threatening. Maybe I'll have to take some medication for the rest of my life. Maybe I'll need to get surgery.

God is testing me. I'm not relapsing. I don't care what happens.

Whatever it is, alcohol will make it worse.

I injected unfiltered drugs for 15 years. Once I spilled a shot of meth onto the dirty floor of a tent, then sucked it up through a piece of (cigarette filter) cotton and slammed it into my arm. I have never had a heart exam.

Wish me luck.

Wishing you lots of good luck. We’re here with you amigo. Reach out as much as you need to when you need support okay
Many blessings

 

[tokayeahok]

Still having trouble breathing after COVID-19.

Went to the doctor today and they told me to do: an ECG, a chest x-ray, an abdominal ultrasound and a bunch of blood tests. The results of the ECG were not perfect. The doctor said I have a minor gap between the ventricles of my heart which indicates "blockage". He sent the results to a cardiologist and said I may have to do an echocardiogram. He said he isn't super concerned, but I don't know if he's saying that because he doesn't want to worry me. Will get the results of the bloodwork tomorrow. He said he wants to rule out a blood clot in my lungs. Booked in for the other tests (x-ray / ultrasound) next Tuesday.

Whatever is wrong with me, it is what it is. Previously, I would have been so stressed about this. But - now - I just want to know what's happening inside my body. I'm at peace. Stress isn't going to help. It's unlikely to be anything life threatening. Maybe I'll have to take some medication for the rest of my life. Maybe I'll need to get surgery.

God is testing me. I'm not relapsing. I don't care what happens.

Whatever it is, alcohol will make it worse.

I injected unfiltered drugs for 15 years. Once I spilled a shot of meth onto the dirty floor of a tent, then sucked it up through a piece of (cigarette filter) cotton and slammed it into my arm. I have never had a heart exam.

Wish me luck.

you got this man - if you’re seeing medical professionals, you’re in good hands mate. they’re there to help you, and are going to help with whatever is going on - so try not to stress. it’s their livelihood and career to make sure you’re okay

 

[thatmf]

Still having trouble breathing after COVID-19.

Went to the doctor today and they told me to do: an ECG, a chest x-ray, an abdominal ultrasound and a bunch of blood tests. The results of the ECG were not perfect. The doctor said I have a minor gap between the ventricles of my heart which indicates "blockage". He sent the results to a cardiologist and said I may have to do an echocardiogram. He said he isn't super concerned, but I don't know if he's saying that because he doesn't want to worry me. Will get the results of the bloodwork tomorrow. He said he wants to rule out a blood clot in my lungs. Booked in for the other tests (x-ray / ultrasound) next Tuesday.

Whatever is wrong with me, it is what it is. Previously, I would have been so stressed about this. But - now - I just want to know what's happening inside my body. I'm at peace. Stress isn't going to help. It's unlikely to be anything life threatening. Maybe I'll have to take some medication for the rest of my life. Maybe I'll need to get surgery.

God is testing me. I'm not relapsing. I don't care what happens.

Whatever it is, alcohol will make it worse.

I injected unfiltered drugs for 15 years. Once I spilled a shot of meth onto the dirty floor of a tent, then sucked it up through a piece of (cigarette filter) cotton and slammed it into my arm. I have never had a heart exam.

Wish me luck.

Hey look, there's been many instances (don't quote me for sources) where COVID has managed to screw with people's hearts. My grandma had myocarditis after her 2nd moderna vaccine and just went downhill from there. And look man, if you haven't had any heart issues for 15 years you should be fine. I doubt it's the drugs. An ECG isn't always the most accurate "picture" of what's going on in your heart, it basically shows the intervals etc. An ECHO is a gift to medicine, takes a little while but they will be 99% be able to figure out what's going on from that. Glad you're staying positive to some extent. The heart is a funny thing, it's good that you've seen your doctor and it sounds like he/she knows what they're doing. Hopefully it's just something that can be medicated or will pass in it's own course!

morning lovelies.
just woke up and dosed my supplements, kratom and gabapentin. sitting in a bubble bath reading about some RC benzos. thinking about ordering some, just struggling with clearnet vendors vs darknet ones. having a good morning so far, all things considered. mainly just last night i had debilitating tooth pain. it was horrendous, honestly. it eventually went away after taking far more aleeve and ibuprofen than i should, not too much over daily dose but a decent bit, which is pretty rough on your stomach lining. once won’t hurt though for breakthrough pain.

took my br-nad+ again; so of course will update this evening on how i’m feeling and how / if i think the medication is working.

my mum and i are going into the city today, about an hour and a half away. we’ve got some stuff ordered to this massive goodwill thrift shop there we have to pick up, and we’re going to check out other thrift stores, get dinner, and she’s going to grab a few things for me for my ‘birthday’ that’s coming up in a week. i sorta feel like a kid again in a good way, albeit being fucking 27. i would slag it off as toxic but honestly, this is exactly what i need - to be supported, nurtured, and taken care of temporarily and i am so thankful that my mother, as an RN and a mother, is here to help me and be by my side. it’s rare for parents to be this involved at my age for a lot of people and i am so thankful for it. she gifted me a pair of the new airpod pros that i’ve been wanting for a year now, since my stepdad got new ones. it feels so weird because the last 5 birthdays i’ve had i was either baking my own self a shitty cake with one candle and going out to get drugs. and that was strictly it. i thought baking myself a cake on those days the last 6 years would make me feel a little bit better in regards to self care, but what’s a cake when you’re destroying your body.

anyways sorry for rambling, just excited about today & how good i feel.

much love guys

Don't get me started about tooth ache haha mine just started again. So annoying, when I had my orthodontics as a kid I remember one of the students asking her supervisor about keeping my future wisdom teeth and getting the molars out at that stage and he was like "nahh, it'll be fine". Now I've got two molars that are being squeezed by the wisdom teeth and other molars. Soooo annoying. Anyway good stuff, looks like you're doing pretty well! My birthday is coming up also, will be nice not whallowing in self-pity and shitty drugs on my birthday for the first time in a while.

 

[tokayeahok]

Hey look, there's been many instances (don't quote me for sources) where COVID has managed to screw with people's hearts. My grandma had myocarditis after her 2nd moderna vaccine and just went downhill from there. And look man, if you haven't had any heart issues for 15 years you should be fine. I doubt it's the drugs. An ECG isn't always the most accurate "picture" of what's going on in your heart, it basically shows the intervals etc. An ECHO is a gift to medicine, takes a little while but they will be 99% be able to figure out what's going on from that. Glad you're staying positive to some extent. The heart is a funny thing, it's good that you've seen your doctor and it sounds like he/she knows what they're doing. Hopefully it's just something that can be medicated or will pass in it's own course!

Don't get me started about tooth ache haha mine just started again. So annoying, when I had my orthodontics as a kid I remember one of the students asking her supervisor about keeping my future wisdom teeth and getting the molars out at that stage and he was like "nahh, it'll be fine". Now I've got two molars that are being squeezed by the wisdom teeth and other molars. Soooo annoying. Anyway good stuff, looks like you're doing pretty well! My birthday is coming up also, will be nice not whallowing in self-pity and shitty drugs on my birthday for the first time in a while.

SAME here about wisdom teeth - i slagged it off when i was younger, now i’m 27 i should really consider going to get them out. two of mine on each side are impacted and push my teeth around once a year. luckily they aren’t undoing the damage my braces did when i was young, so that’s good. but the pain is unbearable at times, and i handle pain really really well

 

[Anthony6621]

I’m all good. Made it thru the brutal part. Felt better after a suboxone strip. Never actually felt the kratom. Maybe if I would have given an extra day. Blessed to be able to get a second chance . Going to enjoy this a little bit. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to move around.

Finally showered after 6 terrible days.

 

[Jnowhere]

Good to hear, that you were able to stay strong.

 

[tokayeahok]

I’m all good. Made it thru the brutal part. Felt better after a suboxone strip. Never actually felt the kratom. Maybe if I would have given an extra day. Blessed to be able to get a second chance . Going to enjoy this a little bit. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to move around.

Finally showered after 6 terrible days.

fuck yes! sorry the kratom didn’t work, if it was smokeshop kratom sometimes it can really be a crapshoot at times

 

[tokayeahok]

fuck me did i wake up early it’s 4:30 here. i went to be at like 11, but i guess being past the two week mark things aren’t guranteed still i also took a LOT of kratom yesterday evening which probably didn’t help since at high doses that antagonism starts to kick in. such a tricky drugs and a respectable plan in terms of the ‘less is more’ thing.

anyways i’m up just starting my day off since i was rolling around in bed too much. at 4. hoping the sun is out today.

so not to overshare too much here but what my friends experience make me so happy. i met this dude working at a 3rd shift grocery store shift last year who became my coworker. he also made electronic music in fruity loops(the same program) and was just at starting off. anyways we share a lot in common musically and i was more than happy to teach him whatever i’d picked up in the last 11 years of writing. he’s only 21 too, so i tried to help out. anyways, he just got laid and found a partner that he’s actually mad in love with, and he’s one of those people who are quite isolated and introverted so i’m really proud of him and my heart is so happy for him