Depression Checking out

[Jabberwocky]

It's good that you understand you don't feel right and may be experiencing dissociation. I dissociate when I'm in extremely stressful or emotional situations. It's a very weird feeling.

Don't believe everything your mind tells you, or your emotions. Our brains can betray and lie to us, and they do all the time. These dark thoughts will pass.

Checking out early is cheating the river that is the universe and time. Do not fight to swim upstream. Relax, don't struggle, and the water will flow downhill, though time, and take us where we need to be, into calmer waters.

For me my bed is the safe spot. Try to get some sleep. You will feel different, and probably better, in the morning.

 

[AlsoTapered]

Celecoxib? Is that STILL on the market? It causes heart attacks - stick to ibuprofen.​

​

 

[smokeymcpot42088]

If you commit suicide, none of your organs can be donated to save other lives. So you might be taking 5 people with you.

THAT is what my psychiatrist told me and so however bad I feel, I consider that those people WANT to live... and hope for a painless car accident.

DONT KILL YOURSELF! You will be happy again. I disagree and say if it is between using hard drugs and putting a gun to your head Id go try a fistfull of perocet or xanax. I mean using any drug is not as bad as killing yourself.

I don't know about the UK but I know factually, statistically; that organ doners are simply more likely to have the plug pulled on them. Sometimes a blessing, but I dont want to die because some rich uffer needs an organ and I am "expendable" in comparison.

AlsoTapered : You are indeed a human being correct? There is word going on that you are AI. from the messages you sent me I find it tough to believe you aren't human....But before the natives get hostile ya may wanna address that.

Fine line between suicide and euthanasia. For example in the city most people that fear jail and worse keep a g of fent-dope up there arse ala cyanide capsule captured by enemy forces. I have my own magic kit in worst case scenario. But that is my secret. Forced suicide; fucked up.

 

[AlsoTapered]

I've seen those claims. I just thought it HAD to be a joke... I'm just a guy, nobody special.

If I reel off references it's because I take my work seriously. ANYONE could have found those papers... but it seems like I'm the only one prepared to do the heavy lifting. I kind of HOPED people would start doing the same... but naaaa..... AT will do ALL the boring stuff.

It IS annoying

*** Input error on line 307812 ***
*** REDO FROM START ***

Anyway - I'm INSULTED because those AI things are a joke.

 

[anonymouse77]

It's good that you understand you don't feel right and may be experiencing dissociation. I dissociate when I'm in extremely stressful or emotional situations. It's a very weird feeling.

Don't believe everything your mind tells you, or your emotions. Our brains can betray and lie to us, and they do all the time. These dark thoughts will pass.

Checking out early is cheating the river that is the universe and time. Do not fight to swim upstream. Relax, don't struggle, and the water will flow downhill, though time, and take us where we need to be, into calmer waters.

For me my bed is the safe spot. Try to get some sleep. You will feel different, and probably better, in the morning.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I was so full of adrenaline (or whatever) yesterday after all this. It's a new morning here in Australia and I slept okay and didn't notice this weird panic attack and disassociation until this morning. I usually know when it's just a panic attack and handle it myself. It could be the thc maybe. I feel weird in the stomach also like driving to the hospital made me very dizzy and it's like that feeling in my stomach when you go on fast ride or on a swing. Like your stomach gets weird. Sorry if that sounds dumb.

I will see how I go. My head feels weird in general also like it took a shaking. Thank you for the kind and supportive words.

 

[anonymouse77]

Celecoxib? Is that STILL on the market? It causes heart attacks - stick to ibuprofen.​

​

Thank you for your reply. Yes it's prescribed but I don't take it much and I found it helped the other day with my depression and I googled last night and there's a study out there that it might. I had a theory that maybe inflammation could contribute. I won't take it again for a while though.

 

[anonymouse77]

DONT KILL YOURSELF! You will be happy again. I disagree and say if it is between using hard drugs and putting a gun to your head Id go try a fistfull of perocet or xanax. I mean using any drug is not as bad as killing yourself.

I don't know about the UK but I know factually, statistically; that organ doners are simply more likely to have the plug pulled on them. Sometimes a blessing, but I dont want to die because some rich uffer needs an organ and I am "expendable" in comparison.

AlsoTapered : You are indeed a human being correct? There is word going on that you are AI. from the messages you sent me I find it tough to believe you aren't human....But before the natives get hostile ya may wanna address that.

Fine line between suicide and euthanasia. For example in the city most people that fear jail and worse keep a g of fent-dope up there arse ala cyanide capsule captured by enemy forces. I have my own magic kit in worst case scenario. But that is my secret. Forced suicide; fucked up.

Thank you for your reply. Your kind words mean a lot.

I don't want to open some huge debate about organ donation right now. I don't feel well enough to go into such a heavy topic at this time. I understand another person brought it up. I did see that. I doubt they would want my organs is all I will say.

I appreciate the support from everyone and see how I go.

 

[anonymouse77]

I rage with suicidal envy you aren’t alone

Thank you for your reply. You feel suicidal a lot also?

 

[smokeymcpot42088]

I've seen those claims. I just thought it HAD to be a joke... I'm just a guy, nobody special.

If I reel off references it's because I take my work seriously. ANYONE could have found those papers... but it seems like I'm the only one prepared to do the heavy lifting. I kind of HOPED people would start doing the same... but naaaa..... AT will do ALL the boring stuff.

It IS annoying

*** Input error on line 307812 ***
*** REDO FROM START ***

Anyway - I'm INSULTED because those AI things are a joke.

Haha could be a joke I am not tech anything.....but since there was a "he hasn't denied it yet" I thought I would put it to you.

I think you are honestly that good lol. People think you are a damn computer your right so often! I believe you also said you put over 10 hours into some of these posts; which is impressive; lol your doing it to help us and get accused of being a computer. no good deed rigt

 

[anonymouse77]

B.I.F.F. method. Brief Informative Firm and Friendly.

Your ability to control your reactions with them is your superpower.

It's a superpower that you have to learn with toxic people.

If you have to have contact with them keep it as minimum as possible. BIFF.

Then distance yourself as much as possible and completely when possible.

Good Luck. Try them. But most of all get away from them and the toxicity. Any way you can to become healthier than they are.

You will feel good. Better than them.

Thank you so much for your reply. I am looking up the BIFF method now. It sounds like something I could learn a lot from tbh.

 

[smokeymcpot42088]

Thank you for your reply. You feel suicidal a lot also?

No debates on organ donating, sorry for the derail! sincerely!

Do you smoke marijuana? Before I did I had 'dark thoughts'. I have found that a fat joint and a good movie can put about any issue out of my mind; for the time being.

Do you have any drug addictions?

May I ask a bit about why you are feeling like this....if not I understand. The fact that you came here and talked to somebody tells me that deep down I think you want to survive. I assume you are looking at a bleak present situation. Think of what would make you happy and pursue it. soccer, magick the gathering, airsoft?
In lieu of having money for such events I suggest finding a genre of reading that you enjoy; takes you away from the hard spot your in.

 

[AlsoTapered]

Haha could be a joke I am not tech anything.....but since there was a "he hasn't denied it yet" I thought I would put it to you.

I think you are honestly that good lol. People think you are a damn computer your right so often! I believe you also said you put over 10 hours into some of these posts; which is impressive; lol your doing it to help us and get accused of being a computer. no good deed rigt

Yeah - because that's how long finding and reading reference takes.... a PERSON.

So when people make wild claims about qualifications, check if THEY spend 10 hours finding those references as they should have been taught to do and have been doing for a minimum of 8 years. None of them ever seem to. They play the 'I have a degree' or even a 'I have a PhD' when they are proven NOT to have done any research,

Anyway - nobody I know 'holds a PhD'. They are Piled Higher and Deeper (spot the code?).

 

[kiely]

Thank you so much for your reply. I am looking up the BIFF method now. It sounds like something I could learn a lot from tbh.

BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm and can be used by anyone, in any situation but it does take practice. Learn how to write (or speak) using the BIFF Response method to help bring an angry exchange to a quick conclusion, without losing it yourself.


We can do it !! I mean it's a start right !? . . .


and a finish as far as I'm concerned.


But yeah !!! Your friend k

 

[smokeymcpot42088]

Yeah - because that's how long finding and reading reference takes.... a PERSON.

So when people make wild claims about qualifications, check if THEY spend 10 hours finding those references as they should have been taught to do and have been doing for a minimum of 8 years. None of them ever seem to. They play the 'I have a degree' or even a 'I have a PhD' when tey are proven NOT to have done any research,

Anyway - nobody I know 'holds a PhD'. They are Piled Higher and Deeper (spot the code?).

Finding solid references does take along time and often access to information that you must pay for. (beyond the abstract). (ill be honest I just run a google and find a good looking study) if someone takes the time to actually read it; and for some reason im wrong. I am thrilled i the participation.

I have found I don't need to check that hard to know who is kickin out the truth and who is flyin by the seat of anecdotal experiences.

I dont catch the code (I mean obviousy I got the letters) but what does that mean? My father had a PhD in psychology; I can tell you he worked very hard to earn it. Validictorian, suma cum laude blah blah.

I also have a friend who is a good guy and about to get a PhD but has taken all his classes at the same local university his grandpops taught at, mostly the same few profs all the way through.

And it seems a very different thing.

 

[AlsoTapered]

It's just a term post-grads use to describe the volume of work involved in obtaining a PhD in comparison with a sub-graduate degree. In the days before laptops people really would struggle under the weight of all of the papers they ended up carrying around the facility and indeed to and from their residences.

My grandfather gave me his car after witnessing me struggling to get onto a bus with the papers I needed to keep working during a 2 week break.

My family is from Manchester and in a broad Lancashire accent he loudly commented 'Eeee lad, I thought all y'r studyin' was so you DIDN'T end up havin' to do all of t'carryin' and fatchin'. Sorry - I'm not very skilled at conveying a bygone regional accent into a post.

But within a week I was the proud owner of a fully insured 5 year old, brown Austin Metro 1300. My friends all laughed but they were very grateful that at least ONE of us had transport. They gave me their bus & train fares to pay for the petrol. He died in 1992 and I still miss him. He was married to my nan for over 70 years. She only died a few years ago at the age of 97. I still miss her,

I don't miss my parents one bit and have no idea if they are alive or dead.

 

[smokeymcpot42088]

ahh yes he was piled full of paperwork always. Student loans into late life The man was a saint.

Sorry about your parents man; I coulnd't imagine. Let me keep it 100 with you, I don't think I have ever had a real girlfriend. Lived with one for 8 yrs and felt loved about 3 months. I could tell you stories that would further embarass me and highlight what a fucking loser I am.

I don't think I have any friends either. Acquantances and connections but not friends. The people where I live suck something horrible.

 

[AlsoTapered]

ahh yes he was piled full of paperwork always. Student loans into late life The man was a saint.

Sorry about your parents man; I coulnd't imagine. Let me keep it 100 with you, I don't think I have ever had a real girlfriend. Lived with one for 8 yrs and felt loved about 3 months. I could tell you stories that would further embarass me and highlight what a fucking loser I am.

I don't think I have any friends either. Acquantances and connections but not friends. The people where I live suck something horrible.

Life is a learning experience. Such a pain that it must be lived forwards but can only be understood backwards.

 

[jasperkent]

You feel suicidal a lot also?

At several times in my life I was suicidal. There were a couple of points at which I came very, very close.

I am extremely grateful that I never went through with it. I think of all the people I never would have met, the things I never would have experienced, and it would have been so sad and tragic to have missed all that.

The first time I came really close to killing myself I was 27 years old. I'm 64 now. It's been an interesting life, mostly good, and I'm curious to see what happens next.

In the grand scheme of things, one lifetime is merely a brief moment. Seems absurd to make it even shorter.

 

[AlsoTapered]

"It's my belief that history is a wheel. "Inconstancy is my very essence," says the wheel. "Rise up on my spokes if you like, but don't complain when you're cast back down into the depths. Good times pass away, but then so do the bad. Mutability is our tragedy, but it's also our hope. The worst of times, like the best, are always passing away."

-Boethius (Anicius Manlius Severinus)

Sorry to add a quote, I know it's a little bit of a cheat. But when I was 5 I asked my mother about death and she had quite independently arrived at the same place. In her words 'I don't want to die, I want to know what happens next'. Since she was a journalist, she was good at saying the most in the fewest words.

She's quite, quite mad, but nobody ever accused her of being boring or predictable.

 

[anonymouse77]

No debates on organ donating, sorry for the derail! sincerely!

Do you smoke marijuana? Before I did I had 'dark thoughts'. I have found that a fat joint and a good movie can put about any issue out of my mind; for the time being.

Do you have any drug addictions?

May I ask a bit about why you are feeling like this....if not I understand. The fact that you came here and talked to somebody tells me that deep down I think you want to survive. I assume you are looking at a bleak present situation. Think of what would make you happy and pursue it. soccer, magick the gathering, airsoft?
In lieu of having money for such events I suggest finding a genre of reading that you enjoy; takes you away from the hard spot your in.

That's okay. I knew it was someone else who brought it up.

I didn't used to smoke mairjuana but a couple of weeks I got some medical cannabis products which is THC oil (18mg/ml) and some flower which is only THC 9% and CBD 8.3%. The flower is marketed as a balanced THC/CBD blend and it's only low strength I think. I can't even smoke a full "cone" and usually just have half a cone (which is about 2 puffs) once a day. Not even every day either. The THC oil I take about 0.5ml though sometimes I took a full 1ml. So that's 18mg of THC if I take a full ml but I'm only doing half a ml the last few days. I also have a day off from that. I don't think it's a huge amount and it's prescribed and only a new thing.

The other supplement I was taking which *MIGHT* have caused a reaction is DLPA. Apparently it converts to dopamine and it's an amino acid.

Other than that I was dabbling in some nootropics but I hadn't taken any of them for days.

About what made me feel like that it was learning about my family going to an event. I am not included and would rather not know about it. Family drama/relationships. It hurt and I felt jealous. I am actually convinced my own mother wants me to die. I have been suicidal on and off my whole life and even my father (who passed away last October) used to say that life is beautiful and to live for him, etc. My mother just says stuff like how only I can do anything about being suicidal....meaning off myself I think. She has never said don't do it or made me feel she wants me around. She is extremely cold towards me (her only daughter) and makes a huge fuss of other people (including her grandkids) by going to things and ignores me. I don't have kids. I told her the day this happened how I was alone and she just said nastily how that's my own fault. Before that I hadn't talked to her since April which was when our father's will was distributed (wasn't a huge amount) and I think she was maybe jealous as she probably didn't get as much when she divorced him years ago in the divorce settlement. She hates our father with a vengeance and seems to project that hatred onto me. Like I remind her of him. WHICH ISN'T MY FAULT!!!

It's just all dysfunctional toxic family stuff. Thank you for reading.

My back was sore yesterday and last night so I think I threw it out when I banged my head.