Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

[somnilicious]

somni, man.

i know how you feel, mate. i do.
what can we do as a community to pull that 85% to 0%? we’re here for you man. you are loved, you are cared for.

you’ve come so far. you can do this man can i give you my personal phone number via dm so we can talk or something?

just remember feelings are temporary. please wait this out & try to place it on impulsive thinking. it WILL go away.

You guys don't have to do anything. People on this site have already done enough. I'm Ok for the moment. I got cross faded(pot + alcohol). I'm just tired of feeling this way and I don't want to feel like I need anything, which I do. I'm just scared that this time getting sober is gonna end up like all the other times with me feeling empty and an emotional wreck. My life, though shit was better in so many ways on methadone but I'm tired of being controlled by the clinic and having to jump through all the hoops. Plus I got this silly dream of telling opioids to fuck off and no longer having to feel like an apathetic robot with no feelings, sex drive or mojo in life.

I don't do the job till probably Friday.

 

[tokayeahok]

You guys don't have to do anything. People on this site have already done enough. I'm Ok for the moment. I got cross faded(pot + alcohol). I'm just tired of feeling this way and I don't want to feel like I need anything, which I do. I'm just scared that this time getting sober is gonna end up like all the other times with me feeling empty and an emotional wreck. My life, though shit was better in so many ways on methadone but I'm tired of being controlled by the clinic and having to jump through all the hoops. Plus I got this silly dream of telling opioids to fuck off and no longer having to feel like an apathetic robot with no feelings, sex drive or mojo in life.

I don't do the job till probably Friday.

really really relieved to hear you’re currently okay. i was worried about you man, && still am. i’d like to argue we don’t do enough here for you @ BL because it takes fuck all an effort to reply to a post man. it’s literally the bare minimum to make a text post man. keep enjoying things, even if it takes a little pot or alcy. there’s no foolproof way to trick an addict’s brain into not feeling apathetic, depressed, and lethargic.

is there any way you could sit out in the sunlight? maybe play some of your favorite music? it sounds like maybe you should find something that gives you an overwhelming amount of courage and purpose

 

[somnilicious]

really really relieved to hear you’re currently okay. i was worried about you man, && still am. i’d like to argue we don’t do enough here for you @ BL because it takes fuck all an effort to reply to a post man. it’s literally the bare minimum to make a text post man. keep enjoying things, even if it takes a little pot or alcy. there’s no foolproof way to trick an addict’s brain into not feeling apathetic, depressed, and lethargic.

is there any way you could sit out in the sunlight? maybe play some of your favorite music? it sounds like maybe you should find something that gives you an overwhelming amount of courage and purpose

Sorry to worry you man. I realized what it was. I'm fairly kindled to gabapentinoids and I thought I could get away with binging for a night and the following day but obviously not. I got what I call the bends but others would call severe rebound anxiety and depression. Same thing happened when I took pretty high dose Lyrica for almost 2weeks in Colombia and that was only a month and 3 weeks ago. I got severely suicidally depressed for a day or 2. I should have known what was happening. I used to be able to do these short binges and get away with it but after years and years of fucking with them for different periods it caught up to me. I much feel better now. It just caught me off guard and I wasn't truly aware of the cause at the time. I guess I was asking for it by taking 5800mgs over the coarse of a night and day when I have withdrawn from it several times in the past.

Thanks for the concern. How are you doing today?

 

[tokayeahok]

b

Sorry to worry you man. I realized what it was. I'm fairly kindled to gabapentinoids and I thought I could get away with binging for a night and the following day but obviously not. I got what I call the bends but others would call severe rebound anxiety and depression. Same thing happened when I took pretty high dose Lyrica for almost 2weeks in Colombia and that was only a month and 3 weeks ago. I got severely suicidally depressed for a day or 2. I should have known what was happening. I used to be able to do these short binges and get away with it but after years and years of fucking with them for different periods it caught up to me. I much feel better now. It just caught me off guard and I wasn't truly aware of the cause at the time. I guess I was asking for it by taking 5800mgs over the coarse of a night and day when I have withdrawn from it several times in the past.

Thanks for the concern. How are you doing today?

hey man - brilliant, i’m so glad you recognized it was the gabaergic activity. i’ve heard of suicidal horror stories from abstaining from lyrica. i don’t know anyone who’s prescribed it so i only have strictly morontin.

thank fuck you feel better. big hugs.

yeah man i’m doing good today. broke a string on my guitar, put on some fancy designer clothes and going thrift shopping in bit, and to get a new drivers license since i lost mine in addiction 4 months ago. got all snazzed up which feels nice

 

[kiely]

hey man - brilliant, i’m so glad you recognized it was the gabaergic activity.

Thanks for the concern. How are you doing today?

See what can happen and it is real. If someone isn't going through it they don't really understand the feels of it. Because they might not know what you took or how it is going to affect you anymore. And see how fast it can get you. That is why it is important to keep decreasing and to try to get it to the most minimum as possible. And then add the heat and everything else into the mix like dehydration you can get hurt kind of real fast . Anyway, watch your levels and know what you are able to acclimate to currently. The weather is really weird and there are probably a lot more toxins in the air now too. Be careful with everything when you are trying to taper. I mean everything. So yes, I got sick off of nasal spray yesterday out of all things. Maybe it was expired or something . . .

It's real, you're good.

Yes, too much too soon is not good (kindling.) We have to find an equilibrium or we can hurt ourselves. Kind of like decompression sickness and a high altitude damage that can kill someone too.


Decompression sickness, also called generalized barotrauma or the bends, refers to injuries caused by a rapid decrease in the pressure that surrounds you, of either air or water. It occurs most commonly in scuba or deep-sea divers, although it also can occur during high-altitude or unpressurized air travel.

When you scuba dive with compressed air, you take in extra oxygen and nitrogen. Your body uses the oxygen, but the nitrogen is dissolved into your blood, where it remains during your dive. As you swim back toward the surface after a deep dive, the water pressure around you decreases.

If this transition occurs too quickly, the nitrogen does not have time to clear from your blood. Instead, it separates out of your blood and forms bubbles in your tissues or blood. It is these nitrogen bubbles that cause decompression sickness. The condition is called the bends because the joint and bone pains can be so severe they double you over.



Just be careful always or taper down to a as much maintenance as possible and finally just be able to feel good just naturally.

Today I woke up and didn't have anything not even food and I felt good just being normal. Just keep hydrating with a lot of water and maybe a splash of fresh lemon. I did have a juicy steak yesterday that probably helped tremendously.




" One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it's guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go "

-- word lust !!

 

[kiely]

 

[kiely]

TODAY'S FORECAST:
SUNRISE, SUNSET
AND SOME #### IN BETWEEN !!

 

[somnilicious]

See what can happen and it is real. If someone isn't going through it they don't really understand the feels of it. Because they might not know what you took or how it is going to affect you anymore. And see how fast it can get you. That is why it is important to keep decreasing and to try to get it to the most minimum as possible. And then add the heat and everything else into the mix like dehydration you can get hurt kind of real fast . Anyway, watch your levels and know what you are able to acclimate to currently. The weather is really weird and there are probably a lot more toxins in the air now too. Be careful with everything when you are trying to taper. I mean everything. So yes, I got sick off of nasal spray yesterday out of all things. Maybe it was expired or something . . .

It's real, you're good.

Yes, too much too soon is not good (kindling.) We have to find an equilibrium or we can hurt ourselves. Kind of like decompression sickness and a high altitude damage that can kill someone too.


Decompression sickness, also called generalized barotrauma or the bends, refers to injuries caused by a rapid decrease in the pressure that surrounds you, of either air or water. It occurs most commonly in scuba or deep-sea divers, although it also can occur during high-altitude or unpressurized air travel.

When you scuba dive with compressed air, you take in extra oxygen and nitrogen. Your body uses the oxygen, but the nitrogen is dissolved into your blood, where it remains during your dive. As you swim back toward the surface after a deep dive, the water pressure around you decreases.

If this transition occurs too quickly, the nitrogen does not have time to clear from your blood. Instead, it separates out of your blood and forms bubbles in your tissues or blood. It is these nitrogen bubbles that cause decompression sickness. The condition is called the bends because the joint and bone pains can be so severe they double you over.



Just be careful always or taper down to a as much maintenance as possible and finally just be able to feel good just naturally.

Today I woke up and didn't have anything not even food and I felt good just being normal. Just keep hydrating with a lot of water and maybe a splash of fresh lemon. I did have a juicy steak yesterday that probably helped tremendously.




" One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it's guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go "

-- word lust !!

Yeah gabapentin is just one of those drugs I can't touch anymore. Such little payoff for consequence now. Still feel rough today.

 

[kiely]

So I took too much medication for my rheumatoid and immunity factor. I went to take some today and there were two missing. They were right next to my prescription vitamin for my bones.

There were two missing and I was grabbing the wrong ones. I was so looking forward to taking some today because they make me feel so better and all. Oh and they really work.

So I have to wait until next week to redose because it's really strong and used for cancer and chemo and immune system factor. Now I have to wait a whole week and I am so dissapointed

So I didn't know they were sitting right next to the vitamins in a drawer.

No wonder I had a headache. And I was taking nasal spray that usually works.

So this one medical doctor said something like you can get dehydrated and affected twice as bad almost from taking meds in the extreme heat . Something like it can make

you really Wonky. I mean I believe it because I accidentally took too much medication this week and just now realized it. lool.

So now I am going to skip a week of my metabolite med cause I took too much. I felt like I was an inferno. Like I was burning from fever. lol. And Fx it another day of 100degrees.

So now I have to take a sick day from my last two days of feeling sick. Below my baseline of regular sick. Hot damn it. So by sick day I mean I am going to sit around and
relax and get some rest again !! And Lemon water.

I already feel like I have the flu every single day of my life. Because the weather is hot asa duck. I need to get out to the creek with the dogs while it's cloudy though. But I can't.

blah blah blah

tldr: I took too much too !!!!!

it's a good sign though when you realise that too much is really not too good !!!!

 

[kiely]

Yeah gabapentin is just one of those drugs I can't touch anymore. Such little payoff for consequence now. Still feel rough today.

you know the heat made it twice as Wonky. Sorry, I get so emotional.

 

[tokayeahok]

just got back from town, had to stop my shopping short as i had lunch with a friend at a mexican place we love, and i had one sip of a beer, got up to piss and had an anxiety attack of pure horror. i drove home immediately and hopped in a bubble bath. took some kratom and staggered some more gabapentin… it’s been about an hour and i’m feeling better. i told myself i wanted to be alone today, and not share energy with anyone else just because i’m anxious and vulnerable and cozy at home. i did get some new cool thrift finds, guitar strings, carton of fags, & some new kratom i’ll try out. i had a few sips of a margarita at the restaurant and immediately gave it to my friend. that made my anxiety set in. i am think since alcohol lowers my inhibitions, the thoughts are a little more intrusive and relapse is way easier when i’m drunk. so i took myself home to treat myself and try out the new guitar strings

 

[somnilicious]

you know the heat made it twice as Wonky. Sorry, I get so emotional.

I always do worse during summers. With the humidity Florida hot as hell right now. I'm in better moods during winter. I just need to get out into our beautiful nature and natural springs surrounding my house but the heat can be brutal in early recovery. Can't even enjoy the beach when they're talking about 90degree Ocean Water in South Florida. Describing it like bathing in hot syrup.

 

[kiely]

Oh I know right. I just got asked to go on the chama train ride or something in september yet. Pretty please. I mean for real pretty please.

I totally lost it. I have been done to here and everywhere. I have gone all over. All the way over and three quarters of the way around. South North not so much East and West.

I have walked the beach from Mexico to San Fran . . . . . . . . And I don't wanna go anywhere and deal with the north american stretch damn zone or train tracks or people or covid this and covid that and driving here and driving there and seeing this and that and everything. Been that too much and did too much of places.

They nsaid Pleeze though

I just want to lay in my bed and my new furniture and get high all day and stay where I am for once in my gosh for saken lifestyle.

Can't do I t don't want to won't. So maybe I can rearrange and find some others to do it. Omg now I have to find a way out.

I just wanna be left alone. And rest. And stay where I am for now.

 

[ChickenScratch]

I'm just scared that this time getting sober is gonna end up like all the other times with me feeling empty and an emotional wreck.

How long have you been sober for in the past?

Reason I ask - I absolutely get this. My poison was booze and benzos and I tried like hell for years to get sober and every fucking time relapsed around the 5-6 month mark because I felt this massive emptiness inside of me.

This last time I made it over the 7 month mark and woke up one day feeling okay. Then feeling better and better and better. Now I’m about a year and half sober and have never felt so happy. My life has challenges like anyone, but they’re much more manageable and life has a new meaning to me. I’m not trying to come across as boastful, just sharing my experience. The freedom people talk about is real. I never thought it was possible. Maybe there is something to be said about time and just getting through it. PAWS ain’t no joke.

Hang in there, friend. We are all pulling for you.

 

[somnilicious]

13mths with a brief relapse then another 9mths. I had my turn with all of them. Heroin, methadone, alcohol, benzos. Last times were mainly opioids, methadone and long-term benzo habit. I'm trying to hang tight. The paws has been kicking my ass though I do feel better more days than not now.

Thanks for the words of encouragement

 

[tokayeahok]

just woke up. dug out my records and put talking heads - naive melody on the turntable(if you know this tune, you know how lovely it is). it’s 6:30am, making coffee, and taking my bubble bath. curious as to how my day is going to go. i’ve got a friend coming over who’s in town from edisto beach, so i’ll be cooking us breakfast

 

[tokayeahok]

well
i’ve got quite some fun news for today!

i applied for a clinical trial near me, for science, for opioid use disorder. it’s testing different maintenance doses of sublocade. you’re supposed to be having withdrawals but they still said i’m eligible since i’m used in the past 4 weeks.

i get paid doing it, get to try sublocade for free, and get to help science + further addicts! let’s go!

just got back from a quick run/walk through nature, cleaning up the house and doing some chores right now

 

[tokayeahok]

the only shit thing is that i’m literally 2 weeks clean today, so hopping on sublocade is totally unnecessary- but, for science! :D

 

[endlessnameless]

Sorry to worry you man. I realized what it was. I'm fairly kindled to gabapentinoids and I thought I could get away with binging for a night and the following day but obviously not. I got what I call the bends but others would call severe rebound anxiety and depression. Same thing happened when I took pretty high dose Lyrica for almost 2weeks in Colombia and that was only a month and 3 weeks ago. I got severely suicidally depressed for a day or 2. I should have known what was happening. I used to be able to do these short binges and get away with it but after years and years of fucking with them for different periods it caught up to me. I much feel better now. It just caught me off guard and I wasn't truly aware of the cause at the time. I guess I was asking for it by taking 5800mgs over the coarse of a night and day when I have withdrawn from it several times in the past.

Thanks for the concern. How are you doing today?

I know we dont know eachother however that doesn't preclude me from feeling relieved to hear that you're feeling much better than you were, as I've been following your posts and I was quite worried you were going to harm yourself. Glad to hear you're in a better place somni.

I empathise with most of what you're saying, especially when it comes to depression, anxiety coupled with both the apathy and lethargy as a result. Likewise being depressed for most of my life. I still hold out hope though; I know what I need to do (get sober and stay sober). I've done it a few times before (as have you I've read) and I'm confident we can do it again.

Correct me if I'm wrong but you're sober now right (including being off methadone)? If so how long have you been clean?

Hang in there buddy - this will all be a distant memory or each of us if we can just exercise the discipline to do what we know needs to be done.

 

[endlessnameless]

the only shit thing is that i’m literally 2 weeks clean today, so hopping on sublocade is totally unnecessary- but, for science! :D

Massive congratulations on that fortnight mate. The 10-14 day mark is typically the major turn around point for me considering I can get that far. How are you feeling?
Have your physical withdrawals subsided (and if so when did that happen for you)?