It’s difficult to make memories or do math when I’m disconnected from reality. But it’s so nice to not feel like crap, right?
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Positive The Tapering Support Thread v 2.0
- Thread starter Jerry Atrick
- Start date
I wish everyone here could see how my life has changed in the last 2 years. I have no more cravings for my little blue pills. No more Dr’s appointments that I ABSOLUTELY cannot miss. No more counting days since my last prescription. No more insomnia, or trying to hide the sweating from wd’s. No more suffering through my day at work because my whole body aches.
All of the things I had attributed to my injuries were really just side effects of oxy. I understand now that I was in an almost perpetual state of withdrawal. The pills were only solving problems that were created by the pills. And the psychological mind fuck of thinking about them all day was consuming my life. I was tethered to the one Dr who would write that prescription and spent thousands of $$ to keep it going.
I’m mad at myself for letting it go on for so long, but happy and proud of myself for ending it. It’s finally a footnote in my life instead of the title of my book.
Good luck to you all. I posted my whole disturbing journey here, 1800 posts. Maybe one day, a person like me will find those messages and get to the end of that book without suffering as I did.
All of the things I had attributed to my injuries were really just side effects of oxy. I understand now that I was in an almost perpetual state of withdrawal. The pills were only solving problems that were created by the pills. And the psychological mind fuck of thinking about them all day was consuming my life. I was tethered to the one Dr who would write that prescription and spent thousands of $$ to keep it going.
I’m mad at myself for letting it go on for so long, but happy and proud of myself for ending it. It’s finally a footnote in my life instead of the title of my book.
Good luck to you all. I posted my whole disturbing journey here, 1800 posts. Maybe one day, a person like me will find those messages and get to the end of that book without suffering as I did.
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Alright since I've pretty much lost track of how much bromazolan I take, I'm going to start keeping a log here. So far today, I had 3mg spreadout in the morning/afternoon (I just got dumped and wanted to nap before work), 1mg halfway through my work shift, and I'm gonna have one hopefully last one night for a total of 5mg. Sounds high but from where it's been in the past, today was a decent one. I also drank two pints of an 8 percent IPA at the end of my work shift.
Hope to work down from here because I only have like .4 left, after starting with 2gs a couple months ago.
Hope to work down from here because I only have like .4 left, after starting with 2gs a couple months ago.
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I'm dependent/heavily using bromazolam. Yesterday I had 5 mgs throughout the entire day. So far this morning I've had 1mg at like 3 in the morning when I couldn't sleep. I'm probably going to have one more this am because I have absolutely nothing to do today, and so I can just sit around and veg and watch TV, and rest. Watching some George Carlin standup rn.
Iceman1216
Bluelighter
Such great news that you are off!! What was the "final solution I felt weird writing that??
I am still attached to my Hydrocodone script, and have even had it increased, but I want off of it. I just am so fearful of the WDs. I take 40-60mgs. Am 62 M and cancer survivor, so there is radiation damage and pain. But I am so tired of the Yo-Yo of my physical and emotional life. I had thought hoped life would be easier as I age, has been just the opposite.
Thanks Squeaky
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So, looks like plans fell through for tonight and I'm just gonna watch a scary movie and pass out. Going to finish all of my aforementioned beer, and take 1 more mg bromazolam.
As long as I make it to midnight on that counter, 3mg is better than 5mg and I'll take that as progress.
As long as I make it to midnight on that counter, 3mg is better than 5mg and I'll take that as progress.
smokeymcpot42088
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deficit, so you jumped from 5 mg a day to 3 mg a day? IME alcohol does not help, it may just be me as it should hit the gabba button a small amount but I find after the alcohol wears off my heart races; requiring more benzos. 5 mg to 3 mg is a huge drop very quickly....If you can sustain it great but I would be suprised. I would think about 10% every 3 weeks or 2 weeks after stabalizing at the last dose. I went a little faster but my case was MUCH more extreme. Triple Digit C-lam. Now it is gone and frankly not missed. I still have my 3-4 mg a day clonazepam script but I am trying to bring that down to 1 mg as well. 2.75 so far, I admit I have been there too long but it is hard to cut lower. Maybe it is is time to tackle suboxone now. Sighs preparing to waste another couple years....
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This is my first attempt to even remember the doses each day, so yeah it's gonna be a little clumsy and probably roughshod, I don't have any goals or plans set in mind, but as long as I do notate it, I think I have a better chance.
Like for instance, I made it past midnight, it's a new day and I can't sleep for shit, so I'm taking 1mg bromazolam. I got dumped through a Facebook status the other day and my life sucks and I don't have any good drugs other than dmt and I don't need all that rn, so fuck me.
But yeah, I recognize alcohol doesn't really help, I'm just hurting.
smokeymcpot42088
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It is a little clumsy and roughshod for all of us. I started out +- 10mg as a mg scale still faulters a bit. (if your dealing with powder you might as well accept every time you open the bag your losing 10mg ish depending).
I think life is not so positive for most people. I keep telling my shrink Im not depressed; the world really does suck. He agrees but still gives me anti-depressants.
I am actually slightly envious DMT seems to be my unicorn. Ive tried it all and all the analogs of it.....but dmt seems to always be one middle man away. *calls back* Sorry dude xyz.
I did not mean to be judgemental, alcohol is just alcohol....for me it didn't help. I am sorry you are hurting and I would say the first thing you need to do is figure out your daily dosage (what your just comfortable with) as setting a plan up before knowing that is going off halfcocked.
Once you know that you can form a plan of attack.
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Yeah, personally I think I like 4acodmt more than regular dmt. But have had some interesting times with it for sure. Some very rejuvenating moments I've found from psychedelics that I couldn't get from anything else.
That's why I want to primarily just get my usage down to the occasional psychedelic and maybe stimulant or empathogen.
Anyway, I haven't had any at all since I last posted about this and that was over 12 hours and I'm doing fine, so. I'll probably take some later to go to bed.
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Finally took 1mg bromazolam. Yeah I definitely felt like I really needed it. Still kinda just shaky and sweaty, watching documentaries and playing guitar. So that's 2 for today and 3 for the day before. So I'm definitely taking less.
lolis my thesis
Bluelighter
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Benzo withdrawal is insidious but I feel crappy after 15 years I have been tapering for a year now. Is my pain condition worse or do I have long term benzo withdrawal that is making me feel worse?
My doctor has taken my dose of klonopin from 3mg/day to .75mg/day. I find that my life was better on the 3mg/day.
My pain is worse because I don't get much restful sleep they are considering me for a "tethered cord" surgery, even though it does not show up on MRI. Mostly my hamstrings feel sore and have chronic neck pain so I am on methadone which is why they want me on less benzos. So they lower my benzos;
What if I could function better on a higher benzo dose? raising the dose back up and I believe I could avoid surgery! That sounds so traumatic that gives my anxiety anxiety. Plus a vague diagnosis of Ehler/danos syndrome; which is only taken seriously by some doctors; and laughed at by others.
So much that I have problems with pain and health anxiety and spend money on "supplemental" valium and xanax every month; because I always go over.
But fuck it it easy to get your doctor on board for an :experimental; taper; try to get the dose raised again, good luck
is it possible I am better off on a higher dose?
Anyone ever heard of a drug called gabatril for chronic pain/fibromyalgia?
My doctor has taken my dose of klonopin from 3mg/day to .75mg/day. I find that my life was better on the 3mg/day.
My pain is worse because I don't get much restful sleep they are considering me for a "tethered cord" surgery, even though it does not show up on MRI. Mostly my hamstrings feel sore and have chronic neck pain so I am on methadone which is why they want me on less benzos. So they lower my benzos;
What if I could function better on a higher benzo dose? raising the dose back up and I believe I could avoid surgery! That sounds so traumatic that gives my anxiety anxiety. Plus a vague diagnosis of Ehler/danos syndrome; which is only taken seriously by some doctors; and laughed at by others.
So much that I have problems with pain and health anxiety and spend money on "supplemental" valium and xanax every month; because I always go over.
But fuck it it easy to get your doctor on board for an :experimental; taper; try to get the dose raised again, good luck
is it possible I am better off on a higher dose?
Anyone ever heard of a drug called gabatril for chronic pain/fibromyalgia?
I finally realized that I was only suffering. When I had pills I was good, not great. I would go through wd’s just to scramble back to the pharmacy and start over.
I got some clarity one day that all I needed to do was cancel my next Dr appointment. I had been off my oxy for 3 weeks (because I burned through it in 3 days….again). I was back to sleeping 1/2 normally. I was back to shitting like a normal person. And I just thought “Do I want to live my whole life like this?” Because if I’m ever going to quit, it will be a lot harder in 10 years, and I will have given another decade to my addiction.
Do you plan to quit before you’re dead? Are you lying to yourself? How much have you lost already, and how much more are you willing to lose? Where will you be when you can’t afford the Dr visit? Just have a very difficult conversation with yourself and the answer will be obvious.
But I will admit that possibly the most difficult decision I have ever made was to cancel the Dr appointment. I knew that he would keep writing that prescription forever.I kept saying “next month” for a couple of years. After that phone call, I felt like I could start living again.
You will probably function better. But at what cost?
I was always happy when I got my prescription filled because I knew I would function better. But I function better every day now that I don’t have any at all.
It’s really the thought of not sleeping that scared me to death. But then I needed something to help me start my day, then more to get me through work, then some to make time pass in the afternoon, then more to sleep again. I was in a perpetual state of withdrawals, punctuated by moments of feeling ’good enough’.
smokeymcpot42088
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So does it sound like 2-3 mg a day bromaz sound about accurate deficit?
and lolis my thesis : Personally I need benzos, I have been prescribed them since 17 and about everyone on one side of my family requires them. Used medically they have been nothing but a benefit. I do not agree with squeaky on this one. (which is rare his/her opinion carries real weight).
You should never be in the situation of needing to worry about not sleeping, w/d, etc as long as they are coming from a doctor. Of course doctors screw people over all the time and I will tell you right now if you do get benzos in the US I would put 10-25% of each bottle away in case you get cold cut so you can taper yourself. (now in a normal situation your doc will taper you but how varies drastically and is largely subjective). Where I live they cut ppl off after years and give them a 2 week supply to taper with....so it can be rough but there is no reason it should.
and lolis my thesis : Personally I need benzos, I have been prescribed them since 17 and about everyone on one side of my family requires them. Used medically they have been nothing but a benefit. I do not agree with squeaky on this one. (which is rare his/her opinion carries real weight).
You should never be in the situation of needing to worry about not sleeping, w/d, etc as long as they are coming from a doctor. Of course doctors screw people over all the time and I will tell you right now if you do get benzos in the US I would put 10-25% of each bottle away in case you get cold cut so you can taper yourself. (now in a normal situation your doc will taper you but how varies drastically and is largely subjective). Where I live they cut ppl off after years and give them a 2 week supply to taper with....so it can be rough but there is no reason it should.
Wow. Sorry for my arrogance.
It sounds like you’re just a little off track with your medication. I’ve definitely been there, and getting back to a good maintenance dosage is a hell of a lot harder than it sounds. Especially if you’re over-using it to ‘function’ better. Once in a while doesn’t matter much. It’s when it becomes an everyday thing that causes real trouble.
deficiT:
I’ve been a functioning alcoholic for 25 years. I feel your pain on that one. Last night I guzzled almost a liter of gin in roughly 5 hours. And I’ve done that every evening for probably 2 years without a break this time.
I accidentally stumbled on something that works for me to not have problems. I never drink in the morning, no matter how crappy I feel (owning my hangover and going to work is how I stop from being angry at myself). I stopped drinking beer to get drunk because there’s so much other stuff in the can that will make you feel like shit (don’t believe me? Go drink 20 non-alcoholic beers and you’ll still have a hangover in the morning). I do my best to mix my gin or vodka with water, maybe a little lime, that way I’m not also drinking a gallon of soda. I stick to clear liquors because they use chemicals to add color and flavor. And buy in bulk. Why spend $10 on the little bottle when I know I’ll be doing it again tomorrow and I can get the giant bottle for $20? I can get my buzz and pass out for about $10 per day, maybe less.