when death is life and life is death.. still in weaning from invega, still suicidal every second, dreaming that God will forgive my suicide and finally appease my sorrows and pains. I see no other way out ,I try as best as I can to last at least 1 year to see if I will be cured enough to be able to live a minimum and thus avoid my family the pain that my death will cause. In my head every moment I tell myself that the Death will heal me for sure and that I have more to gain than in this life. For my father ,i don't want to inflict the pain of my death on him. It would surely be easier for him to also think that it would be best for me to kill myself, but of course he would prefer that I stay alive. Will he understand if I kill myself? That it was the best solution for Me? I don't know, the only answer I have is that losing your son must simply be excruciating. What would I do? I will surely fight until until I can no longer, I hope my father will be, I hope he will say if I commit suicide that I will no longer suffer, it will already be a relief for him and for me. big pharma you take your life, you're undead, depressed once you touch what they call medicine 
have lost his apartment, his wife, his job, his children, most of his friends, what could be worse? and in addition there are people who will suffer all their lives if we commit suicide to put an end to the hell that we live on earth, this can lead to other suicides 
. some people commit murder following the taking of big pharma poisons. we surely cannot count on our governments which are obviously wicked. injustice. when will the intervention of the Almighty God?
. despair has been living in me since I touched a poison from big pharma. my only little comfort is to tell me that death is near, I even have the impression to no longer have a soul, I cry out for help inside of me knowing that nothing can help me except it can be the time or a miracle of the Almighty God, since on this earth there is no surely not a biologist from big pharma who will bring me a remedy for this poison, nor even a doctor educated to believe in drugs. the remedy It may be found in nature but obviously with a scientist in 2022 it is aberrant. My rage is very great, I wish all those who suffer to find the remedy for their ills, the people suffer and are innocent, the thugs are in the government, in the big companies, surely illuminati, freemasons, they share the world, these riches and accuse the people of being at the base of the evils, incredible, our ancestors, parents, grandparents etc are surely Made like us, by these crazy people, they took the world little by little. What could our ancestors have done? What can we do? One man alone will not last long against these devils, I hope that one day we will we can all face together at least for our children, do what we have to do to finally change this rotting world.
have lost his apartment, his wife, his job, his children, most of his friends, what could be worse? and in addition there are people who will suffer all their lives if we commit suicide to put an end to the hell that we live on earth, this can lead to other suicides . some people commit murder following the taking of big pharma poisons. we surely cannot count on our governments which are obviously wicked. injustice. when will the intervention of the Almighty God?. despair has been living in me since I touched a poison from big pharma. my only little comfort is to tell me that death is near, I even have the impression to no longer have a soul, I cry out for help inside of me knowing that nothing can help me except it can be the time or a miracle of the Almighty God, since on this earth there is no surely not a biologist from big pharma who will bring me a remedy for this poison, nor even a doctor educated to believe in drugs. the remedy It may be found in nature but obviously with a scientist in 2022 it is aberrant. My rage is very great, I wish all those who suffer to find the remedy for their ills, the people suffer and are innocent, the thugs are in the government, in the big companies, surely illuminati, freemasons, they share the world, these riches and accuse the people of being at the base of the evils, incredible, our ancestors, parents, grandparents etc are surely Made like us, by these crazy people, they took the world little by little. What could our ancestors have done? What can we do? One man alone will not last long against these devils, I hope that one day we will we can all face together at least for our children, do what we have to do to finally change this rotting world.
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I think it's important to keep the factors that determine your mindset in perspective in that way.
